


Monster Prom:  The Coming Darkness

by Lemonade_Stand_Owner



Series: The Lemonverse [3]
Category: Monster Prom (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Other, post-prom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-11-08 20:36:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 79,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20841644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemonade_Stand_Owner/pseuds/Lemonade_Stand_Owner
Summary: Monster Prom came and went, and now our four favorite losers are just trying to survive until the end of the school year.  Easier said than done, though.  Because on top of all the usual misadventures and shenanigans at Spooky High, you’ve also got a megalomaniacal vampire cooking up a brand new scheme.  Can the Color Crew help the Coven defeat the Dark Lord Dmitri and foil his plans?  More importantly, will any of them be getting laid?





	1. Every Other Monday

The alarm clock blared for a good three seconds before a Frankensteinian fist slammed the snooze button, shattering it into pieces. Vicky rose up, rubbed the sleep from her eyes, and eyed what remained of the clock. “Aw, nuts.” she groaned as she threw the remnants into the corner of the room, which was home to a small scrapyard of former alarm clocks who made the same mistake of waking a flesh golem who did not wish to wake.

Vicky hopped out of the bottom bunk and grabbed the whole bed frame and shook it to rouse her bunk mate. “Wakey wakey, Amira!”

The djinn groaned as her smooth head began to smolder, her fire not totally up yet. Vicky rolled her eyes and fetched something that always woke the elemental up - a can of kerosene. The whiff of the gas was just enough to get Amira to grab it and chug it. A moment later, her fire sprang to life, and she hopped out of bed.

“Alright! I’m up!” she roared. Vicky moved on to the bunk bed across from hers and Amira’s.

“Come on, Brian!” Vicky said as she shook the zombie on the bottom bunk awake. “We gotta get going!”

“UuuuuurrrrrRRRRRRRGH.” Brian finally hauled himself out of bed through sheer force of will. “I hate Mondays.”

Finally, it was Oz’s turn, on the bunk above Brian’s. “Oz! Come on! We gotta get up for school!”

Oz groaned as they got up and rubbed the sleep from their eyes. They slipped out of bed and joined the other three monsters on their descent downstairs and into the kitchen to grab breakfast. And by breakfast, I of course mean leftover burritos and energy drinks. Before long, they were fueled up and ready for another pseudo-productive, occasionally educational, and absolutely chaotic day at Spooky High.

The foursome took their usual seats near the back of the bus. As the bus rolled down its route, Vicky pulled out a knife.

“GAH!” Oz shouted.

“HOLY SHIT VIC!” Amira yelped.

“Relax, it’s just that custom knife I ordered last week.” Vicky said as she started polishing the knife, whose handle was engraved with roses. “Vera’s gonna LOVE this!”

“You’re _still_ working with Vera?” Oz asked.

“You know it!” Vicky replied, cheerful as always.

“I’m surprised. Given that she ditched you at prom.” Amira observed.

“What? No! She didn’t _ditch_ me!” Vicky replied. “Why would she _ditch_ me?”

“Because the cops showed up, started raiding the place, and she saw you less as a date and more as an expendable minion to leave holding the bag?” Brian observed.

“Hey! I’m not an _expendable_ minion. I’m a _competent_ minion. I’m like her consigliere!” Vicky went on.

“I’ll tell you what you’re not - her girlfriend.” Brian said.

“Okay, you know what?” Vicky asked. “I don’t need this from ANY of you! I’m going to give this knife to Vera, and then she’s gonna go out on a date with me, and then we’re gonna get married, and the three of you can _stuff it!”_

*****

After the bus ride, the color crew arrived in front of Spooky High, ready for another day of flirting with their classmates. Oh, and education too. I guess. They assembled in front of their lockers, getting together their textbooks and notebooks before their first class of the day.

Well, Oz, Amira and Vicky were doing that. Brian had set up a mirror in his locker and was combing his hair, smiling to himself in an almost cocky manner. Amira rolled her eyes. “Really dude?”

“What?” Brian asked. “Gotta look good for my girl…”

Whereas Vicky was ditched by Vera at prom, and Oz and Amira spent their prom in a weird love rectangle with Miranda and a cat girl from another dating sim game (long story, you can read it on my profile), Brian was the only one of the four to emerge from Monster Prom with something resembling an actual relationship. His paramour was Zoe. Once Z’gord, Ruler of the Dark Realms, now just a regular high school girl. With tentacles.

“Alright.” Brian said as he closed his locker door and popped his collar. Ever since he became Zoe’s boyfriend, the zombie has gotten a lot more confident, his +CHARM and +BOLDNESS stats now higher than ever. “Ah, there she is…”

Brian spotted his girlfriend by her locker, wearing her favorite yellow hoodie, grabbing a textbook and an art book. “If you’ll excuse me…” Brian drawled, prompting eye rolls from the others.

Brian smoothly shambled over and leaned against the locker with one arm. You know the pose. “Why hello there, my eldritch mistress.” Brian said with a wink. “Got any after-school plans today?”

“Uh…not really…” Zoe replied, nervously.

“Well…if you didn’t have anything planned, maybe you and me can hit up the mall. See a movie? Do some shopping? Maybe split a brain? I get the meaty bits, you get the tormented consciousness? Whaddaya say?” Damn, Brian is smooth.

“…Brian.” Zoe said. “I think we need to talk.”

*****

During Lunch, Amira was howling with laughter as she slammed her flaming fist on the table over and over again. “SHE DUMPED YOU!!! SHE DUMPED YOUR ROTTING ASS!!!”

“Shut up, Amira.” Brian groaned, his head on the table as he no longer had the will to sit up straight. But Amira just kept on laughing, like she just got told the world’s funniest joke.

“I don’t get it. Why did she dump you?” Vicky asked. “You guys were like two peas in a pod!”

“I don’t even know…” Brian groaned. “Something about ‘loving the idea of her more than the real her?’”

“Ah. That old chestnut.” Vicky replied. “See, your problem is that you took Zoe for granted. I mean, look at me and Vera. I _appreciate_ Vera.”

“You’re not her girlfriend. You’re her lackey.” Brian growled.

“Hey, at least she’s Vera’s _something_.” Amira cackled. “You’re not Zoe’s _anything_ anymore.”

Brian grumbled. He looked up at Oz, who was busy drawing something. “Any input from you, Oz? You’ve been silent all day.” the zombie observed. “Like, more than usual.”

“Huh?” Oz asked. “Oh, I was just watching Dmitri and the Coven go at it again.”

On the other side of the cafeteria, Joy’s arms began to buckle against the strain. The arcane barrier that the Coven was holding up wouldn’t hold much longer against this onslaught of dark magic. “You might as well give up!” Dmitri bellowed. “You’re hopelessly outmatched! And when you fall, nothing will stop me from plunging the world into exquisite darkness!”

Eventually, the arcane barrier broke, and the witches were surrounded on all sides by dark fire. Dmitri passed through the steps, holding each of the two golden pieces in his hands and wearing that damned smirk of his. “It’s not too late, Joy…” he said. “I offer you this one, final chance. Join me. Join the Dark Side. We can rule the realms of men and monsters together, as King and Queen…”

“Never!” Joy snarled. “I don’t care how sexy you look without a shirt - I’ll NEVER join the Dark Side!”

“Oh my God…” Brian groaned as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Every other Monday with this shit…”

“Don’t worry, I know how to end this quick.” Amira said as she climbed on top of the table and conjured a massive fireball. “Hey, Dmitri!”

The Dark Lord turned towards the djinn just in time to catch said fireball with his face. The dark fires surrounding the Coven dissipated as the vampire stopped, dropped, and rolled. “You’re welcome!” Amira shouted to the Coven as she hopped off the table and sat back down.

“This….isn’t….over….” Dmitri grunted, clutching his burn wounds as he retreated back into the shadows from whence he came. The Coven collectively breathed a sigh of relief, thankful for once of classmates’ penchant for random destruction.

*****

“Damnable, interfering djinn…” Dmitri grunted as he arrived back in his evil lair - a rundown apartment in downtown Monstropolis. “Fools…..all of them…..”

He settled down on his recliner as his wounds began to rapidly heal, thanks to his dark gifts. “They cannot see….they cannot see the power of the Dark Side…..but I’ll show them. Oh yes. I’ll show them all…”

There was an angry knock on the door. “Dmitri! Where’s yer rent ya bum?! It’s three days late!”

Dmitri cursed as he rushed for the door and opened it, finding a grouchy gnoll on the other side. “Landlord Deloris!” Dmitri greeted. “What a pleasant surprise. Do come in!”

“Save it, pretty boy.” the gnoll snarled. “You’ve got til tomorrow to cough up the rent, or you’re outta here!” And on that note, she stomped off.

“Damn…” Dmitri said as he closed the door. “I was hoping I’d have more time…..No matter. I’ll just have to move into my new lair ahead of schedule. Hardly a setback. Quite the opposite, if anything.”

He walked to his bedroom and opened the closet. Inside was an oaken jewelry box, and inside that was a map. A map that lead to a particular treasure that had been hidden for millennia.

“There you are, still safe…” Dmitri said as he caressed the paper. He chucked. “Fool of a feline. She was willing to part with you for only a handful of monster dollars. She had no idea of your _true_ worth. You shall lead me to-”

He heard a banging against the wall. “Damn it, Dmitri! Quit monologuing! Some of us have work in the morning!” one of the neighbors protested from beyond the thin walls of this accursed apartment.

“It’s no longer safe here. You must be moved.” Dmitri whispered as he closed the box. He began packing his bags. Only the essentials. Blood. Reagents. Pants, but not shirts. _Never shirts._ He opened the window and hopped out, landing on his feet with cat-like agility.

Dmitri spared a glance at the night sky, alight with stars surrounding the crescent moon. “I must be swift. Time is of the essence…” he cryptically, _ominously_ said as he took off into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another October, another Monster Prom fanfic! For those of you just joining us, my last fanfic foray into this setting was a Huniepop crossover. But this time, this fanfic is going to be 100% Monster Prom, baby!
> 
> And hoo boy - Looks like everyone's favorite shirtless vampire is up to no good once again! I wonder what he's scheming this time...


	2. Breaking and Entering

After getting dumped by Zoe, Brian spent the following day even more lethargic than usual. What confidence he had since prom had been thoroughly deflated as just getting the zombie to go anywhere was becoming a real chore. It was getting to the point where Vicky had to carry him bridal-style from class to class.

“If you guys could just bury me in the back yard when we get home, that’d be great.” Brian said. “A nice dirt nap sounds like Heaven to me right now.”

“Oh hush, you.” Vicky scolded. “Quit being so melodramatic.” Her smile suddenly got wider. “I got an idea! Let’s go to Valerie’s pawn shop behind the bathrooms and see what she’s got for sale! Maybe she’s got something that’ll cheer you up?”

“Hey, that’s a great idea!” Oz said. “It’s been a while since we checked her store. She’s probably got a bunch of new items for sale!”

And so after history class with Mr. Olof, the foursome made their way to the bathroom facilities back behind the school. As usual, there was Valerie, peddling her wares as always. “Hey there, strangers.” she greeted the crew with a wink. “Haven’t seen you guys since Prom. Come to take a look at my new shit?” she asked.

“You know it!” Vicky said.

“What’ve you got?” Amira asked.

“Let’s see…..” Valerie said as she looked over the random assortment of items. “I got a royal decree, a police report, drugs so powerful they make you see the fourth dimension…”

“Hey. You’ve got a BUNCH of these.” Oz said as they examined a pile of brochures. They took one and read it. ‘Join the Dark Side today’ it said. “Looks like a recruitment brochure.”

“Yeah, that one vampire dude the Coven fights all the time? He dropped off a bunch of those at my shop the other day. Didn’t even ask for anything, just told me to distribute them before he fucked off.” Valerie explained.

“Come to think of it, I think I’ve seen him put up some flyers the other day…” Vicky said as she looked at the back wall of the bathroom building, which had Dark Side recruitment flyers plastered all over it.

“Hmmm...” Oz said as they rubbed their chin in thought. “Dmitri’s always trying to lure people to the Dark Side, but lately he’s been more aggressive about it than usual. I think he’s up to something.”

“Well, he is a super villain.” Amira stated. “Isn’t ‘up to something’ kinda his default mode?”

“I think we should investigate him.” Oz declared.

“Pass.” Brian said. “I’m in no mood for wacky misadventures.”

“Yeah.” Amira agreed. “Plus this sounds like a Coven thing, which wouldn’t even be a wacky misadventure. More like a regular adventure, and those take forever. If we decide to get involved now, there goes our weekend.”

“But Dmitri’s a bad guy!” Oz said.

“So are like, half our classmates.” Brian pointed out.

“No, I mean, like, a _legit_ bad guy.” Oz argued. “Like, he’s trying to do evil stuff instead of just being recklessly stupid or apathetic toward other people’s well-being.”

“Oz has a point.” Vicky conceded. “If Dmitri lures too many people to the Dark Side, that could mean trouble for us down the road.”

The flesh golem gasped. “What if he lures Vera to the Dark Side?! Then she’ll never go on a date with me! She’ll be too busy destroying the world!”

Brian groaned aloud. “Are we seriously gonna do this?”

“Yeah, looks like it.” Amira sighed as she took in all the Dark Side flyers. “Hate to say it, but Vicky’s right. Knowing how things go in this school, if we don’t step in the shit now, someone else will drag us into it later. Probably better if we get it over with.”

“Alright!” Oz said, excited over the prospect of a new adventure/misadventure, wacky or otherwise. He turned to Valerie. “Got anything to put us on the path to stopping Dmitri’s plans?”

“Hmmmm….” Valerie hummed as she stroked her chin before snapping her fingers. “I think I got just the thing…” She reached into a box of random junk and pulled out…

“A coupon?” Oz asked.

“A _lore_ coupon.” Valerie said. “Might come in handy later. Speakin’ of, I’ve got a special deal for you today. That coupon would normally cost seven monster dollars, but for an extra two monster dollars, I’ll throw in _this…_” she said as she pulled out a…

“Holy shit, a gun!” Amira excitedly stated as she grabbed the revolver. “Now we’re talkin’!”

“It’s a collector’s item.” Valerie boasted. “Check the side - it’s got the previous owner’s name written on it, so if you kill someone with it, it won’t be traced back to you.”

“…Chekhov?” Amira asked, wondering who that was.

“That will DEFINITELY come in handy later.” Vicky observed.

“We’ll take the coupon _and_ the gun.” Oz said as he handed over nine monster dollars.

“Thaaaaaanks!” Valerie said as she gladly took the money.

*****

In the hallway by the vending machines, the bulletin board that often advertised after-school events and activities was all but plastered with ‘Join the Dark Side’ flyers, courtesy, no doubt, of the Dark Lord Dmitri. The Coven stood in front of the bulletin board, scowling at the sight.

“Unbelievable.” Joy said. “First he ambushed us during lunch yesterday, now this?”

“He _has_ been more active than usual lately.” Faith observed. “He must be up to something.”

“Yeah, that’s what we figured too.”

The Coven looked to their right to find the Color Crew standing next to them, complete with Brian standing of his own accord for the first time that day. “Hi!” Vicky greeted.

“Gah!” the three witches shrieked as they jumped. “What are you doing here?!” they demanded.

“Well, we noticed that Dmitri’s probably working on an evil plan, what with all the flyers and all.” Vicky explained.

“And since you guys were probably going to bug us about it anyway, we figured we’d save everyone some time and come to you.” Amira added.

“So yeah. We’re here to save the day.” Brian deadpanned.

“Hey! That’s _our_ catchphrase!” Hope protested.

“Hmmm….” Faith hummed. “Dmitri’s planning something big. If it’s as big as I suspect, we’ll need all the help we can get.”

“I don’t know…” Joy said as she crossed her arms. “No offense, but you four have always been more interested in getting laid than saving the world. How do we know you have what it takes to combat this rising evil?”

“We have a lore coupon.” Oz said as she presented Joy with the coupon. She took it, looked at it, then handed it to Faith. Faith looked at it herself, then nodded.

“It’s valid.” Faith stated.

“Then it’s decided!” Joy concluded. “Oz, Amira, Brian, and Vicky! Consider yourselves our one-off monster allies for the remainder of this arc!”

“Here’s your coupon back.” Faith said as she gave the coupon back to Oz. “Hold on to it - it’s still good for one(1) plot contrivance and one(1) dramatic reveal.”

“Okay.” Vicky said as Oz pocketed the coupon. “So, what’s the first step to saving the world?”

“We go right to the heart of it.” Joy said. “We’re going to march on Dmitri’s evil lair and stop his plans before they even start.”

“Hell yeah! Now you’re speakin’ my language!” Amira cheered as her flame roared to life.

“But where _is_ Dmitri’s lair?” Oz asked.

“I know where it is.” Joy said. “Just follow me, everyone.”

*****

“_This_ is Dmitri’s lair?” Amira asked as she looked around the hallway of the cheap, rundown apartment in Downtown Monstropolis.

“Yeah, turns out being a dark lord pays dick.” Hope commented.

“Why doesn’t he just rob a bank?” Vicky asked. “It’s a pretty villainous thing to do _and_ he’d be able to afford a better apartment.”

Joy shushed them all. “Quit talking.” she whisper-yelled. “We don’t want him to know we’re here.” When they arrived at his door, they made their first discovery - an eviction notice.

“The hell?” Joy muttered as she read the notice. “Dmitri got evicted this morning?”

“Why?” Hope asked.

“Apparently, he was late on his rent.” Joy replied.

“Wow. Being a dark lord really does pay dick.” Amira observed.

“Again - _just rob a bank._ I know it’s a cliché, but still.” Vicky ranted.

Joy tried to open the door, and scowled as she found it locked. “Of course…” she muttered as she knelt down and pulled a key out of her sock. She used it to open the door.

“Wait, why do you have a key to his apartment?” Brian added.

“…Focus!” Joy ordered, trying to get her team to focus on the mission instead of her poor romantic choices. She opened the door and lead the merry band of witches and monsters inside, hands alight with magic. “Dmitri! We know you’re here! Show yourself!”

But he wasn’t there. The crummy, poorly cleaned apartment bore no sign of the Dark Lord anywhere. “Guess he really was evicted.” Oz said.

“Spread out, and search for clues.” Joy ordered. “He couldn’t have just disappeared without a trace. He must’ve left behind something.”

“And don’t let your guard down.” Faith added. “Knowing Dmitri, he’s probably got this place booby trapped.”

“Noted.” Brian said as he started rummaging through Dmitri’s fridge looking for something to eat. He pulled a microwave burrito and went to open the microwave, only to find a burrito was _already_ inside it. Shrugging, he took the burrito out of the microwave and ate it.

“Hrm. Cold. But chewy, so he DID microwave it at some point.” Brian noted. “Must’ve made it last night, but then forgot about it.”

“Really? Interesting…” Vicky said as she rubbed her chin. “Looking around the apartment, it looks like most of his stuff is still here, meaning he only took the bare essentials with him when he left. And the forgotten burrito in the microwave suggests that either he’s very forgetful, which I doubt if he’s even remotely competent, or he left it behind when he left, dismissing it as unimportant. That in turn suggests that his departure was sudden - unplanned. He must have known the eviction notice would be coming this morning, but only just found out about it last night, forcing him to improvise! And taking into account all-“

“Hey. I just thought of something.” Brian said. “If vampires can’t eat anything except blood, why was there a burrito in the microwave in the first place?”

Vicky paused. She then grabbed Brian and tossed him to the other side of the apartment before jumping there herself. Mere seconds later, the microwave exploded, showering the kitchen in shrapnel. “Holy shit, he really does have the place booby-trapped!” Vicky said.

“Nobody touch anything else!” Joy said. The color crew all froze where they stood. She then turned to Faith. “Faith. Cast Detect Traps. I don’t want any more unpleasant surprises.”

“On it.” Faith said as she began casting the spell that coated the entire apartment in blue magic. One by one, certain objects glowed red.

“Hope?” Joy asked. Hope nodded and cast teleportation spells on the objects, presumably somewhere where they could cause no further harm. “Okay. I think it’s safe now.” Hope said. Faith’s blue aura would eventually dissipate and the four monsters could all relax again.

“Huh. Maybe I should start learning magic.” Brian commented aloud.

“Well, maybe you should try paying attention in magic class sometime instead of just napping in your chair.” Hope said as she put her hands on her hips.

“…Is that what they teach in that class?” Brian asked. “…Our school has a magic class?”

“Yes!” Hope exclaimed, exasperated.

“It’s an elective course.” Faith added.

“Focus, people!” Joy snapped. “The important thing is that all the booby traps have been removed, so it should be safer to search the place now. Everyone fan out.”

Several minutes of searching didn’t turn up much of significance. Faith checked the dark lord’s closet, and most of his capes were still in there. Brian checked an old pizza box and found a slice of pepperoni that was aged to perfection, and not booby-trapped this time. Amira found a book of dark poetry Dmitri had written. She thumbed through it for a few minutes before throwing it into the garbage where it belonged. Vicky and Hope were looking through old magazines, noting that the vampire had apparently been subscribed to Town & Country for twenty years. As for Oz, they searched underneath the bed and found…

“Uh…” Oz stuttered.

“Well?” Joy asked. “What did you find?”

“I...I….” the shadow gulped and blushed as they held up their discovery.

It was a black g-string thong.

“Niiiiice.” Amira said with a perverted grin.

“GIMME THAT!” Joy snapped as she swiped the panties from Oz’s hands. “…They…they could be cursed!” she quickly added. “I’ll…I’ll hold on to them. And decurse them. When I get home.” She stuffed the thong into her back pocket, praying to God and Goddess both that nobody noticed the blush on her face.

“Well, we searched everywhere, and we haven’t found jack shit.” Hope said.

“Not necessarily. We found a pattern.” Vicky said, her keen deductive mind going to work once again. “Booby traps aside, the fact that Dmitri left most of his things here, presumably only taking the bare essentials with him, suggests that he was in a real hurry. And the sheer amount of flyers posted all over the school suggests that he’s looking for new minions, and lots of them.”

“Your point is?” Hope asked.

“He’s racing the clock.” Vicky declared. “Whatever he’s planning, it’s time-sensitive. He needs a lot of manpower, and he needs it _fast.”_

“He’s desperate.” Faith said, following Vicky’s thinking. “And we could use that to our advantage.”

“Precisely.” Vicky said as she pulled out a pipe and began smoking it. And by smoking, I actually mean blowing bubbles out of it.

“Alright. So now what?” Amira asked.

“It’s quite simple, actually.” Vicky went on. “I propose one of us go undercover and join his Dark Side. If he’s as desperate as I suspect he is, he’ll be in no position to be turning down any assistance, regardless of its source.”

Joy sighed. “I’ll do it. Dmitri’s obsessed with turning me to the Dark Side.”

She turned to her two fellow witches. “Don’t try to stop me, girls. This needs to be done, for the sake of the world. This is way bigger than my personal disdain for Dmitri. If I have to lay down, run my fingers over his abs, and let his fangs penetrate my supple flesh, that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. Wish me luck.” And on that note, she left the apartment.

“…So.” Oz said once Joy was out of earshot. “Are she and Dmitri…?”

“Yes.” Faith bluntly answered.

_”Big time.”_ Hope added.

*****

The next day, back in Spooky High, the Coven and friends spotted Dmitri plastering the cafeteria walls with a fresh layer of flyers in blatant disregard for the school’s advertisement policy. The fiend! “Okay.” Joy said as she checked her reflection in her pocket mirror. “Here I go…” The witch then separated from the group and approached the Dark Lord as the rest of the group watched from around the corner.

“Dmitri…” Joy greeted the vampire curtly.

“Joy...” Dmitri greeted equally curtly. “I’m surprised you’re approaching me given the other day’s….unpleasantness.”

“Yes, well….I’ve given it some thought.” Joy began. “…Do you remember when we briefly joined forces against the Old God, Yoggathun? You were injured and on the brink of death, and the only way I could heal you was to…”

“Let me drink your blood.” Dmitri said. He reached out and stroked the witch’s cheek. Joy leaned into the vampire’s touch. “I still remember how your blood tasted. I can still smell it, even now, flowing through your veins…”

“Mmmmm….” Joy moaned as she took his hand and guided it to her neck. “You know, one of the fundamental tenets of witchcraft is balance. Day and Night. Winter and Summer. Light and Dark. Maybe the Dark Side isn’t really evil, per say. Maybe it can be good.”

She smiled. “_Very_ good…” she purred as she reached out and traced circles on his chest with her finger.

“Mmmm…” Dmitri moaned right back as he took a few steps closer, closing the distance between the two. Joy bit her lip in anticipation. “Oh Joy…” he said as he leaned in for a kiss. Joy closed her eyes and leaned up to the taller vampire.

“…If only I believed you.” he said. And on that note, he turned on his heel and walked away, disappearing into a swarm of bats that fluttered out of the cafeteria, leaving the witch with a bright blush on her face.

“…Oh! THAT’S how it’s gonna be, huh?!” Joy demanded. “Well fine then! You see this?!” she turned around and pointed to her butt. “And these?!” she gestured to her breasts. “You coulda had ALL this, Dmitri! But fine! I don’t need you! I’m a young, beautiful, independent witch with her whole life ahead of her, who can have any monster she wants!”

“Wow.” Amira noted from around the corner. “She’s not even TRYING to hide it anymore, huh?”

Joy stomped over to the rest of the group, her face red as a beat from equal parts embarrassment, rage, and unfulfilled desires. “Well, THAT plan failed miserably. Because Dmitri can’t recognize a good thing when he sees it!”

“Maybe _you_ shouldn’t be the one going undercover, Joy.” Faith gently suggested. “Dmitri knows all of your tricks, and wouldn’t trust you with his plans.”

“Well, if not me, then who?!” Joy demanded.

“A fresh face.” Faith said. “Someone who doesn’t normally associate with us. Preferably, someone he doesn’t even know.”

“Where are we gonna find someone like that?” Vicky asked.

The Coven all stared at Oz, Amira, Brian, and Vicky.

“…Oh.” Vicky said.

“This is totally gonna eat up our weekend.” Amira grumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters are going to be a little less frequent this time out. More like every other day instead of just every single day. I don't wanna burn myself out near the end like I did last year.
> 
> Oh boy! Looks like our favorite foursome are about to join the Dark Side! Let's hope that works out for them! Tune in next time to see how they get themselves out of this sticky wikket!


	3. Dark Side Material

“Greetings, and welcome to the Dark Side!” Dmitri said as he did the vampire T-pose, spreading his cape as though it were a pair of bat wings. “I am the Dark Lord Dmitri. Thank you all for coming today…”

Oz, Amira, Brian, and Vicky looked around the class room full of empty chairs. They were the only ones to show up for the Dark Lord’s first meeting. “…Is this it?” Amira asked.

“Yes…” Dmitri sighed. “I will admit, turnout hasn’t been as high as I hoped. BUT, that’s only because we’re just getting started. Once word of the Dark Side’s power spreads, it won’t be long until we have entire _legions_ of monsters, ready to serve.”

Dmitri clapped his friends and rubbed them as he walked over to the other end of the classroom. Standing there was a dummy, crudely dressed like a superhero. “Alright. Now let’s see what you can all do. The djinn. Amira, yes? Why don’t you go first?”

Amira responded by conjuring a fireball and chucking at the dummy. The fireball detonated on impact, setting the dummy aflame, making the vampire jump back as lunchroom flashbacks flooded his brain. “Yes! Effective! As I suspected, thank you, that will be all, no more fireballs please.” he quickly said. He pointed to Vicky. “You. Flesh golem. Your turn.”

Vicky grabbed the teacher’s desk, lifted it over her head, and chucked it at the dummy. The desk splintered in the crash. “Ah, great strength!” Dmitri said. “Most excellent! Most _promising._”

He turned to Oz next. “And what about you, shadow?”

“M-me?” Oz asked.

“Oh yes. I’ve heard much about your kind.” Dmitri said as he took a step towards Oz. “Some refer to you as ‘fearlings.’ Others call you ‘darkborn.’ You go by many names, but names matter little in the end. For you are a shapeshifting, incomprehensible _horror._ You are _terror itself_ given flesh, so show me what you can do!”

Oz stood there, a bit nervous. They reached into their backpack and pulled out some papers. “I’m uh….I’m kinda good at graphic design.” they said. “I made this for my science project last semester.”

“…Marvelous.” Dmitri said as he observed the exquisite use of shapes and colors to convey that the mitochondria was, indeed, the _powerhouse_ of the cell. “I’ll be needing your help in the days to come. A bland graphic design for my fliers may be to blame for our low turnout thus far.”

“Yes!” Oz said as they pumped a fist in victory.

“Alright.” Dmitri said. Finally, he turned to Brian. “So…what can you do?”

“…Uh…..hm….” Brian said as he stood up and scratched the back of his head. “I….uh…..” Shit. What COULD Brian do? Vicky had strength. Amira had firepower. Oz had mad graphic design skills. What did Brian have?

“Uh…Okay…” Brian said as he walked over to the dummy. He dug it out of the wreckage of the desk and propped it back up. “Okay, um…”

He tried taking a bite out of the dummy’s arm. He turned to Dmitri, who simply looked at the zombie with a raised eyebrow. “…You bite people?” he asked.

“…Okay, that might not SEEM like much, compared to like, super strength and shit.” Brian said. “But see, whenever I bite someone, they become a zombie too. And when THEY bite someone, that OTHER someone becomes a zombie too. So if you just put me in a populated area-“

“I think I’ve seen enough.” Dmitri said as he put up a hand. “Brian, I thank you for your time, but I don’t really think you’re Dark Side material.” The vampire then opened the door to the classroom and gestured outside. Brian sighed as he started limping out.

“Wait! Dmitri, Brian can do all kinds of things!” Vicky said. “He can…uhm….well…..he can…..”

“Vicky, it’s fine.” Brian said. “You guys just join the Dark Side. Have fun. I’ll be fine.”

And on that note, he shuffled his way out of the classroom and out into the hall.

*****

Brian sat underneath the big tree on the hill, alone. He looked out towards the sportsball field, full of students breaking out into dance as an after-school rave broke out. He sighed. This had not been a great week for him. First, his girlfriend dumps him. And then, he gets rejected by the Dark Side. Sure, it now meant that he didn’t have to deal with any Coven nonsense for the rest of the fanfic, but still, rejection stung regardless of context. And now he was sitting there, even more lethargic than usual.

“Maybe some tunes will cheer me up.” Brian said as he pulled out his iPod and set it to shuffle.

_And you can have it all  
My empire of dirt_

_CLICK_

_No one knows what it’s like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man_

_CLICK_

_Hello Darkness my old friend  
I’ve come to speak with you again_

“Okay for real, is there anything on here that isn’t depressing?” Brian asked. “…Oh cool - Dropkick Murphys! They’ll have something to - wait. Is this one of those songs with an upbeat melody but the lyrics are really dark?”

_It’s another busted knuckle  
It’s a fight you’ll never win  
And now you bow your head in shame  
For a sin no one forgives_

“For fuck’s sake.” Brian grumbled as he ripped out his ear buds. He looked out over the sea of dancing bodies as the rave continued. He spotted Polly crowd-surfing, screaming enthusiastically. He saw Damien and Scott competing in a drinking contest. He saw Zoe…

Zoe.

She was sitting apart from the party, having set up a quiet corner high up on the bleachers, away from everyone. She was doodling in her notebook, as she usually did. It was her favorite thing to do. Brian remembered the night she discovered that passion.

It was their one-month anniversary, so he decided to give her a gift to celebrate - an art kit, complete with colored pencils and notebooks full of empty paper. She was still exploring what it meant to be mortal, and was trying out all kinds of different hobbies, but nothing really held her interest for long. Until, that is, he gave her that art book. He remembered watching in amazement as she drew drawing after drawing, drawing everything from lovers embracing to more abstract pieces that seemed to convey emotion. At long last, she had discovered her mortal passion.

Why did she dump him? Didn’t that moment mean anything to her? She kept the break-up conversation brief. ‘I think you like the idea of me more than the real me. I think it might be best if we start seeing other people.’ The _idea_ of her. He still didn’t know what that meant.

On an impulse known only to jilted lovers, he pulled out his phone with the intention of sending a text to his ex.

_Can we talk?_

He pressed send.

_THIS USER HAS BLOCKED YOU._

…Shit. How long ago did she block him? Was it right after they broke up? Did she do it as she walked away from him that day? Awfully quick to burn that bridge, dontcha think?

…It was something he did. It must have been. He was being an asshole and somehow didn’t realize it. Why else would she be so quick to wash her hands of him? Was he really that toxic? The possibility unnerved him. _Choosing_ to be a jerk, out of anger or selfishness, that’s one thing. But being one without even realizing it? Like, as though he was just _intrinsically_ that way? His default mode? What did that say about him, as a person?

What did he do? What did he do to drive her away and make her never look back? He needed to know. Surely he deserved that much, at least. He deserved to know what he did wrong. How was he supposed to grow and learn from this if he didn’t even know what he did wrong? How is he supposed to fix himself if he didn’t even know what was broken?

Only Zoe herself seemed to know for sure, and as he just found out, she wasn’t likely to tell him anytime soon. Maybe one of her friends could tell him? Who did she usually hang out with anyway? That was a tricky question, actually. She was one of those students who was friendly enough to everyone, but didn’t really seem to keep any particularly close friends. And even if she did, they probably wouldn’t be any more inclined to talk to him than she was.

That’s when an idea came to him. He may not know who Zoe’s friends are, but he knows who _his_ friends are. Zoe got along with most of his friends pretty well back when they were dating. Maybe she was still on speaking terms with them? It was worth a try. He brought up the Loser Squad’s group chat on his phone.

_Fallin Apart: Hey I got a favor to ask._

_Stitchz: Shoot._

_Fallin Apart: Could one of you guys talk to Zoe? I wanna know why she dumped me._

_Stitchz: Why don’t you ask her yourself?_

_Fallin Apart: Can’t. Tried to send her a text, but she blocked me._

_Spicy AF: Fuck, Bri. What did you do?_

_Fallin Apart: That’s what I wanna find out._

_Spicy AF: You looking to hook back up?_

_Fallin Apart: Nah. Think that ship’s already sailed. Just trying to find closure i guess._

_Ozzzz: I can talk to her! I was going to meet up with her anyway!_

_Falling Apart: Really?_

_Ozzzz: Yeah! Calculester wants to go see a play this weekend, so he invited me and Zoe along!_

_Fallin Apart: Perfect! I owe you one, bro._

Well. That was that, then. Nothing left to do now but wait.

*****

“…One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. _Nine. Ten. Eleven.”_

“Sorry I’m late!” Vicky said as she barged into the empty classroom.

“Eleven seconds late. A new record. Congratulations.” Vera said as she raised an eyebrow at her flesh golem accomplice. “You’re lucky you have those ‘love me tender’ eyes, or else I would’ve replaced you months ago.”

Vicky smiled. _She likes my eyes!_

“Alright, so everyone is here then.” Vera said. “We have our chief of inventory.”

“Sup.” Valerie said.

“Our chief of acquisition.”

“I steal stuff.” Damien stated.

“Our intern.”

“Ready!” Vicky said as she saluted.

“And please welcome Oberlin Enterprises’ newest employee, our accountant, Mr. Calculester Hewlett-Packard.”

“Greetings, fellow life-forms!” Calculester greeted.

Calculester was Spooky High’s newest students, and his journey had been an odd one. Once an ordinary library computer, he was accidentally brought to life by Damien and Scott by way of an enchanted floppy disk. He then tried to attend Spooky High disguised as a student, but it wasn’t long before his true nature was revealed and his future was in jeopardy, as the school didn’t allow robots to attend. After a long, dramatic story involving a trial and an impassioned speech about what it truly means to be alive, Calculester was finally granted the right to attend Spooky High and discover the meaning of his existence.

So of course, he joined Vera’s company. Though, perhaps under false pretense.

“Friend Vera. I have been going over the accounts. What is the purpose of the account labeled ‘crimes?’” the computer asked.

“…Oh….that’s….for….fighting crimes.” Vera said. “Crimes against…nature! Because we’re taking on the logging industry and trying to save a few hundred acres of redwood.”

“I see!” Calculester replied with a :D face. “This fits within my morality parameters!”

“Good for you, Cal.” Vera replied. Ah, an unwitting pawn to destructive greed. Calculester will fit right in. “Next order of business…” The gorgon then produced one of Dmitri’s ‘Join the Dark Side’ fliers. “We may have some competition.”

“Don’t worry, boss! I’m already on it!” Vicky boasted.

“Oh, are you?” Vera asked.

“I’m currently running an under-cover operation.” Vicky said. “A couple friends and I signed up for the Dark Side just today, in fact! I’ll destroy Dmitri’s operation from the inside out!”

“Excellent initiative, Vicky.” Vera said with a smile of approval. “And you signed up just in the nick of time, too. With the operation I have planned, I can’t afford some half-naked super villain wannabe running around unchecked.”

“What kind of operation you plannin’, sis?” Valerie asked.

“The heist of the century!” Vera proclaimed as she turned off the lights and turned on the projector. The first slide showed the entrance to a large stone building.

“This is the Museum of Monstrous History, located in Downtown Monstropolis. In roughly three weeks’ time, there will be a new exhibit opening…”

The next slide showed off a vast collection of jewels. “Behold! The Royal Gallery of King Butankhamun!”

“You mean _the_ King Butt?!” Vicky asked excitedly.

“The same.” Vera said. “And his royal jewel gallery is one of the most vast collections of treasure from the ancient monster world! The exhibit is on a nation-wide tour and will be making a stop right here in Monstropolis for all the public to see.”

“And we’re gonna steal ‘em?” Damien asked.

Vera tapped her nose.

“Bitchin’!” Damien cheered.

Calculester raised his hand.

“Yes, Cal?” Vera asked.

“I am confused. According to my ethics subroutines, stealing is wrong.” the robot pointed out.

“I never said we were stealing.” Vera said.

“Reviewing…” Calculester replied as his servers hummed. “Damien: ‘And we’re gonna steal ‘em?’ Vera: [UNSPECIFIED GESTURE].’ Query: Please specify the gesture.”

“Oh, the nose tapping? That means no.” Vera said.

“Ah, I see.” Calculester replied with a :).

“Yes. We will NOT be stealing the jewels, and we WON’T have a limited time table to work with because the exhibit will only be in town for one weekend only. Which is why we will NOT be casing the place, NOR will we be looking into looking into additional talent to steal the jewels. Any questions about what we WON’T be doing?”

“…Wait. Are we stealing the stuff or not?” Damien asked.

“We’re not.” Vera replied with a wink.

Damien looked even more confused. “But…but you said.”

Vicky dope-slapped the back of the demon’s head and nodded to Calculester, who still sat there with that all too-trusting :) on his monitor. “…Oh, OH. Okay.” Damien replied. “In that case, I would NOT like to suggest NOT setting the museum on fire.”

“Damien, no. We are NOT setting the museum on fire.” Vera sternly replied.

“Awesome!” Damien said as he held up a lighter and a gas can.

“No. I mean it. We’re NOT burning down the museum!” Vera hissed.

“Course not.” Damien replied with a wink. “And that’s why I’m NOT getting up out of my seat right now and NOT leaving the room to go downtown to NOT burn down the museum!” he said as he did exactly those things.

“…Wait.” Calculester said. “Friend Damien said wasn’t getting up out of his seat….but he was doing that. But he said……[ERROR].”

The poor computer’s monitor flashed a red error sign as he started overheating. “Oh God, not another logical fallacy.” Vera said. “Vicky, go stop Damien from burning down the museum, I’ll try and calm down Cal.”

“…Does that mean stay here or…?” Vicky asked.

“We’re no longer talking in code! Go!” Vera barked. The flesh golem took off after the demon while Vera tried unfreeze Cal.

*****

That night, Dmitri retreated back into his new lair - an underground cavern! A classic choice. The gentle chitter of nesting bats. The howling of the wind through the tunnels. It was all so morbidly serene. And best of all - no land lady to constantly harass him for rent!

Just as he took his seat in his chair, his cell phone started going off. He picked it up. “Hello…..Yes, I’m settled in…..New minions? Ah, I’ve good news to report there. We have three new recruits! A fire djinn, a flesh golem, and a shadow. And the shadow knows graphic design!…..Yes, yes, I know, my graphic design skills leave much to be desired, so it WAS a good thing we recruited the shadow. Anyway, any luck on your end?…..Hrm. Perhaps there IS some potential there. Is he aware of your existence yet?…..Nobody is?…..Good. I like your style, by the way. The hidden evil that lurks in the shadows. Very ominous…..Oh yes. This is, indeed, only the beginning. Hehe. Hehehe. Hehehehe. Hahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!”

“What?” Dmitri asked mid-laugh. “That was my evil laugh. Don’t you have an evil laugh?…..No? Oh. Well. To each their own, I suppose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: The chat room screen names the Color Crew have is a reference to "Spooky Groupchat" - a chat-room style fanfic I read here once.


	4. Dodgeball!

Dodgeball. A sport of violence, exclusion, and degradation. A brutal, unforgiving game where the strong prevail by conquering the weak. It’s natural selection in its purest form - adapt, or die.

It gives you +2 CHARM, even though it seems more like a BOLDNESS thing.

Well, if playing this game makes you more charming, then Amira Rashid must be a sexy-looking motherfucker by now, because she’s kicking ass today! She was dodging, ducking, dipping, diving, and dodging like a champ! And she gave as good as she got, throwing balls across the court, turning them into literal flaming comets as they shot through the air and hit their targets.

It helped that she had a pretty good team. By her side as always was Brian, Vicky and Oz. They were her best friends, so of course Amira trusted them with her life on the court. As always, Vicky was the team captain, and it was on the court that her natural leadership skills became the most apparent. Finally, it helped that they also had a couple of ringers on their team. Scott Howl was a juggernaut in just about any sport he played, of course, but their team’s REAL ace in the hole was a certain blue demoness.

“HAHA!” Dahlia laughed as she scored yet another successful hit on an opposing player. “TREMBLE BEFORE OUR MIGHT!!!” Dahlia Aquino was the perfect Dodgeball player. Strength, stamina, agility, and most important of all, a killer instinct. Any team she played for was destined for victory. It didn’t hurt that Damien LaVey, her eternal rival, was on the other team, giving the big blue she-demon that much more incentive to win.

With that final elimination, Coach called the round for Amira’s team. It was two-to-two now. The final round would decide the victor. The winning team would be able to walk out of the gym and on to sixth period biology with their heads held high. The losing team must endure the fate of swirlies, wedgies, and being stuffed into their own lockers. Amira’s team took their positions as six balls were set up along the line. Coach blew the whistle and the game was on!

The balls began flying, and Scott was the first to be eliminated by two balls - one to his head and one to his belly. “Ouch! Wait…aww…” he whimpered as he was eliminated.

“Scott!” Dahlia cried out. “YOU WILL BE AVENGED!!!” She locked in on Damien and threw her ball. The rubber ball nailed Damien right in the face, but then the red demon saw the ball fly high over his team’s side of the court.

“GIRTRUDE!!! CATCH IT!!!” Damien shouted.

Girtrude the Girtablilu successfully caught the ball with one of her massive pincer-claws. “Ha!” Damien shouted. “You’re out, Dahlia!”

Dahlia snarled as she marched over to the benches. What should’ve been an elimination turned into a two-player swing in Damien’s favor, thanks to Girtrude, one of the queens of Spooky High Dodgeball.

Amira cursed. This wasn’t good - her team just lost their two best players early. Now it was just her, Oz, Brian, and Vicky.

“I’m going in!” Vicky shouted as she grabbed a ball and charged directly at the ball line, chucking it over her head with both hands. The scorpion-woman was caught off-guard by the flesh golem’s sudden aggression and was domed by Vicky’s ball. The scorpion was out.

“Yes!” Vicky cheered. Her victory didn’t last long, however, as she was hit right in the chest. “Oof. My chesticles…” she grunted as she cradled her poor bruised boobs.

Amira grabbed a ball and charged the line. Mamimi, the oni girl who used to sell energy drinks behind the bathroom stalls before Valerie muscled her out, charged right back. The oni had one of the stronger throwing arms on the team and needed to be eliminated. Amira threw her ball at the same time Mamimi did. Time slowed down. As Amira watched Mamimi get hit in the throat, the djinn tried to lean her head out of the way of the incoming ball.

It grazed her cheek. That counted as an elimination in Coach’s eyes. “Rashid! You’re out!” the tiger man declared. Amira snarled as she headed for the bench. It was a calculated risk, charging the line like that while outnumbered, and Amira had never been good at math. Brian and Oz were now on the wrong side of a 4-2 advantage.

She watched her two friends as they each picked up a ball. “Come on guys, work together!” Vicky shouted. And work together they did, as they both singled out Forsburn, a transfer student from Aether High. The lion person limped back to the bench as Oz tried to throw another ball at Damien…

Only for the demon to catch it. “Ha!” Damien shouted. “You’re out, SHRIMP!!!” Oz went back to their bench, dejected, as Damien used the opportunity to bring back in his star player.

“Girtrude!” he greeted as the scorpion woman clattered back onto the court. Brian was all by himself now. He was a good dodgeball player, but four against one?

“Time!” Vicky shouted. Coach blew his whistle to signal a time out. Brian shuffled over to his team’s bench while Damien’s team heckled him. “Okay Brian.” Vicky began as she grabbed the zombie’s shoulders as he knelt down so they could look eye-to-eye. “You’ve got a good throwing arm, but that’s not gonna do much against four opposing players. Even if you eliminate one, the other three will take you down. Our only hope is for you to play defense. You’ve gotta _catch_ a ball.”

“Two-player swing, got it.” Brian said with a nod.

“No.” Vicky said. “_Three_-player-swing.”

The team gasped. The three-player swing was one of the most difficult maneuvers in dodgeball, requiring near-perfect timing and team coordination. “Are you sure?” Brian asked.

“It’s our only chance to even the odds.” Vicky said. “When you catch the ball, call in Dahlia. She’s the best player on our team, so if anyone can catch the next incoming ball, it’s her.” She turned to Dahlia. “Think you can pull it off?”

“I am the perfect warrior…” Dahlia said with a mad grin that brought a blush to Amira’s face. “I’ll do it.”

Vicky nodded. Good enough for her. She sent Brian back out onto the court and called a time in. Brian rolled his shoulders as Damien, Girtrude, and two other people on Damien’s team all snickered as they eyed up the literal dead meat before them. One of those other people, a doppelgänger, lazily threw her ball right at the zombie. He leaned out of the way, dodging it. The other other person, a troll, threw his ball hard, which bounced off the court by Brian’s foot.

The zombie barely flinched. He was waiting for his chance.

The doppelgänger snickered as she picked up another ball and threw it right at Brian’s stoic face.

And that’s when Brian caught it with one hand.

“WOOOO!!!” Vicky cheered.

“Way to go, Brian!” Amira hollered.

“Dahlia!” Brian shouted as the blue demoness wasted no time. The troll threw his ball at Brian, but Dahlia was as fast as she was strong, and jumped in front of the ball, catching it in mid-air, rolling across the court until standing upright with the ball in-hand.

“Amira!” Dahlia shouted.

“…Me?” Amira asked. Dahlia chose HER to come back in?

…Well, of course she did! Because Amira was awesome! The djinn’s flame roared to new heights as she ran out onto the court.

“A three-player swing?! Impossible!” Girtrude cursed as her two teammates were benched.

“Awesome work out there, Bri.” Amira complimented.

“Don’t worry about it.” Brian said with a shrug. “I may not be able to join you and the others over on the Dark Side, but I’ve got your back just about everywhere-“

_WHOMP!!!_

“Else.” Brian said as his face hit the court soon after it was hit by a flying dodgeball. Once he limped over to the bench, it was down to two-on-two. Amira and Dahlia vs. Damien and Girtrude. This was good old fashioned _street_ dodgeball.

Amira dipped and did the splits to avoid an incoming dodgeball, then hit the floor and rolled away to dodge another. She stood back up and dodged another ball. The djinn growled as she picked up a ball and threw it at Damien, who skillfully dodged it. Dahlia roared in fury as she threw two balls at Damien, who jumped and spread his legs in mid-air as the balls went directly between his legs.

“Dahlia!” Amira shouted. “We need to focus Girtrude!”

“Why?!” Dahlia demanded, offended by the very notion that any target could take priority over her arch-rival.

Girtrude threw two dodgeballs at Dahlia and Amira, one from each pincer. “That’s why!” Amira shouted. Girtrude scooped up three balls in one claw and grinned evilly.

“Get ready for my signature move…” Girtrude taunted. “THE SHOTGUN STING-A-PULT!”

She tossed the balls into the air, and then struck them with her massive tail, sending three dodgeballs hurtling towards the two girls, who barely dived in time. Amira scooped up a ball and threw, but Girtrude dodged it, along with the ball Dahlia threw. Damien scooped up the balls and threw them, but Amira and Dahlia dodged those as well. The four-person dance carried on like this for a good few minutes. All the while, Amira was observing the way Girtrude moved…

“Dahlia.” Amira said. “One second after I throw at Girtrude, throw to the right of her.”

“What?” Dahlia asked.

“Just trust me.” Amira said. She then threw her ball at Girtrude, who nimbly dodged to her left…

Right in time to get hit in the sweater puppies by Dahlia’s ball. “MY TITTIES!!!” she screeched as she gripped the poor bruised boobs.

“VICTORY!” Dahlia cheered. “But how…?”

“I noticed Girtrude favors dodging to her left.” Amira replied.

“Such a keen tactical mind…” Dahlia said in awe.

As Girtrude scuttled over to the bench, Damien looked around the court, realizing he was now all alone. He looked at Amira and Dahlia standing across from him, with balls in both their hands. “…Shit.”

Damien was pelted by a string of rubber balls, hitting his face, groin, stomach, groin again, shin, and butt. The demon fell to the ground, bleeding and spitting out a tooth. The rest of Amira’s team rushed out onto the court to lift her and Dahlia up as Coach declared them the victors.

*****

Back in the locker room, the team reconvened, congratulating each other on a victory hard-won. “Awesome work out there, guys!” Vicky said. “Especially you, Amira. You really brought it on home.”

“Yeah, but it was Brian who pulled off that three-player-swing to set up me and Dahlia for the win.” Amira humble-bragged in reply.

“AMIRA!!!” Dahlia shouted as she pushed Amira’s three friends aside to take center stage. The three friends didn’t seem to mind, as being shoved around was worth it if it was by Dahlia’s strong, sexy hands. “You were amazing in today’s battle! Damien LaVey will feel the sting of this defeat for years to come!”

“Ah, it was nothin’, really. Just another day on the court.” Amira said as her head started getting big. Well, the flame on her head did.

“This victory is cause for celebration!” Dahlia declared. “Amira. This weekend, I shall treat you to a feast! Here’s my number. We can discuss the details later.” she said as she handed Amira a piece of paper with her phone number on it. “Now, I must be off! My next challenge lies ahead - the dreaded algebra exam. Wish me luck, battle sister!” And like that, the demonic warrior left the locker room.

Amira eyed the piece of paper with the phone number on it. She, along with her three friends, were speechless, in awe of what they just witnessed. “…Why is everyone playing the quiet game?” Scott asked. “Wait…aw! I lost!”

“Guys.” Amira said. “Did Dahlia Aquino just _ask me out on a date?”_

“Holy shit she totally asked you on a date!” Vicky gushed. 

“Holy crap holy crap holy crap!” Oz said.

“Congratulations.” Brian said as he gave the djinn a thumbs up.

“Okay, nobody panic!” Amira said. “I’m the one going on a date with _Dahila Fucking Aquino_, so if anyone around here should be panicking, it should be me.”

She paused. She then sniffed her pits. “Oof. I need to shower before my date. And get some makeup. And maybe some perfume. And maybe stuffed animals holy shit I’m realizing I am NOT prepared to go on a date at all I didn’t think this would happen today I’M OFFICIALLY FREAKING OUT!!!”

“STOP FREAKING OUT!!!” Vicky shouted.

“I CAN’T!!!” Amira shouted back.

Brian picked up a stray dodgeball that was in the locker room for some reason and chucked it at Amira, nailing her in the face. “Thanks Bri, I needed that.” she said as she rubbed her cheek or the red rubber ball struck her. “Alright, if I’m gonna pull this off, I’m gonna need some supplies……”

*****

“Amira! Long time, no see!” Valerie greeted from her behind-the-bathroom shop.

“Val, I was just here a couple days ago.” Amira said. “Anyway, I got a hot date with Dahlia Aquino this weekend. What have you got for me?”

“Hmmm…” the cat girl hummed as she ruffled through the pile of random junk that was her inventory. “Sorry, Amira. Only thing I got that could be useful on a date is this here fairy in a bottle.”

The neko girl pulled out a bottle with a tiny green fairy buzzing around inside, chittering in an ancient, unspeakable tongue, presumably begging to come out. “…That a _love_ fairy?” Amira asked.

“Fucked if I know.” Valerie replied with a shrug.

Amira sighed. “Well, it’s better than no fairy at all. How much?”

“Ten bucks.” Valerie said.

Amira winced. “Eight?”

“_Ten._ Take it or leave it.” Valerie sternly replied.

Amira grumbled as she handed over her money. “Fuckin’ rob me, why don’t ya.” After counting those sweet, sweet monster dollars, Valerie handed over the fairy in a bottle. Amira took the bottle and delicately placed it in her backpack for later.

She then heard the last bell ring, dismissing the students for the day. Another school day in the books, and what a day it was for one Amira Rashid! A dodgeball victory AND scoring a hot date with Dahlia Aquino! That’s gotta be worth at least +2CHARM and +1BOLDNESS right there. But alas, this was no video game. This was the real world. She turned towards the buses, eager to get home and start getting ready for her big date.

And that was when Dmitri appeared before Amira in a puff of smoke and bats. “Gah! Fuck!” Amira shouted as she jumped and almost fell on her ass.

“It’s time.” the dark lord ominously said.

“Time for what?” Amira asked.

“Time for your first dark mission.” Dmitri replied. He produced a treasure map, and showed it to Amira. The djinn squinted at it.

“Is…is that a map of the school?” she asked.

“Indeed.” Dmitri said. “It would seem that the school grounds have been host to a particular treasure for thousands of years…”

“Treasure?” Amira asked. She was intrigued now, wondering if treasure would impress Dahlia. At the very least, it would bankroll a kickass makeover.

“Indeed. And not just any treasure, either. We are seeking…_The Amethyst of Anguish!”_ Dmitri declared as a swarm of bats flew overhead accompanied by lightning strikes.

“…The what?” Amira asked.

“I’ll explain on the way.” Dmitri said. “Gather your allies - the flesh golem and the shadow - and meet me in the dark forest just beyond the school grounds. And be swift! The clock is ticking…”

And with that, the vampire disappeared into more smoke and bats. Amira grumbled as she dusted herself off and pulled out her smart phone. She hit up Oz and Vicky on group chat.

_Spicy AF: Got hit up by Dark Lord Shirtless. Wants us to meet him in the dark forest outside the school._

_Ozzzz: Isn’t that forbidden, though?_

_Stitchz: Yeah, that’s one of the first things they say on syllabus day. “Don’t go into the dark forest unless you want to die a most painful death.”_

_Spicy AF: Apparently Dmitri missed that memo. He says we’re heading into the forest to find something called “The Amethyst of Anguish.”_

_Stitchz: Yeah, that sounds like an evil artifact that a villain would need to take over the world._

_Ozzzz: Should I text the Coven?_

_Stitchz: Probably better if you not. At least not yet - don’t wanna risk blowing our cover. Let’s see where this treasure hunt goes before calling them in._

With a plan in place, Amira began marching towards the dark forest, hoping that whatever is waiting for her inside won’t ruin her date with Dahlia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, before I settled on this story, I was toying with a few different concepts for a Monster Prom fanfic. One of them was a sports movie-parody fic where the gang form their own Dodgeball team and enter an international tournament in one big homage to one of my favorite movies - Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. Might still make that into a route when the Modtool comes out...
> 
> Anyway, this chapter is a remnant from that little idea, and that whole game was a move-for-move re-enactment of the climactic final match in that movie.
> 
> Next chapter is when the plot will REALLY kick into high-gear. What's the Amethyst of Anguish? And why does Dmitri want it so bad? Stay tuned to find out!


	5. The Amethyst of Anguish

“Alright everyone. Stay close as we march into the Dark Forest.” Dmitri said as he lead his three new minion-hopefuls into the woods outside school grounds, treasure map in hand. “If you get separated from the group, you WILL be found by the forest denizens and be claimed by them.”

“Okay, when you say ‘claimed’, are you talking like sexually or they just eat us?” Amira asked.

“The second one.” Dmitri added as they started walking down-hill. The forest seemed to enclose them from nearly all angles, make them feel mildly claustrophobic. “Now then, are you three familiar with the legends associated with the Amethyst of Anguish?”

“Can’t say we are. We don’t really know our macguffins like you do.” Vicky replied.

“I have a lore coupon.” Oz pointed out. “Do you accept lore coupons?”

“No need, shadow. I’ll gladly explain it to you for free.” Dmitri said. “The Amethyst of Anguish is an ancient jewel, crafted many centuries ago, and imbued with powerful dark magic.”

“W-w-what does it do?” Oz nervously asked.

“I cannot say. The exact details of the amethyst’s powers have been lost to time.” Dmitri replied as they walked down into a dark ravine. They didn’t even know there was a dark ravine this close to the school. “Some say it brings your worst nightmares to life. Others say it rips the heart right out of your chest. And others still claim it reveals your true self…”

“Well, that third one doesn’t sound so bad.” Vicky said, trying to stay optimistic.

“Does it?” Dmitri asked. “It is said that through the Amethyst of Anguish, kind monsters discover they are actually cruel. Brave monsters discover they are actually cowards.”

He stopped and turned to face Vicky. “When forced to confront their true selves, many monsters run away _screaming.”_

“…Did you just recite lines from _The Neverending Story?”_ Vicky asked.

“…Anyway.” Dmitri said as he turned back to the trail and resumed course. “Though the powers of the amethyst are not fully understood, the fact remains that the amethyst _is_ powerful. Powerful enough to play a key role in my plan.”

“And what is that plan, exactly?” Amira asked as she carefully stepped over a log covered in moss and purple mushrooms.

Dmitri glanced at the djinn over his shoulder and smirked. “Oh, I can’t tell you _everything_ just yet. We’re only getting started, after all…”

“And the Amethyst is here?” Oz asked. “In the woods just outside school grounds?”

“Yes, it is rather fortuitous, isn’t it?” Dmitri agreed. “That such a powerful artifact is here. So close to home. So easily within our reach. As if we were guided here by destiny. We need only seize it…”

He stopped in his tracks and held up a hand. “We’re here.” Before them was the entrance to a cave that lead somewhere deep and dark. “The Amethyst of Anguish is in there, somewhere.”

Dmitri then turned to the three friends. “Right then. In you go.”

“What?” Amira asked.

“Go in and get the amethyst.” Dmitri ordered.

“Are there booby traps in there?” Vicky asked.

Dmitri’s eyes darted around. “…No.”

“That was an awfully long pause before you answered.” Oz pointed out.

“Okay, look, do you three want to join the Dark Side or not?” Dmitri said.

“We wanna join the Dark Side…” the three monsters groaned.

“Good! Now head in there and grab the dark relic that could destroy your mind, body, soul, or any combination thereof.” Dmitri instructed. And thus, the three friends turned on their flashlights and descended into the deep dark cave.

“So, what do you think he plans to do with the amethyst?” Oz asked.

“Nothing good, obviously.” Vicky answered.

“Whatever. Once we swipe the amethyst, I say we kick the shit out of him, hand it over to the Coven, and then call it a story arc.” Amira said as she walked out ahead of her two friends. “That way, we do our part to save the world, without having it spoil our weekend.”

The trio continued their descent into the dark depths of the cavern. “So Vicky.” Amira began. “I’ve been thinking of some lines I could use on my date with Dahlia. What do you think of this: ‘Well hello there, my sapphire sweetie.’ I think it works because of the alliteration. Chicks dig alliteration. What do you think?”

Vicky gave no answer.

“Yeah, you might have a point. She might not like ‘sweetie’ as a pet name. Hmmm….my….buff blueberry? I dunno, I think she’s heard that one before. What do you think, Oz?”

Oz said nothing.

“Alright, alright, that one’s lame too. Yeesh, tough crowd. Okay guys, how about this - ‘Dahlia, my big buff angel.’ …Wait, shit, is it offensive to call a demon an angel? Fuck me, this is hard. Okay, I give up. You two come up with something.”

Vicky and Oz both said nothing.

“Okay, what’s with the cold shoulder? Don’t you two have ANYTHING to say?” Amira asked as she looked over her shoulder.

Neither Vicky nor Oz had anything to say.

Because they were no longer there.

“…Vicky? Oz?” Amira asked as she shone her flashlight around the cavern, not finding any sign of her two friends. “Okay, if you two are trying to scare me, cut it out! We don’t have time for this!”

Silence was her only answer. As though her two friends simply ceased to exist. “Seriously?! Where the fuck are you guys?! This isn’t funny!!!” Amira raged, her roaring flame serving to illuminate the cavern more. But no matter how much brighter she made the cave, there was not a single trace of Vicky or Oz.

“When I find you assholes, I’m lighting your pants on fire!” Amira raged as she marched through the cavern. “And not because you’re liars, but because I’m really piiiiIIIIIIII-“ She tripped on a rock and fell to the ground. “Fuck…” she cursed as she tried to get up.

That’s when she heard giggling.

She looked around. Suddenly, she was surrounded by monsters. Students from Spooky High. Except….no…..they weren’t from Spooky High. They were too short. Too young. They all snickered and chortled and gestured at her.

“What’sh sho funny?” Amira asked. Wait…did she just talk with a lisp? Impossible. She hasn’t talked like that since…

…Spooky Junior High.

She looked into a puddle of water and saw her reflection. It was not the Amira she knew - the hotblooded bad girl destined to be queen of Spooky High. It was an Amira from a past she had been trying to bury for years.

An Amira with orthodontic headgear.

“AAAAAHHHHHH!!!” Amira screamed as the slow trickle of giggling burst into full-blown laughter. Laughter at HER - the dorky freak show with an oil derrick affixed to her head. She ran as fast as she could, shedding ember tears as old wounds were ripped open by cruel words she had hoped to never hear again.

And then suddenly, she was outside again, by the cave entrance. She looked around in a panic, seeing that the crowds were gone. But Dmitri was there, looking at the djinn with a raised eyebrow. “DON’T LOOK AT ME!!!” Amira shouted as she covered her head…

…And that was when she noticed her orthodontic headgear was gone. “Wha…” Amira said as she fondled her head, which was normal again. “How…what…”

“Judging from the cold sweat on your brow, it would seem that the amethyst worked its evil on you.” Dmitri said. “What did you see?”

Amira was silent as she averted the Dark Lord’s gaze. “That bad, was it?” he asked. “Fair enough. I won’t ask you to recount whatever horrors you witnessed. Your eyes tell me all I need to know - that the Amethyst of Anguish is every bit as _potent_ as the legends say.”

“I’m not going back in there.” Amira resolutely said.

“Of course not. You’ve already tried and failed.” Dmitri said. “Let’s see if your friends can do any better…”

*****

“Oz? Amira?” Vicky called out, her voice echoing off the walls of the cavern. “Where are you guys? Okay, new rule, next time we all descend into a deep dark cave together, we all hold hands. This happened because we didn’t use the buddy system!”

That’s when a swarm of bats suddenly swooped down on Vicky, screeching in her face as they flew past her head. The flesh golem screeched herself in fright, flailing her arms all about to try and shoo them away. Unfortunately, she flailed her arms too hard, because the stitches on her left arm came loose and it flew off. It was only when the swarm passed that Vicky noticed the loss and sighed. “Darn it…” she said as she went to pick up the lost appendage. “Not again.”

“Guys!” she called out. “My left arm fell off again!” Silence. “Guys?! Seriously, where are you?!”

That’s when she noticed a feminine shape at the end of one passage. “Amira? Is that you?” she asked as she walked over to the female shape. But as she approached, she realized it wasn’t Amira, but…

“Vera?” Vicky asked, surprised by the gorgon’s presence here. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought I’d check up on you.” Vera answered, checking her nails for dirt. “How’s your little undercover mission going?”

“Uh….it’s going great!” Vicky replied with a smile.

“…You’re holding your own severed arm.” Vera observed.

“Oh, this?” Vicky asked. “Ah, don’t worry about it. Happens all the time!”

It was then that the sticking on her right foot suddenly came loose, making the flesh golem nearly stumble as the foot came off. “Seriously?!” she asked. “Like, the arm I get, but I just tightened the stitches on my foot yesterday, what the hell?”

Vera curled her nose in disgust. “That does it. I’m letting you go.”

Vicky looked up at the gorgon. “W-what?”

“I’m letting you go. You’re _fired_.” Vera venomously stated. “I gave you one simple task, and that’s to take down Dmitri’s operation from the inside. Instead, here I find you, ducking around inside a cave, literally falling to pieces under the pressure.”

“Wait, Vera, it’s fine, really!” Vicky said. “Soon as I find the Amethyst of Anguish - “

“You WON’T.” Vera hissed. “Because you’re an incompetent, _useless_ piece of trash!”

Vicky was stunned. Vera had never been known for her kind words, but even by her standards, this was…

Vicky didn’t have time to finish her thought as Vera grabbed her by the shirt collar. “You’re nothing but TRASH to me, Schmidt! And it’s high time you were thrown away like trash!”

She then pushed Vicky away.

And Vicky fell.

She screamed as she fell, into a deep dark pit, until finally hitting a massive pile of trash at the bottom. Upon impact, her head came loose from her shoulders, her right arm fumbling to reach it. In this state, she was near indistinguishable from the rest of the unwanted refuse at the bottom of the pit. Vicky’s eyes looked up.

Vera stood on the edge, sneering down at her. She then looked away. “Fire it up!”

The cave was lit up by a terrible, hellish glow. Vicky looked around and saw that the trash pile was now moving, towards the source of the light. The rumbling trash made it harder for Vicky’s body to reunite with her head, as the head rolled further away. Eventually, it settled and Vicky saw the source of the light.

It was a massive incinerator.

“Vera! Vera help!” Vicky shouted. “Vera! Save me! I’m not useless, I can serve you! I’ll do whatever you want!”

“Goodbye, Vicky.” Vera said as she turned and walked away from the edge, out of sight.

“Vera! No! Don’t leave me!” Vicky begged as the incinerator loomed closer and closer. She screamed in horror as her head fell inside and she was consumed by blinding white light.

And then she landed outside, back in the ravine. She hit the ground hard. She looked around and saw Dmitri looking down at her skeptically, while Amira was sulking on a rock. She checked all her body parts which, miraculously, were all now reattached. She looked up at Dmitri, not entirely sure what happened.

“…Two down.” Dmitri said. He turned back to the cave. “One to go.”

*****

Oz was acutely aware of the irony here. A shadow who was afraid of the dark was like a bird who was afraid of heights. It didn’t help that they somehow got lost and got separated from Amira and Vicky. “Hello?” they asked. “Amira? Vicky? Dmitri? Anybody?”

They didn’t know which way to go. They didn’t even know which way was the way they came in, so they couldn’t even turn back. Once they got separated from the others, it took almost no time at all for the passages of the cave to twist themselves in a dark labyrinth. It took even less time for the panic to take hold, and they began walking faster, eventually breaking out into run, going from passage to passage, each one looking exactly the same as the last. Whose footprint was that? Was it theirs? Were they going in circles? Was it Amira’s or Vicky’s? Were they just beyond reach? Or was it someone else. They weren’t sure which possibility frightened them more.

“Anybody?!” Oz called out. “Someone, please!”

“Oz?” Vicky’s voice called out.

“Vicky! I’m here!” Oz called out. “Where are you?!”

“Oooooz!” Vicky called out again.

“Yo, Oz! Where are you?” Amira called out.

“Vicky! Amira! I’m here!” Oz said as they ran down a tunnel towards where they thought their friends’ voices were coming from. It seemed like it was coming from everywhere.

“I can’t find Oz anywhere…” Vicky sighed.

“I’m here! I’m here!” Oz called out.

“Let’s just go.” Amira’s voice said.

“No!” Oz called out.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here.” Vicky said. “If Oz wants to play inside a cave all day, let them. We’ve got better things to do than waste our time on them.”

“Vicky! Don’t leave me! I’m here!” Oz said as he sprinted down another tunnel. “I’M HERE I’M HERE WHY CAN’T YOU HEAR ME?!”

Their mad dash came to a halt as they hit a wall. They whimpered as they clutched their nose and tried to walk in the other direction…only to bump into another wall. What? But that was the way they came - there wasn’t a wall there before. They looked around…and there was another wall. And another wall there. Where once he was surrounded by tunnels, now he was surrounded by walls with no way out.

And the walls were slowly closing in.

“No…no!” Oz said as they tried to push against the walls as they closed in. “HELP!!! AMIRA!!! VICKY!!! BRIAN!!! SOMEONE SAVE ME!!! DON’T LEAVE ME HERE!!!” This was it. They were going to die. They were going to die alone, forgotten, in a place where their friends or family would never find them. And their friends were perfectly content leaving them behind. “PLEASE!!! SOMEONE, ANYONE, SAVE ME!!!”

The floor gave out underneath them, and the shadow fell.

The shadow landed outside, as though the cavern spat them out like a piece of chewed up gum. They looked around frantically, still in the throes of their panic attack. “Amira?! Vicky?! Guys?!”

“Oz! It’s okay.” Vicky said as she knelt next to Oz and took them by the shoulders. “Look at me. You’re okay.”

“…V…V-Vicky?” Oz asked. “Y-you…you left me-“

“Whatever you saw, it wasn’t real.” Vicky said.

“It wasn’t?” Oz asked.

“It was the amethyst.” Amira said as she walked up to the shadow. “It fucks with your head. Makes you...see things.”

“…Did….did you see anything?” Oz asked.

“…I don’t wanna talk about it.” Amira grumbled.

“Well.” Dmitri said as he clapped his hands together. “So much for that plan.” On that note, the vampire turned on his heel and began marching out of the ravine, away from the cave entrance. The three friends followed the dark lord out of the ravine.

“So what do we do now?” Vicky asked.

“Well, the three of you are free to do as you wish.” Dmitri replied. “As for me, my next step is to remove the weakest links. You’re all fired.”

“What?!” Amira shouted in outraged reply.

“I gave the three of you one simple task - retrieve the Amethyst of Anguish.” he said as he turned to the three monsters, his cape fluttering in the win. “And _none of you_ succeeded. I thought I saw potential in all of you, but perhaps I was mistaken.”

“Okay, I know this mission was a bust.” Vicky said. “But maybe there’s some _other_ ancient magical jewel we could-“

“Save your breath.” Dmitri said. “Time is precious to me, and I’ve wasted enough of it on you cretins. Now if you’ll excuse me…” He then turned into a swarm of bats and flew away to parts unknown, leaving the three monsters alone in the middle of the woods.

“…Does anyone remember the way back to campus?” Oz asked.

“…Fuck.” Amira swore.

*****

“And after getting lost in the woods for like an hour, we found our way back to campus, called you guys, and here we are.” Vicky said, finishing the story that she had been regaling the Coven with since she, Oz and Amira met up with them in the downtown pizzeria.

“The Amethyst of Anguish…” Joy said as she took in everything she just heard. “So the legends are true after all…”

“Of course they’re true.” Hope quipped. “When are the legends ever NOT true?”

“We have to stop Dmitri from getting his hands on the amethyst!” Joy declared.

Vicky fidgeted in her seat as she remembered her experience in that cave. “I don’t think we can go back inside that cavern.” she quietly admitted. “I know I can’t.”

“You won’t have to.” Faith assured, her eyes glues to a spell book as they often were. “You just need to take us to the cave’s entrance. There, we can cast a sealing spell on the cavern, ensuring that the amethyst remains safely beyond Dmitri’s grasp.”

“And having been denied a crucial tool to his plan, the dark lord’s machination will soon fall apart, and the world will be safe once more.” Hope added.

“So….that’s it?” Amira asked. “We just gotta show you where the cave entrance is and that’s it? We’re done with this?”

“More or less.” Joy replied.

“Thank fuck.” Amira sighed in relief. “I got a hot date this weekend.”

“And I’m gonna go see a play with friends.” Oz added.

“You two can go enjoy yourselves.” Vicky assured. “I’ll lead the Coven to the cavern.”

“Excellent.” Joy replied with a satisfied smirk. “We’ll gather the necessary reagents for the spell. We’ll call you when we’re ready, Vicky.”

And on that note, the three friends departed with a plan in place, pizza in their bellies, and leaving the Coven to foot the bill. “Wait…YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!!” Hope cursed out as the check arrived at their table.

The three friends went home for the night, glad that the worst of this nonsense was over and they would soon resume their normal lives. Or at least, whatever passes for ‘normal’ in Spooky High.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus, Dmitri's goal is revealed - The Amethyst of Anguish!
> 
> Buckle up - Next chapter's gonna be a LONG one.


	6. Date Night

Saturday night. Most monsters would be out with friends, painting the town red. Vicky supposed that, in a way, that’s what she was doing too, assuming the Coven counted as friends, and that the forest counts as part of town, and casting a sealing spell on a cavern of evil counted as pointing the town red. “How much farther?” Joy asked.

“We’re almost there.” Vicky said. “Ravine is just down this hill. Watch your step.”

Night had completely enveloped the forest, the woods thick with shadows as owls and frogs and crickets all serenaded one another. Hope suddenly paused and looked around nervously. She scrutinized the rocks, the bushes, and the trees. Even the starry night sky above her was not above her suspicion. Joy looked back at her friend with a raised eyebrow. “Something wrong, Hope?”

“I dunno.” Hope replied. “I’m just getting a feeling, I guess. I feel like something’s watching us.”

“We _are_ in a dark forest, so you’re probably right.” Faith said.

“Come on.” Joy said. “The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can leave.”

The Coven pressed on, following their flesh golem guide down the hill and into the ravine. The walls were adorned with roots and overhanging moss. Finally, they arrived at the yawning entrance to that damned cave. “Here it is.” Vicky said. She looked at Faith. “And…we don’t have to go inside, right?”

“Not at all.” Faith said as she set down her bag of reagents. “The whole point of this spell is to make sure we _can’t_ go inside. And more importantly, neither can Dmitri or his minions.”

“Good.” Vicky replied.

“Was it really that bad in there?” Hope asked.

“And then some…” Vicky muttered. “The Amethyst of Anguish…why would anyone even make something so evil?”

“We ask ourselves that same question every season.” Joy replied. “After destroying or sealing away your fifth artifact of doom, you kinda stop questioning these things.”

Faith took out some chalk and drew a pentagram atop of a flat-topped boulder. “That should do nicely…” Faith said as she stood up and began taking out the other reagents and grinding them into dust inside a grinding bowl. “This spell will take a while to prepare. I don’t want any interruptions.”

“Oh you don’t? My apologies, then…”

“Oh for crying out loud…” Vicky said as she turned and saw Dmitri, standing with his cape curled around him in proper vampiric fashion as he smirked down at the Coven.

“Well, well, well. I see my former minion has found new employment.” Dmitri observed. “Or were you ALWAYS working for the Coven, and merely feigned your loyalty to me? Either way, it matters little now…”

“Dmitri!” Joy cried out. “How did you know we were here?!”

“Oh come now, Joy.” Dmitri replied with a wry chuckle. “Do you truly think so little of me that you never thought I WOULDN’T have eyes watching this place at all times?”

“I KNEW we were being watched!” Hope hissed.

“I’m assuming you’re all here for the amethyst?” Dmitri asked. “I’m afraid I can’t allow that. So I will give you this one and only warning - leave. Leave and NEVER return.”

“Forget it! We’re ending this now!” Joy defiantly cried as she wreathed her hands in magic.

“Oh, my poor, naive Joy.” Dmitri lamented. “There you are, ready to fight, as though I were just another enemy to be defeated. You have _no idea_ what dark forces are stirring…”

“Faith! Complete the spell as fast as you can! Hope and I will keep Dmitri busy.” Joy ordered.

“I’m willing to lend a hand, Joy.” Vicky said as she cracked her knuckles.

“Ha! The _flesh golem?_ What good is that stitched-together abomination against the power of the Dark Si-HOLY SHIT!!!” Dmitri lost his composure as he suddenly had to dodge a flying two-ton boulder that Vicky threw at him.

“…Oh right. The great strength.” Dmitri said. “Somehow, I completely forgot about that.”

*****

Meanwhile, while Vicky was helping the Coven defeat Dmitri in their big mid-season showdown, Brian was back at the flat, laying around on the couch, still lamenting his newfound loneliness. “How you holdin’ up, big guy?” Amira asked as she swung through the living room to check on her friend.

“I’m still just lying here, thinking about how life is neither enjoyable nor meaningful.” Brian said.

“So, same as always?” Amira snarked.

“Yeah, but now I don’t have Zoe to cuddle with.” Brian replied.

The djinn rolled her eyes. “Come on, Brian. You can’t just lie their the rest of your unlife. You gotta move on! Put yourself back out there!”

“What, you mean date again?” Brian asked.

“Exactly!” Amira said. “Monster Prom might’ve been a total bust for me, but now look at me - about to go on a red hot date with a big blue beefcake! If I could bounce back, so could you!”

Brian sighed. “I’m not like you, Amira. I can’t just ‘bounce back’ from Zoe.”

“I figured you’d say that, which is why I stole your phone, downloaded a dating app, and set up a profile for you!” Amira said as she tossed the zombie his own phone.

“…I thought I changed my password.” Brian said.

“You did. 111112 is NOT more secure than 111111.” Amira replied.

Brian looked at his phone and, sure enough, there was the app - _MonstrMashr._ “Welp! I gotta go. Gonna meet Dahlia at the Great Hall and enjoy the most magical fucking night of our lives!”

“You’re leaving?” Brian asked.

“Yup! And with Oz out on their own date with Calculester and Vicky playing with the Coven out in the woods, looks like you’ll be on your own tonight.” Amira said. “Hey - if you find a match on that thing, maybe all four us of will get lucky tonight!”

“Vicky’s not out on a date tonight.” Brian pointed out.

“Right, because Vicky agreed to be alone in the woods with three beautiful women just to ‘save the world.’” Amira snickered. “Anyway, good luck, Brian!” And on that note, the djinn slammed the door behind her, and the zombie was now as alone physically as he felt emotionally.

He sighed. Maybe Amira was right. Maybe it was time to move on. Even if Oz uncovers Zoe’s true motivations for dumping Brian, it’s not like that’s going to make them get back together or anything like that. Still though…it felt too soon. The wounds still too raw.

…But he sure would like someone to cuddle with on this couch.

He’ll just look at a few profiles. No harm in that.

_Name: Astrid Jones_  
Species: Like def a vampire  
Age: 20  
Birthday: May 18th  
Pronouns: She/her  
Height: 5’4”  
Weight: 57kg 

Brian hummed. Nah, that one looks kinda fake.

_Name: Cecil Morgana_  
Species: Cilophyte  
Age: 20  
Birthday: January 9th  
Pronouns: She/her  
Height: 4’8”  
Weight: 40kg 

Huh. She seemed cute, but is that just because the tentacles reminded him of Zoe? He shook his head. No, the whole point of this was to move on.

_Name: Josh_  
Species: A skeleton inside a slime  
Age: 21  
Birthday: September 30th  
Pronouns: He/him  
Height: 6’5”  
Weight: 73kg 

He’s cute. But….he’s a slime….which means he’s a shapeshifter…._just like Zoe._ Everywhere he looked, he was reminded of her. Maybe he should just stop. All this swiping was doing nothing but reopen wounds that were already festering.

That’s when he got a message from…LostMyReligion1419.

_LostMyReligion1419: Sup._

Brian froze. He was just looking at profiles. He didn’t think he’d be actually TALKING to anyone tonight. He replied.

_Hunkenstein2000: Sup._

Wait. ‘Hunkenstein2000?’ THAT’S his screen name? “Damn it, Amira…” he muttered.

_LostMyReligion1419: So, super model, huh?_

Brian blinked. Apparently, they thought he was a supermodel.

_Hunkenstein2000: Whatever my profile says, it’s probably a lie. My friend made this profile to try and help me get over a breakup. I’m a student at Spooky High, I’m a zombie, I like napping, and that’s about it._

Brian wasn’t going to try and pretend to be something he wasn’t just to impress someone so that he could woo them romantically. He never had the patience for that particular romantic comedy plot.

_LostMyReligion1419: Soooo. tHIS isn’t a picture of you?_

They then posted a picture of a shirtless Brian from the Spooky High locker rooms. He raised his eyebrow. Where did Amira take THAT photo? Making a mental note to search his locker for hidden cameras on Monday, he began replying.

_Hunkenstein2000: Yeah, that’s me actually._

_LostMyReligion1419: And you’re NOT a super model?_

_Hunkenstein2000: Nope._

_LostMyReligion1419: How?_

_Hunkenstein2000: ???_

_LostMyReligion1419: How are you THAT hot and NOT a super model?_

Brian blushed at that.

_Hunkenstein2000: I’m not hot._

_LostMyReligion1419: Dude. You’re so hot I wanna bake cookies on your abs._

_LostMyReligion1419: And you say you broke up with your last partner?_

_Hunkenstein2000: Well, she broke up with me._

_LostMyReligion1419: WHY??? YOU’RE SO FUCKING HOT THO???_

He blushed again, not sure how to feel about this.

_Hunkenstein2000: It’s kind of a long story._

_LostMyReligion1419: Okay, sorry. Sorry if I opened up a wound or something. Just…damn._

_LostMyReligion1419: Okay, I wiped the drool off my mouth. I’m good now._

Brian chuckled and smiled for the first time in almost a week.

*****

Oz paid the cab faire to the skeleton driving before hopping out. As the cab drove off, the shadow took a moment to take in the sights and sounds of Downtown Monstropolis. They always had a love/hate relationship with this area. They loved the _idea_ of downtown - a place where friends come to sample the local flavors, get plastered, and have a good time in general. Problem is, those things are all difficult to enjoy when you’ve got social anxiety.

In their experience though, it’s a lot less awkward when you’ve got friends to hang out with, which makes Oz thankful for theirs. They honestly didn’t know what would ever happen if they…

_“Let’s just go.”_

_“Yeah, let’s get out of here. If Oz wants to play inside a cave all day, let them. We’ve got better things to do than waste our time on them.”_

…No. No, they would never abandon Oz. That was just a hallucination conjured by an evil gem. It wasn’t real. And it never will be.

Oz walked down the street towards the theater and saw Zoe and Calculester waiting for them. The shadow waved as they jogged over to the pair.

“Heya.” Zoe said.

“Greetings.” Calculester said.

“Hey guys.” Oz greeted. “So, what play are we seeing tonight?”

“_Beast and the Other Beast!”_ Zoe replied. “It’s a reimagining of the the classic love story featuring an all-beast cast!”

“This will make an excellent cultural experience that should hopefully bring me one step closer to understanding organic feelings!” Calculester declared with a :D.

“Let’s head inside! Show’s about to start.” Zoe said as she lead the robot and the shadow inside the theatre.

*****

Amira checked her reflection in her compact mirror for the fifth time that night as she walked her way down to the ‘Great Hall’, a restaurant downtown where she and Dahlia would meet. For their _date._ Amira was on a _date_ with _Dahlia Aquino_, she STILL couldn’t believe it.

She wore her signature red jacket over a black tank top and a pair of daisy dukes. Show off _just_ enough skin to communicate interest. She also wore black spiked bracelets, thinking they might impress the warrior demon. And finally, just to crank up the kink factor ever so slightly, she wore a black spiked choker around her neck. Normally, wearing a choker on the first date was a risky move, but you don’t win over girls like Dahlia by being cautious.

She quickly spotted the Great Hall on the far side of town - which resembled a castle more than any modern buildings. Standing just outside was Dahlia, wearing a black leather jacket with small metal spikes on the shoulders over a white t-shirt. She smiled at Amira and adjusted her collar as she approached. _God, just throw me over your shoulder, take me home with you and rock my world._ the djinn couldn’t help but think to herself.

“Amira! I’m pleased to see you made it!” Dahlia greeted.

“Wouldn’t miss it for anything, Blueberry.” Amira replied with a wink. She internally cheered when she saw Dahlia’s cheeks blush a little at the use of the nickname. She had a _good_ feeling about tonight.

“Come.” Dahlia instructed, beckoning Amira to follow her inside. The Great Hall was less a restaurant and more a tavern from Dungeons and Dragons, complete with barmaids bearing platters of food, mugs of ale, and corsets that showed off a lot of cleavage.

“This is my _favorite_ place to eat on a Saturday night!” Dahlia said. “It’s not often I get to bring company here.”

“Well, consider me honored then!” Amira said. “Mind showing a lady to her seat?”

“Gladly!” Dahlia declared as she grabbed Amira’s hand and led the giddy djinn deeper into the tavern.

*****

_Hunkenstein2000: She said ‘I think you like the idea of me more than the real me.’ What does that mean, exactly?_

_LostMyReligion1419: She meant what she said. She felt like you didn’t really love the ‘real’ her._

_Hunkenstein2000: But I did love the real her._

_LostMyReligion1419: Did you? Funny thing about dating is that we all wear masks at first. We all pretend to be ideal versions of ourselves, or even different people entirely. It takes time for us to feel comfortable enough with somebody to let our masks down and show who we really are._

_Hunkenstein2000: So you’re saying Zoe was wearing a mask?_

_LostMyReligion1419: At first. And when she started letting that mask down, did you like what you see?_

_Hunkenstein2000: I dunno. I didn’t even know she was wearing a mask at all. I don’t think she even changed that much._

_LostMyReligion1419: Maybe you weren’t paying close enough attention. Maybe THAT’S the reason she broke up with you._

_Hunkenstein2000: I still don’t get it. I mean, I don’t wear a mask. What you see is what you get._

_LostMyReligion1419: I figured. It’s why I like you. You’re authentic. You don’t see much of that on this app._

_Hunkenstein2000: I thought you liked me because of my abs._

_LostMyReligion1419: Admittedly, the abs definitely help your case ;)_

_Hunkenstein2000: heh_

_Hunkenstein2000: What about you? You wearing a mask?_

_LostMyReligion1419: For now at least._

_Hunkenstein2000: *sigh*_

_LostMyReligion1419: Would you rather I tell you all my darkest, most intimate secrets right now? How my father abused me as a child?_

_LostMyReligion1419: I’m kidding by the way. My father and I have a very cordial relationship._

_Hunkenstein2000: Oh thank God_

_LostMyReligion1419: I was just illustrating a point. You can’t reasonably learn everything there is to learn about someone on the first interaction. That’s just not how social interaction works. Why do you think government surveillance is such a hot-button topic these days? It’s because there are some things about our lives that we just don’t feel comfortable telling complete strangers about._

_Hunkenstein2000: This conversation is getting surprisingly deep._

_LostMyReligion1419: Shall I take that as a sign we’re hitting it off nicely?_

_Hunkenstein2000: You can if you want to._

*****

_Beast and the Other Beast_ was an interesting take on the classic love story. It made the bold statement that falling in love with someone the same species as you is totally alright. And even if people kept pressuring you into trying every kinky thing under the sun, it’s totally okay to just hold hands and stay within your comfort zone. It was bold in just how vanilla it was.

During the intermission, Zoe and Oz went into the bathroom to do their business. _How_ they do their business though is something that cannot be described, as one is a barely-corporeal, shadowy amalgamation of abstract concepts, and the other is a millennia-old eldritch being from beyond our physical realm. So yeah, I’ll leave it up to your imagination how they pee.

As the two washed their hands at the sink, Oz wondered how they were going to broach the subject of Brian. Was now a good time? They weren’t sure. The intermission would only last a few minutes, which wasn’t really enough time for a serious discussion like that. Plus, it might even spoil the rest of the play for Zoe, making it more difficult for her to enjoy it with a heavy weight on her mind all of a sudden. She probably agreed to come with Calculester to this play specifically to take her mind off it. Then again, what _would_ be a good time to bring up an ex-boyfriend? If not now, then when? They didn’t want to wait, because they knew that the longer they waited, the more they would hesitate.

Zoe sighed. “You probably wanna ask about Brian.”

Well, that was easy. “How did you know?”

“I can sense thoughts.” Zoe replied. “How’s he doing, by the way?”

“…Not great.” Oz replied. “He took it kinda hard.”

Zoe sighed. “I was afraid of that…”

“Why did you break up with him anyway?” Oz asked. “You two were a great couple, I thought.”

“We were for a while.” Zoe confessed. “But…okay, you know how I’ve been…transitioning? From a genderless eldritch god of destruction to a girl?”

“Yeah.” Oz said with a nod.

“When Brian met me…that’s…” Zoe said, struggling to find the right words. “That wasn’t the real me. I was still trying to figure out my identity. Who I really was. Problem was, THAT was the identity Brian fell for. He had the hots for Z’gord, he went to prom with Z’gord, he then proceeds to date Z’gord for a couple months….I know he really liked Z’gord.”

“But you weren’t sure if he felt the same way about Zoe.” Oz said. “How he felt about the _real_ you.”

Zoe nodded. “That’s what I meant when I told him that he loved the _idea_ of me more than the real me.”

Oz tapped their finger against the sink, processing this information. “…Did you really have to dump him, though?” they asked. “I mean, you could’ve talked to him. He would’ve understood.”

“I dunno…” Zoe whimpered as she rubbed her face with her hands. Well, her hand and her tentacle. “I just…I get so tired of having to explain my transition to other people, yanno? Sometimes, they look at me like I’m a freak and….”

She hugged herself. “…I didn’t want Brian to look at me that way. I could maybe handle that look from obvious assholes like Leonard, but not Brian.”

“…Brian loves you.” Oz said. “He’s _nuts_ about you. When you were dating, he was more confidant than I’d ever seen him. And he’s been a wreck ever since you dumped him.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry!” Zoe replied. “I get it, I’m the bad guy in this! I’m the bitch!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to accuse you or blame you or anything!” Oz said, putting up their hands. “I’m just saying that Brian is the LAST person who would give you that look.”

Zoe was silent. Unsure of what else to say. “I’m not saying you should take him back. He’s not even expecting you to, really.” Oz said. “But…maybe talk to him about it? I think he just wants closure.”

Zoe sighed. “You’re right. I should’ve just talked to him in the first place. I guess I was just…scared of what he might think. I’ll talk to him about it tomorrow.” She smiled. “Thanks for listening Oz. I think I needed to get this stuff off my chest.”

“Anytime.” Oz replied. “Come on - intermission’s gonna end soon.”

*****

As folk power metal blared from the jukebox on the other side of the tavern, Amira slammed down the empty mug of ale, and letting loose a belch. “Ahem. Pardon.” the djinn said.

Her post-drink belch was easily surpassed by Dahlia’s however, apparently taking Amira’s earlier belch as a challenge. “Pardon _me.”_ Dahlia replied with a smug grin.

Amira laughed. Damn, Dahlia could be charming when she wants to be. A busty goblin barmaid walked by their table. “So, you guys ready to order?”

“Yes! I’ll have two turkey legs!” Dahlia replied. She turned to Amira. “Normally I’d have three, but lately I’ve been trying to watch my weight.”

“Hmmm…” Amira said. “I’ll take the rack of dire boar ribs. Well done.”

“Alright! Two turkey legs and a rack of dire boar ribs!” the goblin cheerfully said as she wrote down her order. “Be back in a few!”

As Amira watched the goblin leave, she got up. “Excuse me - I gotta go freshen up. Gotta look good for my ribs.” On that note, she headed for the bathroom to do her business. No, not _that_ business. She did that before leaving the flat. I meant hopping in place in giddy excitement because _holy shit she’s on an actual date with Dahlia Aquino_ and if she didn’t vent that anxious energy somehow, she was going to burn the whole place down.

“EEEEEEEE I’M ON A FUCKING DATE WITH DAHLIA AQUINO!!! EEEEEEEHEHHEHEHEHEHEEEEE!!!”

That’s when she heard a toilet flush and watched an orc woman come out of one of the stalls and wash her hands. “Congratulations.” she deadpanned at the djinn before drying her hands and leaving, leaving a very embarrassed Amira standing in the bathroom.

“…Wait. Why should I be embarrassed? _I’m on a date with Dahlia Aquino, bitches!”_ Amira cheered, psyching herself back up.

“Hoo. Okay, cool it, Amira. _Cool it._” she said as she combed through her flame with her fingers, trying to get it back down to a manageable level. She then looked at herself in the mirror. “Don’t fangirl too hard here. Can’t make yourself look like a dork now. Just keep your head, and everything should be fine.”

And that’s when she heard a thumping sound in the ceiling above her. She looked up and watched as the air ducts shook and rattled, as though something large and clumsy was crawling through it. Eventually, it stopped and there was the sound of fiddling inside. Eventually, the vent fell off and clattered to the ground.

And that was when a certain red-cloaked figure dropped out of the vents, brandishing a dagger in each hand. “Ha-ha!” the Slayer said.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Amira groaned as she double-facepalmed. “Why? Why do you always show up whenever I’m about to score?”

“Because THAT is when you are most vulnerable!” the Slayer replied as she lunged at the djinn and held both blades at her throat in a scissors-like position. “You know why I’m here…”

“…Can you at least wait until _after_ I lose my virginity to a beefy demon princess before murdering me?” Amira asked.

“No! I want the fairy now!” the Slayer demanded.

“The fairy?” Amira asked.

“Yes! The one you bought from the shop! Fork it over!” the Slayer ranted.

Oh yeah, that’s right. Amira bought a fairy, didn’t she? She reached into her purse and pulled out the glowing green bottle in question. She had brought it with her on her date just in case she needed it, but she was doing well enough without its help so far, so she was willing to part with it if it got the Slayer off her back. “All yours. It’s not even a _love_ fairy, so it’s useless to me.”

“Excellent!” the Slayer said as she swiped the bottle and took the blades from the djinn’s throat, much to her relief. “Now I’ll have a constant companion to remind me what my objectives are and give vague hints that may or may not be helpful whenever I get stuck on a puzzle or a boss fight!”

“Congrats on that.” Amira deadpanned.

The Slayer uncorked the bottle, and the small creature inside popped out. The tiny light flew around the bathroom for a bit, reveling in its newfound freedom, before materializing before the Slayer. Based on previous experience with fairies, Amira was expecting a young lady of modest bust in a really girly outfit that showed off a lot of skin, but apparently that was just how _love_ fairies looked. Whatever kind of fairy this was, it was the kind that more closely resembled a child’s crude drawing of a fairy, with spindly arms and legs, a triangular body, and a round head with only the vaguest hints of a face.

“Hey there!” the fairy greeted. “I’m Norah! Thank you for releasing me!”

“Yes!” the Slayer cheered. “Now that I’ve got my own fairy companion, I’ll be unstoppable!”

“Indeed!” Norah said. “I am here to guide you as you fulfill your destiny…of emotional maturity!”

“Wait, what?” the Slayer asked.

“That’s right! Because I’m not just any kind of fairy!” Norah said as she pulled out a pencil and a notepad. “I’m a therapy fairy! Or a ‘fair-a-pist’ as some may say.” she giggled at her own lame pun. “I’m a licensed social worker, here to help you through your issues!”

“Ugh, no!” the Slayer snarled. “You’re supposed to be my sidekick while I kill monsters!”

“Hmm, interesting.” Norah observed as she started taking notes. “Now tell me - Where do you think all of this anger is _really_ coming from?”

“Well, I guess I should get going.” Amira declared. “I got a date to get back to, and you probably want some privacy with your new therapist, so I’m just gonna get out of your hair.”

“Wait, stop!” the Slayer shouted as she pulled out a crossbow pistol and tried to load it. But she wasn’t fast enough. By the time she fired it, Amira had already left the bathroom, and the crossbow bolt only hit the door. “Damn it! Why do I even HAVE this crossbow?!”

“Maybe your insistence on using inefficient weaponry could be a form of self-sabotage?” Norah suggested. “Let’s explore that for a bit - why do you think you would WANT to fail at slaying a monster?”

The Slayer’s only answer was to rage incoherently.

*****

Once the final curtain call was done, the audience poured out of the theater, back out onto the streets.

“That was an enriching experience!” Calculester declared. He turned to Zoe and Oz. “I thank the both of you for accompanying me.”

“Anytime, Cal.” Zoe said.

“Yeah, it was a lot of fun. We should do it again sometime.” Oz replied.

“Indeed.” Calculester said. “Now I must return to my living area and water my succulents. A pleasant evening to you both.” On that note, the robot turned and departed. Zoe turned to Oz and smiled.

“I had a pretty good time too.” she said. “And thanks for that talk in the bathroom.”

“It was a favor for Brian.” Oz replied with a shrug.

Zoe’s smile turned even bigger. “You’re a good friend, Oz.” On that note, she gave the shadow a kiss on the cheek, making them blush.

“Er….thanks.” the flustered fealring replied. On that note, Zoe turned and departed, leaving them standing in the theater.

“…She’s my best friend’s ex.” Oz repeated to themselves, trying to calm the relentlessly thirsty part of their mind. “She’s my best friend’s ex. _She’s my best friend’s ex.”_

*****

“And then I fucking THREW HIM!!!” Amira said after downing her second beer that night. “Just ZOOM right across town and into the enchanted forest!”

Dahlia laughed long and loud as Amira regaled her with that time she and a Damien got into a fight back in Monsterland, just a couple weeks before prom. “Anyway, that’s when Brian and Vicky found me, they calmed me down, and I _think_ that’s when I lost consciousness cuz I woke up the next morning back in my bed, butt naked and with a bad hangover.”

Dahlia’s laughter suddenly stopped. “…Naked?” she asked.

“Well, yeah.” Amira replied. “When I go full elemental, my clothes kinda _burn up_ you know?”

Amira spied a slight blush gracing Dahlia’s cheeks as she described how turning into a giant burning rage monster made her naked. The djinn couldn’t keep the grin off her face. She and Dahlia were _so_ going to hold hands tonight. And you know what they say about people who hold hands on the first date.

And that’s when an empty glass bottle struck Amira right in the head.

“What the fuck?!” the djinn demanded and turned to where the glass bottle came from. And there was the Slayer, standing on top of a table, ruining some wood elf’s dinner. “Why the fuck did you throw that at me?!”

“I didn’t throw anything at you!” the Slayer said. “He did!” She pointed to a nearby ogre, just trying to enjoy his ribs, looking very confused.

“No he didn’t.” Amira deadpanned.

“…Hrm. She’s not falling for it.” the Slayer declared aloud. “Time for Plan B!”

She then threw a glass bottle at the ogre’s head. “Hey!” the ogre protested.

“I didn’t throw that! She did!” the Slayer said as she pointed to Amira. And unlike Amira, the ogre was dumb enough to fall for it, which is why he flipped his table and rampaged his way over to Amira and Dahlia, roaring in rage.

“Damn it, Slayer!” Amira cursed as she shot a torrent of flame at the ogre as he charged. Dahlia grabbed her table and started using it as a weapon on the ogre, laughing like mad as she did so. A bugbear tried to stop the fight, but Dahlia accidentally smacked her upside the head, which was enough to piss her off and start fighting.

“Tavern fight!” a dwarf yelled as he threw his full beer stein like an alcoholic grenade and punched the other dwarf standing next to him in the face. It quickly descended into an outright barroom brawl from there, as the monstrous patrons all began to fight each other, using plates and utensils and glasses as projectiles.

“Not again…” the busty goblin barmaid sighed as she took cover underneath an empty table. The cover didn’t last long however, as a lizard man picked up the table and threw it across the room.

“Ah-ha!” the Slayer triumphantly declared. “Now that the tavern has erupted into chaos, I have the perfect cover under which to make my move!”

“Interesting that you require ‘cover’ in order to ‘make your move.’” Norah the fair-a-pist noted as she hovered around the Slayer’s head. “I’m wondering if your obsession with stealth could be a result of social anxiety.”

“Stop psycho-analyzing me!” the Slayer protested before diving into the crowd with daggers at the ready, speeding towards Amira like a shark moving in for the kill. She lunged with daggers pointing at the djinn’s neck…

Only to be clotheslined by a massive, blue-skinned, very muscley arm. “Ow! The fuck?!” the Slayer demanded before Dahlia picked her up.

“You will not lay a HAND on my date!” Dahlia growled. Amira squee’d internally, as Dahlia used the term ‘date’ to describe her for the first time that evening. She then swung the Slayer around, using her as a very angry, constantly-swearing club, in order to dominate the rest of the tavern.

“Amira!” Dahlia shouted. “Set fire to all the exits! No one gets in, no one gets out!” Amira nodded as she fired a torrent of flame at the emergency fire exits, ironically enough. Dahlia then used her Slayer-club on the rampaging ogre, as he was easily the biggest threat in the room. Defeat him, and you defeat the entire tavern.

The ogre’s warhammer was a mighty weapon indeed, but Dahlia’s Slayer was wild and unpredictable, flailing her limbs around, slashing at any monster that came close. The ogre was no match for such an onslaught, and soon fell before Dahlia, defeated. The demoness then threw the Slayer at a trio of hobgoblins, bowling them over, before standing triumphant atop the dead ogre. “Hear me, Great Hall!” she declared. “I am Dahlia Aquino, and I claim this medieval-themed restaurant in the name of the Aquino family! Who among you has the courage to challenge my claim?!”

Several did, and charged at the demon. But Dahlia quickly proved that these challengers were not truly courageous - only foolish. She grabbed an oncoming satyr by the horns and kicked him away, but not without ripping off those horns and using one to shank an incoming orc and the other to stab a cyclops right in the eye before, in a rare display of mercy perhaps, snapping the cyclops’ neck.

And throughout the carnage, Amira just stood there, drool escaping the corner of her mouth as she looked on.

Eventually, the challengers ceased, and submitted. All those still alive within the restaurant bowed before Dahlia, standing triumphant atop the pile of bodies. Satisfied with being recognized as the victor she walked down from the hill of corpses back down to Amira, panting and sweating as she put her hands on her hips.

“…So….Good first date.” Dahlia said as she caught her breath, coming down from her adrenaline high. “Wanna do it again next week?”

“…Sure.” Amira replied as she resisted every urge screaming at her to just rip off her top and beg the demoness to take her right then and there.

*****

Joy summoned another arcane shield to block another eldritch blast. Hope fired another round of magic missiles at Dmitri, but he just teleported out of the way in a puff of black smoke. And Vicky just threw another boulder at him, because that was about the only thing she was good at, really.

“Faith! You almost done?!” Vicky called out. “I’m running out of boulders!”

“Just a few more moments!” Faith called out. Joy, Hope and Vicky had been fighting off Dmitri for what felt like hours. A long, grueling battle that I couldn’t be bothered to describe in detail because this chapter was getting long enough already.

“Enough of this!” Dmitri declared as he appeared in front of the Coven. “Joy! This is your last chance! Surrender….or die!”

“I’ll never surrender!” Joy said as she conjured magic in her hands.

“So be it…” Dmitri replied.

They both yelled and fired beams of magical energy at each other. The beams of arcane and eldritch magic battled one another to decide who was stronger - the darkness, or the light.

And then Vicky threw a small rock at Dmitri’s head. “Ow! Why youuuuuaaaaaaAAAAAAGH!!!” Momentarily distracted, it gave Joy the window she needed to overwhelm Dmitri’s magic with her own, blasting the vampire.

Eventually, the beam cut out, Joy’s arms falling to her side, limp, as she panted like she just ran a mile. Dmitri stood there as well, also panting, the edges of his cape frayed and smoking. “This….changes…..nothing…..” he panted. “I….will…..what?”

He turned to Faith, who was glowing bright enough to light up the whole ravine, before shooting a beam at the cave. “NOOOOOOO!!!” Dmitri cried out as he ran to the cave entrance. But he was too late. Faith’s beam cut out, and the vampire slammed face-first into a barrier of magic. He looked at it, panicked, and began to claw at it and punch it, trying to break through.

He wheeled towards Faith, his cape dramatically fluttering in the wind. “What have you done?!” the vampire demanded.

“I casted a Greater Spell of Sealing on the cave.” Faith answered as she hopped off the boulder. “The cave is now sealed by a powerful arcane barrier. The seal will last a thousand years and no magic, dark or otherwise, can penetrate it.”

“You fool!” Dmitri hissed. “Now no one can use the amethyst!”

“_Good._ That was the idea, jackass.” Hope quipped as the rest of the Coven plus Vicky grouped up around Faith.

“It’s over, Dmitri.” Joy declared. “Without the Amethyst of Anguish, your plan will fail. You’ve lost.”

The dark lord growled at the Coven like a wounded animal, up until he stopped, took a few deep breaths, and regained his composure. “Enjoy your petty victory while it lasts, Coven. But know that this is merely a setback! One way or another, the Dark Side will prevail!”

And on that note, he morphed into a swarm of bats and flew away into the night sky, his maniacal laughter echoing through the forest. “…So, that’s it?” Vicky asked. “We won?”

“This time.” Joy replied. “But Dmitri will be back. And we’ll be there to stop him.”

“…So, I can go home now?” Vicky asked.

Joy sighed. “Yes, you can go home.”

*****

Vicky came through the door and was greeted by the sight of her three friends, huddled around a giant-ass plate of pizza rolls. After the night she had, it was a welcome sight. She sighed as she sat down on the couch and grabbed a handful. “What a night…” she said before stuffing them in her mouth.

“How’d it go in the dark forest?” Oz asked.

“It’s done.” Vicky said. “Cave’s been sealed, which means that Dmitri’s not getting his grubby mitts on the Amethyst of Anguish anytime soon.”

“Well, that’s good.” Oz said. “I hope that thing stays buried forever.”

“Wasn’t easy though.” Vicky said. “Dmitri showed up to try and stop us. I had to throw, like, ALL of the boulders at him before he finally gave up and pissed off. What about you guys?”

“My date with Dahlia? _Totally_ killed it.” Amira said. “Slayer showed up to try and ruin shit, but in the end, nothing can push me off the top of my game. Got another date lined up with her next week.”

“The play was really nice.” Oz said. “Oh, and Brian? I went ahead and talked to Zoe like you asked.”

“And?” Brian asked.

“She said she’d talk to you about the break-up tomorrow.” Oz said.

The zombie nodded. “Cool. Thanks.”

“Sooo…” Amira said as she leaned toward Brian. The zombie sighed.

“Alright, alright, I met someone on MonstrMashr.” he said. “So far, we’ve just been texting.”

“Buuuut?” Amira asked.

“…But, they’re pretty cool.” Brian said. “They say they go to Spooky High too, so assuming I’m not getting catfished, I might actually start dating again.”

“What about Zoe?” Oz asked.

Brian raised his eyebrow. “What about her?” he paused. “Is she gonna take me back?”

“I mean…” Oz said. “She _does_ seem to regret dumping you the way she did…”

“Dude, don’t do this to me.” Brian said. “Don’t give me false hope.”

“I don’t know if she’d take you back or not.” Oz said. “I just know that she regrets dumping you, and that she’ll talk about it with you tomorrow, that’s it. Ball’s in her court now.”

Brian sighed. “Guess we’ll find out what happens tomorrow.”

“Well.” Vicky cheerfully said. “Looks like we all had a pretty productive evening!” She held up one pizza roll. “A toast! To accomplished goals!”

As the color crew toasted pizza rolls, they took a moment to reflect on just how crazy the last week had been. There was romance, heartbreak, and of course foiling an evil plan to take over the world. But it seemed that the turbulence was over, and that things would settle back down to normal. Or rather, what passed for normal at Spooky High.

*****

_Dark Lord Dmitri: So…bad news to report. The Coven used a Greater Spell of Sealing on the cave. There’s now a magical barrier sealing the entrance. I tried to stop them, and I would’ve done so if not for that meddling flesh golem!_

_Friend On The Other Side: Yeah, I saw. She threw a rock at you lol._

_Dark Lord Dmitri: “Lol?” Our plans have been brought to ruin in one fell swoop and all you have to say is “lol?” Why aren’t you more upset about this?!_

_Friend On The Other Side: Three reasons. First off, given the Coven’s obsession with kicking your ass, I knew they would come along eventually to throw a spanner into our works. And now that they think they’ve stopped us, they’ll back off for a while. Ultimately, your defeat plays to our advantage._

_Friend On The Other Side: Secondly, you forget I have arcane powers of my own. A Greater Spell of Sealing can be dispelled easily enough with the right reagents._

_Friend On The Other Side: Thirdly and finally, it’s not like you were making much headway on getting the amethyst to begin with. The last three minions you sent in there came out as gibbering wrecks, did they not?_

_Dark Lord Dmitri: Not gibbering so much that they couldn’t throw rocks at me, apparently._

_Friend On The Other Side: Hence my lol._

_Friend On The Other Side: So what now? Once I remove the barrier, are you just going to keep recruiting minions and throw them into the psychic meat grinder, hoping that EVENTUALLY someone will be able to retrieve the amethyst?_

_Dark Lord Dmitri: A crude way of putting it, but yes. One cannot be a Champion of the Dark Side without understanding sacrifice. I’ll throw a hundred minions into those accursed catacombs to get the Amethyst of Anguish!_

_Friend On The Other Side: Yeah, no. Setting aside the fact that you’ve only successfully recruited three people so far, you don’t send a hundred cows into the dragon’s lair, hoping at least one of them will give the dragon indigestion. It’s a waste of time, which is something we don’t have a lot of, lest we forget._

_Dark Lord Dmitri: Well, what do YOU suggest?_

_Friend On The Other Side: Simple. We send in a tainted cow._

_Dark Lord Dmitri: I don’t follow._

_Friend On The Other Side: Just let me worry about the amethyst from now on. Meantime, why don’t you go ahead and get started on phase two?_

_Dark Lord Dmitri: Very well. I take it you have a plan of your own?_

_Friend On The Other Side: Working on it as we speak. Don’t worry your pretty little torso - we’ll have the amethyst soon enough._

_Dark Lord Dmitri: Gooooood….._

_Dark Lord Dmitri: Ehehehe…_

_Dark Lord Dmitri: Ahahahahaha….._

_Dark Lord Dmitri: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!_

_Friend On The Other Side: …_

_Friend On The Other Side: Did you seriously just type out your evil laugh?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so ends Act 1! Sorry this chapter took a while to post, but hopefully the length made up for the wait.
> 
> Fun Fact: Those profiles Brian was cycling through before finding LostMyReligion1419? Those are based on Monster Prom OC's I found floating around on Tumblr. Shout out to the people who created those guys!


	7. Love Hurts

Sundays were usually slow days for Spooky High students. After whatever crazy shenanigans they got up to on Saturday night, most young monsters needed a day to rest and recover. This was the case for the Color Crew as well, as they all spent their Sunday morning eating a pretty big breakfast.

Oz cautiously poked at his burnt sausage. “I think you might’ve overcooked this sausage a bit, Amira.” they said.

“What are you talkin’ about?” Amira asked as she blasted some bacon in the frying pan with fire.

“Er…never mind.” Oz replied.

It was then that Vicky’s phone began buzzing. She pulled it out, read it, and squee’d. “Vera and me have a date!”

“You do?” Brian asked.

“…Well, not so much a ‘date’ as a ‘heist planning session.’” Vicky admitted. “It’s scheduled for tomorrow after school!”

“So, what are you and Vera stealing?” Oz asked.

“Can’t say. Vera swore me to secrecy. Nothing personal.” Vicky answered. “But I CAN tell you it’s gonna be the biggest heist of the century since Vera’s last heist, where she stole and sold off the mummified remains of William Howard Taft!”

It was then Brian’s phone’s turn to buzz. He checked it and became pensive. “…It’s from Zoe. She uh…she wants to meet me by the art gallery. She wants to talk.”

“Oooooh, I smell make-up sex…” Amira teased.

Brian just rolled his eyes and stood up as he finished off his english muffin. “I’d better go. Don’t wanna keep her waiting.” And like that, the zombie was out the door.

“Oh, I’d better go too.” Vicky said, chugging the last of her milk. “There’s a lot I gotta go buy for the heist - a crowbar, a grappling hook, a live weasel, Vera’s gonna be disappointed if I don’t bring any of that stuff to the meeting!” The flesh golem took off after the zombie.

“Shit! I just remembered! Dahlia mentioned she likes to train in the park on Sundays! Bet I could ‘accidentally’ bump into her if I hurry.” Amira said as she too took off out the front door.

This left Oz alone in the kitchen with what was left of breakfast…along with a LOT of dirty dishes.

“…Maybe I should start dating again too.” the shadow opined.

*****

It had been a fine day for a visit to the Monstropolis park, one of the more scenic places in town. It was a clear sunny day, with bright blue skies and puffy white clouds rolling by. Birds were singing, either trying to get laid or yelling at their spouses for not getting enough worms to feed the kids. Bees were buzzing, blissfully ignorant of their impending extinction due to climate change. Exhibitionist gremlins were frolicking around in the field and having sex with each other right out in the open like demented rabbits.

Amira decided it was the perfect sort of day for a casual jog.

Yup, totally-casual, not-planning-on-bumping-into-Dahlia jog in the park.

Amira jogged through the park wearing a red tube-top, sneakers, and a REALLY tight pair of black yoga pants. She knew she had made the right choice of attire when a beholder stopped and checked out her butt with all nine of their eyes as she ran past.

She ran past the lake with the sea serpent in it (wait, is it still a sea serpent if it’s in a lake instead of a sea?) and up towards the training area where all the sporty types went to train. There were the usual work-out enmities there - punching bags, weights, the usual stuff.

Amira eventually spotted Dahlia over by one of the larger punching bags, unleashing all her fury upon it. Probably because it had a crude drawing of Damien’s dumb face on it. Amira couldn’t help but be in awe of Dahlia’s form. The blue demon wore a sporty tank top and shorts, sweat glistening on her skin as she landed strike after strike with deadly precision. Most looked at her and only saw a brute, but Amira saw the truth. That combat was an _art_ and Dahlia was a _master._

The djinn hid behind one of the larger machines so she could take a minute to breathe and get herself ready. She mentally told herself to just stay cool. And she could stay cool because she WAS cool. She wasn’t some dork like she was in…

_Spooky Junior High._

_She looked into a puddle of water and saw her reflection. It was not the Amira she knew - the hotblooded bad girl destined to be queen of Spooky High. It was an Amira from a past she had been trying to bury for years._

_An Amira with orthodontic headgear._

Amira shuddered as she shook her head, trying to banish the bad memory from her mind. That’s all it was now - just a bad memory. The _old_ Amira from middle school might’ve been a dork. But the _new_ Amira was anything but.

She turned around the corner and smirked as she approached Dahlia. “Dahlia? Holy shit, what are you doing-“

“Heads up!”

That was all Amira heard as a frisbee collided with her head. “What the hell?” Amira asked.

And that’s when the Wolf Pack all tackled the djinn to the ground, all desperate to get the frisbee.

“Amira!” Dahlia shouted as she realized her new friend was in danger. She joined in on the literal dog pile and beat the Wolf Pack back. She grabbed the frisbee and threw it away, sending the werewolves chasing after it. She then looked down on Amira. “Are you alright?”

“I’m cool, I’m cool, I’m totally cool.” Amira said as she stood up and dusted herself off.

“You have a black eye.” Dahlia pointed out.

“It’s a COOL black eye.” Amira said as she winked at Dahlia.

With the black eye.

“AAAGH!” Amira shouted in pain, as winking with a black eye hurts about as much as you’d expect.

*****

Brian hopped out of the city bus in Downtown Monstropolis, then shuffled his way towards the _April Showers_ art gallery. It was a small operation that hosted pieces from many local artists for the viewing public.

As the zombie shuffled his way over, his phone buzzed again. Zoe, probably, wondering where he was. He reached into his pocket and pulled it out see what it was. Surprisingly though, it wasn’t Zoe.

_LostMyReligion1419: Hey, wasup?_

_Uh-oh._ He just got a text from someone that he may or may not date on his way to meet with his ex who he may or may not hook back up with. It was awkward moments like these that made him wonder if maybe he should just swear off dating altogether and just stick to netflix and porn like every other millennial.

_Hunkenstein2000: Not much._

That was a lie. There was, in fact, _much_ that was up. But telling the person he may or may not date that he was about to meet an ex that he may or may not hook back up with seemed unwise.

Shit. Brian just realized he was putting on a mask. LostMyReligion1419 was right.

_LostMyReligion1419: Hey, so, your ex is that Zoe girl, right?_

_Hunkenstein2000: Yeah._

_LostMyReligion1419: Purple, tentacles for hair, eyeballs and mouths everywhere? Draws a lot of yaoi in art class?_

_Hunkenstein2000: That’s her alright._

_LostMyReligion1419: Oof._

‘Oof?’ What’s with the ‘oof?’ An ‘oof’ has never been used to describe anything good.

_Hunkenstein2000: What do you mean ‘oof?’_

_LostMyReligion1419: Well…..okay, so I was downtown last night, right?_

_Hunkenstein2000: Yeah, and?_

_LostMyReligion1419: Weeeeelllllll….._

Brian grimaced and typed out his response.

_Hunkenstein2000: Awkward pauses don’t work in text format. If you’ve got something to say, say it._

_LostMyReligion1419: Okay, you asked for it._

She then sent a picture taken from across the street from the theater. There was Zoe and Oz, which didn’t surprise Brian. He already knew that Oz went to the play with Zoe to…

That’s when he noticed Zoe was kissing Oz on the cheek.

Brian screeched to a halt.

Well, not really screeched, because that would imply he was moving faster than shuffling to begin with, but you get the idea.

_LostMyReligion1419: So, yeah. Looks like she got over you real damn quick._

Brian just stood and blinked at the picture. He shut his eyes and then opened them again. Zoe. Kissing Oz. He shook his head. No, that can’t be right. I mean, she kissed them on the cheek. That’s just a friend kiss, right? Yeah, totally a friend kiss. Oz isn’t the kind of person who would swoop in and snatch up a friend’s ex mere days after a break up.

_Hunkenstein2000: I don’t think it’s what it looks like. I mean, she’s only kissing them on the cheek. That’s pretty platonic._

_LostMyReligion1419: For a kiss, sure. But still, a kiss is a kiss. Probably a first date if I had to guess._

_Hunkenstein2000: It wasn’t a date._

_LostMyReligion1419: Wow, denial much?_

_Hunkenstein2000: Look, I know the person she’s kissing. They’re not the kind of person who would steal my girl so soon after a breakup._

_LostMyReligion1419: Read that message again. “The person being kissed by my girl wouldn’t steal my girl.” Really think about that for a second._

He _was_ thinking, and he _knew_ Oz well enough to know that they would never try something like that. Hell, they’re not even the one kissing Zoe. Zoe’s kissing them!

_Hunkenstein2000: Zoe’s the one doing the kissing._

_LostMyReligion1419: Yet, they’re not exactly resisting, now are they?_

Brian scrolled back up and leered at the photo again. Yeah, Oz wasn’t resisting. They seemed surprised…was that a blush?

Okay, Brian sees what happened here. Zoe gave Oz a friend kiss, Oz wasn’t prepared for it and got momentarily flustered but otherwise didn’t try anything, and that was the end of it. Didn’t take a Sherlock to puzzle that one out. He thought for a moment about what to tell LMR, and started texting again.

_Hunkenstein2000: Look, I’m not gonna jump to any conclusions, alright?_

_LostMyReligion1419: Fair enough._

_LostMyReligion1419: Talk to you later?_

_Hunkenstein2000: Sure._

Brian then closed the app and resumed course towards the art gallery.

Friend kiss. That’s what it was - totally platonic. Oz wouldn’t do that. He _knows_ they wouldn’t.

He eventually arrived at the art gallery and headed inside. He spotted Zoe checking out a painting.

“Hey.” he said.

“Heya.” Zoe replied. This was the first time they’d spoken with each other in days. The eldritch abomination sighed. “How to start….shit, it’s like a fanfic. The beginning is always the hardest part.”

She took another breath. “I’m sorry. I totally dumped you out of the blue and barely gave you an explanation for it. You didn’t deserve that.”

“…So why did you dump me?” Brian asked.

She twirled one of her hair tendrils with her finger. Well, not her finger, but rather the tentacle on her right arm. God, she was adorable when she did that. “When we officially met at Monster Prom…..I was…..that wasn’t me.” she said.

“It wasn’t?” Brian asked.

“That was Z’gord.” Zoey said. “It’s who I used to be, but that’s not who I am anymore. And…sometimes I felt like you were in love with Z’gord…but not me. Does that make sense?”

“…I think so.” Brian replied. _She was wearing a mask._ LMR was right.

“So, yeah.” Zoe said. “Let’s make like one of my cultists and cut right to the heart of it. Who did you like more? Z’gord, or Zoe?”

Brian blinked. He wasn’t expecting that question. “…Uuuhhh…”

Zoe sighed. “That’s about what I thought…”

“No no no, lemme explain.” Brian replied. “See, I…I don’t really see a difference.”

“You don’t?” Zoe asked with a raised eyebrow. “Brian, Z’gord was talking about destroying the mortal realm. Zoe just wants to write Naruto fanfic. How do you _not_ see a difference?”

“I dunno.” Brian replied with a shrug. “You were a hot squid girl when we met at prom, and you’re still a hot squid girl now. I don’t really see what’s changed.”

It was then that Zoe started _really_ staring down the zombie. As she did so, her other mouths began whispering warnings of a coming era of darkness and destruction directly into Brian’s mind. That’s when he had a thought that was all too common for all too many men.

_I should not have said that._

“…What’s my OTP?” she asked.

“…What?” Brian asked.

“What is my OTP?” Zoe asked again, a little slower this time.

“…Okay, uh…what does OTP stand for again?” Brian asked.

“Have you ever read any of my fan fiction?”

“Um….not….really.”

“Have you ever followed any of the cosplayers I follow?”

“I’m not big on dressing up…?”

“Do you even like my Pillar Men fan art? I mean, I _know_ you’ve seen me draw them!”

“Pillar Men….uh…..I mean, I’ve seen you draw a lot of men, so could you be more specific please?”

Zoe’s tentacle hair began twitching, up until the eldritch being took a moment take a breath and calm herself. “…Okay.” she sighed. “I think I understand the problem now.”

“You do?” Brian asked.

“When I dumped you, admittedly, I did it because I was scared that you would see me as a freak because of who I choose to be. But now I’m realizing that you wouldn’t see me that way.” Zoe explained.

Brian smiled at that.

“Because you wouldn’t even _notice.”_

Brian’s smile was gone.

“See, the problem is that you look at me and all you see is a ‘hot squid girl’ and everything else - my hobbies, my personality, is all just _background noise_ to you. You don’t share ANY of my passions or interests. You just see me as a pretty face to smooch.”

“…Uuuuhhh…..” Brian stuttered. _I REALLY should not have said that._

She crossed her arm and arm tentacle. “You know, it might not’ve been for the right reasons but…I think I was right to dump you. You’re not transphobic.”

She shrugged. “You’re just a garden-variety jerk.”

Brian flinched. That…..hurt. A lot more than he was expecting it to.

“…Okay.” Brian said. “Guess we’re not getting back together.”

“Nope.” Zoe said. “Sorry but, you weren’t really a great boyfriend. Word of advice - try to pay a little more attention to your next significant other, okay? Maybe try to take an interest in their hobbies?”

“…Sure.” Brian replied. “Thanks for being honest. I’ll….I’ll just go now.”

And that was that. He turned around and limped out of the art gallery back out onto the street. He limped toward the bus station, back home.

It…..it hurt. He knew that they probably weren’t going to get back together, but for some reason, he wasn’t really expecting it to hurt this much. Did he really not pay enough attention to her? Was he really so shallow that all he saw was a pretty face?

_…I wonder if Oz paid attention to her._

*****

Eventually, Brian came home. He found Oz lying on the couch, texting somebody on his phone. _Zoe, maybe?_ The zombie chased away the thought. _No, Oz wouldn’t do that, we’ve been over this._ The shadow sat up and greeted the zombie. “Hey Brian. How did things with Zoe go?”

“…Not great.” Brian replied.

“..O-oh.” Oz replied. “Sorry.”

Brian sighed. “It’s fine. What I really wanted was closure and, well, I guess I got it. Guess I can move on now.”

“Well, at least you met someone on MonstrMashr, right?” Oz asked.

“Yeah.” Brian replied.

“Well, looks like you’ll be back to dating pretty soon then!” Oz said.

“…Yeah.” Brian replied. _Awfully keen to get me back out there, huh buddy? What, sooner I move on, sooner you can- NO. Friend kiss. It was just a friend kiss…_

“…So. How was that play, anyway?” Brian asked.

“Oh? It was really good, actually!” Oz answered. “See, _Beast and the Other Beast_ was is about these two beasts who fall in love, but all their friends try to hook them up with other non-beast monsters, right? I was kind of afraid that it would be a tirade against interspecies romance, but Zoe said that it read to _her_ more like an honest exploration of the main characters’ sexuality. And even though it lead them to a heteronormative outcome, the important thing is that they arrived at that truth through open-mindedness and honest introspection. Zoe had to do a lot of that herself to realize who she was, so I guess it really connected with her.”

_Son of a bitch, they’re gonna hook up._ Of course they were. Oz paid attention to Zoe, they shared her interests, they were an obvious trade-up. No wonder she kissed them. Oh sure, it was still just a ‘friend kiss’ - but that’s how these things usually start, right? They go on a few platonic ‘friend dates’ for a while, they grow closer, those kisses slowly become less ‘friendly’ until finally, they’re full-blown making out in Oz’s locker at school.

“That’s….great…..” Brian said through clenched teeth.

Oz squinted. “You okay, Brian?”

“I’m fine.” Brian growled.

“You sure? Cuz you’re talking with clenched teeth.” Oz observed. “Is the rigor mortis giving you lockjaw again?”

“…I’m gonna go nap.” Brian said as he shuffled upstairs. In the bedroom, he collapsed on his bed and groaned. He was about to close his eyes and embrace sweet, sweet unconsciousness until his phone buzzed, prompting another groan. “Now what?” he asked as he pulled it out of his pocket.

_LostMyReligion1419: Hey, you there?_

…Oh. LMR, again.

_Hunkenstein2000: Yeah, I’m here._

_LostMyReligion1419: Great! Sorry if that last convo got a little too tense for you._

_Hunkenstein2000: It’s fine._

_LostMyReligion1419: U sure?_

He sighed as he typed out his next response.

_Hunkenstein2000: Zoe and me are done. She can do whatever she wants now._

_LostMyReligion1419: Oof. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shown you that pic._

_Hunkenstein2000: It’s fine. I think I needed to see it. It helped me find closure._

_LostMyReligion1419: Soooooo…..what now?_

Brian paused. That was a damn good question.

_Hunkenstein2000: Guess I could fine someone else to date._

_LostMyReligion1419: Really? Got anyone in mind?_

_Hunkenstein2000: I dunno._

_LostMyReligion1419: …_

_Hunkenstein2000: What?_

_LostMyReligion1419: We’re talking on a dating app, you dummy._

_Hunkenstein2000: …Oh._

_Hunkenstein2000: You wanna go on a date sometime?_

_LostMyReligion1419: I’d love to ;)_

_Hunkenstein2000: Okay. When and where?_

_LostMyReligion1419: I was thinking about heading into the dark forest outside school grounds after classes tomorrow. I need some reagents for a spell there._

_Hunkenstein2000: Spell? You do spells?_

_LostMyReligion1419: I should think so. I AM a witch, after all._

_LostMyReligion1419: Anyway, I’d love some company while I go picking mushrooms and flowers._

_Hunkenstein2000: So….hiking date through the dark forest?_

_LostMyReligion1419: You up for it? ;)_

_Hunkenstein2000: Alright. It’s a date._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Brian's relationship with Zoe may be over, but that's just young love for ya! And now he's about to enter into a new relationship as a wiser zombie.
> 
> What could possibly go wrong :D


	8. Heartbreak

Most Spooky High students don’t look forward to Mondays. Hell, most people in general don’t look forward to Mondays. The weekend was over. Gone was Saturday’s exciting adventures. Gone was Sunday’s rest and relaxation. Monday, the harbinger of the mundane world’s return, had arrived, bringing with it a storm of reality. Bills to pay. Work to be done. Classes to attend.

However for one particular zombie at Spooky High, this Monday had been eagerly anticipated, for he had a date in the dark forest with a sexy witch.

Throughout the whole day, the coming date was all he could think about. Throughout play rehearsal, dodgeball, napping in spell class, scamming people on the internet for money, ditching sixth period to re-stitch his jacket in the bathroom, the date occupied his thoughts.

_You’re just a garden-variety jerk._

Brian winced as he remembered Zoe’s harsh parting words, followed by a pang of guilt. Was she right? He _was_ pretty quick on the rebound, if his future date was any indication…

…No. No, he wasn’t _that_ bad. He just didn’t pay enough attention to Zoe and didn’t make her feel appreciated. Regrettable mistakes, yes, but nothing that made him King Asshole. It’s not like he was-

“SUP, CUCK?!?!”

Brian sighed. “Hello, Leonard.” The kappa, for God only knows what reason, chose to sit next to the zombie during lunch.

“Heard you broke up with Zoe! Good to see you wised up before you fell into that _Trap!”_ Leonard said.

Brian paused. He then picked up Leonard (not hard, considering he’s only like, three feet tall), and turned him upside down, spilling out all the water in his head onto the floor. He then placed him back in his seat.

“…Why?” the paralyzed, slowly-dying kappa asked, deprived of his water.

“You know why.” Brian replied as he picked up his lunch and walked away.

*****

The rest of the day felt like an eternity to Brian. He had never been so relieved to hear the final bell, and for once, it wasn’t just because he was dying for a nap. Quite the opposite, he packed his things and hiked into the dark forest. He sent the others a text saying he would meet up with them later before departing.

The dark forest was….surprisingly well-lit. Probably because it was just a name. Also because it was still kind of daytime. The dark forest wouldn’t really get all that dark for at least another couple of hours. He pulled out his phone and texted LMR.

_Hunkenstein2000: I’m in the forest. Where are you?_

_LostMyReligion1419: I’m in the ravine._

_Hunkenstein2000: Ravine?_

_LostMyReligion1419: Yeah! There’s a ravine deeper in. There’s this really cool cave I found that’s got all kinds of mushrooms! They’re perfect!_

_Hunkenstein2000: Sounds like you’re WAY ahead of me._

_LostMyReligion1419: Lol, sorry. I guess I got too excited and didn’t really wait up. Meet me in the cave? Can’t miss it._

_Hunkenstein2000: Sure._

He hefted his backpack and picked up the pace. He eventually realized he was walking downhill, into a ravine. Which was strange, because he didn’t even notice the ravine at first. The roots of ancient trees stuck out from the walls of the ravine, and rocks tumbled inside, as though something were watching the zombie from above.

It didn’t take very long to find the cavern. Like LMR said, can’t miss it. The entrance had both stalagmites and stalactites, making it look like the yawning of a great, hungry beast. Brian took a deep breath - he didn’t really need to breathe, being dead and all. He just needed to calm himself - and headed inside.

“LMR?” he called as he headed inside. “LostMyReligion1419? Hey, what IS your real name, anyway? Helloooo?”

Deeper and deeper inside he went, and still no sign of his magical internet bae. He was beginning to wonder if he was being catphished. Like, maybe this person was actually a mugger luring him into a trap. But if so, a cavern is a lot of trouble to go through just for one zombie’s wallet. Maybe they’re gonna murder Brian too and bury his body here? Well, joke’s on them - people have tried that before, and he just crawls out of the grave every time.

He stopped in the middle of the chamber and looked around. He suddenly realized he couldn’t see the entrance anymore. He couldn’t see the light of the surface. _Uh-oh._ He now realized he was lost.

He looked around, trying to find his paramour, mugger, and/or attempted murderer. He finally found a figure standing in the darkness. “Hey!” he called as he shuffled over. The figure turned and its singular red eye lit up.

Wait. Singular red eye? Aw crap.

“Zoe?” he asked as he came closer and saw it was his eldritch ex-girlfriend. He’d recognize that red-cyclops thing she does when she gets angry anywhere. “What are you doing here?”

“What am _I_ doing here?” Zoe asked. “What are _you_ doing here?!”

Brian sighed. “Lemme guess. _You’re_ LostMyReligion1419?”

“No.” Zoe said. “Who’s that supposed to be? Your new internet girlfriend?”

“Maybe?” Brian replied with a shrug. “To be honest, I don’t really know their gender. Didn’t seem like an appropriate question to ask and, well, I’m bisexual anyway, so I figured ‘hey, let’s let it be a surprise.’”

“So you were going to meet someone new in this deep dark cave.” Zoe said as her face shifted back to normal, though still slightly pissed at Brian. “Didn’t even wait a day after I dumped you a second time, huh?”

“Look, I get it, I’m a jerk, alright?” Brian said, exasperated. “What are you even doing here anyway?”

“Is sex really all you think about?” Zoe asked, ignoring the zombie’s question.

“…I mean…it’s not _all_ I think about….” Brian shyly admitted.

Zoe scoffed. “See, THIS is why I prefer Oz. They don’t just think with their dick all the time.”

Brian groaned. “Look, can you just get out of here?”

“Why should I?” Zoe asked as she put her hands on her hips.

“So I can meet my date?”

“Oh, so you can ignore her too?”

“I’m sorry!” Brian finally snapped. “I’m sorry, okay?! I was a douchebag, I get it! I cared more about having a hot girlfriend than being a good boyfriend! I didn’t appreciate you, I didn’t make you feel special, I didn’t do anything a good boyfriend is supposed to do! I’m not blaming anyone but myself! Just…just let me move on, alright?!”

“And why should I do THAT?!” Zoe screeched. Her girly form began to break down, as larger, angrier tentacles began to sprout. “You think you DESERVE to move on?! You think you can just go on with your life like nothing even happened?! You think you can just say ‘I’m sorry’ and THAT’S IT?! YOU THINK I’LL EVER FORGIVE YOU?!?!”

By now, Zoe was only half herself. She had grown to encompass the entire chamber, tentacles and eyeballs and hungry mouths shouting the words of a madman into the void. Brian just stood there, looking up at Zoe.

“…I don’t expect you to forgive me, Zoe.” Brian said. “But…I have to move on. What else can I do?”

The eldritch creature snarled as she swiped the zombie aside, knocking him down into a pit. He fell, and fell, and fell, but he didn’t shout or scream. He just sighed and closed his eyes, waiting for the oblivion of true death to embrace him.

He landed in an underground pond. He allowed himself to sink to the bottom. For a few minutes, he lied there on the bottom, not doing anything.

_…Well. Guess I’d better get up._

He rose and walked across the bottom of the pond. He climbed up the incline that lead above the water. He had arrived in a chamber that was lit with torches of purple flames. In the center of the chamber was a pedestal of some kind. As he approached, he saw that strange words of a forgotten language were carved into the stone pedestal. He arrived at the pedestal and looked down on what rested upon it.

A purple gemstone. No bigger than a marble. It pulsated with a strange sort of magic. Brian reached out to grab it, then thought better of it. He was no wizard, but he knew dark magic when he sensed it. It made him think that handling this thing with his bare hands was probably a bad idea.

He took off his jacket. He turned one of his jacket pockets inside out, then used that pocket as a glove to grab the gemstone, then pull it into the pocket. He then wrapped the jacket around itself, a ball with that pocket for its core.

…He wondered if this was what LostMyReligion1419 was looking for.

He turned and noticed the entrance to another passage. One that wasn’t there before. Seeing nowhere else to go, he headed through it. And somehow, probably through some eldritch space-bending magic, he wound up back outside in the ravine. Night had fallen, and the dark forest was now as dark as the name would imply. He looked up and noted at all the stars staring down at him. How long had he been in there?

That’s when he heard a slow clap. “Thanks a lot, Hunkenstein. You have no idea just how much you’ve helped.”

Brian turned around and saw the source of the clapping. “…Faith?” he asked, as the tallest member of the Coven approached.

“Mmmm….Not exactly.” Faith said as she walked by the zombie. As she did, he got a better look at her. Rather than brown, her skin color was a pale shade of grey. Her eyes had an evil red glow to them. Her black dress, normally pristine, was frayed and almost shredded around the edges of the skirt. Her hair was black instead of lightish grey, and her long ponytail turned red at the end. The ponytail was also floating, as if she were underwater.

“…You’re not Faith.” Brian realized.

“Nope.” the false-Faith affirmed. She turned to him and smiled. “I’m LostMyReligion1419.”

“…Am I being catphished?” Brian asked.

“Again, not exactly.” she said. “For instance, when I said I was looking for reagents in the cave, I was telling the truth. Well, _one_ reagent.”

“What was it?” Brian asked.

“I think you already know.” Not-Faith said as she looked down at Brian’s balled-up jacket.

“…Are you going to murder me?” Brian asked.

“Oh honey, no…” the witch said as she closed the distance between herself and the zombie. “I have _so much_ planned for you…” she reached and stroked the zombie’s cheek tenderly.

“Er…” Brian stuttered. “Okay, so, you’re hot and all, but I feel like we’re going a little too fast.”

“Hm. I suppose you do have a lot of questions to ask.” the mysterious witch asked. Her hand held up a black stone, which hummed with energy as it drew a circle of runes on the ground, surrounding the two of them. “Don’t worry. I’ll give you the answers back at my place.”

“Your place?” Brian asked.

That’s when her teleportation gem activated and the witch and zombie were wisked away to parts unknown in a flash of darkness.

*****

Brian was no longer in the forest. He was in a cavern, but this one was different from the one he was in before. It was larger and more well-lit, for one, with torches of eternally burning black fire. He noticed a wardrobe off to one side against the wall, a plasma-screen TV on the other wall, and in the middle was a dark rug that really tied the chamber together.

And standing atop that rug was a very familiar Dark Lord. He grinned like a shark. “Welcome to the Dark Side.” Dmitri said. “Do you have the amethyst?”

Brian paused. He looked down at…Faith? Whoever she was. She smiled and nodded.

He tossed the vampire his bundled up jacket. Dmitri unfolded and rifled through the jacket’s pockets. He froze. He then slowly pulled his hand out. If he could still breathe, his breath would’ve been caught in his throat as he held the mysterious gemstone in the palm of his hand. “The Amethyst of Anguish…” he said in awe. He looked to Brian. “How did you get it?”

The zombie shrugged. “Just kind turned my pocket inside out and-“

“Not that.” Dmitri interrupted. “I mean how did you resist the amethyst’s visions? The ones of your worst nightmares? Of what you fear most? The visions that reveal the ugliest side of yourself?”

Brian paused. Is that what that was? Not really Zoe but just an evil gemstone trying to screw with his head?

The zombie shrugged. “Didn’t really reveal anything I didn’t already know.”

“The Amethyst tried to break him.” the witch clarified. “But it couldn’t. Because he’s already broken.” She sighed as she stepped closer to Brian’s side. She delicately put a hand on his chest. Her hand felt warm. “My poor Hunkenstein…..what is your name, by the way?”

“…Brian.” the zombie answered. “Yours?”

“Call me Faith.” Faith replied. “And no…I’m not _that_ Faith. I’m her evil counterpart from a parallel universe. It’s a long story.”

“You uh…you wanna tell me that story over pizza sometime?” Brian asked.

The twisted version of Faith smiled in reply.

“As much as I enjoy watching a dark romance blossom…” Dmitri said as he placed the Amethyst of Anguish instead a stone jewelry box adorned with bones. “I’m afraid we must put business before pleasure. It is time to move on to phase two.”

“Phase two?” Brian asked. He looked down at Faith with a questioning look.

“Indeed.” Evil Faith replied. “We’re just getting started…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN
> 
> Thus concludes Act 1 of this fanfic! And, oh crap - is October already like half-way over? I'd better pick up the pace if I wanna post the final chapter on the 31st! Expect daily updates from here on out.
> 
> As for how I'm posting so quickly, the secret is to write the chapters MONTHS in advance! Editing aside, I've got about 17 chapters already written of this 21-chapter fanfic. The last few will likely cause me much suffering as I desperately try to get them all up by Halloween day.
> 
> Pray for me, people.


	9. The Tourmaline Soul

Vicky knocked on the door to the Legitimate Entrepreneur’s Club and waited. A slot through the door opened, revealing a single eye. “Password?”

“There is no password, because there’s no need for one, because this is a totally legitimate entrepreneur’s club where illegal things never happen.” Vicky replied.

The slot closed, accompanied by the sounds of locks unlocking. The cyclops bouncer opened the door and allowed Vicky inside.

The interior of the club was thick with the smoke of definitely legal substances, with a bar at the back filled with definitely legitimately acquired booze that was not smuggled here from foreign markets. At the green tables, illegal gambling did not happen, nor was there any conspiratorial talk of assassinating witnesses and rivals.

Vicky eventually found Vera in the designated non-smoking area, sitting at a table by herself, enjoying a glass of whiskey mixed with poison from a king cobra. “There you are.” Vera said as Vicky took a seat.

“Where’s Damien and Calculester?” Vicky asked.

“Calculester still doesn’t know that this is technically theft. I’d rather keep it that way for as long as I can.” Vera said. “As for Damien, well, he’s not allowed in here anymore. Not since the…incident.”

“Arson?” Vicky asked.

“Arson.” Vera replied. “Right, on to business then.” she said as she laid out the floor plans of the Museum of Monstrous History.

*****

Brian’s hands roamed the curves of the cross-dimensional witch’s body, moving back and forth from her waist to her hips. He felt her hands comb through his hair as he relished the softness and warmth of her lips against his.

And that’s when they both heard a certain vampire clear his throat. They broke off their kissing and looked up at Dmitri. “I leave the room for five minutes to get the projector and I come back to find the two of you rutting like animals in heat?”

“Cut me a break, man. I was dumped a week ago. I needed a rebound.” Brian said.

“And I haven’t had a decent date since my reality collapsed, leaving me lost in the timeless void between dimensions for what felt like centuries.” Evil Faith said. “I’m a little pent up.” she added with a pout.

Dmitri sighed. “You’ll be free to indulge your urges _after_ the meeting.” As he set up the projector and dimmed the lights, Brian and Evil Faith sat up on the couch they were making out on and straightened out their clothes.

Dmitri began the slide show, starting with an image of a large stone building in downtown Monstropolis. “Behold! The Museum of Monstrous History! In roughly two weeks’ time, it shall be host to our next target…”

“Next target?” Brian asked.

“Indeed.” Dmitri replied. “And lucky us - it’s about to be delivered right to our doorstep.” Dmitri added. He clicked to the next slide, showing a large collection of jewels. “Behold! The Royal Gallery of King Butankhamun.”

“King Butt?” Brian asked.

“The same.” Dmitri replied. “A vast collection of priceless jewels. But one is more priceless than all the others.”

“Wait, how can something be _more_ priceless?” Brian asked. “By definition, something is either priceless or it isn’t.”

“Behold!” Dmitri said, moving to the next slide and completely ignoring Brian. This one showed a hot pink, oval-shaped jewel embedded into a solid gold necklace. “The Tourmaline Soul!”

*****

“Tourmaline Soul?” Vicky asked as she picked up the photo of the pink gemstone.

“Easily the most precious gem out of the entire collection.” Vera replied.

“How come?” Vicky asked as she eyeballed the gem. “Only looks like it’s about 75 carats.”

“The gem’s price tag lies not in its size, but in its age.” Vera answered. “As well as legend.”

“Legend?” Vicky asked.

*****

“Legend has it that the Tourmaline Soul is a gem of great power.” Dmitri explained.

“What kind of power?” Brian asked.

“I cannot say.” Dmitri said. “Similar to the legends surrounding the Amethyst of Anguish, the legends of the Tourmaline Soul have been distorted by time. More so, in fact. We haven’t the faintest idea of what it is capable of.”

“So, if we don’t know what it does, why do we want it?” Brian asked.

“Oh, we have our reasons…” Dmitri replied. OMINOUSLY.

*****

“What it does ultimately doesn’t matter.” Vera said. “The better question is - who’s willing pay _at least_ eight-digit figures for it?”

“You got any potential buyers in mind?” Vicky asked.

“I was thinking more along the lines of a private auction.” Vera replied. “But we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves. We need to steal the gem before we can sell it, after all.”

“So what are we up against?” Vicky asked.

Vera pointed to the room where the jewels were being held. “After closing time, the entire floor becomes rigged with an invisible laser grid. Additionally, each gem has a weight alarm that goes off if the weight is ever removed.”

“So we have to sneak through the lasers and quickly replace each jewel with a weight?” Vicky asked.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Vicky. This isn’t a movie.” Vera replied with a roll of her eyes. “The most practical thing to do is take out the power, taking the alarm systems out of the equation completely.”

“How do we do that?” Vicky asked.

*****

“Well, at first I was thinking we attack the nearby power station and cause a surge, taking out the whole grid, including the museum.” Dmitri replied to Brian’s question. “Unfortunately, the museum has a backup generator that kicks in the moment the power goes out.”

“So we have to take out the backup generator too.” Brian concluded.

“Easier said than done.” Dmitri said as he clicked to a slide showing the layout of the backup generator room. “The generator itself is protected by a laser-grid alarm system of its own.”

“Hmmm….” Brian hummed as he squinted at the blueprint, trying to puzzle out the solution.

“Textbook Catch-22.” Evil Faith said with a sigh. “You’d need to cut the powers to get past the alarms, but you need to get past the alarms to cut the power.”

“Indeed. There’s no way to do this without being spotted, it seems.” Dmitri said.

“…Who said we needed to avoid being spotted?” Brian asked.

*****

“What are you proposing, exactly?” Vera asked.

“It’s simple.” Vicky said. “First, we hire a patsy to head into the backup generator room and set off the alarms. And while they’re busy getting arrested, a more competent agent can slip in unnoticed and cut the power then.”

“Bold strategy.” Vera noted.

“If you’ve got a better solution, by all means, call me an idiot and lay it out.” Vicky said as she crossed her arms.

Vera stroked her chin in thought as she contemplated Vicky’s plan. “…Alright. Let’s say I’m willing to approve this plan, how, exactly, would we pull it off?”

“First guy breaks in.” Vicky said. “Of course, he gets caught. Guards bust him, and in the commotion, someone else sneaks in and sabotages the generator while the guards are distracted.”

“Hmmm….” Vera hummed.

*****

“To do that, we would two specific minions.” Dmitri said. “One must be an unbridled master of stealth. The other must be well-versed in combat to keep the guards occupied for any serious length of time.”

Brian nodded. “Basically, we need a bigger crew to pull this job.”

“Which means we need to do more recruiting.” Evil Faith said. She leered at the vampire. “Why did you kick out the shadow? He had graphic design skills.”

“…Well, not to brag, but I actually tutored Oz in graphic design for that science project last semester.” Brian said.

“…Did you now?” Evil Faith asked with a smirk. Dmitri sighed and rolled his eyes.

*****

“Alright, I think we’ve got a plan!” Vera said as she folded up the blueprints. “Tomorrow, I want you to go shopping for patsies. It won’t be easy. We’ll need someone who’s incompetent, yet _just_ competent enough to make the guards see them as a credible threat.”

“You can count on me!” Vicky replied. “So…now that we’ve got business out of the way, shall we move on to pleasure?”

“Pleasure?” Vera asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I know this one diner on the edge of town. Maybe you and me can go grab a bite to eat?” she asked.

“Hmm…can’t.” Vera replied. “Love to, but can’t. I have another business meeting with in ten with the Kaiju Yakuza. And after that, I have to meet with the Baba Yaga in charge of the local Russian Mafia chapter, it’s honestly just a full evening for me tonight.”

“…Oh.” the flesh golem said. “Maybe some other night then?”

“Maybe.” Vera said. “Now I’m actually going to need you to leave. ‘Big Barry’ has had a deep-seated hatred of Frankenstein monsters since he got into a tussle with one back in ’65. Long story.”

*****

“So there I was. Hope was gone, Joy was dead, and my reality was literally beginning to fracture.” Evil Faith said. “So I cast a spell to leave before it shattered.”

“You cast a spell to hop between universes?” Brian asked.

“As you can probably imagine, such a spell is no easy feat.” Evil Faith said. “And I was in a bit of a rush too, on account of my universe slowly collapsing around me. I didn’t make it to another universe, like I planned. Instead, I wound up stranded in the middle of an interdimensional void.”

She then smirked. “But I never lost…Faith.”

Brian nodded, seeing what Evil Faith did there.

“I waited patiently until I found _this_ reality.” Evil Faith said. “The very same one that housed the Coven that defeated _my_ Coven, as luck would have it. I made the jump, bumped into Dmitri, found out we had a common enemy in the Coven, and the rest is history.”

“Damn.” Brian said as he munched on french fry. “You’ve been through a lot.”

After their meeting with Dmitri, Brian offered to take Evil Joy out on a date to the Doppelgänger Diner - a 50’s diner on the edge of Monstropolis where all the waiting staff were doppelgängers that liked to take the forms of celebrities from the 1950’s, minus the intense racism. Maralyn Monroe had just delivered the zombie and evil witch their meals while the latter regaled the former of how she knew the Coven and how she ended up in this universe.

“So…you gonna stay in this universe?” Brian asked.

“After all the trouble I’ve been through to get here? I should think so.” Evil Faith said. “My home universe is dead. Gone. There’s nothing for me left back there.”

Brian sagged a bit as he saw Evil Faith was sad for a moment. He wondered what he could do to cheer her up. He tapped his french fry against his forehead in thought. He then inserted two french fries up his nose, one in each nostril. He then tried to smile.

Evil Faith looked at Brian, baffled for a moment, then snorted out laughing. “What….why….why would you do that?!”

Brian shrugged. “Situation got awkward and I didn’t know what else to do.” he confessed.

Evil Faith chuckled some more before smiling. “God…I am SO glad I found you on MonstrMashr. I mean…Okay. Full disclosure, I was actually using you to get the Amethyst of Anguish. You were a pawn in my villainous plans, don’t take it personally.”

“I figured.” Brian replied with a shrug. “Vampires drink blood, demons burn stuff, villains use people as pawns.”

“Thank you for understanding.” Evil Faith replied with a sigh of relief. “And for what it’s worth, I never lied to you. I really do think you’re hot.”

Brian blushed at that. “…Hotter than Dmitri?” he asked.

“Ugh, Dmitri.” Evil Faith groaned. “He may have a washboard stomach, but he takes himself FAR too seriously. You? You’re more…down to earth. I like that.”

“Well, I _am_ a zombie.” Brian pointed out. “We’re a very earthy people. Many of us sleep in it.”

Evil Faith chuckled at that. “Your sense of humor’s not bad, either. What was Zoe thinking, dumping you?”

Brian shrugged. “I was kind of a jerk, in her defense. Didn’t pay enough attention, like you said. I’m gonna try harder to do that this time.”

Evil Faith smiled. “…And you’re sweet, too.”

Brian’s blush grew. “You uh…I…..Are we moving too fast? Cuz we’re getting really lovey-dovey for a first date.”

“Brian…I’m evil.” Evil Faith said as her foot began sensuously stroking his leg. “I’m _all about_ reckless indulgence…”

Brian blushed harder and gulped.

The zombie heard the entrance bell jingle as the front door opened. He glanced over at the entrance…

“Oh shit, it’s my ex.” Brian said as he saw Oz and Zoe enter the diner. He instinctively ducked underneath the table, Evil Faith following him under there.

“Why are we hiding?” Evil Faith asked.

“…I don’t know.” Brian confessed. “Instinct, I guess. Where is she sitting?”

“You’re asking me to peek?” Evil Faith asked with an evilly raised eyebrow.

“Please?” Brian asked.

“If you want to graduate from ‘minion-with-benefits’ to ‘boyfriend’, you’re going to have to be a little more forceful than that.” the witch teased.

“…Peek. Now.” Brian ordered.

“Ooooh…” Evil Faith said with a pleasant shutter. “Yes _master_…”

“Is it weird that it kinda turns me on when you call me master?” Brian asked.

“I can call you daddy if you prefer.” Evil Faith teased as she leaned out to peek.

“Tempting, but I think I’ll stick with master, actually.” Brian teased back. “Not as many incestuous undertones.”

“I think we’re good. They’re sitting on the other side of the diner.” Evil Faith said as she crawled up from under the table. Brian followed her back into his own seat. “That’s that same shadow she was with before.”

“Eeeyup.” Brian replied.

“You know him?” she asked.

“Their name’s Oz. They’re actually one of my best friends.” Brian said.

“_Oof._” Evil Faith winced. “That’s gotta sting.”

“…Little bit.” Brian confessed.

The witch shrugged. “Maybe it’s another ‘friend date?’”

“Could be, but I think they stop being ‘friend dates’ after the second one.” Brian said.

“Well…I know one way of finding out…” Evil Faith said as she pulled out her compact mirror. She took a moment to check her reflection and, satisfied with her makeup, she set it on table by the salt and pepper shakes. She waved a few fingers in front of it and…

It shifted from a reflection to Oz and Zoe, sitting at their table on the other side of the diner. “A magic mirror.” Evil Faith explained. “I often use this to spy on my enemies from afar.”

“Uh…” Brian stammered. “Okay, I’m no expert on this stuff, but I’m pretty sure spying on my ex is one of those things that can be described as ‘not cool.’”

Evil Faith raised an eyebrow. “Did you even know that Oz would be here with Zoe today? Did they even tell you?”

Brian paused at that. “I mean…I was kinda with you and Dmitri all day, so he probably never had a chance to ask…Hold on, he might’ve left a text about it actually.”

He pulled out his phone and checked his messages.

_No New Messages_

“…He did not send me a text about it.” Brian said.

“Hmmm…” Evil Faith hummed.

“Okay, maybe they didn’t tell me because they were worried about how it might look, going to hang out with my ex.” Brian said.

“Let’s see…” Evil Faith said as she watched the magic mirror intently.

*****

“Uh, Zoe?” Oz asked. “Are you sure this is okay? Hanging out with you?”

“What do you mean?” Zoe asked.

“I mean…you’re my best friend’s ex-girlfriend.” Oz said. “If Brian saw me right now, he might get the wrong idea.”

*****

“See? Told ya.” Brian said. Evil Faith hushed him.

*****

“Oh, come on, Oz.” Zoe replied. “Just because me and Brian broke up doesn’t mean _we_ can’t be friends. He doesn’t own you, and he sure as hell doesn’t own me.”

“I guess you’re right.” Oz replied. “Plus Brian isn’t really the jealous type to begin with, so I doubt he’d even mind.”

“Yeah.” Zoe replied. “And why would Brian even get jealous anyway? We’re just friends.”

“Yeah, totally.” Oz said with a nod. “What he have is totally platonic.”

“Yeah!” Zoe said. “We platonically cosplay together, we platonically binge-watch netflix, we’re just two platonic buddies!”

“Totally platonic!” Oz agreed. “No sexual tension whatsoever.”

“None! Why would there be?” Zoe asked.

Once the two of them reached the agreement that their relationship was 100% platonic and Brian would have zero reason to be jealous, they just sat there for a moment. They awkwardly looked around the room, not really making eye contact with each other. Because you don’t make eye contact with your platonic friends, right? “…Boy, that waiter’s takin’ a while to get here.” Oz observed.

“Yeah, I guess it’s kinda busy tonight.” Zoe replied.

*****

“Oh God and Goddess both, they want each other so bad.” Evil Faith noted.

“What?” Brian asked. “But they just went on about how platonic their relationship is.”

“And you believe them?” Evil Faith said. “You know, it’s bad enough they can’t be honest with you. But look at them - they can’t even be honest with _themselves._ A mutual anxiety over how _you_ might react is the only thing keeping those two from rutting like animals in heat and they both know it. And they don’t even have the decency to admit it.”

“…Are you doing that thing where the villain convinces the hero that their friends are betraying them in order to get them to join the Dark Side?” Brian asked.

“Yes.” Evil Faith admitted. “But just because I’m trying to corrupt you, doesn’t mean I’m wrong Your friend is on a _date_ with your _ex-girlfriend_ and is _hiding it_ from you. That wouldn’t be okay even if I _wasn’t_ trying to lure you to the Dark Side.”

Brian tapped his finger on the table. She made a pretty good point. “…I should talk to Oz when I get home.”

“Yeah, maybe you should.” Evil Faith coyly suggested, closing the magic compact mirror, feeling like she made her point.

*****

Night had fallen by the time Brian returned to the flat. His first date with Evil Faith was a really nice one. She was smart, playful, ambitious, there was a lot to admire about her.

She cared about him, too. Sure, she was trying to seduce Brian to the Dark Side, but he still appreciated the way she tried to stand up for him when Oz was doing something arguably shitty.

Brian vowed that he wouldn’t screw this up. He’d learn from the mistakes he made with Zoe. Meantime, he and Oz needed to talk.

The fearling was already home when Brian walked in. “Oh. Hey, Brian.” Oz said. “You were off the radar all day. Date go well?”

“About as well as it could.” Brian replied with a shrug. “Met up in the woods, met a friend of hers, had dinner together, I think we’re off to a good start.”

“Awesome!” Oz replied. “Er, did you get her name?”

“Yeah, it’s…” Brian paused. Evil Faith told him to keep their relationship on the ‘downlow’ for now - she didn’t want the Coven to find out that she had arrived in this world. At least not yet. “…Francine. Her name’s Francine.”

“Neat!” Oz replied. “When do we meet her?”

“Er…she’s kinda shy.” Brian said. “It’s a bit soon for me to introduce her to my friends anyway.”

“Oh. Okay.” Oz replied.

“So, how was your day?” Brian asked.

“Oh.” Oz said. They suddenly started fidgeting. “I was just….cleaning up today. Dishes, and stuff. You know.”

“…And?” Brian asked.

“…And then I watched some TV.” they said.

“…And that’s it?” Brian asked.

“That’s it!” Oz replied. “That’s all I did! Clean the house and watch TV! That’s all I did! I did those two things and nothing else!”

Brian was silent, staring Oz down. The shadow began to sweat in response. _Come on, Buddy. You’re lying, I know you’re lying, and you know that I know you’re lying._

“You’re sure you didn’t do anything else today?” Brian asked.

“Nope! Didn’t do nuthin’!” Oz shouted in panicked response. “Why would I do literally anything else?!”

_I’m not even mad about you dating her, to be honest. I’m mad about you trying to hide it._

“…Oz, you know me.” Brian said. “I don’t get angry. I don’t hold grudges. Grudges are too much work. So if something’s going on….you can tell me. I wouldn’t get mad, honest.”

“…Nope! Nuthin’s goin’ on! Nuthin’ at all, no sir, oh look at the time, I’m pretty sleepy, I should call it a night, goodnight Brian!”

And on that note, the little shadow scurried upstairs and into the bedroom.

_You little fucking weasel. You’re dating my ex-girlfriend and you don’t even have the decency to admit it._

Brian sneered as he collapsed onto the bed and shut his eyes. He suddenly didn’t feel like sharing a bunk bed with Oz tonight.


	10. Briefing

Brian had always been patient, sometimes to a fault. But the next day at Spooky High, in a rare show of expediency, Brian wasted little time going to work on the Dark Side’s plans. His first stop was the library, where he quickly designed a snappy looking flyer and printed out a few dozen copies. As the copies were printed, he also hacked in to the school’s database and downloaded a chart that showed which locker belonged to which student. Once he had a healthy stack of posters and the locker map in hand, he moved on to phase two - distribution.

He didn’t just plaster them all over the school like Dmitri did a week ago. That’s how he got the Coven’s attention in the first place, which provoked their intervention. They needed to be more subtle this time around. He would slip a poster inside the locker of a student that was likely to sign up for the Dark Side, if given the chance. Printed on it was a place and time to meet after school if the students were interested. He wasn’t expecting every student to show up, but if even half of them did, that would be more than enough for the Dark Side to work with. There was also a small chance somebody might squeal to the Coven, but that was just an unavoidable risk.

With the last of the flyers squeezed through the locker vents, Brian reached into his pocket and contacted the others.

_EvilDead: It’s done._

_Friend On The Other Side: Excellent! And now, we wait._

_Dark Lord Dmitri: I’m putting a lot of faith in your graphic design skills, Brian. This had better work…_

Brian rolled his eyes. Always with the vaguely ominous threats. He tucked the smart phone back into his pocket and headed off to class.

*****

At lunch, Vicky opted not to sit with her friends, as she often did. Because today, she had a patsy to recruit. And she knew the perfect one for the job.

She sat at a table by herself and pulled out her phone. She cleared her throat and began speaking aloud. “Oh wow! Look at this!” She held up her smart phone. “There’s this new painting at the Museum of Monstrous History’s art exhibit by my favorite FEMINIST ARTIST! I sure am looking forward to enjoying this piece of artwork after school! Yes sir, me, a woman, looking forward to feeling empowered to rise up against the Patriarchy!”

“Ha! I knew you were a FEMINAZI!!!”

Right on cue.

Vicky looked on as Leonard took a seat across the table from her. Like how a sailor was unable to resist the siren’s song, the kappa was unable to resist the chance to harass a woman who just wanted to enjoy things that were made for a female audience.

“Hello Leonard.” Vicky greeted. “What brings you here?”

“I bet you’re talking about that piece of crap that was painted by that SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR Minerva Terrance about the sanctity of motherhood!” Leonard ranted.

Vicky always found it odd that such a ferocious misogynist would know so many female artists. She had never even _heard_ of Minerva Terrance until today. Course, this wouldn’t be the first time. She discovered a lot of her favorite female artists, musicians, and bloggers just by listening to Leonard’s rants. In that regard, he’s a surprisingly effective PR agent for feminism.

“Why yes! Yes I was!” Vicky replied, playing along. “I certainly hope that it won’t be disrupted by a ‘meninist’ demonstration.” she said, putting meninist in quotes to REALLY push Leonard’s buttons. “Especially not in the backup generator room! That’s where the artist herself will be to answer questions from the audience!”

Vicky waited patiently for Leonard’s tiny brain to process all this information. It would get there, it just needed a minute. “…Ha! Dumb female! You shouldn’t have told me all that! I’m gonna rally all my friends from 4chan, and then…get ready for the trolling of a lifetime!”

“The Q&A is at 7pm. Don’t be late.” Vicky instructed.

“I won’t! Count on it!” He laughed evilly as he waddled away, before snorting and choking on his own spittle.

It wasn’t easy. The longer she sat with Leonard, the more she wanted to curb stomp his groin. But thanks to her restraint, Leonard was now set to play his role in the heist.

Now, for someone actually smart to do the actual sabotage. And she knew just the feline for the job…

*****

“A’kay everyone!” Momo the cheerful neko girl said. “This first meeting of the Kitty Club is hereby called to order, nya! Kitty roll call! Momo? Here! Valerie Oberlin?”

“Present.” Valerie replied as she looked at her phone, not really paying attention to the meeting.

“Juan the Small Talking Magical Latino Cat?” Momo asked.

“Here.” Juan said as he raised a small paw.

“Hooray! That’s everyone!” Momo cheered from her podium. “First order of business - what are we going to do about those mean, nasty old doggies?”

“You mean the Wolf Pack?” Valerie asked. “I mean, they’re douches and all, but Scott’s okay - “

“NO!” Momo snapped. “HE’S MEAN AND DUMB AND SCARY AND I DON’T LIKE HIM!!!”

That’s when a knock at the door was heard. “Oh! A new member?!” Momo excitedly asked as she pranced over to the door and opened it. Her smile disappeared as soon as she saw who it was. “Oh. It’s _you.”_

“Hi Momo!” Vicky greeted. “I was wondering if - “

“No!” Momo said. “Oz is NOT my master anymore. They had their chance!” she crossed her arms and humphed.

“Um…I’ll be sure to let them know.” Vicky replied. “But actually, I was wondering if I could talk to Juan real quick? I need a favor to ask him.”

“…Maybe. IF…”

“Aye basura…” Juan groaned.

“You answer…”

“Momo, please, we’re begging you.” Valerie pleaded.

“A kitty quiz!”

Valerie and Juan both facepawed.

“Um…okay?” Vicky replied. “Shoot.”

“What do you call a group of cats?”

Vicky blinked. There’s a word for a group of cats?

Valerie grabbed a pen and paper and wrote something down in big letters. She stood behind Momo and held up the paper. It had the word ‘CLOWDER’ written on it. “…A clowder?” Vicky tried.

Momo hummed. “You DO seem to know an awful lot about kitties…okay! Juan, you can talk to Vicky for a minute.”

Juan walked up to Vicky and looked up at the flesh golem. The flesh golem likewise squatted down so the cat wouldn’t have to crane his neck too much. “What do you need, Vicky?” Juan asked.

“Couple of things.” Vicky said. She glanced at Momo as she and Valerie talked about something on the other side of the room. “First off - is ‘clowder’ a real word?”

Juan shrugged. A mystery to be solved later, apparently.

“Secondly, I don’t know if Valerie brought this up, but…how would you like to participate in the heist of the century?” Vicky asked.

“Depends. How big’s the take and what’s my cut?” Juan asked.

“Eeeehhhh….I don’t have exact numbers. You’ll have to talk to Vera about that.” Vicky asked. “However, we ARE expecting a haul of at least ten million dollars. And that’s the _low ball_ estimate.”

“…Alright. What do you need me to do?” Juan asked.

“Later today, there’s going to be an…incident, down in the basement of the Museum of Monstrous History. The cerfuffle should keep security occupied _just_ long enough for someone SMALL to sneak in and do their MAGIC and sabotage the museum’s backup generator.” Vicky explained. “So. You up for it?”

“…Alright.” Juan replied after a moment’s thought. “But that incident better be pretty distracting.”

“Oh, don’t worry. People won’t be able to ignore this - no matter how much they want to.” Vicky assured.

*****

As the last bell of the day rang and the students began pouring out of the school, the Slayer watched from her perch in the tree. She scanned the crowd with her Slayer’s eyes, trying to suss out who would make the most ideal target.

The vampire? With his unnaturally purple skin and wickedly long fangs? His scrawny figure made him seem frail, but the Slayer wasn’t fooled. She knew that vampires could be much stronger than their appearance would lead on.

The demon? The red devil had eluded her enough times to earn her ire. She had failed to kill him before, but she had a good feeling about today, now that she fully understood what he was capable of.

Perhaps both? At the same time, no less? The notion excited her. Yes, both of them at the same time. She’d slice open their shirts, giving her access to their bare, exposed flesh. She could almost taste it. She could almost taste their chests as she imagine dragging her tongue across their-

She shook her head. No! Not that fantasy! Not again. She was going to kill them. Not fuck them. Kill them! She took out her daggers and-

Her cell phone started ringing.

“Shit!” the Slayer swore as she took out the phone and grumbled as she saw who it was. “Hey Beli.” she said. “…I’m fine…Uh-huh…Uh-huh, that’s great, look, I’m actually in the middle of something here, can we talk later?” She sighed as she hung up. Okay. Daggers out and-

“Hey!” Norah said as she appeared in a puff of magic. “Who was that?”

The Slayer groaned. “That was Beli. My cousin.”

“Interesting. You never mentioned her in previous sessions.” Norah said as she started writing things down. “Tell me more about her.”

“Right now?!” the Slayer demanded. “Kind of in the middle of something here.” she said, holding up her daggers for emphasis.

“It _is_ three o’clock, Aaravi. We were scheduled for a three o’clock appointment today, remember?” Norah asked.

The Slayer ground her teeth as she watched her targets walk out through the gate and beyond her grasp. “….Fine! But make it fast!”

“Great!” Norah said. “Now, you mentioned in our last session that you were raised by your aunt and uncle for much of your adolescence. I take it you grew up with your cousin as well?”

*****

Dmitri checked his pocket watch and scowled. “He’s late.”

“Give him time.” Evil Faith scolded from where she sat next to the vampire on the couch.

“Time is not something we cannot spare idly.” Dmitri snarled. “Especially not on behalf of your new boytoy.”

“Ah, what’s the matter? Jealous?” Evil Faith teased.

“Hardly.” Dmitri huffed.

“Oh yeah, that’s right. I guess I _am_ a little too skinny for you. You like your witches with a little more junk in the trunk.” Evil Faith snickered.

“I have no earthly idea what you’re talking about.” Dmitri scoffed.

“Oh please - everyone knows you want Joy in the _worst way.”_ Evil Faith said.

“I may have, once.” Dmitri said. “But now? I only want her as a means to an end. My dark heart is no longer capable of - “

And that’s when they heard the sound of magic being used. The teleportation crystal they gave Brian had been used, and the zombie walked inside the lair proper.

And following him was a small army of Spooky High Students. Over a dozen or so, ready and willing to fight for the Dark Side.

“So, good news - I found some takers.” Brian said with a cocky smile.

Dmitri scowled at Brian while Evil Faith smiled. “That’s my boy…” she said as she walked up and kissed him on the cheek. It was even the rotten cheek too, so you know she meant it.

“Alright, so lemme introduce who I got for the backup generator job.” Brian said. “First, this is Debbie.”

He gestured to a young lady with soft, grey skin and pure white eyes. No irises, no pupils, nothing - just pure white. She also had shoulder-length hair that was as white as snow. Her clothes seemed somewhat plain - a white t-shirt and blue jeans. She had no nose, save for a few nostril-slits on her face, and her mouth was very small.

“She’s a doppelgänger, so she can shapeshift and stuff. Figured she’d make a good stealth expert.” Brian explained. “Next, we have Girtrude.”

He gestured to the massive Girtabilu. Her human half was tall with hard abs beneath a sporty white shirt, tan skin, and long black hair done up in a tomboyish ponytail. Her giant scorpion half was, of course, a giant scorpion. “I play Dodgeball with her sometimes. She’s pretty good at it, so I figured she’d make good muscle. She’ll distract the guards while Mina sneaks in and sabotages the generator.”

One by one, he introduced several other minions for the Dark Side’s cause. I’d describe them to you, but they’re just going to be used as random mooks anyway so they don’t really need that much characterization. I might do that later, but this chapter is almost done and I’m getting hungry so I’m admittedly a little eager to wrap this up. I’m thinking pizza tonight.

Brian dismissed them all and the minions roamed about the lair, most of them heading into the kitchen where there were snacks. Save for Debbie and Girtrude, that is. “You two are gonna head up to the museum at seven.” Brian instructed with arms crossed across his chest. “When the job’s done, come back here.”

“You got it, boss.” Girtrude replied as she and the doppelgänger headed for the exit circle and tapped the teleportation gem. In a flash of magic, they were gone.

“So, what do you think?” the zombie asked as he walked up to Dmitri and Evil Faith.

“…Impressive.” Dmitri grudgingly admitted. “In bringing so many at once into the fold, you’ve demonstrated a charisma I would not have expected from you. But as for how _competent_ these new minions are, that remains to be seen…” On that note, the vampire walked away in a huff.

Evil Faith giggled. “He is SO MAD that you’re better at this than he is.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled up at him. “Maybe there’s a _new_ dark lord in town.”

“Ah, shucks.” Brian replied with a shrug. “I’m just trying to help my girl with her evil plans is all.” She gave a throaty chuckle before pulling the zombie into a deep kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this fanfic is technically a sequel to my Huniepop crossover from last year, I thought I'd throw in a quick lil' Momo cameo :P
> 
> Next chapter is gonna be a hoot!


	11. Pre-Heist

The Museum of Monstrous History. One of Monstropolis’s biggest attractions. Monsters from around the country visit the museum every year to marvel at the long history of monster-kind. Primitive picks used by the first dwarf miners. The royal gown of Queen Medusa. And the skeleton of Sammy, the last living Tyrannosaurus Rex, who died heroically fighting the nazis in 1944.

In the art exhibit was a new attraction for the museum - _Life’s Gift_, a mosaic painting depicting a minotaur woman, topless, breastfeeding her newborn child. A piece by the famed minotaur artist, Minerva Terrance. The woman in the piece was strong, with bulging muscles, and yet treated her newborn calf with the utmost gentleness. It perfectly encapsulated the paradox that was motherhood - strength mixed with compassion. Hardness and softness, as though one with each other.

“Eeeeuugh! Disgusting!” Leonard reviled at the piece. “Her breasts are just OUT, the fucking slut!”

“You’re complaining about the fact that her giant boobs are out?” Vicky asked with a raised eyebrow. “I always thought YOU, of all people, would be pro-boob.”

“Only when the boobs are presented to specifically cater to my tastes and my tastes alone!” Leonard ranted. “When the boobs are instead meant to make _Social Justice Warriors_ feel _empowered_, that’s when I get mad! I won’t stand for this _corruption_ of the tit, and I _especially_ won’t stand for anything SJW’s would interpret as a victory for their cause!”

“Well, Minerva Terrance herself is down in the basement, where the backup generator is.” Vicky harrumphed. “So DON’T go down there and give her a hard time!”

“Ha! I’m gonna go do exactly that!” Leonard sneered. “Later, cuck!” He then waddled away, jeering and laughing, tripped, then quickly got back up to resume his waddling.

Vicky smirked as she reached into her pocket and pulled out her walkie-talkie. “Blue Lightning to Catty Magic. Turtle Soup is on its way. Repeat - Turtle Soup is on its way.”

*****

“Copy that. I’m in position.” Juan replied from where he was. He was sitting by the orcish weapons collection when he saw Leonard waddle toward the basement. The plan was simple - once Leonard triggers the alarm system and the guards swarm the place, that’s when Juan makes his move. They’ll be so busy beating the snot out of that little turd, no way they’d notice a small latino cat prance by. Once inside, he’ll cast a sabotage spell on the generator and immediately leave.

In and out. Easy enough.

What could go wrong?

*****

Leonard waddled down the steps, down into the basement. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his smart phone, resolving to document this exchange so he can upload it to his youtube page, where all 273 of his viewers can witness his epic takedown of some wannabe artist! He eventually reached the end of the stair case and turned on the lights.

That’s when he noticed all the dead guards. From the stoutest dwarves to the biggest, ugliest ogres. They all lied dead, sporting the same wound - a hole in their chests the size of a baseball, the edges dripping with a mysterious dark yellow fluid.

“…Probably killed themselves because Minerva’s obnoxiousness was so NAUSEATING!” Leonard concluded. Lacking the self-awareness necessary for a self-preservation instinct, he pressed on, paying no heed to the dozen or so dead guards.

In the next room, standing by the backup generator, was the woman herself. The tall, busty minotaur turned on her hoof and faced Leonard. “Ah, another admirer, I see.”

“Ha! You wish!” Leonard said as he pulled out his phone and started recording. “Minerva Terrance. Is it true that you’re a feminist?”

“Er, yes?” Minerva replied.

“Ha! I knew it!” Leonard sneered. “You probably believe in things like ‘privilege’ and ‘the male gaze.’”

“I mean…those ARE things that exist.” Minerva said.

“No they don’t!” Leonard replied. “They’re fictions invented by the _lamestream media_ to exert control over popular culture in order to oppress people like me! And THAT’S why the _Rocko’s Modern Life_ reboot has a FAKE GIRL character in it!”

Minerva said nothing. Then groaned. “Aaaand I’m done. Girtrude?”

That’s when Leonard heard a scuttling behind him, but he didn’t have enough time to turn around before a giant scorpion stinger plunged into his chest, then flung him against the wall. He lost consciousness as he collided with the concrete wall.

*****

“Nobody told me LEONARD, of all people, would be here.” Debbie snarled as she shapeshifted from the form of an up-and-coming feminist painter and back into her true form as a doppelgänger.

“Hey - I got to sting the little bastard, so I’m not complaining.” Girtrude snickered. “How’s that generator coming?”

“More difficult than expected.” Debbie replied as she rapped a knuckle against it. “It has a reinforced steel casing protecting its internal circuitry.” She turned to the girtablilu. “Could you…?”

“Fine, fine…” Girtrude grumbled. “Never mind this was supposed to be YOUR job.”

“Not my fault these guards didn’t present as much of a challenge to you as we thought.” Debbie said as she poked one of the guards with her foot as Girtrude clacked her mighty claws, ready to get to work. "Man, if ALL of their security is this pathetic, the Tourmaline Soul is as good as ours."

*****

“The Tourmaline Soul?” Juan muttered to himself as he watched the generator room from around the corner. That’s the most valuable gem out of the King Butt collection - the one that Vera wants! This was bad. He had to tell Vicky!

As for the backup generator, it looked like that issue was sorting itself out, judging from the way Girtrude was tearing it apart with her claws, as though the steel structure were made from cardboard. He turned around and headed back to the stairs as quietly as his little paws could.

Unfortunately, that’s when Leonard woke up from his venom-induced coma, screaming in pain. That’s when the two monsters snapped their heads towards Leonard…

And noticed Juan.

“…Uh…” Juan stuttered.

“Get him!” the doppelgänger shouted as she and the girtablilu gave chase, trampling the still barely-alive Leonard.

“Oh mireda!” Juan shouted as he bounded up the steps. The two monsters chased him through the museum, shoving aside every monster unfortunate enough to get in their way.

Including one Vicky Schmidt. “Ow! Hey!” the flesh golem called after the pair as they chased Juan.

…Wait, they were chasing Juan?

“Oh no...” Vicky said as she took off after them.

*****

Juan ran out the front door and down the steps, moving as fast as his little kitty legs could carry him. Girtrude snarled as she clattered down the steps after him, her claws snapping the whole way. Debbie had taken the form of a centaur, allowing herself more speed and stamina. 

Juan looked over his shoulder and cursed. There was no way he could outrun these monsters on foot. He had to start getting creative. Once he was out on the street, he quickly turned into an alleyway which would hopefully be too narrow for the massive scorpion girl to follow. He sprinted down the alley, hopped atop a trash can and over the chain link fence at the end.

Unfortunately, the alleyway wasn’t narrow enough, as Girtrude burst through, tearing apart the fence like tissue paper. Juan REEE’d unironically (as that is a sound cats legitimately make when they’re scared) and resumed running for his life. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this up…

That’s when he noticed a busy street on the other end of the alley. It was risky, but he was running out of options fast. He bolted into the street with the last of his strength…

Then stopped.

In the middle of the road.

Right in front of an SUV.

The soccer mom at the wheel, unable to bear the thought of running over a wee lil’ kitty, swerved out of the way, crashing into another car. A third car then crashed into the second car, followed by a fourth car, followed by a fifth, sixth, and seventh car.

An eighteen-wheeler slammed the breaks too hard, the trailer he was hauling swerving to encompass the entire road before the truck finally crashed into the pileup. A motorcyclist didn’t hit the breaks fast enough and crashed into the trailer hard enough to create a person-sized hole in the side.

The truck’s payload poured through that cartoon hole - anchovies. Tons and tons of anchovies, meant to resupply every pizzeria in the city. This attracted a swarm of stray cats out onto the road to indulge in this unexpected feast. The addition of several more cats lead to more car crashes, including an eighteen-wheeler hauling a load of catnip and little plastic balls with bells in them, which attracted even more cats, and you can probably guess the rest. It was easily the worst traffic accident of the year.

Juan’s reflexes were cat-like to begin with, for obvious reasons. They were made even more cat-like by his magical powers. For these reasons, he was able to nimbly dodge every car and truck. When he finally made it to the other side of the road, he dived for cover behind a mailbox. He dared a peak to see if he finally lost his pursuers.

Girtrude was standing atop of the wrecked cars, Debbie standing next to her. The two were looking all around for the magical cat. Good - they lost track of where he was running in all that vehicular carnage. Just as planned! Not wanting to push his luck, he dived back into cover. He’d wait here for a few minutes until the two gave up and went home.

That’s when he heard the terrifying sound of multiple chitin legs walking on concrete.

“You SURE he went this way, Deb?”

“He was crossing the street. I’m sure of it.”

Juan could hear nothing but his heartbeat as he heard them stop just shy of the mailbox. He looked up and didn’t see either of them peaking over the mailbox, though he was just able to make out the very tip of Girtrude’s tail, still dripping with blood and venom.

“Ah forget it, Girtrude. He’s not worth the trouble.”

“You sure? Dmitri’s not gonna like that we let a witness get away.”

“Who says we gotta tell him? Besides, we did our jobs. Backup generator’s scrap, mission accomplished. Not bad for a first day.”

"And you said joining the Dark Side was a LAME idea."

"Yeah, yeah, you were right and I was wrong. Now let's get outta here before the cops show up."

On that note, the two monsters walked away, allowing the small talking magical latino cat to finally catch his breath. He just lied there, for several minutes, letting the adrenaline drain from his system. His ear twitched as he heard someone calling his name.

“Juan?! Juan, where are you?!”

Juan peeked and saw Vicky searching through the wreckage. “Vicky!” Juan called as he leapt into Vicky’s arms.

“There you are!” Vicky said. “I was trying to follow you and those two monsters chasing you, but they were REALLY fast. And when I heard the car crashes and saw the wreckage, I assumed the worst!”

“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” Juan replied. “But we’ve got bigger problems now…”

*****

“So, the good news is, the backup generator is totally FUBAR.” Vicky said. “According to insider reports, it’ll be at least a month until the museum gets a new one. Which means the jewels will be nice and vulnerable for the heist next week. Though, the bad news is…”

“You’re NOT the ones who took out the backup generator.” Vera sneered from her seat at her oaken desk back at her HQ. She turned to Juan. “And you say they mentioned the Tourmaline Soul?”

“Si.” Juan replied with a nod. “They also said they joined the ‘Dark Side,’ and that they’re working for Dmitri.”

“So, he IS competition after all…” Vera hummed. She turned her withering glare back onto Vicky. “Even though YOU said that you and the Coven shut down his operations.”

“We did!” Vicky said. “Or at least, I thought we did.”

“Clearly, whatever you did amounted to little more than a setback. _If that.”_ Vera replied. “Although…something’s not adding up. Juan, you said these two were….competent?”

“Oh yeah.” Juan replied with a nod. “Girtrude and Debbie DEFINITELY knew what they were doing. They took out the guards, trashed the generator, and came WAY too close to skinning me in more than one way.”

“Hrm. Dmitri is an eccentric, melodramatic buffoon. It’s unlike him to be running such a tight operation.” Vera said. “I suspect that he’s not _really_ the one running the show anymore. This is the work of someone far more cunning…”

*****

Brian was snoring on the couch, having fallen asleep during the movie. Evil Faith sighed wistfully. By the dark ones - he was cute even when he was fast asleep.

That’s when Girtrude and Debbie arrived back in the lair. “Job’s done.” Girtrude reported with a thumbs up. “That backup generator is SCRAP.”

“Excellent. I’ll pass it along to Dmitri.” Evil Faith replied. “You’re dismissed for the evening, girls.”

The two minions nodded before heading out. Brian started awake. “Huh? Wha? What’d I miss?”

“Girtrude and Debbie came back.” Evil Faith told him. “The backup generator’s been destroyed.”

“Oh. Cool.” Brian replied.

*****

Vera turned to Vicky. “You still have the Coven on speed dial?”

“Sure do.” Vicky replied with a wink.

“Good. Get in touch with them and let them know the Dark Side is back at it again.” Vera replied. “As much as I loathe asking _them_ for help, I don’t have much choice. They have the most experience dealing with Dmitri’s ilk, and they’re usually willing to work for free if it means saving the world or whatever.”

Vera loomed over Vicky. “I want this problem GONE by next week, Vicky. Are we clear?”

“Crystal, ma’am.” Vicky replied, half scared and half aroused.

“Good. Now hop to it.” Vera replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, when I first wrote up Girtrude back in that Dodgeball chapter, I wasn't really PLANNING on having her be a regular character, but when I noticed the Dark Side needed minions, she seemed like a really good candidate. And while I was at it, I also made up Debbie the Doppelganger because I felt like Girtrude needed a partner in crime.
> 
> I didn't really come into this EXPECTING to make a couple of Monster Prom OC's but, lo and behold, there they are.
> 
> Anyway, the Dark Side is back and badder than ever! Can the Coven defeat them this time? Stay tuned!


	12. In Search of Allies

Later that night, Vicky convened with the Coven at their usual spot - the downtown pizzeria. There, they discussed Dmitri’s return over a Gay 90’s Pizza - a large pizza with pepperoni, sausage, onions, and cashews. You wouldn’t think cashews would make a good pizza topping, and you’d be wrong. Seriously. Buy a pizza sometime, put some cashews on it, and be amazed.

“Impossible!” Joy declared. “We defeated Dmitri when we sealed the entrance to that cavern! He’s not supposed to reveal a _new_ evil plan for at least another week!”

“This is bad.” Hope concluded. “Dmitri’s plans only move this fast when he’s planning something BIG.”

“And a girtiblilu and a doppelgänger?” Faith asked. “He’s never had such minions before.”

“You were wise to bring this to our attention, Vicky.” Joy said. “We cannot allow the Tourmaline Soul to fall into Dmitri’s hands.”

“We should check on that cavern. See if my barrier is still up.” Faith suggested. “If it’s not, then that would mean the Amethyst of Anguish is also in his arsenal now.”

“If that’s true, then why go for the Tourmaline Soul?” Hope asked. “He’s already got ONE magic gem. Does he really need two?”

“No, but he _wants_ two.” Joy replied with a sneer. “The Dark Side’s lust for power can never be satisfied. He was never going to stop at just _one_ jewel.”

“For that matter, why stop at two?” Faith rhetorically asked. “What if the Amethyst of Anguish and the Tourmaline Soul are but two gems out of a vast collection of gems? What if there are even more of them, scattered all across the world?”

“Just like the Shards of Excaliber way back in Season 2!” Joy said.

“Indeed.” Faith grimly said. “I’m beginning to suspect we may have stumbled upon something much bigger than just a dark lord trying to obtain one macguffin.”

As the three witches discussed Dmitri’s plans and the stakes involved, Vicky mostly just watched and ate pizza, enraptured. She actually really liked the Coven’s show, so it was neat to get a live performance like this. She always loved these parts where the Coven goes over what they’ve just learned about the season’s big bad and plan their next move accordingly. It builds anticipation for what happens next.

“So what do we do now?” Hope asked. “Do we set up protective wards around the museum?”

“We could, but it might not be enough.” Joy said. “Dmitri’s egocentric and megalomaniacal, but he’s not stupid. He’ll likely anticipate that move and will have ways to bypass or outright undo any wards we could weave.”

“We need more information.” Faith declared. “If Dmitri _has_ successfully recruited several new minions, we need to learn how many and what they’re capable of.”

“But how do we do that?” Hope asked. “We can’t send Vicky and her friends back undercover. Not after they got kicked out.”

“…I think I know someone who might be able to help with that.” Joy said as she stood up. “Come on, girls. Let’s go save the day.” The Coven then marched out of the pizzeria with purpose, leaving Vicky all alone at the table.

“…Oh sure!” Vicky called out. “Stick ME with the bill!”

She paused. “…Although, I guess WE stuck YOU with the bill last time….You know what? Fair. We’re even.”

*****

It was another slow, lonely night for Oz. Vicky was out doing a job for Vera. Brian was on yet another date with his mystery girlfriend. And Amira was on another date with Dahlia. It was a strange feeling, when all your friends had dates or things to do and you didn’t. It honestly made Oz feel…

Abandoned.

_“Let’s just go.”_

_“Yeah, let’s get out of here. If Oz wants to play inside a cave all day, let them. We’ve got better things to do than waste our time on them.”_

Oz groaned as they rubbed their forehead. They just couldn’t get what they saw in that damned cave out of their head. Amira and Vicky both got over it quickly enough, so why couldn’t they? Maybe it was because they were a shadow? They _were_ literally made of anxiety, after all. Being a creature composed of fear itself doesn’t make one immune to fear. If anything, you feel fear more intensely, since you’re a lightning rod for it.

It was then that they felt their phone buzz. It was a text message. Curiously, it was from Zoe.

_GodofFandom: Hey Oz! Wanna come over and get to work on our outfits?_

Outfits? What…oh that’s right! The convention this weekend! Oz and Zoe need to work on their cosplay outfits!

_Ozzzz: On my way!_

Grateful that they now had something to do, they threw on their coat and headed over to Zoe’s place. It was on another plane of existence, but it wasn’t that hard to get to. You just needed to walk down the street about v/-1 blocks and then just turn into the first wailing abyss on the left. Well, sometimes it was on the right.

On the way over, Oz couldn’t help but spare a glance at the night sky, alight with stars. Normally, they would fight the sight calming, but they were more anxious than ever. They wondered why. Couldn’t be because they were about to head over to their totally platonic friend’s house. Since there was no sexual tension whatsoever, why would they be anxious about it?

As Oz drifted into Zoe’s place, the screaming nightmare walls plastered with anime posters, they noticed Zoe was at her sewing machine, working on her cosplay outfit. She had dyed one of her hoodie sweaters orange, and was in the middle of sewing some cat ears onto the hood. She turned to Oz as they entered and smiled. “Hey Oz! You came over just in time! I’m almost done with this outfit.”

“Cool. What is it?” they asked.

“Garfield!” Zoe declared. “I’m gonna bake a lasagna the morning of the con and then take it with me to the convention. You got any ideas for your own cosplay?”

“Too many ideas, actually.” Oz confessed with a blush. “Full Metal Alchemist, Naruto, Sheep in the Big City…”

“OMG!” Zoe unironically said aloud. “I actually have a Naruto outfit! You could totally use that! It’s in the closet!”

“Awesome!” Oz cheered as they walked over to Zoe’s closet, searching through the various different cosplay outfits for that classic orange jump suit. Zoe was probably Oz’s best friend outside of the color crew. Amira, Brian and Vicky were all great, but none of them really shared Oz’s geeky hobbies. Zoe, though? She was the ultimate fangirl _and_ the ultimate convention buddy. She was the first person they ever knew where it never felt like they had to hold anything back for fear of looking weird to someone else.

“What do you think?” Oz said as he tried on the jump suit for size.

“Perfect!” Zoe cheered. “You just need a blonde wig and some makeup, and we’ll be all set!”

“Nice!” Oz replied. They paused as they realized something. “…Hey, isn’t this your OTP?”

“What?” Zoe asked.

“You know? Naruto X Garfield? Like your fanfic?” they asked.

Zoe blushed. “You…you read my fanfic?”

“Course I did!” Oz replied. “I mean, full disclosure, I was skeptical at first. I’ve always been more of a ‘Sasuke X Garfield’ kinda person myself, but your fanfic got me on board with the Narufield ship.”

“EEEEEE!!!” Zoe squealed as she jumped out of her seat and, for lack of a better word, _glomped_ Oz to the ground. “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU READ MY FANFIC I’M SO HAPPY I COULD KISS YOU!!!”

Zoe’s face hovered mere inches above from Oz’s. Her tentacley hair fell around the shadow’s face like a curtain, as if offering them privacy, giving them an unimpeded view of Zoe’s smiling face. The blush on her cheeks was rivaled only by their own.

“…Which I WON’T do because we’re totally platonic best friends!” Zoe declared as she quickly dismounted the shadow.

“Yup!” Oz agreed. “Totally platonic! That’s us alright!”

“No sexual tension!”

“Not at all!”

“I didn’t even WANT to make out with you and roll around on the floor!”

“I didn’t even WANT to stroke my fingers through your hair as I tell you how special you are to me!”

“What?”

“Nothing! I said nothing!”

“Yes! I didn’t say anything either!”

“I didn’t even hear anything!”

“Nope! Mute and deaf, practically!”

The two dorks just sat there on the floor for a moment. “…Wanna watch Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance?” Zoe proposed.

“Sure! I’d love to Netflix and Chill!” Oz said. They paused. “Platonically! Platonically Netflix and Chill. Just….just want to be clear about that.”

*****

Global Paranormal Research and Defense. More colloquially known as the GPRD. A peacekeeping force composed mostly of humans, their duty is to enforce the Veil. To prevent anyone - man, monster, or otherwise - from upsetting the delicate balance between worlds. Every day, they fight an invisible war to keep humanity from tumbling into the abyss.

It was for this reason that the Coven occasionally turned to the GPRD for help in those rare circumstances where they found themselves completely outmatched and in need of backup. And there was one officer in particular that they always turned to in such times.

“JESUS!!!” Tala Stone shouted as she entered her office, only to find three little witches waiting for her inside. The sudden appearance startled her, making her spill her coffee all over her shirt. She scowled at the shirt, then at the three of them. “How many times do I have to tell you three - _call me_ if you need something. _Not break into my office._ You three aren’t Batman, and I’m not Commissioner Gordon!”

“Lieutenant Stone, we need your help!” Joy began, paying no mind to Tala’s coffee-stained white t-shirt. “We thought we foiled Dmitri’s plans last weekend, but he’s back!”

“He has his sights set on the Museum of Monstrous History in Downtown Monstropolis.” Faith explained.

“He’s after the Tourmaline Soul!” Hope added.

“He’s already rallied at least two other powerful monsters to his cause. Possibly more.” Joy said. “We need your help in defeating him!”

Tala groaned as she took a seat at her desk, rubbing her temples trying to chase away the stress headache. “Look girls, you know I’d help if I could, but you really caught me at a bad time. I am SWAMPED right now. I’ve got about five other cases on my desk, and the captain will have my ass if I ditch them all just to take on a personal case that isn’t even GPRD jurisdiction.”

“Are you fucking kidding us?” Hope replied. “A Dark Lord is getting ready to swipe a magical artifact. How is that NOT GPRD jurisdiction?”

“Because he’s trying to rob a monster museum, not a human one.”

The Coven all turned and saw a blonde woman who was slightly older than Tala. She wore an aviator jacket, jeans, boots, and a pair of aviator glasses that looked down on the three witches, completely devoid of pity. “Stone. You never said your three little friends would be dropping by tonight.”

“Captain Boor!” Joy greeted as she stood up a little more rigidly, being in the presence of Tala’s immediate superior. “We were just telling Lieutenant Stone about-“

“The Dark Lord Dmitri’s plans to steal the Tourmaline Soul, a jewel of unknown arcane power, from the Museum of Monstrous History. That about right?” Captain Boor asked.

“Well…yes.” Joy replied.

“I see.” the captain said. “And what’s Dmitri planning to do with the Tourmaline Soul? Is he about to make a move on the human world?”

“Well…not as far as we know…” Joy confessed.

“Then it’s _not_ GPRD jurisdiction.” the captain sternly told the three young witches. “Our duty is to protect the human world from monster incursions. _Not_ stick our noses in monster business. Long as Dmitri keeps his shenanigans on his side of the Veil, he’s not our problem.”

Hope was about ready to tell the captain where she can shove her problems, but Faith silenced her with a hand on her shoulder and a look. The tallest witch then stepped forward.

“Captain Boor, we’ve fought the Dark Lord Dmitri on numerous occasions, and we can tell you - he is nothing if not ambitious.” Faith began. “His chaos may only be limited to our world for the moment, but at the rate his power is growing, it won’t be long before he sets his sights on your world as well.”

“Faith’s right.” Joy agreed. “Don’t think of helping us as interfering in monster affairs. Think of it as preventing a future threat to humanity.”

Captain Boor stared down the Coven, her aviators betraying nothing. “…Even if I _was_ inclined to bend protocol to help you, the fact remains that nearly _all_ of my field agents are busy with other cases. My resources are stretched so thin that I don’t have much to spare.”

“We don’t need much.” Joy assured. “We need only one agent to aid us.”

“Dmitri is building an army, but we know neither its strengths nor its abilities.” Faith elaborated. “What we need is someone from the GPRD’s undercover branch to infiltrate Dmitri’s army and inform us of its strength, weaknesses, and plans.”

“We came here hoping Tala would know a guy.” Hope finished.

“….Hrm.” Captain Boor hummed. “Maybe she DOES know a guy…” She walked past the Coven and looked down at Tala, still sitting at her desk. With her superior staring down at her ominously, it was one of the rare times in the half-amazon’s life where she felt genuinely small. “Stone. Don’t we have an undercover agent already working a case in Spooky High?”

“Er…yeah, I think so.” Tala said as she pulled out her desk drawer and began searching through folders. She found the relevant folder and handed it to the captain. The captain opened it, skimmed through it, and nodded in approval before turning back to the Coven.

“This is going to be a one-time deal.” she told the witches. “Our man is going to investigate this ‘Dark Lord’ of yours, and once he’s got the information you need, he’s getting out of there. You are NOT risking his life any more than you need to, got it?”

“Understood, Captain.” Faith replied.

“Is this guy good?” Hope asked.

“…He’s the best I can give you.” Captain Boor replied.

*****

“Greetings, fellow kids!” asked the very-obviously-an-undercover-cop disguised as a high school student.

The Coven regarded the animated suit of armor, possessed and controlled by a fiery spirt of some kind. As usual, it was Hope who said aloud what the other two were thinking by openly groaning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tala Stone and Captain Boor are OC's created by Mystic_Knightwolf, a good friend of mine who does some stuff over on Fanfiction.net and now he's posting his Huniepop Fanfic "A Woman's Woman" on here, too. Go check out his stuff sometime!
> 
> Also, I feel like I should apologize for all the lame titles these chapters have. I'll be honest - I'm not great with titles.


	13. Hump Day

Yet another Wednesday afternoon in the Spooky High Cafeteria. The middle of the day in the middle of the week. It was peak hump time. It was at this time of week that the cafeteria was at its most unpredictable. It could be nice and quiet and fairly routine. It could break out into chaos by students eager to do something, _anything_ to break up the boredom. Without either the malaise of Monday or the anticipation of Friday, it was impossible to tell what exactly would happen.

For now, all seemed quiet. The students were all sitting with their friends, eating lunch and shooting the shit within their own respective cliques and groups. A storm could still break out, but for now, people were content to enjoy the calm before it.

Oz, Amira, and Vicky all sat at their usual table in the tucked away, often ignored corner of the cafeteria. Amira was having the meatloaf, Vicky was having the meatloaf, and Oz was having the meatloaf. Everyone was having meatloaf because the meatloaf was all that was being served today. The menu in this school kinda sucked. Vicky looked up and saw Brian approach and wave him over.

“Hey Brian! Over here!” Vicky called out. “We saved you a spot! You know - like always! Cuz this is where we sit! Where we’ve ALWAYS sat since, like, freshman year!”

Brian winced. “Sorry, Vicky. But I got plans to sit with some of my girlfriend’s friends today.” the zombie replied.

“Your girlfriend’s friends?” Vicky asked.

Brian nodded. “They’re part of a photography club she’s running after school.”

“Hey, when are we gonna meet your girlfriend, anyway?” Oz asked.

“Oh, soon enough.” Brian cryptically, _ominously_ said. “Soon enough…” On that note, he kept on walking towards a nearby table, where a girtablilu and doppelgänger were sitting. The three wasted little time in talking about something, with Brian showing uncharacteristically little interest in his food.

The flesh golem hummed in thought as she rubbed her chin. “Something’s wrong. He’s having lunch with a girtablilu and a doppelgänger. A girtablilu and a doppelgänger almost killed one of my people yesterday.”

“Maybe they’re not the same girtablilu and doppelgänger?” Oz proposed. “I mean, this _is_ a pretty big school. I think there’s like, six girtablilu’s and like, eight doppelgängers.” They paused. “Or maybe nine. Seven? I dunno, they all like to impersonate other students, and sometimes even each other. Makes it hard to keep track.”

“Something’s definitely up with Brian.” Vicky declared. “And I’m gonna head over there and find out what!”

She then, rather dramatically, dropped to the floor and began stealthily crawling toward Brian’s table.

“Well, I guess it’s just you and me today, Amira.” Oz said.

It was then that a refrigerator flew through the air and crashed through the nearby window. “Oh, Dahlia’s in a fridge-tossing contest with the Wolfpack! Sorry Oz, I gotta go root her on. Let her know I’m _girlfriend_ material.”

Amira took off, and Oz once again found himself all alone. The shadow grunted. “Okay, real talk. This whole ‘let’s all ditch Oz to go do our own shenanigans’ routine is getting old. I can get into shenanigans too, you know! In fact…”

Oz pulled out his smart phone and called out to a certain other eldritch being. “Zoe? Hey, it’s Oz. Wanna cut seventh period and go do some shenanigans? …Oh, you actually have a test? What about eighth period? That’s the last class anyway. …Home economics? Yeah, I wouldn’t want to ditch that either. I’m actually thinking of signing up for that next semester. How is it? …Brownies?! You bake brownies in that class?! Dope!”

*****

“So, what are the orders for today, boss?” Girtrude asked as she dug into her plate of cockroaches, a vital part of any scorpion-monster’s diet.

“Girtrude, we’ve been over this.” Brian said. “No talking about work on school grounds. The walls in this school have ears.”

_”Still?”_ Debbie asked. “They _still_ haven’t gotten all those human ears out of the walls yet? God, the maintenance staff in this school sucks.”

“I know, right? It’s really starting to smell, too.” Girtrude added.

“Not what I meant.” Brian said. “Look, we’ll talk more in the-“ He paused. Then looked down. “…Vicky, I can see you down there.”

“No you can’t.”

“You’re literally just lying on the floor. Like, you’re not even sitting under the table or anything.”

Vicky then shot upright and put her hands on her hips. “What are you up to, Brian?”

“What are you talking about?” Brian asked.

“You know what I’m talking about!” Vicky declared. “You’re having lunch with these guys instead of us!”

“So?” Brian asked. “You, Amira, and Oz have lunch with other people all the time. Just yesterday you were having lunch with…_Leonard_ for some reason.”

“It was for a job.” Vicky explained.

“Also, isn’t that Amira drooling over Dahlia right over there?” Brian asked.

“Incoming!” Debbie shouted as the four monsters all ducked, a refrigerator narrowly missing them.

“HA! VICTORY FOR DAHLIA!!!” Dahlia cheered.

“Anyway, how come I’m the only one getting the third degree?” Brian asked.

“Because you’re the only one having lunch with my enemies!” Vicky declared. She turned to Girtrude and Debbie. “That’s right! I know it was you two at the Museum of Monstrous History yesterday!”

“We like the museum’s photo exhibit, so what?” Girtrude asked as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Yeah. We’re the _photography_ club, FYI” Debbie added. “We were researching for a project.”

_”A likely story!”_ Vicky accused. She turned to Brian and leaned in, trying to keep their conversation a little more private. “Look Brian. I’m just worried that you might be falling in with a bad crowd. And by bad crowd, I mean a crowd whose interests compete with Vera’s.”

“Right, you’re still hung up on Vera.” Brian replied. “You know she’s just using your crush on her to leverage you into being her personal toady, right?”

“I am NOT hung up on Vera!” Vicky replied. It was then her phone started playing ‘Boss Ass Bitch’ by PTAF, which immediately made her reach for it. “Yes, mistress? Yes, I’ll pick up the package. You’ll have it before dinner.” Apparently satisfied, Vera hung up. Girtrude made a whipping gesture and sound effect, prompting a giggle from Debbie.

“Look. Vicky. You and Vera? It’s not gonna happen. You need to move on.” Brian said. “Look at me. I’ve moved on from Zoe, and I’ve never been better. I got a hot new girlfriend, I’m in the photo club, life is pretty good for me right now. You don’t need to worry about me, I’m fine.”

Vicky eyed Brian. Then she Brian’s new ‘club mates.’ “Just…be careful. Alright?” Vicky asked. On that note, she walked away.

Once Vicky was out of hearing distance, Brian leered at his two minions. “And THAT is why we don’t talk work during school hours. Got it?”

“She gonna be a problem?” Debbie asked.

“Let _me_ worry about her.” Brian said as he finally started digging into his meatloaf. “You two just need to keep following orders.”

*****

After Dahlia emerged triumphant in the fridge-tossing contest, she was a little more free to relax. Which is why she started throwing fridges around recreationally. Amira just sat there, marveling at the three-hundred-pound kitchen appliances flying through the air.

“Nice one!” Amira complimented as the last refrigerator landed on a student, turning them into a puddle of red goo on the floor. It was fine though - the student was a red slime, so it was more inconvenience than manslaughter. “How did you get so buff, Dahlia?”

“Oh, you know.” Dahlia replied. “Push-ups. Sit-ups. And _plenty_ of juice.” the demon winked at the djinn.

“Mmmm….I got some juice for ya…..” Amira purred. “Anyway, where do you think we should go for our second date?”

“Hmmm…” Dahlia hummed as she rubbed her chin. She then snapped her fingers as an idea suddenly occurred to her. “How about MonsterCon?” she proposed.

“MonsterCon?” Amira asked. “Oh you mean that costume thing on Friday where all the nerds are going?”

“Yes! We shall attend as well!” Dahlia suggested.

Amira blinked at that. “…Uh…” Amira wasn’t sure how to respond to this. Conventions are just so…_dorky._ And yet _Dahlia Aquino_ wanted to go to one? She was so confused. “You…you sure?”

“Of course!” Dahlia replied. “I even have a costumed picked out!”

“…Costume?” Amira asked.

“Yes! I shall be Morga! My Barbarian character from Dungeons and Dragons!” Dahlia declared.

“You play Dungeons and Dragons?” Amira asked as a creeping realization dawned on her.

“Yup! I play it all the time with Zoe!” Dahlia confirmed. “What about you?”

_Oh my fucking God, she’s a complete nerd._ Amira realized, much to her horror. “…Totally!” Amira lied through gritted teeth. “I’m….a……wizard!”

“Really?” Dahlia asked. “Strange. I never would’ve pegged you as a wizard. You seem more like a warlock to me.”

“Oh, there’s a LOT you don’t know about me.” Amira said with a wink, trying to play this off as cool, even though it’s absolutely not.

“So, what do you say?” Dahlia proposed with a wink of her own.

“I’m there!” Amira replied. On that note, the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. As Amira and Dahlia parted ways, the djinn started internally freaking out. She couldn’t go to a _convention!_ Not after all the work she put into her image! The years of dispelling…

_She looked into a puddle of water and saw her reflection. It was not the Amira she knew - the hotblooded bad girl destined to be queen of Spooky High. It was an Amira from a past she had been trying to bury for years._

_An Amira with orthodontic headgear._

_“AAAAAHHHHHH!!!” Amira screamed as the slow trickle of giggling burst into full-blown laughter. Laughter at HER - the dorky freak show with an oil derrick-_

Amira shook the bad memory out of her head. That’s all it was. A bad memory. That Amira was GONE. She died the blessed day they took that thing off her head. She was the _new_ Amira now, who didn’t look like a dork! No orthodontic headgear, wore contact lenses, never touched a _Magic: The Gathering_ card in her LIFE! She didn’t even KNOW what that game was! Never even heard of it!

She would spend the rest of the day scouring her brain for ideas of how to go with Dahlia to this convention without compromising her precious, precious image.

*****

After classes were done for the day, Brian loitered outside the bathroom stalls out back. He kept his hands in his jacket pockets as he leaned against the wall. This was where the flyers told people to meet him if they were interested in joining the Dark Side. On the first day alone, he recruited more than enough minions to pull off the museum job. But since one can never have too many lackeys, he’d made it a point to hang out here every day after school, just in case any other interested students show up.

“Hello, fellow student!”

Brian saw an enchanted suit of armor wearing a red hoodie and matching baseball cap (turned backwards) and loose-fitting tan jeans approach, skateboard in hand. “What a fine day it is for sharing casual gossip! Is this where all the ‘cool kids’ hang out?”

“…Did you get a flyer?” Brian asked.

“Why yes! Yes I did!” the fellow student claimed. “However, I do not have it on my person and left it in my locker.”

“So…you’re here to join the Dark Side?” Brian asked.

“Sure thing! The Dark Side is the cooliest, yo!” the possessed suit of armor said, flashing the zombie a peace sign.

Brian paused. Then he shrugged, figuring this guy would make good cannon fodder if nothing else. He pulled out his teleportation gem as he put his hand on his fellow student’s shoulder. In a flash of magic, the two were gone.

*****

In that same flash of magic, Brian and the new recruit appeared in the lair’s teleportation chamber. “Right this way.” the zombie said as he lead the enchanted suit of armor through the cavern. “So what did you say your name was?”

“I’m just a Fellow Student, yo!” Fellow Student said.

“…Okay.” Brian replied. They eventually arrived in the main chamber. On the far side was a plasma-screen TV and a couch for chilling out. In one corner, a fooz-ball table. In another, a mini-bar. It was basically the ultimate after-school hangout.

“Oh man! This place is off the hook!” Fellow Student said.

“Indeed. As you can see, those who serve the Dark Side are well-rewarded.” said a voice. The shirtless form of Dmitri approached the pair of them. “Brian. I see you’ve brought another convert into our waiting wings.”

“Yeah. He calls himself a ‘Fellow Student.’” Brian said. “I think he wants to maintain anonymity.”

“Ah, discretion. An admirable trait in a dark servant. We may have use for your talents, Fellow Student.” Dmitri said. “Come! _I_ shall give you the grand tour!”

As Dmitri lead Fellow Student away from the main chamber to show him the rest of the lair, Evil Faith appeared in a puff of dark magic and approached Brian, hugging the zombie and pecking him on the cheek. “Hello, lover.”

“Heya, Faith.” Brian said with a smile. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” Evil Faith answered.

“How much longer are you gonna keep up this whole ‘hiding in the shadows’ thing?” Brian asked.

Evil Faith sighed. “I already told you, Brian. As soon as I reveal my presence, the Coven will be all over me, and by proxy, the Dark Side. I can’t risk playing my hand too soon.”

“Yeah, but…well….my friends wanna meet you.” Brian said.

“Oh they do, do they?” Evil Faith asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, they’ve kinda been up my butt about it the last couple days.” Brian explained. “Just this afternoon, I caught Vicky trying to eavesdrop on me, Girtrude and Debbie. Don’t worry, she didn’t hear anything important. I don’t talk work during school hours.”

“Hmmm…” Evil Faith hummed. “I don’t know. I mean, I _want to,_ really, but they might not understand the true scope of my master plan and could try to stop me.”

“Oh come on - my friends aren’t the Coven.” Brian said. Evil Faith still looked unsure, biting her lower lip out of anxiety. Brian sighed. “Okay. If you’re really not comfortable coming out of the shadows yet, I promise not to pressure you.”

“You are too good to me.” Evil Faith said as she kissed Brian on the cheek.

“What should I tell my friends, though?” Brian asked. “Vicky especially is getting nosy.”

“Just tell them I’m a criminal on the run. It’s technically true anyway.” Evil Faith replied with a shrug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Middle of the Week, Middle of the Story. We're officially half-way through, people!
> 
> ...I think. What's half of 21?
> 
> 10.5? Oh yeah, we're definitely more than half-way through.


	14. Snitches Get Stitches

“Greetings, fellow students!” the definitely-NOT-an-undercover-cop greeted the Coven as he approached them by the track and field the next day. “I hung out with the Dark Side yesterday, and it was a totally cool club! They had roughly 15 to 20 cool cats, all of whom were incredibly dangerous, yo!”

“Twenty?!” Hope demanded. “Shit, this is serious. Dmitri’s never had that many minions under his command before.”

“Where’s their base?” Joy asked.

“I don’t know where their rad hangout is!” the not-a-cop said. “We took a teleportation crystal to get there, so it’s impossible to say for sure. I just know it seemed to be in a cave of some kind!”

“Teleportation crystal…” Faith said with a hum of thought. “Those aren’t easy to come by…”

“How big’s the cave?” Hope grilled.

“WAY big!” Fellow Student replied. “The main chamber is off the fizzy, yo! They got a fooz-ball table in there! It seems to be part of a vast network of tunnels and passage-ways that are almost labyrinthine….homie!”

“Can’t say I’m surprised. Dmitri’s always had a thing for dark, damp caves.”

“Actually, it wasn’t all that damp. It was actually kind of dry in there!” Fellow Student said.

“Dry?” Faith asked. “At this time of year? Curious.”

“Maybe he’s got a wicked humidifier or something!” Fellow Student replied with a shrug.

“What about his minions?” Joy asked. “Anyone we know? Anyone we should watch out for?”

“I didn’t get to meet everyone.” Fellow Student replied with a shrug. “I was the new kid on the block. I didn’t even get a good look at some people. But there were a lot of really big students - trolls and ogres and stuf, yo!”

“Mostly dumb muscle, then.” Joy replied with a nod. “Challenging, but nothing we can’t handle.”

“Well, I got you the information you need, so now I gotta bail!” Fellow Student said. “Captain B-Dawg will be all up in my grill if I don’t!”

“Of course. Thank you for taking this risk for us....uh…..what is your name?” Joy asked.

“What are you talking about? You know me! I’m a Fellow Student!” Fellow Student said.

“…Of course you are.” Joy replied.

“Smell you later!” And on that note, he hopped atop his skateboard and wheeled away, back into the crowd of his fellow kids.

“So. What’s our next move?” Hope asked as the Coven began walking back inside the school.

“Still thinking.” Joy replied. “Faith - when you checked the barrier in the dark forest yesterday, you said it was gone?”

”_Completely_ gone.” Faith replied. “Not even any magical residue, like it was never even there at all.”

“A complete dispelling…” Joy hummed. “Couldn’t have been Dmitri. His dark magic is powerful, but it’s mostly brute force. Completely dispelling a barrier that strong takes precision and technique.”

“We know he’s got a lot of minions now. Maybe one of them’s a witch?” Hope proposed.

“Doubtful.” Joy replied. “After all, we’re the Coven. We’re the most powerful witches in the whole school. _We_ cast that barrier spell, so only _we_ could dispel it.”

“Technically, _I_ did all the casting.” Faith muttered.

“What was that?” Joy asked.

“Nothing, Joy.” Faith replied as Hope giggled.

“None of this makes sense.” Joy went on. “A week ago, he was a lone agent of the Dark Side whose solution to everything was just casting Dark Blast on anything that looked at him funny. Now, he suddenly has a small army of monsters AND magical techniques more advanced than anything he’s ever had before. It’s like we’re not even fighting the same guy.”

“…Maybe it’s because we’re not.” Faith said as a thought occurred to her.

“What do you mean?” Joy asked.

“What if Dmitri is merely the _face_ of our enemy?” Faith opined. “And that there is another evil at work here, _behind_ the scenes? Possibly even stronger than Dmitri?”

“He’s definitely not working alone.” Hope added. “But Fellow Student would’ve told us if he saw a powerful magic-user in that cave, right?”

“Not if they were taking great care to keep themselves hidden.” Joy said. “Faith - any idea who Dmitri’s mystery accomplice might be?”

“Impossible to say without more information, and Fellow Student has already given us all he can.” Faith replied. “I’d like to suggest an alternative lead - the teleportation crystal. They’re neither common, nor cheap. Such a product wouldn’t be able to change hands without somebody taking notice. And luckily for us, we happen to know a smuggler.”

“Valerie…” Joy said with a nod. “Give her a call, see if she knows anything about a teleportation crystal being bought or sold within the last few weeks.”

“On it.” Faith said as she hit a button - she had Valerie on speed dial for occasions like these.

*****

After printing out the last of them, the Slayer pinned the photos to her wall and connected them with string. Once all the photos were in place, the Slayer took a step back and put her hands on her hips as she scrutinized the photos with the eyes of a huntress.

“Wow.” Valerie quipped. “You’re taking photos of everyone now, huh? Like, I get that stalking is part of the hunt but…”

“Something’s wrong.” the Slayer said. She took one of her throwing knives and nibbled on the handle in thought, like it was a pencil. “The monsters are planning something.”

“Really?” Valerie asked. “Looks to me like they’re up to the same old shit.”

“I know.” the Slayer replied with a nod. “I can’t put my finger on it, either. But something is definitely off. My Slayer’s instinct tells me such.”

“Or it could be your Slayer’s _feelings.”_ Norah said as she poofed into existence hovering above the Slayer’s shoulder. The Slayer screwed her eyes shut and clenched her teeth as she stamped down the urge to murder the fairy.

“You seem transfixed on the students of Spooky High.” Norah observed as she buzzed up to the photos to examine them one at a time. “Perhaps the reason you observe so many of them from a distance is because you want to join their community but are too scared to open yourself up to them?”

The Slayer turned to Valerie. “I will pay you eight monster dollars to put her back in the bottle.”

“Sorry, Aaravi.” Valerie replied. “I didn’t put her in that bottle, I just found her in it. I don’t even KNOW how you bottle a fairy.”

It was then that Valerie’s phone suddenly started going off. “Oop, that’s me.” the cat girl said as she walked into her room. She considered Aaravi a good friend, but she liked keeping her business calls private.

“Sup, Faith.” Valerie said as she flopped onto the bed.

“Valerie.” Faith curtly greeted. “We need your help tracking an illicit product.”

“Well, those ARE my specialty.” Valerie replied.

“What do you know about teleportation crystals?” Faith asked.

Valerie replied with a low whistle. “I know they’re not cheap.”

“Our newest enemy is using a teleportation crystal to quickly move around his forces.” Faith said. “We’re still not entirely sure of what we’re up against, exactly. It would help if we knew who bought or sold a teleportation crystal within the last few weeks.”

Valerie purred. “You’re in luck. I can do better than give you a potential list of buyers and sellers - I can get you your own teleportation crystal. I happen to know a guy who’s got what you need, and he’s been looking to sell.”

“That _would_ be advantageous.” Faith said. “Can you set up a meeting?”

“Sure. He’s gonna be at the convention hall tomorrow. I’ll call him and let him know he’s got some potential buyers.” Valerie said. “I’ll call you back with details in a bit.”

“Thank you, Valerie.” Faith said. On that note, she hung up.

*****

“Well?” Joy asked as Faith hung up.

“Valerie’s arranging a meeting with us and someone who deals in tele-crystals.” Faith explained. “Not only can we get the answers we seek - we could procure a crystal for ourselves.”

“Oooh, that’ll come in handy.” Hope replied.

“Indeed.” Joy said. “With a tele-crystal of our own, we could tap into Dmitri’s teleportation network and access his base. There, we can finish this. Once and for all.”

“We’re to meet the dealer at the convention hall tomorrow.” Faith explained. “Valerie will call us back with details regarding a precise date and time.”

“Our course is set, then.” Joy said with a determined nod.

“…So, if we’re not gonna foil Dmitri’s plan until tomorrow, what are we gonna do tonight?” Hope asked.

“Ooooh, let’s watch Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance on Netflix!” Joy suggested.

Hope and Faith looked at her with raised eyebrows. “…What? It’s a good show, and I really liked the movie when I was a kid.”

“Weird. Between the three of us, I thought Faith was the nerd.” Hope teased.

“There is _nothing_ nerdy about appreciating good world-building, excellent dialogue, and masterful puppetry.“

“NEEEEEERRRRRD!!!” Hope shouted.

*****

The magic mirror. A classic arcane tool and for good reason - with the right enchantments, a good mirror grants its user the near-omnipotent ability to spy on almost anyone, almost anywhere. And like any villain worth their salt, Evil Faith LOVED to spy on people.

In the recesses of their evil lair, Evil Faith and Dmitri stood in front of the full-length mirror and watched as their newest recruit, ‘Fellow Student’, revealed where his true allegiances lied and informed the Coven of their operations.

“Well, well, well.” Dmitri said as he crossed his arms. “Seems your boy toy invited a Coven stooge into our midst. You might want to talk to him about that.”

Evil Faith shot Dmitri an evil glare. “Save the pettiness, Dmitri. We’ve got bigger problems now. The Coven’s back on our scent.” She walked closer to the mirror as it followed the three witches, glaring at them as they discussed their next move.

“I’m not worried.” Dmitri scoffed. “Even if they do know of our plans, it’s too late for them to do anything about it.”

“Don’t be stupid, Dmitri.” Evil Faith said. “You should know better by now - the Coven’s ingenuity is _never_ to be underestimated. We can’t allow them to interfere.”

The evil witch pulled out her phone and dialed up her beau. “Brian? It’s Evil Faith. Whatever plans you had tomorrow, cancel them. We’ve got work to do. Meet me in the lair. Now.” She hung up and turned to Dmitri. “Send a few of our minions after our dear ‘Fellow Student.’ We can’t afford any more leaks…” She then began to walk away.

“And where are you going?” Dmitri asked.

“To go take care of our little Coven problem…” Evil Faith ominously answered.

*****

Brian normally wasn’t the type to ditch classes. Not because he was a good student who wanted to maintain good attendance, but because his algebra class was the best time to nap. But, when your sexy evil girlfriend demands your presence, you don’t say no.

“Hey babe.” Brian greeted as he ported into the evil lair. “You rang?”

“We have a problem.” Evil Faith said as she wrapped an arm around her boyfriend’s waist and led him deeper into the lair. “The Coven know what we’re planning.”

“What? How?” Brian asked.

“Remember that Enchanted Suit of Armor you brought in yesterday?” Evil Faith asked.

“Fellow Student?” Brian asked.

“He’s a narc working for the Coven.” Evil Faith said. “So obviously, he’s not invited to our after school club anymore.”

“Fellow Student’s a narc?” Brian asked, honestly surprised by the revelation.

“Don’t worry about him - I already tasked Dmitri with tying up that loose end.” Evil Faith assured. “Right now, we need to deal with the Coven.”

“How much do they know?” Brian asked.

“They know how many minions we have, and that we’re planning on stealing the Tourmaline Soul from the museum next week.” Evil Faith answered. “They don’t know where our lair is, but that may soon change - they’re about to meet a smuggler who deals in teleportation crystals.”

“We could call a hit.” Brian suggested. “We’ve got enough minions to take them head-on. I could take, like, ten guys and just dog-pile on them.”

Evil Faith shook her head. “You don’t know the Coven like I do, Brian. They have vast experience fighting evil minions and an equally vast arsenal of spells at their disposal. They cannot be defeated by brute force alone.”

“So how do we take ‘em down?” Brian asked. It was at this point that he actually looked around and noticed that he was in a particularly dark chamber, away from the dark-light torches of the main chamber. This smaller room was lit only by dark-light candles. At the end of the room was a single table upon which sat a small, velvety jewelry case. Not unlike the kind that typically contained a wedding ring. Evil Faith took the case and held it out to Brian.

“…Faith, I’m flattered, but we’ve only known each other for a few days.” Brian quipped.

“Harty-har.” Evil Faith quipped back as she opened the case. Brian was suddenly bathed in dark energies. Dark energies that he had felt before. Within the case was a very familiar purple gemstone…

“The Amethyst of Anguish…” he said.

Evil Faith put on an evil smile. “Indeed. Given all the trouble we went through to get this, it’d be a shame not to put it to good use…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, somewhere along the way, this kinda stopped being a Monster Prom fanfic and became more of a Coven fanfic.
> 
> ...I'm kind of okay with that, to be honest.
> 
> Buckle up - Next chapter's gonna be another long one!


	15. MONSTER CON!!!

MonsterCon. The ultimate gathering of monstrous nerds celebrating their nerdiness without an ounce of shame. The halls were filled with booths hocking all kinds of merchandise, fan artists showing off their passions, and of course, tons of cosplayers and the non-cosplayers who take pictures of them. It was _awesome._

“Wow…” Oz said as they looked around. He was fully dressed as Naruto while Zoe, of course, was clad in her Garfield hoodie, eating a plate of lasagna.

“Come on - my booth is this way.” Zoe said.

“You have your own booth?” Oz asked.

“Yup! Gonna take commissions for people here - make some extra money and maybe even make a name for myself!” Zoe replied.

“Nice!” Oz approved.

The two dorks eventually arrived at Zoe’s booth - a humble little desk behind which was a cubicle wall. On the wall, several different drawings were pinned, mostly depicting OC’s of all kinds. “Wow. Are all those OC’s yours?” Oz asked.

“Yup!” Zoe replied. “Couldn’t afford any booth babes, so I thought I’d draw my own.”

“Hehehe…” Oz chuckled at their friend’s little joke. “Well, I should go meet Amira and Dahlia. Do you need help with anything before I go?”

“Nah, I’ve got this.” Zoe replied. “I can handle the booth myself. Go meet with your friends! Besides, the longer you’re around, the harder it is to resist kissing you.”

“What?”

“What?”

The two monsters blinked at one another.

“…WELP. I’M GOING TO GO MEET AMIRA NOW.” Oz declared as they left their totally platonic friend to their work.

“YES. HAVE FUN. TELL HER I SAID HELLO.” Zoe called after her totally platonic friend.

*****

“So, this is the place, huh?” Joy asked as the Coven entered the convention hall. “Are you sure this is a safe enough place to meet?”

“Well, blending in won’t be a problem.” Hope said as she gestured to all the Coven cosplayers around the convention.

“…Huh.” Joy replied. “Right. Where exactly are we meeting this guy again?”

“We’re meeting him by the KFC presentation in an hour.” Faith replied.

“Okay then, we’ll - “ Joy paused. “KFC?”

“Apparently, they’re going to announce the sequel to their massively successful dating sim.” Faith explained.

“…Well, alright then.” Joy said. “In the meantime, we’ll just blend in with the crowd. Act natural. If anyone asks, we’re Coven cosplayers.”

“You seem awfully paranoid, Joy.” Hope observed.

“I sense we’re being watched…” Joy said.

*****

Brian watched the Coven entered the sea of Coven cosplayers. Or at least, he THOUGHT they were Coven. Hard to tell with so many Coven cosplayers here. “Ugh! Why are there so MANY of them?” Evil Faith asked.

“Well, it’s not like it’s a hard outfit to get a hold of.” Brian said. “Just throw on some goth clothes and boom - instant Joy outfit.” The zombie and his evil girlfriend were hovering near an Italian snack kiosk tucked into the corner of the convention, where they were unlikely to be spotted by their prey.

“OMG - awesome Evil Faith cosplay!” a Hope cosplayer said as she approached. She quickly took a selfie with the dark witch before skipping off, elated. The evil witch growled as a ball of amethyst flame appeared in her hand.

“Eeeeaasy, babe.” Brian cooed into her ear. “Save some for the Coven.” Evil Faith breathed out and the flames dissipated. She looked up at her undead paramour and smiled.

“How is it you’re the only thing capable of soothing my rage?” Evil Faith asked.

“I have that effect on everyone.” Brian replied with a shrug. Evil Faith gave the zombie a peck on the lips.

“As much as I’d _love_ to stand here and kiss you all day, we _really_ need to do something about that pesky Coven. Let’s split up. We’ll cover more ground that way.”

“Sounds good to me.” Brian said as he twirled around his new cane - a gift from his girlfriend.

“Oh…and remember _everything_ I taught you.” the dark witch replied with a wink as she walked away, disappearing into the crowd.

“Damn, she’s hot.” Brian said as he walked off in the opposite direction to begin his search for his girlfriend’s arch-nemesis.

*****

“Woooooah.” Dahlia breathed in awe as she looked around. “Look at this place!”

“Oh yeah. Really cool.” Amira muttered as she stepped in.

“And I’m really digging your Audrey Hepburn cosplay, Amira!” Dahlia said.

“Yeah, cosplay.” Amira said, sporting sunglasses and a fireproof scarf around her head that she wore so nobody from school would recognize her. She also wore a long coat with a high collar to further obscure her face.

“Hey Dahlia!” Oz called as they spotted the demon in the crowd and, true to costume, Naruto-ran over. “Awesome Barbarian costume! Oh and Amira - nice Audrey Hepburn outfit.”

“Yes. I’m…whoever that is. _Not Amira. Amira isn’t here.”_ the djinn stressed to the shadow.

“Um…okay.” Oz replied. “Anyway, Zoe set up her booth not too far from here. She’s taking art commissions!”

“Nice!” Dahlia replied. “We’ll go check on her later. Right now, I wanna check out what’s new over at the D&D booth!”

“Oh! I know where that is! Follow me!” Oz said as they guided Dahlia and Amira through the crowd, the latter keeping her head down and avoiding eye contact with anyone the whole way there.

*****

The Slayer’s instincts drew her here, to MonsterCon. It was incredibly risky - she had never before infiltrated a gathering of so many monsters at once. It seemed like half the city was here. Her usual method of infiltration, crawling through vents, would be of no use here. Even if she pushed her stealth skills to the absolute limit, it would only be a matter of time until she was discovered by at least one monster. So she devised an even more cunning approach.

“I have to say, Aaravi - I’m proud of you!” Norah declared as she hovered behind the Slayer’s shoulder. “Going into such a crowded, monster-filled space and NOT immediately going on a murderous rampage? This is a huge step forward for you!”

“Shut it.” Slayer grumbled as she readjusted her fake mustache. Between that, her sunglasses, her trench coat, and her wide-brimmed fedora (no, not the hat infamously associated with neckbeards - that would be the trilby. There’s a difference), she was all but invisible amongst the masses.

She scanned the crowd for her prey. There was one monster in particular she came here to hunt - the zombie.

Zombies have traditionally been low on the monster threat tier. No special powers or abilities, slow moving, usually not the sharpest tools in the shed. They were really only dangers in large numbers, and even then, they’re fairly easy to deal with if you have the right equipment for the job. Normally, the Slayer wouldn’t waste her time on such easy prey, but she had been observing the monsters of Spooky High from afar for weeks now. And she couldn’t help but notice subtle shifts in monster hierarchy.

The zombie had become popular. He spent the last couple days having lunch with people besides his usual friends. People that she had also observed making moves of their own. Whispering with one another conspiratorially. Her instincts were _screaming_ that something big was happening, and the Slayer needed to learn more.

She swore that she would uncover whatever vile plan these monsters were planning, and that NOTHING would get in the way!

…Is that the squid taking art commissions?

The Slayer spied the purple squid girl working her own modest booth, wearing an orange cat costume, with a little ‘commissions are open’ sign on the table.

…No. No, she shouldn’t! She’s here on a mission!

…But…the squid girl DOES draw rather fast. The Slayer learned this in her observations. And she’s already disguised, so it’s not like the squid would recognize her. Perhaps…

She looked over to Norah. “I think I’m okay on my own.” she said.

“Are you sure?” Norah asked.

“I need to do this on my own. I…value my independence.” the Slayer grunted out, loathe to have to talk to the therapist fairy in her own terms.

“Okay! But you just let me know if you need me to hold your hand, okay?” Norah replied before disappearing in a puff of green fairy magic. The Slayer sighed. With the witness gone, she is now free to seize the prize that has presented itself…

“Ahem.” she cleared her throat as she approached the table.

“Ah! Hewwo!” the squid greeted. “How can I help you today…er…” she squinted at the Slayer. “Aaravi…?”

“Um-NOPE! Don’t know who that is! Definitely nope!” The Slayer quickly replied. The squid girl was intuitive, almost seeing through the disguise. _Almost,_ thankfully. She’d have to make this quick. “Uh, I have a commission request!”

She pulled out photos from one of her coat pockets. She put three down on the table. One of the demon, one of the vampire, and one of herself. “I want a picture of these people together. Like…uh….” she cleared her throat again. “Like…as…uh….friends.” she spoke the last word in a squeak.

The squid squinted at the Slayer. She kept her composure, refusing to break, even as beads of sweat ran down her face. The squid finally relented, sighing through what passed for nostrils. “You have money, right?” she asked.

“Huh? Oh, yes!!!” the Slayer enthusiastically replied.

*****

The Dungeons and Dragons booth was a peak-geek area in an already very geeky convention. So naturally, Oz _loved it._ They loved seeing people cosplaying as their characters, showing off art of their characters (either commissioned or drawn themselves), there was so much giddy energy in the air from all the creativity, that it was hard not to be in a good mood.

“So, you’re a rogue?” Dahlia asked as she, Oz and Amira walked around, looking at all the painted miniatures on display.

“Yup! Swashbuckler, more specifically.” Oz replied. “What about you, Amira? I didn’t know you played D&D.”

“Oh yeah. I play it all the time.” Amira replied. “Like…when you’re not looking.”

“When we’re not looking?” Oz asked. “But like…you, me, Vicky and Brian hang out with each other all the time. So when are we not-“

Amira silenced Oz with a glare so intense that they felt the immediate vicinity around her rise in temperature. “Never mind.” Oz whimpered, recognizing Amira’s patented ‘shut the fuck up before I kill you’ glare.

Dahlia then gasped. “An authentic warhammer!” Dahlia gushed. “Come on, Amira!” she declared as she grabbed the djinn’s and dragged her over to the weapons stand.

“Er, Dahlia? I’m Audrey, remember? _Audrey.”_ Amira reminded, trying to stop the demon from saying her name out loud again. Left by themselves, Oz looked around at the various miniatures, props and costumes on display.

“Hey.” Brian said.

“Hey.” Oz replied.

…

“Gah!” Oz jumped as they realized Brian just walked up on them out of nowhere. “Brian! I didn’t know you’d be here!”

“I’m here with my girlfriend.” Brian replied with a shrug. “She’s looking for some friends right now. Spotted you in the crowd, and just thought I’d say hi.

“You uh….you cosplaying?” Oz asked.

“Uh, no?” Brian asked, a bit puzzled by the question.

“Then what’s with the jacket?” Oz asked.

“Oh, this?” Brian said as he looked down at his new black leather jacket. It sported iron skull shoulder pads and twisted rune patterns, painted chalk-white, running down the arms. It was also open, and since he wore no undershirt, you could easily see his well-toned chest underneath the jacket. “Just thought I’d try out a new look.”

“What about the cane?” Oz asked.

Brian looked down at the cane - a simple rod of metal with a small, purple gem on the tip of it. “…It’s part of my new look.” Brian replied.

“Well, you look good!” Oz said. “You look like a badass undead biker or something!”

“Thanks.” Brian said as he leaned on the cane, his palm covering up the gem on top, bringing a sigh of relief from Oz. They didn’t know why, but something about that gem made them feel…anxious. Granted, ‘anxious’ was usually Oz’s default mood, but it got worse the longer he looked at that purple gem for some reason.

Brian sighed. “Okay. Look…we need to talk. It’s about Zoe.”

“OUR RELATIONSHIP IS TOTALLY PLATONIC!!!” Oz shouted as they immediately shielded their face in preparation from an incoming punch from the zombie or something.

Brian blinked at the shadow. “…Couple of things.” he started. “First of all, the way you immediately shouted that your relationship is ‘totally platonic’ makes me think that it’s _not._ Secondly, platonic or not, I know you’ve been hanging out with Zoe and you’ve been trying to keep it a secret from me.”

“…No I haven’t.” Oz replied.

Their phone then started playing _Jessie’s Girl_ by Rick Springfield for a few seconds before going to message. “Hey Oz! Just wanted to let ya know I’ve already made seventy-five bucks! If I keep going at this right, that Nintendo Switchblade is as good as mine! Looking forward to playing with you!” Zoe’s voice said before hanging up.

Brian just raised an eyebrow at Oz.

“…Please don’t be mad.” Oz whimpered.

“I’m not.” Brian replied.

“…You’re not?” Oz asked, surprised that asking their friend to not be mad actually worked.

“Well, not about Zoe anyway. Honestly, I’m more mad that you tried to keep this a secret from me.” Brian lightly scolded.

“I know.” Oz replied with a sigh. “I should’ve told you, but I was scared about how you might react.”

“You know me, Oz. I’m not really an angry or vengeful person.” Brian replied. “…So…_do_ you like Zoe like that? And be honest this time.”

“…Kind of.” Oz confessed. “I dunno. I mean, she’s a really good friend and all…and she’s really cute…”

“Well, if you do decide to go for it, I just wanna let you know it’s cool with me.” the zombie said.

Oz’s eyes (or at least, what passes for eyes) widened and lit up. “R-really?” Oz asked. “You’re okay with it?”

“I’ve moved on.” Brian replied with another shrug. He shrugs a lot. “I’ve got a new girlfriend, I’ve got a new look, a new outlook on life, I’m at peace with what happened between me and Zoe. I wish you both the best.”

Oz paused. Then, they hugged Brian. “You’re the best, man.”

“Alright, get outta here.” Brian said as he shooed Oz away. As he watched the shadow skip off, he got a call from Evil Faith. He opened up his phone. “Yeah?”

“I saw that in my mirror.” Evil Faith said. “You are SUCH a softie.”

“Don’t act like you don’t love me for it.” Brian teased.

“You forgave them too easily.” Evil Faith went on in a slightly more serious tone. “If I were in your shoes, I would’ve made maggots burrow into their flesh.”

“…I don’t think Oz technically HAS flesh.” Brian said. He STILL wasn’t exactly sure how shadow biology worked.

Evil Faith sighed. “We’ll talk about this later. Any luck finding the Coven?”

“Not on this end. You?” Brian asked.

“Squat.” Evil Faith replied. “Keep looking. They’re around here somewhere. I can sense it…”

*****

As KFC began their presentation in front of their hundreds of gathered fans, the Coven waited in a nearby shadowy hallway, where the water fountain, vending machines, and bathrooms were. “He’s late.” Hope harrumphed.

“Well, he IS a criminal.” Joy pointed out. “It’s not like punctuality would be his strong suit.”

“Wouldn’t it?” Hope asked. “I hear that in some organized crime rings, tardiness is punishable by death. They take their business meetings VERY seriously.”

“Indeed we do.”

The Coven all turned to their mysterious guest. Valerie had given no description of their mystery man, only telling them to wait for him in this spot. The man wasn’t quite what they were expecting. The green skin and giant frame made it obvious he was an ogre, but unlike every other ogre the three have ever encountered this one was…not ugly. In fact, he was actually quite handsome, especially in that baker boy hat and that blue blazer jacket over his white, buttoned-down t-shirt. Most ogres were malformed due to the inbreeding common with their race. This one, however, must’ve come from an untainted bloodline. The closest things to abnormalities they could see were stone-like spikes growing out of his shoulders and around his collar bone.

Lastly, there was something…other-worldly about his aura. They initially dismissed it as a consequence of his vocation. Smuggling illicit goods back and forth across the Veil was bound to result in some residual, extra-dimensional energy. But Valerie did it all the time, yet she had not accumulated nearly as much energy as this guy apparently did. Clearly, this ogre had been in the smuggling game for a while.

“Fletcher, I presume?” Joy asked.

“At your service.” the ogre said in a deep voice with a wink and a swagger as he approached. “So, a little kitty told me that you three are in the market for tele-crystals…”

“We might be.” Hope vaguely answered.

“One of our enemies has been using them to get around.” Faith explained. “We suspect they have their own network.”

“And you’re thinking one of _my_ crystals might be able to tap into that network?” the ogre asked.

“Possibly.” Joy said.

“We were also wondering if you knew anything about recent crystal sales.” Faith said. “Particularly any deals involving a Dark Lord by the name of Dmitri.”

“Fishing for information, huh?” Fletcher asked. “Well ya see, I came here looking to sell a crystal. Not information. _That_ costs extra.”

“How much extra?” Faith asked.

“_At least_ as much as the crystal itself.” Fletcher replied. “Really, you should just buy the crystal. It’s cheaper for you, and less trouble for me.”

The Coven took a moment to briefly discuss the issue amongst themselves. Fletcher glanced at his watch. He was starting to get impatient.

“Let’s just buy the stupid crystal and get out of here.” Hope whispered.

“We need more information.” Faith argued. “Without it, we’d be going in totally blind to any potential dangers.”

“Like that’s ever stopped us before.” Hope sniped back. “Besides, we know what kind of minions Dmitri has, how many he has, and that he’s got a powerful magic-user in his corner. Isn’t that enough?”

“Uh, ladies?” Fletcher called. “I’ve got another meeting in fifteen and I REALLY don’t wanna be late, so do I have a sale or not?”

“Hope’s right.” Joy whispered. “We’ve studied our enemy enough. It’s time to take action.”

She then broke with Faith and Hope and approached Fletcher with an open hand. “You’ve got a sale.” Joy stated. The ogre grinned as he shook the witch’s hand. “Pleasure doing business with you.”

The Coven offered the smuggler their payment - freshly-carved runestones laced with elemental magic. One stone was fire. Another held wind. There were a dozen such stones in the case that the Coven offered. Fletcher took the case, examined the stones for quality, nodded in approval, then presented them with the white-as-snow teleportation crystal.

“You use one of those before?” he asked.

“A few times.” Joy replied. “Basically, a network is composed of one greater crystal linked to several lesser crystals. The lesser crystals warp you to the greater crystal’s location, no matter where you are in the world.”

“And the mother crystal can send you right back to where you just were, OR to the location of another lesser crystal.” Fletcher explained.

“And if we know what we’re doing, we can link a lesser crystal to someone else’s network and give them a little surprise…” Joy concluded with a mischievous little smile. She gave the crystal to Faith, who kept it in her purse for safe-keeping.

“Well, you kids have fun.” Fletcher replied. “Remember - if the cops ask, you found that in a dumpster!” On that note, the ogre turned and left, disappearing back into the throngs of people from which he came.

*****

“Found them.” Brian said into his cell phone as he watched the Coven, the _real_ Coven this time, emerge from the corridor. “They’re by the KFC presentation.”

“Alright.” Evil Faith replied. “Here’s the plan…”

*****

“Hey Joy! Faith! Hope!” Brian said as he approached. “What are you guys doin’ here?”

“Oh. Hello, Brian.” Faith greeted. “We just came here on…..business.”

“And we have what we came for, so we’ll just be leaving.” Joy finished.

“Already?” Brian asked. “Con’s gonna be going until midnight. After they unveil the trailer to the next Pocket Humans game, Nentondi is gonna host a block party. Polly’s gonna be there, so you know it’ll be fun.”

“Polly goes to cons?” Faith asked.

“Polly goes to _funerals._ Of course she goes to cons.” Brian replied.

“IT’S POLLY TIME!!!” Polly shouted as she floated by, dressed like Princess Peach. “I’m about to help some sexually repressed nerds express themselves! ALL OVER MY TITS!!!” And on that note, she floated away in search of yet more ecstasy.

“So yeah.” Brian said. “You in?”

The Coven all exchanged looks with one another. “Come on, Vicky’s told me how busy you three have been lately. Sounds to me like you’re due for a break.”

“…You know what? Brian’s right!” Hope said. “We’ve EARNED a little R&R after everything we’ve done!”

“Job’s not finished, Hope.” Joy lightly scolded. “We can go to a party _after_ we defeat the Dark Side.”

“Aw come on, Joy.” Hope said. “What about that Season 4 episode where you learn it’s okay to let yourself enjoy life once in a while because it’s the only thing keeping you sane in the never-ending fight against evil?”

“I’m with Hope on this one.” Faith said. “The last couple of weeks have been stressful. It would do us some good to unwind for a night.”

Joy sighed, recognizing that she’d just been outvoted. “Alright, fine. Guess we’ll see you at the party, Brian.”

The zombie smiled. “Oh you guys are gonna love it. It’s be a _dream_ come true.” he said with a wink before walking away.

*****

A couple of hours later, after the trailer for the latest Pocket Humans game debuted, showcasing the new region called “Britain”, Nentondi’s block party officially began. Polly wasted no time in spiking everyone’s drinks, turning it into a proper rave. As she began culling the crowd to determine which nerd was worthy of a handy, Dahlia and Amira were dancing in the middle of the dance floor.

Amira was glad for the chance to tear it up. After being surrounded by so much geeky shit all day, it felt good to finally let loose. She drew fiery circles in the air as she danced, shaking her hips seductively, loving the way Dahlia watched.

The Coven were letting it all hang out, as well. After engaging the Dark Lord Dmitri in a battle of magic and wits for the last two weeks, they were eager to dance away all their stress. Even Joy, who was opposed to the idea at first, was getting into it.

Zoe and Oz were dancing like the careless, shameless dorks they were, of course. Oz, remembering that he had Brian’s blessings to explore his feelings for Zoe, tried a bit of ‘sexy’ dancing by running his hands down Zoe’s waist…only to pull them away the moment Zoe noticed. Oz didn’t quite have enough +BOLDNESS to pull that move off just yet.

Even the Slayer was getting in on the action, though she wasn’t doing it for fun. She was doing it to better blend in and get closer to her prey. That’s also why she drank some of the spiked punch and sampled one of Polly’s weird, tiny tablets that made her hear colors.

And all of them were blissfully ignorant of the danger that lurked in the shadows. Brian leaned against the wall, watching the people dance. Evil Faith stood next to him, leaning against the wall as well. The evil power couple smiled with intent.

“Look at them.” Evil Faith said. “Like grazing wildebeest. Completely unaware of the lions about to pounce.”

“How do you wanna do this?” Brian asked.

“As quietly as we can.” Evil Faith replied. “Target Hope first. Isolate her from the other two, then take care of her.”

“On it.” Brian said as he pushed off the wall and made his way back onto the dance floor. He danced his way through the crowd towards the Coven. As he danced, he watched them closely, and noted how closely they stuck together on the dance floor, just like they did everywhere else. He needed to find a way to separate them. Think, Brian. Think.

He snapped his fingers as an idea suddenly struck him.

*****

Hope really needed this. After two weeks of trying to wade through others’ incompetence just to take down one stinkin’ Dark Lord, Hope really needed a chance to just forget her troubles for a while. And the timing was good too. With the tele-crystal in hand, they could launch a direct attack on Dmitri’s base, ending his plans once and for all! Soon, their problems would be over.

“Oh shit!”

That was all Hope heard as some asshole spilled a drink all over her dress. She looked up and saw it was that zombie, Brian. She stomped her foot. “Dude!” she snapped.

“I am _so_ sorry.” Brian said.

Hope rolled her eyes and looked at Joy. “I need to clean this up.” she said as she departed the dance floor and headed over to the rest room. After soaking a paper towel in soap and water, she went to work trying to scrub the energy drink out of her dress.

Brian then entered the bathroom. “Hey, really sorry what happened back there.” he said. “Do you need a hand?”

“No, I’m fine.” Hope grumbled.

“Ya sure? I got something that can help…” Brian said.

Hope rolled her eyes as she turned to the zombie. “What could you-“

Her sentence was stopped dead as Brian held out his cane in front of her and lightly pressed the amethyst on the cane’s tip against her forehead.

Suddenly, she wasn’t in the bathroom anymore. She was in the forest, fighting the Herald of the Endless Night with Joy and Faith. The vile creature wrapped its claws around her head and then - 

Now she was in the Gauntlet of Nightmares. The Unfaithful had finally caught up to the Coven and Angelus. Angelus tried to cal them off, but it was too late - the Unfaithful fired an flurry of arrows at Faith! Hope jumped in the way of the arrows and -

Now she was on the streets of Salem. The Anti-Witch had Joy and Faith right where she wanted them. Now was her chance! She attacked the Anti-Witch, and even as the witches claws impaled - 

Three deaths. One after another. Over and over again. Every time it was her…but not quite her.

*****

While Hope was in the bathroom, Joy and Faith were still dancing on the dance floor. Faith was normally not much of a party girl, but she had to admit, this was fun.

That’s when she caught her in the corner of her eye. She disappeared the moment she looked at her, but she could’ve sworn she saw…

…No. No, it can’t be. There was no way she could’ve reached this world.

…Was there?

She tapped Joy on the shoulder. “I’m going to go get a snack.” Joy nodded, believing Faith’s little white lie. Faith still wasn’t entirely sure that she actually saw what she thought she saw. No sense getting Joy worked up over potentially nothing. She’d go over to confirm or deny what she saw, and would go get Joy if there was genuine danger afoot.

As Faith left the dance floor, Brian stormed onto it. “Joy!” he called out. “Something’s wrong with Hope!”

“What?” Joy asked.

“I dunno - she was in the bathroom trying to wash her dress, then suddenly she started freaking out!” Brian explained in a panic.

“Take me to her!” Joy commanded. The zombie nodded and lead Joy towards Hope.

And more importantly, away from Faith.

*****

“Hello?” Faith called out as she left the block party and walked into the shockingly empty hallway. Night had fallen fully over MonsterCon, and many had gone home. Parts of the convention hall were empty now. Not a soul around.

She briefly wondered if she imagined what she-

She quickly summoned an arcane shield to block the ice bolt that was flying towards her head. She dropped the shield and saw the cackling form of…

“Evil Faith?” Faith asked.

“Hello, Faith.” Evil Faith said as she stood at the other end of the hall, menacingly. “It’s been a while. How are you?”

“But…how?” Faith asked. “You were stranded in your home dimension as it collapsed around you! You should be dead!”

“I was able to escape, conjuring a dimensional tear at the last minute.” Evil Faith exposited.

“A dimensional tear? You can’t conjure a spell that complicated in so little time!” Faith replied.

“Indeed. Which is why mine was sloppy.” Evil Faith said. “I spent YEARS inside that hellish space between realities! I’ve been waiting in the darkness, waiting for the perfect chance to seize my revenge!”

Her grin grew so wide, her cheeks could’ve torn. “And now - that chance has finally come!”

*****

“Hope? Hope, answer me!” Joy begged. But the catatonic Hope wouldn’t respond. Her eyes had gone completely white, and was muttering something about death. Joy’s wand waved over Hope’s head as it glowed.

“Damn it, Polly.” Brian grunted. “Whatever she spiked the punch with clearly didn’t agree with Hope.”

“No, this is no simple drug. This is dark magic.”

“…Dark magic, huh.” Brian said as he quietly hid his cane behind his back.

Joy gently picked up Hope bridal style. She turned to Brian. “Thank you for coming to get me.”

“No problem.” Brian said. “Come on. I’ll escort you back down to the lobby and call you guys a cab.”

“Thank you Brian, but you don’t have to-“

“I _insist.”_ Brian said. “Besides, I still kinda feel bad about ruining her dress.”

Well, that AND she wanted to keep Joy and Hope away so Evil Faith could kill regular Faith.

That was the plan, after all.

*****

Faith’s shield buckled against her evil counterpart’s relentless attacks. “You’re pathetic.” Evil Faith hissed. “You’re smarter than either of your Coven sisters, Faith, and you know it. You could be _so much more POWERFUL_ than either of them if you only allowed yourself to be so!”

“But unlike you, I’m not some power-hungry, wannabe tyrant!” Faith said as she closed her fist. Her arcane shield turned into an arcane orb, which she launched at Evil Faith, hitting her in the chest like a dodgeball at high velocity. She was knocked to the floor, but the dark witch was quick to recover, purple flames wreathing her hands as she stood back up.

“It all makes sense now.” Faith said as she wreathed her own hands in light-blue flames. “_You_ were the one who dispelled that barrier I erected over that cavern. The only person with the skill to do that was me. Or at least, a _version_ of me. You’re Dmitri’s accomplice, aren’t you? You’ve joined the Dark Side.”

“Perceptive as ever, I see.” Evil Faith gloated. “He was actually one of the first people I met when I arrived in this universe. We got to talking and realized we had SO much in common. A hatred of YOU, for one!”

She fired a torrent of amethyst flames that would clash with regular Faith’s cobalt flames, the two struggling for dominance until both gave up and stared each other down.

“I know you. Because in a way, I _am_ you.” Faith said. “So I know you have much bigger plans than just revenge.”

“Oh really?” Evil Faith asked. “And what makes you say that?”

“If all you wanted was revenge, you would’ve attacked me long before tonight.” Faith said. “But instead, you’ve been hiding in the shadows. Forging alliances. Securing resources. _Gathering strength._ Given that you dispelled my barrier, I can safely presume that you’ve already secured the Amethyst of Anguish, and now you have your sights set on the Tourmaline Soul. You have much grander goals in mind - killing me and my friends would just be icing on the cake.”

Evil Faith’s grin never left her face. “You see? Like I said, _so_ much smarter than your two friends. And yet, so _ignorant…_”

*****

“Okay, there ya go.” Brian said as he finished helping Hope into the cab. Joy sat next to her unconscious friend in the back and looked up at Brian.

“Thanks for helping.” Joy said. “I can see her home from here.”

“Okay.” Brian replied with a nod. He paused. “What about Faith?”

“Shit!” Joy cursed. “I forgot all about her. I’ll send her a text and tell her what happened.”

“Okay.” Brian replied. “I could also go find her, make sure she gets the text, explain what happened, all that stuff.”

“Thanks again, Brian.” Joy said.

“Don’t mention it.” Brian replied as he closed door and the cab pulled away. He then turned around and headed back inside the building.

Now that Joy and Hope were out of the way, Faith would be without backup. She could maybe fight Evil Faith to a standstill, but Evil Faith _and_ Brian? That would be another story.

He smiled as green, sickly magic swirled around his hands.

*****

“You know, you’re not wrong when you call me ‘ignorant.’ There _are_ still some things that I don’t know.” Faith conceded. “Namely, I don’t know what your grander goals _are_ exactly. But I’m guessing…World Domination?”

“Oh, you know me so well!” Evil Faith replied. “Then again, I _am_ you.” she giggled. “Okay, you got me, that kind of _is_ my end goal. But it’s not my….._immediate_ goal.”

“Explain.” Faith flatly demanded.

“Hrm. I _could_…” Evil Faith hummed in reply. “But you see, there’s just _so much_ that _I_ know that _you_ don’t! I’m not even sure where to start.”

“Oh for - are we really doing this?” Faith asked. “Are we really doing the whole ‘you couldn’t possibly understand my true goals’ schtick where you speak in riddles and never flat-out say what you’re actually planning even though it’s something I could potentially sympathize with if you’d just explain it to me from the outset?”

“Hrm. It _is_ a little cliché isn’t it?” Evil Faith asked with a nod.

“If Liam were here, he’d be having a seizure right about now.” Faith deadpanned.

“True. But see, even if I DO explain what my goals are, you’d STILL try to oppose me because, however sympathetic my goals might be, I’m still ruthlessly destructive in my pursuit of them, which still makes me the bad guy. So how about we cut the clichés and go right back to trying to murder each other?”

“Hey.”

The two Faiths looked and saw Brian approach them. He stood behind regular Faith. “Did I miss anything?”

“Oh nothing, really.” Evil Faith replied.

“Stand back, Brian!” Faith said. “This is my evil self from an alternate universe! She’s incredibly dangerous, but don’t worry. I’m going to defeat her.”

“Yeah, about that…”

That’s when Faith was blasted from behind by a blast of green magic, sending her tumbling down the hallway. Brian walked over to Evil Faith. “You okay?” Brian asked.

“After watching my goody-two-shoes self get blasted in the back? Oh, I’m just dandy.” Evil Faith replied with a grin.

“You know what I mean.” Brian said, a little more sternly this time.

“I’m _fine,_ she barely even touched me.” Evil Faith replied with an eye roll. “It’s adorable that you were worried about me.”

“I wouldn’t be much of a boyfriend if I didn’t worry once in a while.” Brian replied with a shrug.

“Oh, you.” Evil Faith said as she kissed her undead lover on the cheek, lifting one foot in the air in a girlish manner as she did so.

“Brian…” Faith grunted as she got up. “You joined the Dark Side? Why?”

“Cuz she’s cute.” Brian said, nodding to Evil Fatih.

“_You_ should be flattered.” Evil Faith said.

“Getting kinda tired of the twin jokes…” Faith muttered.

“You’ve done enough, babe. Mind if I tag in?” Brian asked.

“Please do!” Evil Faith said. Brian then slowly rolled his neck and shoulders as he approached Faith. “You see Faith, I knew I was never going to defeat you in a one-on-one fight. Not with you anticipating every move I could ever think of, you being me and all. But there was no way you could anticipate Brian.”

To demonstrate his girlfriend’s point, Brian planted his magic-wreathed hand against the wall, and its corruption began to spread. Paint peeled, wood began to rot, and mold grew on the carpet as it spread to the floor.

“Plague magic…” Faith muttered in awe. A particularly insidious school of dark magic that specialized in spreading rot and disease. She checked her back where she was blasted and hissed in pain - the fabric on the back of her dress rotted away, and oozing boils had formed on her back. “Where did you - “

“Learn it?” Brian said. “Followed Hope’s advice and stopped napping during magic class. That, and when you’re dating an evil witch from a parallel universe, you’re bound to pick up a few things.”

“He’s a natural, really.” Evil Faith added.

Brian fired a beam of rotten magic, but Faith was ready this time. She summoned another arcane shield that blocked most of it. But some still licked the edges of the shield, filling the witch’s nose with a stench so foul that it took every ounce of will power to keep herself from vomiting.

Brian eventually ceased the assault and stopped the ground, the plague magic spreading from his foot across the carpet, slowly creeping towards Faith, drawing out an evil laugh from her evil counterpart. Faith looked around - she was in a dead end with nowhere to run to. All she could do was watch as pestilence itself crawled towards her.

That’s when they all heard a banging noise. They all looked at the ceiling, where the air vents began to shake. Noisily.

Faith smiled. “Aaravi…”

The Slayer dropped out of a grate right in front of Faith and aimed both her crossbow pistols at Brian and Evil Faith. “Hold it right there, undead scum!” she hissed. “I’ve got two bolts dipped in holy water, and a pill’s worth of whatever that party ghost gave me in that rave, so I’m WIRED AS SHIT AND READY FOR ACTION!!!”

“Uuuuuuugh.” Brian groaned as he facepalmed. “Slayer, I’m trying to murder my girlfriend’s arch-nemesis here, so if you could…?”

“FUCK OFF!!!” The Slayer shouted as she fired both bolts at the zombie. They each hit him in the chest. He looked down where the bolts were embedded and grunted in annoyance.

“Man, I _just_ got this jacket.” Brian grunted.

“What the hell!! Those are dipped in holy water! You should be bursting into flames!” the Slayer shouted.

“That’s _vampires._ I’m a zombie.” Brian argued as he pulled the bothersome bolts.

“Really? I thought holy water worked on all undead in general.” the Slayer replied.

“Common misconception.” Brian said as he readied another blast of plague magic.

“Alright. Plan B!” the Slayer shouted as she slapped something on the wall.

“What are you doing?” Faith asked.

“Making an exit!” the Slayer said as she pushed buttons on the thing she put on the wall.

“…Wait, is that C4?” Faith asked.

“Less talky more shieldy!” the Slayer snapped as she grabbed Faith and hit the floor. Faith summoned a magical bubble shield around them. Evil Faith likewise summoned a shield to protect herself and her boyfriend.

When the C4 Charge detonated, the force was enough to rattle Faith’s bones, even through the shield. When the blast passed, she dismissed the shield to find the hallway covered in ash. There was now a hole in the wall that lead outside. Unfortunately, they were still about ten stories up.

Which didn’t seem to stop the Slayer from grabbing Faith and jumping out. She used her grappling hook to grab hold of another building’s ledge, allowing her and Faith to swing to safety, Spiderman-style. Brian and Evil Faith tried to blast them with bolts of darkness and plague, but it was too late. They couldn’t aim very well through the smoke and their quarries got away.

Evil Faith slammed a fist against the wall. “Damn it!”

“Now what?” Brian asked.

“You inflicted Hope with the amethyst’s powers, right?” Faith asked. Brian nodded. “Well, that’s one meddlesome witch out of commission, at least. Go home for now, Brian. We’ll discuss our next move tomorrow…”

*****

Back in the Coven’s house, Joy had put Hope on the couch and refused to leave her side. She was still deep in her coma. It was then that she heard the door open and grunted. “About time you got here, Faith. I thought-“

She noticed Faith’s clothes were ragged and that the Slayer was with her. “Faith? Araavi? What happened?”

Faith chose to cut right to the chase. “It’s Evil Faith.”

“What?” Joy asked.

“Evil Faith.” Faith replied. “My counterpart from that evil universe we visited back in Season 3. She’s back, and _she’s_ Dmitri’s accomplice!”

“Not only that, but she’s taken the zombie as her consort!” the Slayer said.

“Zombie? You mean Brian?” Joy asked. She shook her head. “Okay, one thing at a time. Faith, do you still have the teleportation crystal?”

“Right here.” Faith said as she took out her purse and fished for the crystal…

Only to find shards where the crystal once was. “Oh no…” Faith said. “It…it must’ve shattered during my fight with Evil Faith and Brian.”

“Damn it…” Joy grunted.

Faith gasped when she finally noticed Hope on the couch. “Hope! What happened to her?!”

“I don’t know.” Joy said. “She was fine one moment, the next she’s in a coma.”

Faith held a hand over Hope’s head to try and discern her ailment. “She’s being affected by dark magic.” she said. It was then that Hope’s pure-white eyes blinked for the first time that evening as her her irises and pupils returned. The little witch gripped her head and groaned in pain.

“Hope!” Faith gasped again.

“You’re alive! Thank God and Goddess both!” Joy declared.

“Uuuugh, I feel like I got trampled by a centaur.” Hope moaned in misery. “What the hell did Polly put in those drinks?”

“I dunno, but all I know is I can still see sounds.” the Slayer said.

“Araavi?” Hope asked. “What are you doing here?”

“We’ll explain in a moment.” Faith said as she continued waving a magic hand around Hope. “Seems whatever malady took hold of you has left. For now, at least.”

“What malady?” Hope asked. “And what happened to your dress? Girls, what the hell’s going on?”

Faith sighed. “I’ll try to explain everything.”


	16. Wait!  Don't board that Whale!

“So, let me get this straight.” Hope said at breakfast the next morning. “Joy found me unconscious in the bathroom and took me home. Meanwhile, Evil Faith ambushed Faith, and after they fight for a while, Brian shows up and knows PLAGUE MAGIC NOW, and the teleportation crystal we bought has been shattered and is now useless. That about cover it?”

“You forgot the part where Aaravi showed up and saved my life.” Faith said as she pointed to the Slayer, still asleep on the couch after spending much of the previous night tripping balls.

“Do you remember anything from last night, Hope?” Joy asked. “When you lost consciousness?”

Hope paused as she thought about it. “…It’s….hazy.” Hope said. “I started having visions. Visions of…my own death.”

“Your…death?” Joy asked.

“I died three different deaths. Over and over again, like a video on loop.” Hope explained. Joy and Faith shared a worried look between them before looking back to Hope.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Joy asked.

“I’m a little hungover, but I’ve had worse.” Hope replied. “So, what do we do now? Without that teleportation crystal, a direct assault on Dmitri’s base is a no-go.”

“Not sure.” Joy said. “But Brian’s with the Dark Side now. Faith, call Vicky. We need to warn her.”

*****

Brian snored as he often did on a Saturday morning until at least Noon. What was different was the smile on his face as visions of a dozen naked Evil Faiths danced through his brain, calling him either ‘Master’ or ‘Daddy’, depending on how kinky they were feeling that day.

Visions that were rudely interrupted by a loud throat clearing. Brian was already groaning as he forced his eyes open and looked up at Vicky, who was staring down on him disapprovingly with her hands on her hips. At her sides were Oz and Amira, the former giving the zombie a nervous look, the latter giving him a withering look to match Vicky’s.

“What did you do last night?” Vicky asked.

“…I went to MonsterCon with my girlfriend.” he replied. Technically, it wasn’t a lie. “Ask Oz, they were there. I bumped into them.”

“And what did you _do_, exactly?” Vicky demanded.

“…Nothing.” Brian replied. That was absolutely a lie.

“Really?” Vicky asked. “Because I just got a call from Faith and, apparently, you tried to murder her last night. Oh, and you’re apparently allied with an Evil Faith from an alternate universe where the Coven were evil.”

“…Alternate universe?” Oz asked.

“Fuckin’ coven, man.” Amira said. “See, THIS is why I didn’t wanna get involved with those guys. Cuz I KNEW they’d drag us in to THIS kinda shit.”

Brian groaned again as he sat up on the bed. Welp. He knew this day was coming. “Okay, I can explain.”

“Please do.” Vicky said as she crossed her arms.

“…Well, first of all…I’m not just _allied_ with Evil Faith. I’m….dating her. She’s my mystery girlfriend.” Brian began.

“Wait.” Oz said. “You’re dating one of the Coven’s most evil and cunning enemies?”

“Eeeyup.” Brian replied.

“…Alright, Bri!” Amira said as she offered the zombie a high-five, which he accepted with a smile.

“Amira!” Vicky snapped.

“What? He’s dating a sexy super villain. He’s living the dream right now.” Amira replied.

“Him dating a super villain is not a good thing!” Vicky snapped. She turned to Brian. “You dating a super villain is not a good thing!”

“Oh hi pot, name’s kettle, have we met?” Brian quipped.

“What?” Vicky asked.

“First off, the only reason you even CARE about this is that your little crush, Vera, sees the Dark Side as competition. So, like the good little toady that you are, you see the Dark Side as competition too.” Brian began. “Secondly, your crush, Vera? She’s not exactly the pique of moral righteousness either. She robs banks, she orders people assassinated, she’s got YOU as her quirky, spunky sidekick - at this point, she’s just one garish costume away from vowing to destroy Batman.”

Vicky’s face reddened with rage. “I…you….THAT’S DIFFERENT.”

Brian stood up and looked _down_ on Vicky, reminding her and his other two friends just how tall he really is. “Different how?” he asked.

“Vera’s just trying to run a business!” Vicky replied. “She doesn’t go around trying to murder people for the sake of revenge!”

“Didn’t she once swear vengeance on a love fairy for talking down to her?” Brian asked.

“Stop poking holes in my arguments!” Vicky demanded with a stomp of her foot that shook the entire second story of the flat.

“Look Brian, don’t get me wrong.” Amira said as she joined in. “Personally, I gotta give you props for bagging a super villain. Buuuut….ya gotta admit, it DOES seem like something that might bite you in the ass later.”

“Oh, like you’re one to talk relationships.” Brian sneered.

“Excuse me?” Amira said. “I am _absolutely_ one to talk about relationships because I am _killing it_ with Dahlia right now.”

“Yeah, I really got that impression last night when your response to Dahlia showing you her passions was to mask your identity so people wouldn’t recognize you.” Brian shot back. Amira said nothing. Her rising flame did all the talking for her.

“Look. Brian.” Oz said. “We’re just worried about you. See, the Coven’s enemies are always out to either take over the world, destroy the world, or just…kill a lot of people. Like, I get that people like Vera aren’t that nice either, but they’re not like, _trying_ to be evil. They’re mostly just recklessly selfish. Evil Faith though….well, it’s right there in the name. She’s evil. And I really do think that maybe you shouldn’t be dating someone who’s…evil.”

Brian just stared down the shadow for a moment. “…You little fucking weasel.” Brian said.

“…P-pardon?” Oz asked.

“You’re openly lusting after my _ex-girlfriend_ and yet YOU’RE trying to tell ME who I can and can’t date?” Brian said.

“But, but, but, you said if was cool if I dated Zoe!” Oz pointed out.

“Yeah. I did. I gave you my _blessing_ to pursue your feelings, even though it _stung_, because I wanted to be a good friend to you. And THIS is the thanks I get?” Brian asked. “Hey Oz - try twisting that knife in my back a little, because I don’t think you _put it in there deep enough.”_

“That’s enough, Brian!” Vicky jumped in. “You know what? THIS is the REAL reason why we don’t want you dating Evil Faith anymore. Working for the Dark Side…it’s changed you. I remember the Brian that I had to drag out of bed every morning because he wanted to sleep. I remember the Brian who’d fall asleep during magic class. I remember the Brian who actually sat with us at lunch.”

“…You know what, Vicky? You’re right. The Dark Side _has_ changed me.” Brian said. “It’s made me more confidant, more ambitious - hell, my grades are even up for the first time in like, ever. What you’re looking at is the _new and improved_ Brian.”

“Yeah?” Vicky asked. “Well to be honest, _new and improved_ Brian is kind of a jerk.”

“…I don’t have to take this.” Brian said as he went over to his closet and grabbed a suit case and started packing his clothes.

“What are you think you’re doing?” Vicky asked.

“Moving out.” Brian replied.

“What?!” Amira demanded.

“Brian, no!” Oz pleaded.

“I’m not gonna waste any more of my time hanging out with a bunch of hypocrites who only want to hold me back.” Brian said as he started stuffing his backpack as well. “The Dark Side has its own lair, I’ll just fucking live there from now on.”

“You can’t move out!” Vicky shouted. “I’m….I’m kicking _you_ out!”

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

“FINE!”

With a final slam of the door, Brian was gone from the room, the flat, and possibly from the three young monsters’ lives.

“…You do realize the rent’s due next month, and he was paying a quarter of it, right?” Amira asked.

“…Crap.” Vicky muttered.

*****

“And after grabbing breakfast burritos from the gas station on the way here…here we are!” Vicky said, summarizing the entirety of that last scene to the Coven while enjoying brunch at their house. “So the good news is that we took care of Brian!”

“…By _letting him go?”_ Joy demanded.

“By _kicking him out.”_ Vicky corrected.

“Vicky, he’s a bad guy now.” Joy said. “You’re supposed to throw bad guys in jail or something. Not let them go.”

“…Oh.” Vicky replied. “Oops.”

“Okay.” Joy sighed as she massaged her temples. “You know what? Brian’s a problem for later. We’ve got other problems right now. First off, we STILL don’t know what affected Hope last night.”

“I’m telling you girls, I’m fine.” Hope insisted.

“You went into a magically-induced coma the night of Evil Faith’s return. I strongly doubt that’s a coincidence.” Joy said. She turned to the remaining color crew. “Secondly, our tele-crystal shattered, so we have no way of accessing Dmitri’s base of operations.”

“So?” Amira asked. “We know he’s gonna hit the museum the night of King Butt’s premiere. Why not just wait until then and jump him there?”

“That would be risky.” Joy said. “Even if Dmitri and his forces weren’t expecting us to do exactly that, which they most definitely are, we still have no idea what the Tourmaline Soul is capable of. Who knows what could happen if we have a climactic battle that close to it.”

“Maybe set up some protective wards around the museum?” Hope asked.

“That was always a long shot, but with my evil self in the picture?” Faith asked in reply. ”It’d be an outright waste of time. If she could dispel my thousand-year barrier, she’d make quick work of any wards we’d set up.”

That’s when they heard a knock on the front door and another guest entered - Valerie Oberlin. Shopkeeper, occasional smuggler, and the Coven’s main supplier. “Sup. I’m here to pick up my drugged out roomie.” the cat girl greeted.

The Coven and Color Crew all pointed to the Slayer, still sound asleep on the other couch. “Oof, someone had a rough night last night.” she said as she saw just how unconscious her roommate was.

“Hey Joy - you said you had a tele-crystal.” Oz said.

“_Had_ one, yes.” Joy replied.

“Well, where’d you get it?” Oz asked.

“From a smuggler Valerie here mentioned - an ogre who called himself Fletcher.” Joy answered.

“Well, why don’t you just buy another one from Fletcher?” Oz asked.

“Doubtful. Even if he was willing to part with two crystals two days in a row, which I doubt, he’s probably already left town.” Joy said. “Good smugglers never stay in one place for long.”

“Actually, he hasn’t left town just yet.” Valerie interjected after listening to the conversation for a few minutes. “He texted me not long ago that he just wrapped up his final transaction and is gonna catch the 2 o’clock at MIA. If we hurry, we could probably catch him before he leaves.”

“Think he’d be willing to sell us another crystal?” Joy asked.

“I could probably twist his arm.” Valerie replied with a wink. “He owes me enough favors.”

“Okay.” Vicky declared as she stood up. “Color Crew! Roll out!”

Oz and Amira just blinked at Vicky. Joy stood up. “Coven! Let’s move!” Faith and Hope stood up in turn and followed their leader out the door.

“…Okay, see? THEY get it.” Vicky scolded her two friends. “THAT’S why they have their own show.” She then led her two friends out.

It was then that the Slayer finally began to stir from her drug-induced slumber. “Well well well, look who finally decided to join us.” Valerie drawled.

Slayer looked around as she rubbed her eyes. “The Coven’s place? What am I doing here?”

“You don’t remember saving Faith’s life from her evil counterpart?” Valerie asked.

“I saved where from the when now?” the Slayer asked.

“Well, you WERE pretty high at the time. Come on. I’ll explain on the way.” Valerie said as she helped her friend and roommate to her feet.

“Where are we going?” the Slayer asked.

“Monstropolis International.” Valerie answered as she lead the Slayer outside.

*****

One carpool later, the gang was running through Monstropolis International Airport, a vast maze of lines, more lines, restaurants, gift shops, book stores, and yet more lines. They eventually arrived at gate B-6, where not an airplane, but a magical flying whale was parked, loading passengers and cargo into the compartment strapped to its back.

Being a massive ogre, Fletcher wasn’t all that hard to spot. He was standing in line outside a gate and was about to board when Oz, Amira, Vicky, the Slayer, and the Coven all ran towards him, trying to get his attention. Fletcher turned to the collection of teenage monsters and not-monsters with a raised eyebrow.

“Fletcher!” Joy gasped as she tried to catch her breath after so much running. “We need….your help….” she panted.

“Help with what?” he asked.

“We need another tele-crystal.” Faith said.

“What? I just sold you one yesterday.” Fletcher replied. “I don’t exactly keep ‘em in my back pocket all day you know.”

“Come on, Fletch.” Valerie said. “The one you sold them got shattered in a fight against evil. Cut ‘em a break.”

“Val, I couldn’t do that even if I wanted to. That was the _only_ crystal I had on me.” Fletcher replied. He turned to the Coven. “No refunds, by the way. All sales are final.”

“So, that’s it? No chance of getting another one?” Hope asked.

“Sorry, but no.” Fletcher said. “Now, if you’ll excuse me? I’ve got a magical flying whale to catch.”

“Hold on.” Faith said. “What about information? Is that still for sale?”

“Really?” Hope asked.

“It’s better than nothing.” Faith replied with a shrug.

“Depends. Can any of you afford it?” Fletcher asked. The Coven and the Color Crew all searched their pockets and found little more than pocket change and lint. “Yeah, that’s what I figured.”

“Hold up.” Valerie said. “What if I offered you a discount on-“

“Look, Val, I’m sorry, but I REALLY gotta go.” Fletcher said. “So unless you’ve all got something to trade RIGHT NOW, I’m outta here.”

As Fletcher turned to walk away, Oz found something deep in his pocket. Something he had nearly completely forgotten about. The lore coupon! “Wait! Wait!” he said as he ran up to the ogre. The smuggler sighed and turned to the shadow. “I have a lore coupon! It’s still good for one(1) plot contrivance!”

“…Hrm.” Fletcher said as he took the coupon and examined it. “Well…it’s valid. And it would be kinda contrived to give you information for free. Alright.” The ogre handed the coupon back to Oz, which was now only good for one(1) narrative reveal. “What do you guys wanna know?”

“We wanna know where Dmitri and Evil Faith got their teleportation crystals, and we know such rare products don’t change hands without savvy smugglers taking notice.” Faith said. “Do you know where such transactions took place?”

Fletcher sighed. “About a month ago, there was a big sale way over in Istanbul. A whole network’s worth of crystals. Person who made the purchase didn’t give a name, but I heard through the grapevine that he talked a lot and didn’t wear a shirt.”

“_Dmitri…_” the Coven all said.

“That’s not all.” Fletcher went on. “Out in eastern Turkey, the local humans are getting spooked. People have been claiming to see monsters or spirits late at night. Sounds to me like someone’s been crossing the Veil over there.”

“Dmitri? Evil Faith?” Hope asked.

“I wouldn’t put it past either of them.” Joy replied.

“Wait…Eastern Turkey?” Faith asked as a realization struck her. “According to Fellow Student, the cavern that Dmitri was hiding in was surprisingly arid for this time of year. And eastern Turkey is mostly desert!”

“THAT’S where his lair is!” Joy gasped.

“But what’s he doing all the way in Turkey?” Hope asked.

“So, can I go now?” Fletcher asked.

“Sure thing, big guy.” Valerie said as she gave the ogre a friendly pat on the arm. “You helped a lot.” On that note, the ogre turned around and boarded the whale.

“So, how are we gonna get to Turkey, exactly?” Amira asked. “I don’t know about you guys, but an international ticket is kinda outside my budget.”

“Relax. My sister can hook us up.” Valerie said as she held up her phone. “One phone call, and we can be on a private jet in an hour.”

“Are you sure your sister would be generous enough to lend us that kind of aid?” Joy asked with a raised eyebrow.

“If it’s to kick Dmitri’s ass? Sure.” Valerie replied. “Vera never spares an expense to eliminate competition.”

“We can’t go unprepared.” the Slayer. “We’ll need crossbow bolts, poisons, health potions…”

“We got all that AND custom-made passports.” Valerie said. “Just relax, guys. I’ll take care of everything…”

And on that note, she called up Vera. “Hey sis. Great news! Me and some friends found out where Dmitri’s hideout is…”

*****

“I can’t fucking believe this.” Brian grunted. “Vicky’s crushing on a crime boss and Amira’s dating an up and coming demonic war lord, and yet they’re giving ME shit! And Oz! The person trying to get into my ex-girlfriend’s pants two weeks after she dumps me! THAT PERSON is telling me who I should be dating?!”

“Oh my.” Evil Faith said as she watched her zombie beau pace back and forth around the lair, ranting and raving like a true villain should. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you _angry_ before. Is it weird that I kinda like it?”

“Not in the mood for kinky flirting, babe.” Brian said. “I just…I was expecting them to be happy for me, you know?”

“They _should_ be.” Evil Faith agreed.

Brian paused and ran his fingers through his hair as plague magic coursed through him, ready to be unleashed on the next poor creature to invite his ire. “…This is the Coven’s fault. After hanging around those three goody-goodies for a couple weeks, they think they’re better than everyone else.”

“Better than _you.”_ Evil Faith added.

“Exactly!” Brian replied with a snap of his fingers. “Amira thinks she’s such a hot shot, but she’s secretly insecure as hell. Vicky’s ALWAYS bossing the rest of us around, thinking she’s in charge, then does a 180 and licks Vera’s boots. And where the hell does OZ get off thinking he’s better than me? I mean, has he even taken Zoe out on an ACTUAL date yet? Feels like I’m a little higher on the totem pole than he is right now!”

“So.” Evil Faith said as she walked up to Brian and sensually traced circles around his chest with her finger. “What is my _Dark Lord_ going to do about those _disrespectful_ friends of yours?”

Brian paused. He held up his cane and gazed into the Amethyst of Anguish. “…I’ve got a couple ideas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the next chapter is one I've REALLY been looking forward to showing you guys.
> 
> See y'all tomorrow! If I keep up the daily updates, I'll actually be able to post the final chapter on Halloween night!
> 
> Wish me luck!


	17. Gobekli Tepe

Air travel is always an ordeal. Long lines, tedious security checks, hours of waiting, and that’s before you even board the damn plane. And once you get aboard? You spend hours on end in a cramped chair with two complete strangers, you watch a crappy movie that came out five years ago, and airline food NEVER tastes right, no matter how good the chefs are. Why? Fun fact; it’s because the air pressure in the cabin messes with your sinuses and your taste buds.

Under such circumstances, a two or three hour flight can be hellish. But a non-stop, _seventeen hour_ flight from Monstropolis, USA all the way to Adana, Turkey? Being in a commercial airliner so long would drive anyone insane.

However, spending that long aboard one of Vera’s private jets _totally rocks._

After Vera agreed to lend the gang one of her private jets, it flew all the way through the night. It had everything. A mini-bar, a wide-screen TV that showed movies before they even hit theaters, and even a jacuzzi! They slept through the final part of the flight, on soft beds with silk sheets, cashmere pillows, and authentic alpaca-fur blankets.

When they awoke the next morning, they were still in the air, though only about an hour away from landing. Just enough time to squeeze in a gourmet breakfast with alaskan wheat waffles, fried ostrich eggs, and bacon from the rare, endangered albino boar. It was even prepared for them when they woke up, by their robot companion.

“How are you enjoying the meal, friends?” Calculester asked as he cracked another ostrich egg.

“It’s awesome, Cal!” Vicky replied with a thumbs up. “I didn’t know you could cook!”

“My database contains four hundred and eighty-two breakfast recipes.” Calculester stated. Along with the jet, Vera sent Calculester along on this little adventure as well, in order to help ensure the job gets done. Of course, this begged the question…

“So Cal. How come Vera sent you and not Damien?” Amira asked. “No offense, but Damien would’ve been a little more useful in assaulting some villain’s evil lair, yanno?”

“Vera would have sent Damien, were it not for Damien’s incarceration.” Calculester explained.

“Arson?” Oz asked. It was usually arson.

“No. This time it was for public drunkenness.” the robot said as he turned his monitor-head towards the others. The monitor then went from his usual ‘face’ to a live police recording of several cops trying to hold back a drunk, rowdy Damien.

_“FUCKIN’ STARS!!! YOU THINK YOU’RE BETTER THAN ME?!”_ Damien drunkenly ranted in the video. _“I PUNCHED THE SUN IN THE FACE ONCE!!! AND THE SUN IS A STAR!!! THAT MEANS I CAN KNOCK THE REST OF YOU BITCHES OUT!!! YOU WANNA GO LET’S GO!!!!”_ The video ended with him pointing a finger accusingly at the sky as he was finally wrestled to the ground by way of police dog pile.

“Vera is currently negotiating Damien’s release from custody with the Monstropolis Police Department.” Calculester said as the monitor went back to his regular :) face. That basically meant Vera was busy bribing cops, lawyers, and judges. “He should be free again by Monday.”

“Riveting.” Faith said. “What about you, Calculester? The defenses surrounding Dmitri’s lair will be undoubtedly fearsome. Are you prepared for that?”

“Rest assured, I have several self-defense protocols.” Calculester said.

“It’s true. I saw him shoot missiles at a dude once.” Valerie said.

“I did not mean to. He was pushing my buttons.” Calculester said with a :( face. “Specifically, my ‘launch missile’ buttons.”

“Alright.” Joy said. “Good to know Calculester can handle himself if need be. Valerie?”

“We’ve got a fully stocked armory in the cargo hold. Guns, rocket launchers, explosives, everything we need to storm an evil castle or wherever this dude’s hiding.” Valerie explained.

“…We’ll just take some magical reagents, thank you.” Faith said.

“Suit yourselves.” Valerie said as she loaded her glock.

As Valerie and the Coven discussed battle plans, a different kind of thought occurred to Vicky. “You know, Cal. Our _former_ buddy, Brian? I kicked him out of our flat for being a jerk, and now we need a fourth to help cover rent. Between your cooking skills and defense capabilities, you’d actually make a good roommate. Interested?” she asked.

Cal’s monitor turned to Vicky to make a :D face. “I’d be delighted, Friend Vicky!”

“Sweet!” Vicky cheered.

“Alright!” Amira shouted. “Wait, you got money, right?”

“I do!” Calculester said. “Vera pays me well for managing her finances, but I never had much to spend it on besides water for my succulents. I usually donate the rest to several charities.”

“Well, can you add the ‘Keep Oz, Amira and Vicky from getting kicked out’ fund to that list?” Amira asked.

“I most certainly can.” Calculester replied with a <3 face.

“I don’t know…” Oz said. “I know we need a fourth roommate and all but…it feels like you guys are trying to _replace_ Brian.”

“_Replace_ Brian? Oz, don’t be ridiculous. Nobody’s replacing anybody.” Vicky said as she held up one of Brian’s old jackets to Calculester to see if it would fit him.

“Attention FUCKIN’ passengers, this is your FUCKIN’ captain speaking.” the intercom said. “We’re about to touch the FUCK down in FUCKIN’ Adana, Turkey. Local FUCKIN’ time is about Six o’FUCKIN’ A CLOCK pm and the temperature is a nice 71 FUCKIN’ degrees. I HAVEN’T SLEPT IN THIRTY HOURS. Please return your seats to the upright position and fasten your seatbelts. We hope you have a pleasant day. FFFFFFFFFFUCKLEDUCKLE.”

“…Why does Vera not have more than one pilot to fly this thing?” Joy asked.

“Cuz several bags of coffee beans is cheaper than a co-pilot’s salary.” Valerie answered.

*****

The group looked around as they disembarked. Adana was a vibrant city located in southeastern Turkey, filled with…humans. Joy made sure that Oz, Amira, Calculester, Vicky, and Valerie all put on glamours before they climbed out of the plane so that they wouldn’t scare the humans.

The Slayer changed back into her civilian clothes, her pointed ears and glowing green eyes giving way to rounded ears and fuchsia eyes. Gone were Vicky’s stitches and black hair and in their place were smooth skin and long, flowing blonde locks. Calculester marveled at his current form - a tall, lanky young man with a top hat for some reason. Amira didn’t look too different - the flame on her head was simply replaced by red hair. The Coven needed no glamours, on account of being practically human already. And Oz…well…

Amira snickered. “What?” Oz asked.

“Your ‘glamoured self’ is the _whitest_ white person I’ve ever seen.” Amira teased. In the ultimate irony, the shadow’s glamour was of a pasty-white dork.

“Okay.” Joy said as they went inside the Adana airport. “Faith, Hope, you two are with me. We’re going to ask around, see what the locals know. Strange noises at night, things moving in the corner of your eye, the general feeling that you’re not alone in a place where you very clearly are - the usual signs of a Veil-crossing. Everyone else, stay put. Valerie, keep the rest of these guys out of trouble.”

“Can do.” Valerie replied with a thumbs up.

*****

It didn’t take the Coven long to find the information they needed. Partially because they already suspected where Dmitri’s lair would be and merely needed the locals to confirm it. Once they had their course, they all rented a pick-up truck. Calculester drove and Hope called shotgun. Everyone else piled into the back. They drove east, deep into the desert, away from the city of Adana and into the country’s more remote areas.

“Wow. I can’t believe we’re in Turkey.” Vicky muttered in awe as she looked around. “It’s amazing to imagine just how many low-budget knock-off movies were filmed here. Turkish Batman. Turkish Spiderman. Turkish Star Wars.”

“I know, right?” Valerie asked. “You can just FEEL the glitz and glamour out here.” she noted as the truck drove past a pair of goats having sex.

“So, where are we goin’?” Amira asked.

“Dmitri is a narcissistic prima donna with a love of theatrics.” Joy explained. “So at first, a remote cavern in the middle of nowhere seemed an odd choice of evil lairs for him. Then I did some research and learned what was around here - Gobekli Tepe.”

“Goba-wha-wha?” Amira asked.

“Gobekli Tepe.” Faith stated. “The oldest man-made structure ever discovered, built roughly twelve thousand years ago, during the stone age. It’s believed by some archaeologists to be humanity’s first great construction project. A signifier to mark when humans began to leave their hunter-gatherer way of life behind to become something much grander.”

“Dmitri would _absolutely_ set up a base there.” Joy said. “No way he could resist the poetic irony in plotting civilization’s downfall from the very place civilization began.”

“We have arrived at our destination.” Calculester cheerfully declared as he brought the truck to a stop in an old campground. He and Hope climbed out, the robot lifting down the tail gate and helping the rest of the group out one by one. Once everyone was out and geared up, they began marching out of the dirt parking lot and up the trail over a hill.

The sun was beginning to set as they made their way up. An eagle cried as it flew over them. The howling of jackals could be heard in the distance. Eventually, they crested the hill, and they saw it in the gully below.

Gobekli Tepe was a fairly simple structure. Spread out about three hundred meters around the gully were circles of massive stone pillars that were each six meters high. Linking each pillar to form the circle were primitive cobblestone walls.

“There it is…” Joy said with her hands on her hips.

Amira gave a low whistle. “Damn. You said this was built in the stone age?”

“Indeed.” Faith replied.

“As in, they built all this with just rocks and sticks?” Amira pressed.

“Don’t be ridiculous. The Ancient Humans had help from aliens.” Vicky replied. “We learned this in last year’s history class, remember?”

“Actually, it was only the Ancient _Egyptians_ that had help from aliens.” Faith corrected. “Gobekli Tepe was built seven thousand years before that. Long before aliens even discovered Earth.”

“But….Wait, that would mean…” Vicky said.

“Yup.” Joy said. “What we’re looking at is the product of 100%, unfiltered, human ingenuity.”

“Without any help from aliens, it must’ve taken them years to make this.” the Slayer commented.

“Twenty-four-point-one years, would be my estimate.” Calculester added.

“Come on.” Joy said as she lead the group downhill. “And be on your guard. Dmitri’s goons could be hiding behind every rock.”

They descended deeper into the gully and walked closer to the ancient stone structure, until Joy held up a hand, silently commanding them all to stop. “Faith?” Joy asked.

“Casting Detect Traps…” Faith said as she casted the spell in question. As the surrounding gully was covered in a blanket of blue magic, the group continued to gawk at the structure.

“So, ancient humans spent years building this with tools made of stone and wood.” Oz asked. “Why?”

“There are many theories.” Joy replied. “The most popular and likely one is that this was a temple. Possibly the first temple ever built, dedicated to long-forgotten gods.”

The blue magic faded, and nothing had glowed red. “No traps here in the gully. Or in Gobekli Tepe itself.”

“I don’t smell any monsters around either.” the Slayer commented. “Er, besides present company. We’re clear, for now.”

The group proceeded ever closer to the temple, now close enough to make out pictograms and carvings on the pillars. Some were of animals - horses and wolves and such. But there were pictures of other things carved into the stone. Pictures of monsters. Spirits and demons. Mermaids and giants. Beastfolk of every shape and size. There were even a few pictograms that depicted humans and monsters communing with each other - dancing with each other, marrying each other, worshipping the same gods.

“Humans and monsters…” Vicky said. “Together?”

“Of course.” Faith replied. “These ruins are twelve thousand years old. There was no Veil back then.”

“No Veil?” Amira asked. “Why not?”

“Because it wasn’t needed.” Joy replied with a hint of sadness. “These carvings are relics from a time when humans and monsters lived together peacefully. A time when we were all able to share this world with each other.”

“What happened?” Vicky asked.

“The usual.” Joy replied with a sigh. “Greed. Fear. Violence. And not all of it was the work of humans…”

Faith glanced at the sun as it began to dip beneath the horizon. “We’re running out of daylight.” she noted.

“Right then. Let’s finish this.” Joy said as she marched through the entry archway, deeper into the center of Gobekli Tepe.

The group navigated the rings of pillars, eventually arriving in the center of the temple site. They were surrounded by stone walls, collapsed bits of rock, but not much else. Faith waved her hand around the sight, trying to detect evil magic. “There are traces of dark magic here, but it’s weak.” Faith said. “It’s been a while since Dmitri or Evil Faith were up here.”

“Hrm…” Joy said as she scanned the area.

“Friend Joy.” Calculester said as he pointed to a particularly large block of stone. “There is a tunnel underneath that particular piece of rubble.”

“What makes you say that?” Joy asked.

“I have a sonar system that allows me to detect and map out underground passages.” the robot explained with a :) face. “The tunnel isn’t completely covered up, allowing my sonar mapping access to the tunnels.”

Joy walked over to the block in question and kneeled down. She could see a dark sliver on the edge of the stone. “Amira, come over here. I need a light.” Joy said, beckoning the djinn over. Amira snapped her fingers, producing a flame on her pointer finger, which she used to illuminate the dark sliver. Sure enough, there was a tunnel.

“We need to move this block.” Joy said, putting a hand on it, trying to figure out how to move it.

“I got this.” Vicky said as she strolled over, and kneeled down, getting a grip on the stone’s edge from the sliver.

“Vicky, I know that as a flesh golem, you possess great strength.” Joy said. “But this stone must weight at least a few-“

“HUP!” Vicky shouted as she flipped the stone over, revealing the dark underground passage.

“…Tons.” Joy quietly finished. “Right then. Amira, would you mind?”

“Can do.” Amira said as she put her thumb in her mouth and blew. The flame on her head blew up, making her into a more ideal torch to help light the way. The djinn marched into the passage first, followed by the rest of the group.

They descended further and further into the depths. “Hey Cal - how much farther does this go down?” Vicky asked.

“Just a few more yards until we reach the end.” Calculester said.

The end, as it turns out, was a massive set of stone doors that blocked further progress into the tunnel. “I got this.” Vicky said as she stepped up to the stone doors and kicked them.

“…..Ow.” Vicky whimpered as she crumped to the ground to cradle her poor foot. “I think I broke a toe.”

Faith waved a hand wreathed in magic over the door. “This door is magically sealed.” she said.

“Can you unlock it?” the Slayer asked.

“Not sure. This is an _ancient_ sort of magic. Unlike any I’ve ever seen, in fact.” Faith said. “How Dmitri or Evil Faith got past this is completely beyond me.”

“That’s a first.” Hope quipped. “So, we can’t use brute force _or_ magic. Now what?”

“Do we even know if there’s anything _behind_ this stupid door?” Amira asked.

“It’s a giant stone door in a cavern underneath ancient ruins. _Of course_ there’s something behind it!” the Slayer replied. “Don’t you people ever play Dungeons and Dragons?!”

“NO! IT’S STUPID AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT!!” Amira overreacted.

“Holy shit, okay, chill.” the Slayer replied, a bit shocked by the djinn’s sudden outburst.

“…Wait a minute.” Oz said as he reached into his pack pocket and pulled out the lore coupon. “I think this is good for one last dramatic reveal.”

“Would that work here?” Vicky asked. “I mean, getting past an obstacle that was previously insurmountable? That sounds more like a plot contrivance to me.”

“Yeah, but we’re talking about a giant magical door beneath an ancient ruin.” Oz said. “The Slayer’s right. If this were an RPG, there would totally be a dramatic reveal behind this door. Usually an ancient secret that expands the lore and advances the plot, or at least raises the stakes.”

“Makes sense to me.” Hope added with a shrug. “Plus we’re _at least_ two thirds of the way done with this storyline, so we’re about due for a dramatic reveal.”

“Sure you wanna spend the coupon on this, though? We might need it later.” Vicky asked.

“I mean, after this, all that’s left is wrapping up a few subplots, followed by the final battle.” Oz replied with a shrug. “I think this is the last, best opportunity to use this that I’m gonna get.”

“Do it.” Joy said.

Oz walked up to the door and presented the lore coupon. In a puff of narrative magic, the coupon disappeared. The door groaned with the sound of stone rubbing against stone as it opened up for the group. “Calculester?” Joy asked.

“The passage goes for several hundred more yards, then splits off into several different tunnels.” the robot said.

“Alright.” Joy said. “Calculester, you’ll be our map. Amira, you’re out in front. You’ll be lighting the way.”

“Just remember - if I walk into a booby trap and die, you guys lose your only light source.” Amira deadpanned, not entirely appreciating that she was being made to lead the way down a particularly spooky tunnel.

They marched down into the depths for what felt like an eternity. Every time they made a turn into a new passage, they were expecting…something, just around the corner. But no. There was only ever more rock and sand. There weren’t even any bats to show that this cave was inhabited. Though they weren’t necessarily complaining, since it meant there was no risk of stepping in bat shit. Still, the general lifelessness of this place was creepy.

Finally, they saw a light at the end of the tunnel. The red-orange glow of torch light coming from around the next corner. Amira lowered her flame as Joy shushed the rest of the group. She turned to Calculester. “Well?”

“Scanning…” Calculester said with his volume output set to its minimum setting. “Large chamber ahead.”

“Is there anyone inside it?” Faith asked.

“Negative.” the machine replied.

“Alright then…” Joy said as she cautiously rounded the corner, followed by Faith, Hope, and the rest of the group, one by one.

“…Woah.” Vicky said as she saw what was inside the large chamber.

On the far wall of the chamber, lit by braziers in the corners of the room, was a huge mural that encompassed the whole wall. It was a cave painting. It depicted a city that surrounded a large temple - Göbekli Tepe, presumably. Its people were drawn as crude stick figures. Some had additional features, like tails or pointed ears, to depict that some of the people were monsters.

But it was not a picture of a peaceful utopia. The city was burning.

Flames were drawn in streaks of red paint above the buildings. The stick figures seemed to be running, as though in a panic. And watching over the inferno were four gigantic eyes.

“…Well, THIS is fucking ominous.” Amira said.

“Wait. Look.” Faith pointed at the bottom of the mural and noticed some text was engraved there. She approached the mural and got down on her knees, pulling out her notebook and taking notes.

“What does it say?” Vicky asked.

“Not sure.” Faith replied as she copied the text into her journal. “This text is older than most modern religions. It _looks_ like a Mesopotamian dialect, though not one I’m familiar with.”

She pointed to a particular bit of text. “I know that word, though. That means ‘destruction.’”

“Ya don’t say.” Valerie deadpanned as she eyed up the flames in the mural.

“You know, nobody knows what exactly happened to the people who built this place.” Hope said. “Maybe that’s what we’re looking at. An apocalyptic log. The story of how this civilization was destroyed.”

“It was destroyed by four giant eyeballs?” Amira asked.

“I mean, Gary the Gazer from third period chemistry IS pretty deadly with those eye lasers of his.” Vicky pointed out. “But I don’t know if he’s ‘destroy a civilization’ deadly. Plus, he has asthma.”

“The city wasn’t _literally_ destroyed by giant eyeballs.” Joy said with a sigh. “More likely, they just _symbolize_ whatever destroyed the city.”

“Well symbol or not, those eyes are freaky.” Oz whimpered as they took cover behind Calculester. “Like they’re staring right through me…”

“Wait.” Faith said. “I recognize another word here….’Darkness.’”

“Darkness?” Joy asked.

“Darkness……Came.” Faith read aloud the words she could.

Amira snickered at that. “Hehe. ‘Came.’”

“Darkness came, and….Darkness will…..come again.” Faith read.

Amira snorted another laugh, and even Oz and Vicky got in on the snickering. “Guys!” Joy snapped.

“What? It’s funny!” Amira replied.

“It’s a little funny.” Hope added with a giggle. Joy gave the smallest witch the stink eye. “Sorry.”

“Magic…..stones….” Faith continued to translate. “Magic stones?”

“…Or _jewels.”_ Joy said with a look of realization. “THAT’S Dmitri’s plan! He’s going to use the Amethyst of Anguish and the Tourmaline Soul to summon whatever destroyed _this_ civilization to destroy _ours!_”

“Darkness came, and Darkness will come again…” Oz said. Amira just barely suppressed another giggle. “This isn’t just an apocalyptic log! It’s an apocalyptic _prophecy!”_

“We have to stop him!” Hope said.

“Calculester!” Joy said. “Give me another sonar scan!”

“Scanning…” the robot replied. “…There is another passage.” he said, pointing to the other passage. “It goes north fifty feet, then to another crossroads of three passages, one of which stops at another large chamber. I am not detecting any lifeforms down these, but I do detect a crystalline object in the large chamber.”

“The teleportation crystal!” all three witches said at the same time.

“Come on, everyone! We don’t have a moment to lose!” Joy said as she ran down the tunnel, followed by the rest of the monsters.

After a bit of running, they found it. Dmitri’s lair. A cavern full of…

Absolutely nothing.

“What?” Joy asked.

The cavern _was_ inhabited at one point, judging from all the dust-lines that showed where furniture and a really nice rug used to be. But now? There was nothing here.

“…Everyone spread out.” Joy said. The group did so, but it didn’t do much good. After a few minutes of fruitless searching, Valerie and the Slayer walked back up to to Joy.

“No good.” the cat girl said. “The Dark Side’s completely packed up shop. They didn’t even leave a stale cheez-it behind.”

“They must’ve known we were coming.” the Slayer added.

“Damn it!” Joy cursed. “We _had_ them!”

“Joy!” Hope shouted from a separate passage. “The tele-crystal’s down here!”

“That must be how they left so quick.” Faith said.

“Come on!” Joy said as she lead the group down the hall. At the end of the passage was a teleportation crystal that hummed with dark energy. The chamber was lit with dark light candles.

“So…how does that thing work?” Vicky asked.

“Just gather around, everyone.” Faith said. The group formed a tight circle around the crystal. The tallest witch then waved her hand over the crystal and said a few magic words.

In a flash of light, they disappeared.

*****

And then they reappeared in the middle of a deciduous forest. The sun was no longer setting, but instead was shining brightly down on the monsters. “Where are we?” Vicky asked.

“…Home, I think.” Faith said. “Specifically the Dark Forest outside school grounds.”

“What makes you say that?” Oz asked. “Is it because you can magically sense it?”

“No. It’s because Polly’s over there, giving that centaur a handjob.” Faith said.

“Hey, boo!” Polly shouted at Faith and waved at her as she sat underneath the centaur, stroking his big, equine penis.

“Woah…” Vicky said as she got a load of said penis.

“Nice.” Amira said as she tilted her head.

“Damn…” the Slayer noted as a blush came to her face. “I mean, ugh! Sex with a monster! …Eugh!”

“I’m actually surprised the rest of you are just now noticing that.” Faith said.

“Well, in that case, we should all head home.” Joy declared. “We need to plan our next move. Dmitri couldn’t have just disappeared into thin air. And since that was the only crystal in his lair, we now know that he _has_ to be somewhere in Monstropolis now. He can’t hide from us forever.”

“Aw, sure you guys don’t wanna stay for the show?” Polly asked. “Josh here is actually kind of an exhibitionist, so the fact you’re all here is REALLY getting him hard right now!”

“We’d love to Polly, but we’re very busy!” Faith called back.

“Right, right, saving the world.” Polly replied with an eye roll. “Your loss.” she said as she started sucking on his - hey quick question. Are you guys comfortable with me casually describing monster genitals? I mean, the fanfic isn’t SPECIFICALLY a lemon fic, but it IS unrated and well, it’s not like people _don’t_ expect raunchiness from Monster Prom so-

Ah, forget it. They’re walking out of the forest anyway. Scene’s over, moving on.

*****

As the Coven, the Slayer and Valerie all went their separate ways, the color crew likewise broke off to make their own way home, carrying a new member in tow. “Are you sure I’m not imposing?” Calculester asked.

“Nonsense! It’ll be great!” Vicky said. “You can set up your succulents in the living room, you’ll get the bunk beneath Oz’s, you’ll have everything you need!”

When the color crew circled around the corner and arrived at their flat, they noticed that something was off. Namely, the fact that there were people apparently inside. “The fuck?” Amira asked as she noticed all the music playing from inside the house, along with the sounds of partying. Vicky grimaced and knocked on the door, expecting an explanation.

She got one.

“Brian?!” Vicky demanded as she noted just who it was that opened the door. “What are you doing here?! I kicked you out!”

“Yeah, you did.” the zombie said as he casually leaned on his cane. “But see, I was getting kinda tired of my old evil lair, so me and the minions decided to go looking for a new one. So, I take a look in my girlfriend’s magic mirror and, wouldn’t you know, I saw that you guys left town yesterday so I’m looking at the old flat and thinking ‘hey, free real estate.’”

“Okay, there is NO WAY our landlord let you get away with that.” Vicky said. “When he hears about this, heads are gonna roll!”

“Oh, I doubt that.” Brian said as he stood up straight and looked into the purple gem on the cane tip. “Turns out, when you use an evil gem to inflict horrifying nightmares on somebody, they become a LOT more agreeable. He’s cool with it.”

“…That…that gem…” Vicky said as familiar visions of Vera shoving her into a furnace flooded her mind.

“The Amethyst of Anguish.” Brian said with a wicked grin. “Pretty handy little thing, ain’t it?”

“Brian.” Amira said as she started to experience flashbacks of mocking laughter. Oz likewise whimpered and hid behind Calculester, holding the robot tight. “You should NOT be fucking around with that thing. It’s EVIL.”

“What, you mean like my girlfriend?” Brian asked.

“Damn it Brian, this isn’t about your girlfriend!” Vicky shouted. “Look, we just got back from _Turkey,_ of all places, where we found out that this whole thing is a LOT bigger than we-“

“Wait. Hold up.” Brian interrupted. “I’m sorry about interrupting, but I gotta ask - is that Calculester, and is he seriously wearing one of my old jackets?” he asked, pointing his cane to the robot.

“…No?” Vicky tried.

“…Right. I think we’re done here.” Brian replied. “You guys now have about thirty seconds to get off my lawn in before I unleash my minions on you.” he said.

“Wait, Brian! You don’t understand! There’s a-“

_SLAM!!!_

“…Prophecy.” Vicky said, unable to finish the sentence before Brian slammed the door on her face.

*****

The Coven heard a knock on their door. Hope walked up to the door and opened it, and found the Color Crew standing outside.

“Hi, Hope.” Vicky said. “So uh….question. You guys got any guest bedrooms in your house?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Gobekli Tepe is a real place in Turkey. It's thought by archaeologists to be the very first stone structure ever built by human-hands, mainly because it pre-dates pretty much everything else - the pyramids, stone henge, etc. So naturally, I thought I'd use it as a way to expand my own take on Monster Prom's lore a bit.
> 
> The stakes are higher than ever before, and now the Color Crew don't even have their own roof over their heads. Can they stop the Dark Side before they unleash an ancient evil upon the world?
> 
> Stay tuned to find out!


	18. The New Dark Lord

Mondays were always miserable, and this one was more so than usual for the Color Crew. Probably because they were kicked out of their own flat by their _former_ friend Brian and had to spend the night at the Coven’s place.

“Sorry about only having the one guest bed.” Joy apologized as the Coven walked alongside the Color Crew to school. “It’s rare for us to have so many overnight guests at once.”

“It’s okay.” Oz replied. “Amira and Vicky were both able to squeeze into that queen-size bed okay. And your couch was comfy enough.”

“And I found your closet satisfactory!” Calculester enthusiastically replied.

“Were you really okay sleeping in a closet, Cal?” Amira asked.

“Physical comfort is irrelevant while I’m in sleep mode.” the robot replied.

“That is SO COOL!” Vicky gushed. “You know, _Brian_ would’ve _complained_ about needing a _bed.”_

“Taking this whole thing kinda personal, don’t ya think, Vick?” Amira asked.

“Of course I’m taking this personal!” Vicky snapped. “Someone we loved and trusted like a brother stabbed us all in the back and threw us out like trash!”

“I know the feeling, for what it’s worth.” Joy said. “Dmitri used to be a noble soul, before he joined the Dark Side. I still pray that one day he sees the light and comes back to me….I mean, to good! Comes back to good.”

“…Right.” Vicky said. “So what do we do now?”

“We remain vigilant.” Joy said as the seven of them walked through the front doors and into the building itself. “Dmitri and his minions could be hiding anywhere now. Waiting to strike from the shadows.”

“Hey Faith.” Evil Faith said as she walked by.

“Hello, Evil Faith.” Faith replied. “Wait. Evil Faith?!”

The Coven took battle stances as they stared down Evil Faith. Evil Faith, however, just stood there with a raised eyebrow. “Oh come on, I’m not going to fight you three.” she said. “Not when I’ve got classes to attend.”

“…Classes?” Faith asked. It was then the Coven noticed that Evil Faith was holding a textbook to her chest, as well as a backpack around her shoulders.

“What the hell?!” Hope demanded. “You’re not a student here!”

“I am now.” the dark witch said as she reached into her pocket and flashed a fresh student ID.

“Alright, what’s going on?” Faith asked. “This isn’t your style and you know it.”

“True. I’ve always been more of a ‘lurk in the shadows’ type of villain.” Evil Faith said. “But after you learned of my existence and my associates and I saw you coming for our lair, I decided to change up my tactics and take a more…bold approach.”

“How’s this for bold?!” Hope said as she charged up a massive magical blast to hit Evil Faith with. Joy and Faith likewise charged up their own magic to compliment Hope’s.

“Hold it right there!”

Principal Giant Spider then scuttled up to the group and casted all eight of his eyes on the Coven. “That is _no way_ to treat a new student!”

“What?!” Hope demanded as the three witches canceled their spells.

“Principal Giant Spider, you don’t understand!” Joy said. “This is Evil Faith, one of our arch-enemies! She’s from an evil dimension!”

“Precisely.” the principal replied. “And since Spooky High prides itself on its diversity and inclusivity, we will NOT tolerate discrimination based on race, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, or universe of origin.”

“Didn’t you try to kick out Calculester for being a robot a while back?” Amira asked.

“That was before the NAASL got involved.” the principal replied, referencing the National Association for the Advancement of Synthetic Lifeforms. “Since then, we’ve really been cracking down on student discrimination.”

The giant talking spider then turned to Joy. “And quite frankly Ms. Johnson-Johjima, while I might expect this sort of behavior from some of our more problematic students, I’ve come to expect _better_ from you and your friends. I’m very disappointed. Now apologize.”

“…I’m sorry, Evil Faith.” Joy grunted.

“There.” the principal said before turning to Evil Faith. “You just let me know if anyone else gives you any trouble, young lady.”

“Don’t worry about me, Principal Giant Spider. I can take care of myself just fine. Though I appreciate your concern.” Evil Faith replied with a smile. The principal nodded as he scuttled off. Evil Faith turned to the Coven with an evil smirk.

“Very clever, Evil Faith.” Faith said. “You can’t hide in the shadows anymore, so you instead use the school’s diversity program to protect yourself. But it only protects you during school hours. Once the last bell rings, that’s when justice will find you.”

“We’ll see about that…” Evil Faith said as she walked off and disappeared into the crowd of students. The Coven all leered in that direction for a few seconds.

“…Your last name is Johnson-Johjima?” Oz asked. “I didn’t know you were bi-racial.”

Joy sighed. “That’s because I don’t go around bragging about it, Oz. Funnily enough, most people would prefer to be defined by characteristics _besides_ their ethnicity.”

*****

During lunch that day, Evil Faith chose to sit at a table that was specially reserved. Sitting across from her was Girtrude and Deborah, two of her most reliable minions. And sitting next to her, of course, was her ever-faithful beau, Dark Lord Brian.

Brian was looking much more handsome now, wearing the same leather jacket her wore to MonsterCon, sans undershirt. Something some of the other students were keen to appreciate as they walked by and eyeballed the zombie’s bare chest. Evil Faith wrapped an arm around him glowered at them. “Keep walking, bitches. This one’s mine…”

As the bitches in question retreated from the witch’s dark aura, Brian smirked. “I love that you’re willing to threaten people for looking at me.”

“I have to protect what’s mine…” Evil Faith said as she pulled the zombie into a deep kiss.

“Eeeugh. We’re _eating,_ guys.” Deborah cringed.

“Yeah, boss. Make out with your boyfriend somewhere a little more private.” Girtrude added.

*****

As Evil Faith and Brian continued their PDA over at the now-official Dark Side table, the Color Crew glared at their former member. Well, Vicky did. Oz and Amira mostly stuck to their lunches while Calculester, dressed in a green buttoned-up t-shirt, carefully applied fertilizer to one of his potted succulents.

“Look at him over there…” Vicky growled. “He gets a hot new girlfriend and a sexy new outfit and suddenly we’re not good enough anymore!”

“ENGAGING COMFORT PROTOCOL. There, there, Vicky.” Calculester said as he patted Vicky’s shoulder. “Everything will be alright.”

“It will be. Once I devise a plan of revenge on Brian!” Vicky seethed. “Nobody throws Victoria Schmidt out on the streets! Nobody!”

“Please calm down, Vicky.” Oz said. “It’s not Brian’s fault.”

“Oh, _isn’t it?”_ Vicky asked.

“Ever since he got dumped by Zoe, he’s fallen in with a bad crowd.” Oz said. “The Dark Side must’ve promised that his heart would never get broken again, or something like that.”

“The sexy evil witch definitely helped.” Amira noted. “I mean, check out those _legs.”_ she added as she pointed to the dark witch, whose partially torn-up dress helped to show off a little leg. _”Damn.”_

“Yeah! And look at the way she’s flirting with him!” Vicky said, pointing out how Evil Faith leaned her heard on his Brian’s shoulder, gazing up at him with evil lovey-dovey eyes. “She’s got him wrapped around her finger! I knew it! SHE’S the one who turned him into a jerk!”

“He probably doesn’t even know what the Dark Side is REALLY planning.” Oz said. “I tried to send him a text about the doomsday prophecy, but he blocked me.”

“So what do we do?” Amira asked.

“I don’t know…” Vicky sighed in defeat.

“RE-ENGAGING COMFORT PROTOCOL. There, there, Vicky.” Calculester said as he patted Vicky’s shoulder. “Suggestion: Perhaps we should talk about dates.”

“Dates?” Vicky asked.

“Indeed.” Calculester said with a :) face. “In order to bring designate: ‘Color Crew’ back within normal friendship parameters, we should begin by discussing your most frequent topic of conversation - romance.”

“Um…okay?” Vicky asked.

“Excellent.” Calculester said. “I shall begin with the following observation - you should go out on a date with someone, Vicky. Your two friends, Oz and Amira, are dating, and seem less stressed than you.”

“Zoe and me aren’t dating!” Oz snapped. “We’re only platonically dating!”

“Dude. You and Zoe are like _this.”_ Amira said as she crossed her fingers. “Just hook up with her already.”

“I agree with Amira!” Calculester concurred. “Oz should, as you organics say, ‘totally tap that.’”

Oz’s intense blush helped to bring up the mood a bit, as Vicky and Amira struggled to suppress their giggles.

“Alright, enough about Oz.” Amira said as her giggles subsided. “What about you? You dating anyone, Cal?”

“I am not romantically engaged with anyone during this time.” Calculester replied.

“Okay…” Amira said. She then looked down at Calculester’s crotch. “Second question - what’s the situation down there?” she said, pointing to the robot’s groin area.

“While I am not currently romantically attracted to anyone, I still have several attachments and programs available in the event this changes.” Calculester explained with a <3.

“…Do tell.” Amira purred, wanting to hear the sexy details of Calculester’s ‘attachments.’

“Amira!” Dahlia said as she suddenly barged in on the Color Crew’s lunch and took a seat next to the djinn. “I have a suggestion for our next date - a historical re-enactment of the Battle of Hell’s Pits!”

“Nerds running around in costume with plastic axes? Super!” Amira replied, shooting Dahlia a pair of finger guns.

“Then it is decided. We go tonight!” Dahlia cheered before she marched back off to where she came from. Once she was out of ear shot, Amira double-facepalmed and groaned.

“I’m dating a nerd.” she groaned. “I’m dating a literal giant nerd.”

“So?” Oz asked. “What’s wrong with that.”

“Because Dahlia’s supposed to be COOL!” Amira said. “Cool people don’t play Dungeons and Dragons!”

Oz blinked.

“…Except for you, Oz.” Amira quickly added. “It’s just…I dunno. Dahlia’s not what I expected her to be, and I don’t know how to feel about that.”

“You’re thinking about it too much.” Vicky said. “If you have an urge to let someone step on your and boss you around, you should just let them and not second guess it so much, Amira.”

“Not even _remotely_ my problem, Vicky.” Amira deadpanned as she massaged her temples.

*****

“I’m _so_ proud of you!” Norah gushed. “Last weekend, you went on an international flight with a bunch of monsters and didn’t murder a single one! This is a tremendous breakthrough for you!”

“Mm-hm.” the Slayer hummed.

“And you’re also making friends with monsters! This is amazing!”

“Mm-hm.”

“…That having all been said, we still have yet to get to the _heart_ of your issues.” Norah said. She took a deep breath. “Aaravi. I think it’s time we talked about your father.”

“NO!” the Slayer snapped at the fairy. “…I mean…not right now.” she muttered. “I’m _stalking my prey._ I’m about to launch an ambush.”

“Is that why we’re hiding up in a tree?” Norah said.

The last bell rang. “Here they come. Get ready.” the Slayer said as she pulled out her knives.

*****

As the last bell rang out, Brian, Evil Faith, and the rest of the Dark Side all poured out of the school’s main gate. “Alright - so the exhibit arrives on Saturday night.” Brian said. “Deborah, Girtrude, I need you two to case the power plant tonight.”

“Why do _we_ always end up doing everything?” Deborah asked.

“Because the both of you have that rare blend of ‘expendable’ and ‘invulnerable’ that make for the perfect minions.” Evil Faith said.

“Hold it right there!”

The Dark Side posse was halted by their arch enemies, the Coven, standing in their way. The three of them gathered spells in their hands, ready for combat. “We’re going to stop your evil plans right here and now!” Joy declared.

“JOY!!!”

Joy looked to the side and saw Dmitri stomping over. “Dmitri?” she asked.

“You’re going to stop _their_ evil plans but not _mine?!”_ Dmitri demanded.

“But...wait…aren’t you all on the same team?” Joy asked.

“We _were_. Up until _these two_ pulled that stunt at MonsterCon without even consulting me!” Dmitri said as he marched up to Brian and Evil Faith angrily. He leered at the dark witch. “You told me we would be _partners_ in this. But ever since your _rotting boy toy_ came along, I’ve been pushed to the sideline and relegated to grunt work. I shall tolerate it no longer!”

“Oh God and Goddess both.” Evil Faith groaned as she facepalmed. “Really, Dmitri? NOW? In front of our arch-enemies, no less?”

“Yeah dude, you’re kinda making a scene here.” Brian said.

“I AM NOT MAKING A SCENE!!!” Dmitri shouted.

Brian groaned. He turned to the Coven. “Look, this is getting too awkward. Can we do this some other time or something?”

“What? No!” Joy replied.

“Yeah, we don’t give a shit about your internal politics!” Hope shouted. “Whoever’s in charge of the Dark Side doesn’t matter, because we’re gonna take ALL of you down!”

Brian sighed. He held up his cane and pointed it at Hope, the purple gem firing a purple blast of energy that struck the witch right in the head, knocking her to the ground.

“Hope!” Joy said as she and Faith rushed to Hope’s side. Her eyes were blank-white again, just like they were the night of MonsterCon.

“Three deaths….three deaths…..” Hope chanted over and over again, completely catatonic.

“What did you do to her?!” Joy shouted at Brian.

“Same thing I did at MonsterCon.” Brian replied. “Anyway, you now have a choice - either stay here and fight while also somehow keeping your little friend there safe. OR you can take Hope somewhere that’s not here and fight another day. Your call.”

Joy glared at the zombie as Faith picked up Hope, holding her gently. “…This isn’t over.” Joy promised.

“We’d be disappointed if it were.” Brian shot back with a sarcastic wave and a smirk. As the Coven retreated, he turned to Dmitri. “Okay, now that THAT’S out of the way…”

“PREPARE TO DIE!!!” the Slayer shouted as she jumped from the tree right at Brian.

Only to face-plant onto the magical barrier Evil Faith conjured up.

“Thanks, babe.” Brian replied. The Slayer slid down the barrier, making that squeaky cartoon sound effect a bird makes after hitting a window.

“Excuse me.” Dmitri said as he walked up to Brian. “But did you just use the Amethyst of Anguish to inflict visions of nightmare on Hope?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah.” Brian said as he twirled the cane around. “I did the same thing back at MonsterCon. Pretty cool, huh?”

“You fool!” Dmitri said as he snatched the cane away.

“Hey.” Brian said, mildly annoyed.

“The Amethyst of Anguish is not a toy!” Dmitri said. “Do you have any idea how reckless it is, using it in the open like that?”

“Oh lay off, Dmitri.” Evil Faith said.

“TASTE MY BLADE!!!” the Slayer said as she went for the witch’s throat, only to be blocked by another quickly conjured shield.

“Using the Amethyst of Anguish was _my_ idea, not his.” Evil Faith said.

“Are you insane?!” Dmitri said. “Using the amethyst in plain view?! Surely you must know the risks! You know what’s at stake better than anyone!”

“Which is why I’m willing to do _whatever_ it takes to win.” Evil Faith said. The Slayer lunged at Dmitri next, but was again blocked by a shield. “Up to, and including, putting one of the gems to good use instead of letting it gather dust in some jewelry box.”

“Look, can we discuss this back at the flat?” Brian asked. “Dmitri’s not wrong about the need for discretion. We shouldn’t be talking about this here. Too many prying ears around.”

The Slayer shouted and lunged at Brian, only to be once again blocked by a shield. “GOD DAMN IT, AT LEAST NOTICE ME!!!” the Slayer raged. “I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED!!!”

Dmitri, Evil Faith, Brian, and the minions all looked at the Slayer.

“I mean validated.” she quickly corrected. “…Or…maybe I want to be loved _and_ validated.”

“Yes, yes, go on.” Norah said as she poofed on the Slayer’s shoulder with a notepad and pencil at the ready.

“Like, everyone at the school just…._ignores_ me. Nobody takes me seriously! JUST LIKE MY FATHER DID!!!” the Slayer went on. “Why?! Why didn’t he love me?! Why didn’t he love _us?!_ We were his family and he just….he just….he just LEFT US!!!”

As the Slayer broke down crying, Norah offered her tissues. “That’s it. Let it all out.”

“…Should. Should we do something?” Brian asked.

“Nah. Let’s leave her to her journey of emotional self-discovery.” Evil Faith replied.

*****

Hope’s nose twitched. “Is….is that stuffed crust?” she asked as she finally awoke from her coma. “I LOVE stuffed crust!” The small witch snatched away the slice of pizza that Amira had been wafting under her nose and devoured it. The djinn turned to the Coven with a triumphant smirk.

“See? Told you it’d wake her up.” Amira said. “There’s more pizza in the kitchen, Hope.” At that, the little witch hopped off the couch and rushed into the kitchen.

“Okay, we’re running out of options.” Joy sighed. “We can’t take them head-on and we can’t infiltrate them.”

“So what do we do?” Oz asked.

“We wait.” Faith said. “The King Butt exhibit is this Saturday. We know where and when they’ll strike next. And when they do, we’ll be ready for them.”

“Hey guys.”

The Coven and Color Crew all turned to Hope, who stood in the kitchen doorway, looking down at her slice of pepperoni, sausage, and bacon pizza, deep in thought. “…Have I ever….you know….died?” she asked.

Joy and Faith shared a look. Joy sighed. “Take a seat, Hope.” Joy said. “This could take a while to explain…”

*****

“Alright!” Dmitri said as he gathered together all the minions in the living room of the flat. “It has come to my attention that SOME PEOPLE on the Dark Side have forgotten the PECKING ORDER. So here’s how it goes. Evil Faith and I are at the top. The rest of you are at the bottom. Simple enough for you?”

“Where does that leave Brian?” Girtrude asked.

“With the rest of you worthless peons!” Dmitri snapped. 

“Aw, but Brian’s _cool!”_ Deborah whined.

“Stop questioning my authority!” Dmitri snapped even harder.

Evil Faith turned to Brian and nodded. Brian nodded back as he stood up. “Okay, Dmitri. I think we both know that there’s really only one way to settle this - a Dark Magic Fight.”

The vampire raised an eyebrow. “Are _you_ actually challenging _me?”_ he asked.

“Eeeyup.” Brian replied.

“You? A _lowly zombie?_ Challenging the all-powerful Dark Lord Dmitri?!” the vampire raged. “You wouldn’t stand a chance.”

“Then you’ve got no excuse to refuse.” Brian said. “Or are you afraid of a _lowly zombie?”_

The vampire huffed. “Very well, then. If you’re so eager to be put back into your place, then I’ll oblige. We shall duel tonight at Midnight! According to the Ancient Rules of the Dark-“

And that’s when Brian blasted Dmitri in the chest with a heavy dose of plague magic, shooting him out the window. He casually strolled out into the backyard where the Dark Lord lied on the ground, clutching his flesh which was beginning to rot. “What….what did…..”

“The fact that you were trying to duel me by ‘Ancient Rules’ shows why you’re not really cut out to be a Dark Lord anymore.” Brian said. “You’re too stiff. Too by-the-book. Too old school. Me? I’m practical. I’m not really a fan of flashy theatrics, I just go with whatever works. And tonight, what worked was blasting my rival in the chest while he kept on yakking, not really paying attention to his surroundings. I feel like the Coven beat you the same way _several_ times in the past.”

He knelt down to meet the injured vampire closer to eye level. “…I’m the Dark Lord, now. And you can either be a loyal minion, or you can be a problem. And I’ll give you one guess how I handle problems. Your call, buddy.”

Dmitri glared at the zombie.

“I’m going to take your silence as a ‘sign me up, boss.’” Brian said. He stood up. “Hey, babe? Patch up Dmitri here, will ya?”

As Evil Faith came out to give Dmitri a pity healing spell, Brian strolled back into the flat, twirling his cane, and smiled at the minions. “…Kneel.” he commanded.

They obeyed.

“Nice.” Brian said. “You may all rise.”

Again, they obeyed.

“…Okay! Now that we’ve got rank all sorted out, who’s up for some Korean barbecue?” Brian asked with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, it's funny. In my first Monster Prom-related project, Vera was the big bad with Vicky as her loyal sidekick. In this one, I've got Dark Lord Brian.
> 
> I don't know why, but whenever I write about the Color Crew, one of them always winds up being a bad guy. I should make a note to avoid that in the next one.


	19. Dark Party

“Alright, lemme see if I’ve got this straight.” Amira began. “Hope here is….NOT the _first_ Hope. She’s the _fourth_ Hope.”

“Yes.” Joy replied.

“The first Hope died.” Amira began. “So you went and got ANOTHER Hope from an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE.”

“Same one Evil Faith was from, yes.” Faith said with a nod.

“Then THAT Hope died. But since she like….bred with a nightmare wolf?”

“No, it devoured part of her soul and used it to weave a cocoon-“

“Whatever!” Amira snapped, cutting off Faith. “And out of THAT cocoon came the THIRD Hope. But then SHE died. And then you guys…MADE….the fourth Hope. Like, this one right here. THIS Hope.” Amira said. “That about right?”

Joy and Faith nodded. “How do you….MAKE a Hope?” Oz asked.

“We started by researching long-forgotten magic of the original witches. It was to learn how to defeat the Anti-Witch back in Season 7, but we ended up using it ourselves.” Joy explained.

“We built…a vessel.” Faith went on. “We learned from our past mistakes. We searched for pieces from the souls of the three former Hopes and put them into the vessel - the Fourth Hope.”

“_Our_ Hope.” Joy said as she put a reassuring hand on Hope’s shoulder.

“…Okay, I’ll say it - your show needs to be fucking canceled, because from the sounds of things, you guys jumped the shark a WHILE ago.” Amira said.

“But…I REMEMBER.” Hope said, still not quite believing what she was hearing. “I remember BEING all those Hopes.”

“I remember you being those Hopes too, actually…” Oz said as they scratched their head.

“Your soul is a construct of their souls, as are your memories.” Faith explained. “We seamed it in a way that you remember their deaths as you just being severely wounded before eventually recovering. The spell was so powerful that it bent reality too. Everyone’s memories of past Hopes were replaced with you.”

“We didn’t want to tell you after seeing how the last Hope felt out of place in the Coven.” Joy said. “We thought it was the best for you.”

Hope said nothing. She just sat there, gazing at the tiny pools of grease on the slice of pizza in her lap. “…You okay, Hope?” Oz asked.

“After finding out that my soul is a Frankensteinian abomination of three other souls stitched together? Oh, I’m just _dandy.”_ Hope deadpanned.

“Hey! What’s wrong with being a Frankensteinian abomination?” Vicky asked, a little offended.

“Look, this is….this is a lot to take in.” Hope said. “I….I need some alone time.” she said as she got up and left the living room and into her own room.

“Will Friend Hope be alright?” Calculester asked with a concerned :( face.

“She’ll be fine.” Faith said with a sigh. “She just needs to process all this.”

*****

The next few days went by without much incident. Well - without incident that was worth writing about, anyway. This is was still Spooky High, so there were both plenty of incidents, but none of them were terribly important to the story, so we need not go over them here.

Except for this one, of course.

“Hey guys.” Brian said as he walked up to the Color Crew’s table. Oz, Amira, Vicky, and Calculester all leered at Brian. Calculester was even using his rarely-used >:( face. “Okay, I get it, you’re all mad at me.”

“No shit! You kicked us out!” Amira shouted.

“Yeah and I’ll admit - that was a petty move on my part.” Brian replied. “We had a big fight not long ago, I was pissed, it was really immature of me, and for that, I am sorry. So how about this?” He then held up a four sealed envelopes, which he handed out to his former friends.

“What are these?” Vicky asked.

“Invitations to a party Evil Faith and I are hosting back at the flat.” Brian said. “It’ll be tonight, and you’re all invited.”

They opened up the envelopes and looked at the cards inside. “‘Ain’t no party like a Dark Side party cuz a Dark Side party don’t stop until the world has been brought to heel.’” Oz read aloud.

“Oh, _now_ I see what your game is.” Vicky hissed. “Well, forget it. We’ll NEVER join the Dark Side!”

“Yeah, tell Dmitri we’re DONE being his minions!” Amira said.

“You won’t be Dmitri’s minions.” Brian said. “You’ll be _mine.”_

“Yours?” Oz asked.

“There’s been a…change in Dark Side leadership.” Brian explained. “To make a long story short, I’m the Dark Lord now.”

“Well I don’t care WHO’S the Dark Lord!” Vicky said. “We’ll NEVER join the Dark Side!”

“I’m not saying you HAVE to join the Dark Side.” Brian said with an eye roll. “I would just appreciate it if you came to the party tonight and gave the Dark Side a chance.”

“Give us ONE good reason why we should go to this party.” Vicky harrumphed.

“Vera’s gonna be there.” Brian deadpanned.

*****

Later that night, the Color Crew arrived at the party at their old flat, now the base of operations for the Dark Side. Vicky knocked on the door, and Girtrude opened it. “Oh, sup guys! Boss man said you’d be coming by!”

“I’m sure he did.” Vicky huffed as she strode in, followed by her three friends.

Oz, Amira and Vicky had never seen their living room packed with so many people before. Some were dancing, others were just chatting, some were watching the sports game, the joint was officially jumping, as the kids say.

“Holy crap.” Oz said. _”Everyone_ is here.”

“Shit, you’re right.” Amira added. “Check it out! There’s Astrid Knott over by the chips!”

“And there’s Abbigail Frost by the punch bowl!” Vicky said.

“And there’s Rach DeVanado! Check out the rack on her!” Amira pointed out.

“Her antlers are indeed impressive.” Calculester added.

“I heard a rumor that those are implants.” Vicky said.

“Okay, guys - let’s focus. We’ve got a job to do here.” Oz said.

“We do?” Amira asked.

“Yeah. We gotta find Brian and tell him about the prophecy.” Oz replied. “This is our best chance to tell him what his girlfriend is _really_ up to.”

“Good luck with that.”

“Gah!” Oz jumped at an unknown voice. They turned and saw…

“The Coven?” Oz asked as the three witches walked up to the Color Crew. “_You guys_ got invited to this?”

“Indeed.” Joy said, with Faith and Hope on her left and right, as always. “We’re as perplexed as you are.”

“This is obviously a trap.” Hope harrumphed.

“Or maybe an attempt to lure us to the Dark Side.” Faith added. “Dmitri has tried that before.”

“I’d love to, believe me.”

“Gah!” Oz jumped at yet another unknown voice. “Why?! Why twice in one night?!” They turned and saw…

“Dmitri!” the Coven all shouted at once as they took battle positions, ready to blast him with magic. The Color Crew likewise got ready for action - Amira conjured fireballs in her hand, Calculester armed his self-defense missiles, Vicky picked up a chair with a student still sitting in it, and Oz…hid behind Calculester.

But a second after everyone took battle stances, they noticed that the vampire was dressed as a Chippendale Dancer, complete with bowtie, and holding a platter of h’ourderves. He was still as shirtless as ever.

“…Well, tonight’s just full of surprises.” Amira observed as the Coven and Color Crew all stood down.

“Dmitri?” Joy asked. “Why the hell are you wearing that?”

“Oh, you haven’t heard?” Dmitri said. “Evidently, I’m no longer a Dark Lord. My position has been usurped.”

“By who?” Joy asked.

“Hey Oz!” Brian said as he walked over. “Glad you made it buddy!” he said as he slapped the shadow’s shoulder. “Amira! Vicky! You guys made it too! OG Color Crew, together again!”

The zombie then turned to Dmitri. “Hey Dmitri - Mamimi and Cool Josh just showed up, and they’re hungry. Go be a pal and start them off.”

“As you wish…” the vampire grumbled as he walked away. The Coven all turned to Brian, shocked.

“You….you _beat_ Dmitri?” Joy asked.

“Oh, like it’s hard.” Brian replied with a roll of his eyes. “The three of you do it at least once a season. Anyway, you’re looking at the _new_ Dark Lord.”

“Ah, so YOURS will be the ass we kick tonight.” Hope said. “Good to know.”

Brian waved his cane in front of Hope, who recoiled at the sight of the Amethyst of Anguish. “Yeah, maybe DON’T give sass-talk to the guy with the gem that gives life to your worst nightmares?” the zombie suggested.

“Y-y-you _sure_ you know how to use that thing, Brian?” Oz asked.

“Relax, I can control it.” Brian boasted.

“Careful, Brian.” Faith said. “‘I can control it’ are common last words for villains.”

“You’re still mad about that whole ‘trying to kill you’ thing, aren’t you?” Brian asked.

“A little.” Faith confessed. “Which makes me curious why you invited my friends and I here and HAVEN’T tried to kill us again yet.”

“Well, me and Evil Faith were talking, and we were wondering if maybe you’d want to join the Dark Side?” Brian asked.

“We’ll never join the Dark Side!” the Coven all shouted at once in defiance.

“Okay! Shit. Fine. A simple ‘no thank you’ would’ve done the job.” Brian replied. “Well, even if you don’t join, stick around! Mingle. Unwind for a change. All my minions are under _strict_ orders not to kill you tonight so you can enjoy the cheese cubes in peace. Call it a truce.”

“I like truces!” Oz said. “Truces are nice!”

“That’s the spirit, lil’ buddy!” Brian said as he clapped Oz affectionately.

“Er, thanks.” Oz said, increasingly nervous about the way Brian waved around the Amethyst of Anguish. “Hey, Brian. We actually need to talk to you about-“

Brian looked off at the sound of the front door opening. “Oh shit, Mina’s here!” he said. “Sorry Oz, I gotta go play host for a while. Hey, Evil Faith! Mina’s here! Come over and say hi!” he said as he walked off to introduce his girlfriend to the latest guest.

Once the new Dark Lord was out of ear shot, Joy turned to the Color Crew. “How did this even happen?” she asked the shadow. “How did _Brian Yu_ of all people become a Dark Lord? A month ago, he napped through an entire magics course!”

“Well, he IS dating an evil witch.” Amira replied with a shrug. “Guess she taught him a few things.”

“Hey, wait a sec.” Hope said. “What about Zoe? Weren’t they dating a few weeks back?”

“Well…up until she dumped him.” Oz shyly admitted.

The Coven all gasped in realization, then nodded. “A broken heart.” Faith said. “A tragically common motivation for joining the Dark Side.”

“It’s why Dmitri joined…” Joy said. “And that’s how he got Brian to join.”

“But now, it seems the student has surpassed the master.” Hope said.

“I fought Brian.” Faith said. “He may seem lazy, but as it turns out, he can be _frighteningly_ proficient with magic when he applies himself. I even suspect that, in life, he might have had some wizard’s blood in him.”

“What do we do?” Oz asked.

“…I need to go find someone.” Joy said. “Hopefully he’s somewhere in this party.”

“Probably is, seeing as half the school’s here.” Hope observed.

“Faith, Hope, you two keep a low profile for now.” Joy ordered. She turned to the Color Crew. “That goes for the rest of you too.”

“B-b-but I need to talk to Brian!” Oz insisted. “I need to tell him about the prophecy!”

“Oz, we are literally standing in the middle of the Dark Lord Brian’s evil lair.” Joy said. “This is no time to be taking unnecessary risks. Just keep your heads low and blend in. I’ll let you know if I _truly_ need your help.”

On that note, Joy broke off with the group and disappeared into the crowd, leaving behind a despondent shadow.

“…So.” Faith said. “I believe Brian mentioned cheese cubes?”

“Bitchin’!” Amira said. “I LOVE cheese cubes!”

*****

A few minutes later, the Color Crew dispersed throughout the party, following Joy’s advice and keeping a low profile. To them, that meant doing what they were going to do anyway and just enjoy the party until the cops inevitably come due to noise complaints.

Oz did what they always did at big parties and just found a nice, isolated corner to stand around in and sip punch until their friends got bored and elected to go home. It helped that this was their former flat, so they knew the perfect spot - right next to the door to the upstairs bathroom. Here, they wouldn’t be bothered by anyone, save of course for good friends.

“Hey Oz.”

“Hey Slayer.” Oz said.

…

“Oh shit, Slayer!!!” Oz shouted as they jumped. “Please don’t stab me!!!”

“Whoa whoa whoa, it’s okay Oz!” the Slayer said. “I’m not even the Slayer right now! I’m just Aaravi!”

“…Huh?” Oz asked. They blinked their eyes and really took a look at the Sla…Aaravi. Gone was her signature red cloak and array of weapons, and in their place was just a green jacket over a yellow t-shirt. “Wow. I….I didn’t know you had other clothes besides your cloak. What’s with the wardrobe change?”

Aaravi took a deep breath and sighed. “So…I’ve been seeing a therapist fairy the last couple weeks and…I’ve been doing some thinking.”

“What kind of thinking?” Oz cautiously asked.

“I fight monsters because even if some of them are actually cool, most are despicable creatures.” Aaravi began. “But, it might be that part of my anger comes from elsewhere. My father was a monster, you see. He was never home and he ended up abandoning us. I know it was the disease that took my mother, yet I feel in a way she also died of a broken heart, since she was never the same after he left. Our aunt and uncle took us in after that.”

She sighed as she went on. “Then, the night of his eighteenth birthday, my brother Salil disappeared. I’m sure some monsters kidnapped him, because the blood of the monster slayers run through our veins. And I guess that’s easier to entertain than the idea that he left on his own to look for our father, because he was younger than me and never got to see the kind of man he was.”

It was then that Norah appeared on Aaravi’s shoulder. “Excellent breakthrough, Aaravi!” the little green fairy cheered. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Yeah…I’ve been thinking a lot lately. The truth is….being this angry all the time can be exhausting.” Aaravi sighed again. But it wasn’t a weary sigh this time. This time, it was the sigh of relief that came with getting years of mental issues off one’s chest.

“…So, you’re NOT going to murder me?” Oz asked.

“Nah. I’m not gonna murder any of your friends either.” Aaravi said. “I think my days of random slaughter are behind me now.”

“Well, Aaravi. It looks like my work here is done.” Norah said.

“Will I ever see you again?” Aaravi asked.

“Oh don’t worry - I’ll be around.” Norah replied with a wink. “Farewell, Aaravi. And good luck.” And just like that, she disappeared in a puff of green, therapeutic magic.

“…Huh.” Oz said.

“…So.” Aaravi said. “…What do you monsters do at these parties?”

“Oh, you know.” Oz said with a shrug. “Drink. Do drugs. Destroy private property. The usual teenage party stuff.”

*****

Liam had mixed feelings about attending this party. On the one hand, the presence of so many monsters here was evidence alone that whatever was happening here was disgustingly mainstream. On the other hand, the party’s hosts intrigued him. The Dark Side, once an obscure faction that really only consisted of Dmitri, had seen much radical change. Brian Yu had supplanted Dmitri as the Dark Side’s leader, along with Evil Faith, Faith’s counterpart from an evil dimension. And now, they were recruiting students en masse. The vampire was admittedly fascinated by just how provocative this whole movement was.

But so far at least, the party had been nothing but one cliché after another. Gossiping, lewd jokes, beer in red cups - yes, _red plastic cups._ It was as though the late 90’s was the guest of honor at this party and was vomiting all of its most tired tropes all over the place. It was enough to make his skin crawl.

He was out in the backyard, standing beside a picnic table, writing an instagram post explaining how and why this party sucked, when an old friend appeared. “Hello, Liam.” Joy said as she approached the vampire.

“…Joy.” Liam curtly greeted as he put his cell phone back in his pocket. “It’s…been a while.”

“Yeah. It has.” Joy replied.

Liam could smell her blood, coursing through her veins. The scent unleashed a flood of memories. A long and complicated romance, capped off by a bittersweet mutual parting of ways.

“STARS!!!”

The moment was killed swiftly and brutally by Polly’s outburst. Joy looked down and saw the ghost cowering underneath the picnic table. “Stars?” she asked.

“They’re watching us!” Polly ranted. “They’re watching. Planning. And when we least expect it, THEY’RE GONNA KILL US ALL!!! WITH LASERS!!!”

Joy looked back up at Liam with a raised eyebrow. “She’s on super shrooms.” Liam explained.

“Ah.” Joy replied with a nod. “Anyway, Liam…I need your help.”

Liam quirked an eyebrow at that. “With what, exactly?”

*****

When Amira bumped into Dahlia at the party, she was relieved at first. With her buff blue beau by her side, she could take one whatever vile trick Brian and the Dark Side were planning.

But then Dahlia got….distracted.

“HA!” Dahlia said as she slammed down the winning card.

“Noooo!” cried out the nerdy harpy Dahlia was playing Magic: The Gathering against, earning a triumphant, evil laugh from Dahlia.

The whole time, Amira was standing off to the side, holding up one hand to cover the side of her face, trying to avert her gaze. Dahlia turned to the djinn. “Amira! I have defeated my enemy!”

“You won a children’s card game. Congratulations.” Amira grumbled.

“Hey, wait. I know you!” the nerd bird said as she pushed up her glasses. “You’re Amira Rashid!”

“Oh, you’ve heard of me?” Amira asked, her embarrassment quickly melting away as the fires of her ego were fanned.

“Yeah! Your red/blue deck is the stuff of legends!”

Aaaand her embarrassment came rushing back ten-fold.

“Red/blue?” Dahlia asked. “You play Magic: the Gathering?”

“Uh…n-no.” Amira nervously replied.

“Are you kidding? She was the QUEEN of Magic back in Spooky Junior High!” the nerd gushed.

As reward for her admiration, the harpy received a torrent of flame that set her feathers ablaze. She screamed in agony as she ran outside and rolled around on the ground, trying to put herself out. Other party-goers tried to help by throwing beer on her to put out the flames.

Amira breathed long, ragged breaths, her palms still smoking from the torrents of flame she shot at the harpy. It took every ounce of will power to keep in tears as long-suppressed memories of middle school torment bubbled up to the surface. “Amira, is there a reason you set that person on fire?” Dahlia asked.

“I DON’T PLAY MAGIC!!!” Amira snapped at Dahlia. “IT’S A SHITTY GAME FOR NERDS AND I’M NOT A FUCKING NERD!!!”

Dahlia blinked at Amira, shocked. “…You…you think I’m a nerd?” the demoness asked.

“…Uh….” Amira stuttered, realizing just what exactly she said.

Dahlia’s shock quickly turned to anger. “Did you just call my favorite card game shitty?!”

“…Okay. See, the thing is-“

Amira never got to finish her sentence, as Dahlia punched her in the face hard enough to send her flying out the window like a comet. She then stomped off in a rage.

As Amira laid on the ground, picking glass shards out of her skin, she realized that that museum date was probably canceled now.

*****

The good news was that it didn’t take Vicky very long to find Vera. The bad news was that she found her by the side of the building, talking to Brian and Evil Faith.

Well, maybe it wasn’t as bad as it looked. This was Vera Oberlin, after all. If only one person could outwit the Dark Side and beat them at their own game, it was her. She walked up to Vera’s side and nodded. “Vera.” she greeted.

“Vicky.” the gorgon curtly replied as she turned to the flesh golem.

“So, what did I miss?” Vicky asked.

“Brian is suggesting a…merger of sorts.” Vera answered.

“Not even a merger.” Brian said. “More like a cooperative venture. _You_ wanna rob the museum on Saturday night. _We_ wanna rob the museum on Saturday night. BUT, _we_ only want the Tourmaline Soul. We’re more than happy to let _you_ have the rest of the loot, Vera.”

“I’ve run the numbers.” Evil Faith said. “The Tourmaline Soul only represents a small portion of the King Butt collection’s over all value. At worst, it’s a nice, even, 50/50 split. At best, you’re actually walking away with a _majority_ of the profits.”

“We don’t have to be rivals on this, Vera.” Brian said.

Vera hummed as she stroked her chin in thought. Vera was beginning to panic internally. Vera couldn’t ACTUALLY be considering this deal, could she? She had to intervene. “Why should we settle for _most_ of the loot…” Vicky said. “When we could _all_ of it?” That earned the flesh golem a glare from Brian, which prompted her to respond with a mocking wink and a _blep_ of her tongue.

“Vicky raises a good point.” Vera said. “You’re assuming that I can’t crush you under my heel.”

“I’m sure you can.” Evil Faith said. “BUT, if you try it, we’ll try to crush you back, there would be a massive brawl in the museum, and the whole thing would be just unprofessional, wouldn’t it?”

“OR, we could cooperate, run a nice clean heist, we each get a cut of the loot, everyone’s happy.” Brian added.

Vera hummed again. “Vera.” Vicky whispered into her ear. “This is the _Dark Side_ we’re talking about. Don’t tell me you trust them.”

“I don’t.” Vera whispered back. She took a step towards Brian. “You’ve got a deal Brian, but know this. If you or any of your flunkies try to somehow screw me over, I will END you. Are we clear on that?”

“Crystal.” Brian replied with a smirk before he and the gorgon shook hands.

“Vera!” Vicky snapped as she started pulling on her hair. “You can’t-“

“I just did.” Vera said as she grabbed Vicky by the waist and pulled her close to her side. “Look, I understand that your falling out with Brian has resulted in a petty grudge on your part, but please - don’t let it get in the way of _my_ heist.”

“But….but….but…..” Vicky stuttered.

Vera rolled her eyes and kissed Vicky on the cheek, which was enough to make her immediately forget her outrage. “This is a _temporary_ alliance.” Vera assured. “Once we have what we want, you’ll be free to indulge whatever childish revenge fantasies you might have. Until then, however, I expect you to _behave_ yourself. Am I clear?”

“Yes ma’am.” Vicky said, submitting to Vera’s dominant sexual energy, and not for the first time.

As Vera walked away, Vicky found herself conflicted. She couldn’t let the Dark Side win! But mistre - _she meant_ Vera - just made a deal and made it clear that it was NOT to be broken. She’d been a loyal minion to Vera for months - she couldn’t throw it all away now! Not when she was so close to getting an actual date, possibly, maybe!

The flesh golem had arrived at a crossroads - defeat the Dark Side? Or continue her long quest for hot, gorgon pussy? It was decisions like these that revealed who a person truly was…

*****

“Brian, it is SO GOOD that you found someone new!” Violet gushed. “I mean, when Zoe dumped you, Tate and I felt SO bad for you. But now look at you! You got back on that horse and have found new love!”

Tate, the yeti that Violet the sentient fungus was parasitically bonded too, gave a grunt and a thumbs up, signifying that he agreed with his girlfriend/parasite, Violet.

“So! How did you two meet?” Violet asked.

“MonstrMashr.” Brian replied with a shrug.

“You know, Tate is in GREAT shape, does he work out?” Evil Faith asked.

“A little.” Violet replied. “With me feeding on most of his fat, he’s nothing but muscle now from being in a constant state of ketosis!”

Brian whistled. “Not bad. Say, do you or Tate ever think about doing henchwork? We can always use an extra set of hands.”

“Hrm. Tate DOES need to provide for me if we’re going to get married.” Violet hummed in thought. “Do you have a pamphlet?”

“I always carry one in my pocket.” Brian said as he pulled one such pamphlet out of his pocket and gave it to Tate. The yeti’s hand twitched violently as he took the pamphlet and opened it.

“Ooooh, look at their dental plan, Tate!” Violet said. “Thanks a lot, Brian!”

“Give us a call sometime!” Brian called as Violet and Tate walked away. Evil Faith turned to Brian.

“I’m gonna go chat up Miranda Vanderbilt.” the evil witch said. “If we can get HER to sign up, we get access to her personal army of serfs.”

“Good luck, babe. I think I’m gonna take five…” Brian said with a sigh.

“Aw. Tired?” Evil Faith said.

“Kinda.” Brian answered. “Been networking all night. Don’t worry, all I need is a cup of punch and a handful of snacks, and I should be ready to go for another couple hours.”

“That’s my boy.” Evil Faith praised as she kissed him on the cheek and disappeared into the crowd. Brian walked toward the snack table in the living room to help himself to some refreshments.

“Hello, Brian.” said a voice behind the zombie. He looked over his shoulder and saw…

“Liam?” Brian asked, a bit surprised to see Liam here. Partially because he’s an old crush of his, and partially because nineteen chapters in and this is the first time Liam’s even being mentioned.

Look, Monster Prom has a LOT of characters, alright? Some are gonna get more screen time than others, and a few will even be ignored entirely because they’re not relevant to the plot. That’s just how it goes.

“Yes, it’s me. Liam de Lioncourt.” Liam said.

“Long time, no see.” Brian said. “How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been well.” Liam replied. “As have you, I see. I hear you’re a Dark Lord now.”

“Eeeyup.” Brian said as he casually leaned on his cane.

“Hrm. With the cane and everything.” Liam said. “…You know, using the cane as part of your evil outfit is ableist. It implies that people who need a cane to walk around are secretly evil and not to be trusted.”

“…Huh.” Brian said as he stood up and observed the cane. “I just thought it would be a cool thing to attach an evil gem too.”

“Too many people these days select their styles based solely on what ‘looks cool’ without any thought given to _context.”_ Liam said. “Which segues nicely into what I wanted to talk about, actually - when people join the Dark Side, they usually do it because they think it’s cool and don’t really consider the consequences of their choices.”

“Consequences?” Brian asked.

“Oh you know - shattered friendships. Destroyed lives. The general black stain on your soul.” Liam explained as he grabbed a red cup of beer and sipped it. “Ugh. This isn’t _locally_ brewed.”

Brian scoffed. Great. Another monster looking to judge him. “What do _you_ know?”

“Quite a bit, I should think, since I used to be a Dark Lord myself.” Liam said as he poured the sub-standard beer on the carpet.

“…_You_ were a Dark Lord?” Brian asked.

“I know, it was before I broke out of the mainstream.” Liam said, cringing at the memory of his old life. “I even had an evil name for myself - Angelus.”

“Oh God.” Brian said, cringing a bit himself.

“I know…” Liam sighed wearily. “I was actually a regular enemy to the Coven up until the Season 4 finale. That’s when I…” the vampire paused - dramatically - before resuming. “…I did something terrible, Brian. So terrible I couldn’t be evil anymore. I left the Dark Side. After that, I joined the Coven and fought with them for a while. Tried to atone for what I did. But in Season 6, things got too…complicated. Also, the show was getting WAY too mainstream, so I had to get out of there anyway.”

The vampire pulled out a flask and poured it into one of the cups - blood from home. He sipped it. “…Better.” he said to himself. “…Take it from me, Brian. You don’t want this life. It may _seem_ cool, but it costs more than you think. Leave. Before you do something that’ll haunt you the rest of your unlife.”

On that note, Liam walked away, feeling like he made his point. Brian just stood there, silent for a moment.

“…What a dork.” the zombie muttered to himself as he stuffed a handful of chili-cheese corn chips into his mouth. “Can’t believe I had a crush on that guy…”

*****

“…So then Brian told me that it was cool with him, since he’s got a new girlfriend and all.” Oz said. “But, I still haven’t REALLY made a move on Zoe yet.”

“How come?” Aaravi asked. The two of them had been chatting in the hallway for a while now.

“I dunno.” Oz replied. “I guess even though he’s cool with it, this is STILL Brian’s ex we’re talking about. It’s…weird. Yanno?”

“That sounds like a load of bull.” Aaravi said.

“Huh?” Oz asked.

“It sounds to me like you’re just using Zoe’s old relationship with Brian as an excuse. What you’re REALLY afraid of is rejection.” Aaravi explained. “Being rejected is ALWAYS a blow to a person’s self-esteem, and yours is pretty fragile to start with. You’re afraid of taking that hit, so you hardly ever put yourself out there. Instead, you just pine for people from afar, like you did with Polly, because that’s just easier to deal with.”

“…Huh.” Oz replied.

“But here’s the difference between Polly and Zoe - Zoe’s your _friend._ You actually hang out with her on a regular basis.” Aaravi continued. “You can’t pine for her from afar if she’s always close to you, and THAT’S what’s really driving you nuts. Her closeness makes your feelings impossible to ignore, yet your fear of rejection keeps you from doing anything about it. You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.”

“Wow.” Oz said. “You sure do have a lot of insight into my emotional state.”

“I had a really good therapist. Picked up a few things.” Aaravi said. “Also, I’ve been stalking like, HALF of Spooky High’s entire student body. Yanno, learning about my prey and all. Kinda hard for me NOT to notice all the high school drama going on.”

It was at that moment that Brian walked up to the shadow. “Hey Oz!” he said.

“Brian!” Oz replied. “I-“

“Hold that thought, I gotta hit the head.” he quickly said before entering the bathroom. Oz groaned.

“What’s wrong?” Aaravi asked.

“I gotta tell Brian about the prophecy!” Oz said.

“You mean the one we found in Turkey?” Aaravi asked.

“Yeah!” Oz said. “I don’t think he realizes that his girlfriend is planning on summoning a quartet of giant eyeballs to destroy civilization as we know it.”

“Okay, but didn’t Joy tell you to keep a low profile?” Aaravi asked. “Cuz what you’re suggesting isn’t low profile. Pretty sure talking to a Dark Lord is high profile.”

“Well, _someone’s_ gotta do it!” Oz said. “And if nobody else is brave enough to do it, I’ll do it!”

“…Do you want me to stay here for emotional support?” Aaravi asked.

“Please do.” Oz whimpered.

It was then that the toilet flushed and Brian emerged, wafting his hand. “Woof. I’d give that toilet a few minutes. Those pigs in blanket didn’t quite agree with me for some reason.”

“Uh, sure thing, Brian.” Oz said. “Hey. Do you have a minute to talk? I REALLY need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay, what about?” Brian said as he walked away and motioned Oz to follow.

“Well, remember your old lair?” Oz asked. “The one that was a huge network of tunnels?”

“Yeah.” Brian said as he fist-pounded one of the Wolfpack.

“Did you ever, you know, take a look around those tunnels?” Oz asked.

“Not really. Everything we needed was in the main chamber.” Brian replied.

“…Well….” Oz began as they made it outside.

*****

Ice wasn’t normally Amira’s friend. Then again, Amira didn’t normally have a black eye this bad. After taking an ice-pack out of the freezer, she held it against her black eye as she sat on the couch. She had to keep her flame down in order to keep the ice from melting. A few minutes later, Vicky happened upon her.

“What happened to you?” she asked.

“I think Dahlia just broke up with me.” Amira said.

“Ooooh…” Vicky replied with a wince. “What happened?”

“I….I don’t wanna talk about it.” Amira replied, unusually quiet.

“Well, for what it’s worth, my night’s not going much better.” Vicky said. “Vera just entered an alliance of convenience with the Dark Side. Which means my crush is now associating with my arch-enemy.”

“…Brian is your arch-enemy now?” Amira asked.

“Yes! I’m obsessed with revenge! Haven’t you been paying attention?!” Vicky demanded.

“Argh, not so loud.” Amira grunted. “That punch gave me a really bad headache.”

Vicky then caught something out of the corner of her eye, out the window. “What the?” she asked as she went up to the window. “Brian’s out in the backyard.”

“Big shock. He’s been out there, like, half the night.” Amira groaned.

“And he’s talking with…” she paused. “Uh-oh.”

*****

“And then there was this HUGE mural!” Oz went on regaling the story of what they discovered in the tunnels beneath Gobekli Tepe. “And it depicted four giant floating eyeballs destroying an ancient city! And written below it was a prophecy that said ‘The Darkness came, and the Darkness will come again.’”

“Uh….huh.” Brian replied, not really believing a word of what Oz just said.

“And I think THAT’S the Dark Side’s big plan! They’re going to use the Amethyst of Anguish, the Tourmaline Soul, and possibly several other magic gems that we don’t even KNOW about to summon-“

“Four giant floating eyeballs?” Brian asked.

“To destroy civilization as we know it, yeah.” Aaravi finished. Oz nodded at that.

“…Scuse me a sec.” Brian said. He then turned around. “Hey baby!”

“Yeah?” Evil Faith shouted from the other end of the party.

“Are you planning on summoning four giant eyeballs to take over the world?” Brian asked.

“No!” Evil Faith shouted in reply.

The zombie turned back to the shadow. “Well there ya go - it’s not what she’s planning.”

“Well of course SHE’D say that!” Oz protested.

Brian groaned as he facepalmed. “Come on, dude. Don’t do this…”

“Do what?” Oz asked.

“The whole ‘that girl’s bad for you’ routine.” Brian said. “It’s the reason I stormed out of the flat in the first place. Why can’t you just be happy for me?”

“I would be! If your new girlfriend wasn’t secretly planning to destroy the world!” Oz said.

“You know something, Oz? I invited you to this party because I actually felt kinda bad about throwing you out.” Brian said. “So I was trying to bury the hatchet. I was trying to be the _good guy_ here.”

Oz blinked at that. “…You’re a _Dark Lord_, Brian! You are, by definition, NOT the good guy here.”

“Alright, look.” Brian snarled as he walked up to the shadow and looked down on the shorter monster. “You wanna get into my ex-girlfriend’s pants so bad, that’s fine by me. So how about you return the favor and get off my back about _my_ choice of girlfriends?”

“You know, the fact that you brought up your ex-girlfriend when we previously weren’t even talking about her implies that Oz’s crush on her is actually _not_ fine by you.” Aaravi pointed out.

Brian turned to Aaravi with a raised eyebrow.

“…Which in turn implies that your joining the Dark Side was not only initially motivated by your break-up with Zoe, but that your continued loyalty is motivated by a fear of loneliness. You’re so desperate for romantic affection that you’d rather be dating an evil witch than nobody at all.”

Brian and Oz both stared at Aaravi, blinking a bit in disbelief.

“…I had a _really_ good therapist.” Aaravi said.

“…Aaravi’s right, Brian.” Oz said. “Look at yourself. This isn’t _you._ It’s just….it’s a _mask_ you’re wearing to get Evil Faith to like you.”

Brian’s eyebrow twitched at the mention of a mask. It reminded him of a certain discussion he had a while back…he shook his head. “Whatever, dude.” he said as he tried to walk away.

“No, NOT whatever, dude!” Oz said as they tried to grab Brian’s jacket arm. “You need to-“

Oz didn’t get a chance to finish that sentence as, without thought and totally on reflex, Brian turned around and blasted Oz square in the chest with a heavy dose of plague magic. The blast was strong enough to send him flying through a window into the living room.

The blast caused enough of a scene to halt the party in its tracks. “OZ!!!” Amira and Vicky shouted, breaking the silence as they tended to their injured friend. Their skin had turned an unnatural shade of grey and was even bubbling in some places as the shadow was suddenly racked with coughing. Vicky looked up at Brian and scowled.

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!?!” she demanded.

“…I…..I……” Brian stuttered. He looked down at his hand, still smoking with evil magic. It only took a second for Vicky to forget her anger and instead focus on Oz.

“Calculester! Pick Oz up!” Vicky shouted, the robot doing so. “We’re getting them out of here!”

“Vicky, wait!” Brian shouted. His pleas fell on deaf ears, as his three former friends ran out the front door. Aaravi and the Coven were quick to follow, Aaravi giving the zombie a particularly toxic glare before storming out after them. All was silent for a moment before the party eventually resumed, the drama fading as the guests were eager to get back to enjoying themselves. Evil Faith walked up to Brian and kissed him on the cheek.

“I’m so proud of you.” she cooed.

Normally, that would’ve put a smile on Brian’s face. But as he looked down at his hand, still glowing with rotting energy, he remembered what Liam said.

_Leave. Before you do something that’ll haunt you the rest of your unlife._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact - Astrid Knott, Abbigail Frost, and Rach Devando are all winners of a monstersona contest that was held by Monster Prom developer Beautiful Glitch earlier this year. Thought I'd give them quick lil' shout-outs. Credits to their creators and what not.
> 
> Anyway, yeah. Looks like Brian just crossed a line. What hope is there for him now? What hope is there for anyone? Stay tuned!


	20. I Love It...

Saturday mornings are usually happy affairs. The weekend is about to begin, and Spooky High Students would discuss their plans for Saturday night over a big Saturday morning breakfast. But that wasn’t the case this Saturday. Not for the Color Crew or the Coven.

Faith had been busy applying healing magic to Oz all night, trying to bring the shadow back from the brink. Calculester, not needing sleep as much as the others, stayed by Oz’s side all throughout the night to monitor their condition. It still took some convincing to get the others to sleep - Saturday night would be the night of the heist, and they would all need rest.

Saturday morning only gave them slightly more hope. Oz’s skin was no longer bubbling, but they were still very grey instead of the healthy shade of black they were supposed to be. “His illness has passed, but he’s still very weak.” Faith said as she waved a magic hand over Oz’s unconscious form on the couch. “Shadows feed on fear, so we need to take them somewhere where there’s fear.”

“I got just the trick.” Amira said. “We take them to a horror movie this afternoon.”

“Horror movies aren’t scary.” Vicky said.

“They are if you throw THIS in somebody’s hair.” Amira said as she held up a plastic spider toy. “I got a couple dozen of these. The ensuing mass freakout should be enough to get Oz back on their feet, at least.”

Joy sighed. “This is all my fault. This happened because I allowed you all to get involved in our business. I never should’ve accepted your help.”

“Don’t beat yourself up, Joy.” Hope assured. “You had no way of predicting any of this.”

“Plus, we actually blame Brian more than we blame you.” Amira said. “You know, since he was the one who _actually_ blasted Oz with evil magic.”

“Alright.” Vicky said as she clapped her hands together and rubbed them. “The museum heist is _tonight_ and we’re down a shadow. What’s the plan, Joy?”

“The plan?” Joy asked. “The plan is that you all stay here while Faith, Hope, and I go off to confront the Dark Side.”

“By yourselves?” Vicky asked. “But we’ve been with you every step of the way since the start of all this.”

“Indeed. And look where that lead you.” Joy said as she gestured to the unconscious shadow. “Vicky, you and your friends have already given us more help than we had any right to ask, and for that I thank you. But from here on out, I won’t have anyone else fighting the Coven’s battles for us.”

“I’m sorry, the _Coven’s_ battles?” Vicky asked with her hands on her hips. “Do you honestly think Oz almost got himself killed last night on _your_ behalf? Is that why you’re feeling so guilty? Well then, allow me to take a load off your conscience; you weren’t even a FACTOR. Oz was just trying to get their friend back - not for the Coven, but for us. The Color Crew.”

“Vicky’s right.” Amira said as she stood next to Vicky with her arms crossed over her chest. “It’s _our_ friend who’s on that couch, not yours. It’s _our_ friend who got seduced by the Dark Side, not yours. You lost exclusive rights to this fight a _while_ ago.”

“This is _our_ fight, Joy.” Vicky declared. “And we’re going to fight it. With or without you.”

Joy and Vicky stared each other down for a moment. Joy blinked first, nodding. “Alright, Vicky. You’re in.”

“Good.” Vicky said. “Amira, Calculester. You two go ahead and get Oz to that theater. Get them back in fighting shape, we’re gonna need _all_ hands on deck, tonight.”

“We’re on it!” Amira said as Calculester gently picked Oz up and the three of them walked out the door.

“Even if Oz fully recovers in time, we’d still be outnumbered.” Joy pointed out. “Throw Brian and Evil Faith’s terrifying magical capabilities on top of that, and defeating the Dark Side will be no small task.”

“Don’t worry, Joy. I already have a plan.” Vicky said as she tapped her head.

“You do?” Joy asked.

“What can I say - watching one of your best friends teeter on the brink of death makes you ponder _all kinds of ways_ to get payback on the people who did that to them.” Vicky replied. “And I think I’ve narrowed it down to a good one…”

*****

Damien was bored. He’d normally spend his Saturday mornings doing something awesome, like burning down a building. Or kicking someone’s ass. Or getting a makeover. Or burning down another building.

But instead here he was, sitting down the street from the Monstropolis Power Plant. On Vera’s signal, he was to attack the place and trigger a power outage throughout the city. It sounded sweet at first, but the problem is that she made him arrive at plant _hours_ before he was supposed to burn it down and _wait._

Damien hated waiting.

He passed the time however he could. He tagged the back of some nearby store with penis graffiti. He carved ‘fuck you’ into a nearby tree thirty-seven times. He even started walking up to random guys and just kicking them in their crotches! But whatever momentary thrill he got from all that wasn’t enough to sustain him for long. He needed something, ANYTHING, to do.

He standing underneath a tree, punching it to while away the hours, when the phone rang. He quickly answered it, desperate for stimulation. “Vera?!” he asked.

“No, Damien. It’s me, Vicky.” Vicky’s voice on the other line came.

“Oh.” Damien sagged. “What do YOU want?”

“Nothin’ much.” Vicky replied. “Just wanted to call and see how you were doin’. Doing anything fun?”

“No!” Damien shouted. “And according to Vera, I’m not SUPPOSED to do anything fun for another six hours! I’M SO FUCKING BORED I COULD MURDER SOMEONE!!!”

“Aw, that’s too bad, champ.” Vicky said. “And the worst part is, burning down the power plant is like, the ONLY job Vera gave you. After that, she wants you to stay away from the museum!”

“Ugh, I know!” Damien ranted. “I don’t even know why! Something about ‘discretion’ and ’subtlety’ and other dumb words she made up.”

“Well, you could always…” she paused. “No. No, you _can’t_ do _that.”_

“Can’t do what?” Damien asked.

“Oh, nothing.” Vicky replied.

“What can’t I do?!” Damien demanded. “Tell me or I’m gonna do whatever it is that I can’t do just to prove that I can!”

“Well…it’s just I had an idea for how to make the heist more…fun.” Vicky said. “But we shouldn’t. Vera might not like it.”

“Vera can shove it up her ass!” Damien shouted. “Now tell me how to make the heist more fun!”

“…Weeeeeellllll……”

*****

After telling Damien her plan, Vicky hung up and turned to the Coven. “Damien’s in.”

“Fantastic. We now have a spicy red baby on our side. Our victory is now assured.” Hope deadpanned.

“Hope, this is Damien LaVey we’re talking about.” Vicky said. “He is _absolutely_ the man to call when you need someone’s shit wrecked. Moving right along, look what I’ve got!” She reached into her pocket and pulled out…

“A teleportation crystal?” the Coven all asked at once, in awe of the sparkling white gem in Vicky’s palm.

“Where did you find it?” Faith asked.

“Remember when we teleported from Dmitri’s old lair in Turkey to the dark forest?” Vicky asked. “I thought it was weird that there was no crystal in the forest. I mean, that’s how tele-crystals work, right? They’re linked to other crystals.

“It _was_ strange that there was no crystal where we landed.” Joy said. Indeed, it was almost as though the writer of this story forgot the rules to his own universe for a moment.

“Well, I went back to the dark forest the other day and did some digging and, wouldn’t you know it, I found this little sucker buried underneath a bush.” Vicky explained. “Been holding on to it ever since; just in case.”

“Is it still linked to the greater crystal in Turkey?” Hope asked.

“Dunno, never tested it.” Vicky replied. “I don’t even know how this thing works. Fortunately, you do.”

She casually tossed the crystal to Joy. “Teleport to the greater crystal in Turkey, then use it to collect the other lesser crystals.”

“How many do you need?” Joy asked.

“As many as you can get.” Vicky answered.

Joy nodded. “I won’t be long.” Faith said as she clutched the crystal and disappeared in a flash of light.

*****

A swarm of Arachne’s ran out of the theater, screaming, trying to get the tiny plastic spiders out of their hair. As they all scurried off, Amira, Calculester and Oz all walked out of the theater. The djinn stood with her hands on her hips, looking very proud of the work she’s done today.

“Curious.” Calculester noted. “I did not think so many arachne’s would be arachnophobic.”

“Makes sense to me.” Amira said. “If tiny versions of me started crawling around in my hair, I’d freak out.” She then turned to the shadow. “How you feelin’ Oz?”

“A little better.” Oz said. “Still kinda light-headed though.”

“Well, you’re conscious, so you’re automatically doing better than you were this morning.” Amira said with a smile. It was then that her phone started ringing. She picked it up, recognizing the number. “Hey Vicky! Good news - Oz is back.”

“Awesome!” Vicky replied. “Hey, can you talk to Dahlia for me?”

Amira winced. “Uh….”

“Oh right - she dumped you.” Vicky said. “Okay, just text me her number, I’ll call her myself.”

*****

In a flash of light, Joy reappeared in the Coven’s living room with a bag of tele-crystals. “Alright. I’ve got about a dozen lesser tele-crystals here.”

“Perfect!” Vicky said, still on the cell phone, as she took the bag. She then walked over to the whiteboard-

Wait, whiteboard?

“I see you’ve been busy while I was gone.” Joy said as she rejoined her two fellow witches on the couch as Vicky drew up a top-down floor map of the museum on the white board in blue marker, showing who would be positioned where. “You know, I had no idea we even had a whiteboard.”

“We don’t.” Hope said. “She just left the room and back back a minute later with it. We’re STILL trying to figure out where she stashed it.”

“Okay!” Vicky said as she hung up her cell phone. “We’ve got a couple of demons and a bag full of tele-crystals! So far, so good. Now then, Faith - remember that barrier you conjured in the dark forest a couple weeks back?”

“Yes?” Faith asked.

“Think you can conjure a barrier like that around the museum?” Vicky asked. “Like, say, in a dome-like shape.”

Faith raised an eyebrow. “Theoretically, yes. But it’s a big spell. The reagents alone would take days to gather.”

Vicky checked her watch. “You’ve got five hours.”

“What?” Faith asked. “Vicky you can’t be serious. Trying to cast a Greater Spell of Sealing around a building that large with so little prep time….to be perfectly frank, it’s idiotic.”

“Exactly!” Vicky cheered. “If _you_ think it’s idiotic, that means _Evil Faith_ will think it’s idiotic! Which means she’d never expect it!”

“Hate to say it, but that actually makes sense.” Hope said. “Albeit in a demented sort of way.”

“Assuming I even _can_ cast such a spell without all the proper reagents…” Faith said with a sigh. “The dome would only last a few minutes.”

“A few minutes is all we need.” Vicky said with a wink.

“Got room for one more, ladies?”

Vicky and the Coven all turned to the doorway, and saw Aaravi standing there. Only, she wasn’t Aaravi. Dressed in leather hunting gear, daggers strapped to her legs, crossbow pistols strapped to her belt, and a red cloak covering her head and back, she was now the Slayer once again.

“Aaravi?” Vicky asked. “What are you doing here?”

“Call me Slayer.” the Slayer said. “Oz called me a little while ago. Said you guys were planning a big move against the Dark Side. I want in.”

“I thought your days of random slaughter were behind you now?” Vicky asked with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

“They are.” The Slayer replied. She then put on her trademark bloodthirsty grin. “From now on, I’m all about _selective_ slaughter.”

“Good to hear.” Vicky said as she turned to her blueprint for the Dark Side’s demise, squeezing the Slayer into her brilliant and intricately laid out plan.

“Okay, on to our next contestant!” Vicky said. “Joy! Give me your phone. I need to give Dmitri a call.”

_”Dmitri?!”_ Joy demanded. “What makes you think I’ve got HIS number?!”

Faith, Hope, Vicky and the Slayer all gave Joy a ‘really?’ look.

Joy sighed. “He’s on speed dial. Hit seven.” she said as she gave the flesh golem her cell phone.

*****

Things were looking up. So far, Vicky had a bag of tele-crystals, a handful of unlikely allies, and a plan that was just crazy enough to work. But even all of that put together wouldn’t be enough to defeat the Dark Side for good, and Vicky knew it. She needed a little extra insurance too. Specifically, a small army of trained professionals. And she knew just where to get it.

“What do you mean you’re not gonna loan me a small army of trained professionals?!” Vicky demanded.

“Couple reasons.” Captain Erika Boor of the GPRD said as she marched through the halls of the GPRD Station, the flesh golem having to power-walk to keep up. “First of all, you’re not the Coven. You’re….honestly, I don’t even know who you are. How did you even get past security?”

“All I can say is that your windows need better locks.” Vicky said.

“Noted.” Captain Boor replied. “Second of all, even if you WERE the Coven, I STILL wouldn’t lend your ass any help, because the last time I loaned you guys one of my agents, it bit me in the ass.”

“What do you mean?” Vicky asked.

“Notice that we’re walking towards the medical center?” Captain Boor asked.

Vicky looked around noticed that, yeah, they were now in the medical center of the station, where officers went to treat wounds suffered on the job. “Yeah? What does that have to do with anything?”

The captain answered by throwing back medical curtains revealing a horribly dented suit of armor lying on a gurney. An enchanted suit of armor. An enchanted suit of armor wearing a baseball cap and sneakers who looked an awful lot like-

“Fellow Student!” Vicky gasped.

“T-t-t-t-uuubular.” Fellow Student groaned.

“After he scouted out Dmitri’s lair like the Coven asked him to, the Dark Lord’s goons jumped him and assaulted him with iron clubs.” Captain Boor explained. “Docs say he’s lucky to be alive.”

“S-s-send me in coach….”

“You’ve done enough, son. Take it easy.” Captain Boor said as she pulled the curtains back to give Fellow Student a little more privacy. She then GLARED at Vicky through her aviator sunglasses. “Tell the Coven that I’m DONE sending people into the meat grinder on their behalf. They can fight their own battles.”

“But Captain Boor! The prophecy!” Vicky pleaded.

“Yeah, yeah, giant floating eyeballs, you mentioned that when you barged into my office.” Captain Boor said. “And by ‘mentioned’ I mean ‘ranted like a lunatic.’ I’m not going to commit resources to a wild goose chase just because some cave painting gave you the willies. Now get the hell out of my precinct.”

Vicky puffed out her chest and returned the captain’s leer. “Make me.” she defiantly stated.

*****

“WAAAAGH!” Vicky cried out as the GPRD security guards literally threw out of the station into a mud puddle on the sidewalk. As they walked back inside, Vicky stood back up and started yelling at them. “I’m reporting you guys for police brutality!”

Pouting, she stomped off back toward the car she rented to drive down to this part of the city. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed the number. “Joy? It’s Vicky. GPRD turned me down. Looks like we’re on our own.”

“Not entirely.”

Vicky looked over her shoulder and saw a certain red-haired half-amazon GPRD officer standing behind her. “Officer Stone?” Vicky asked. “I’ll call you back, Joy.” she added as she hung up the phone.

“Haven’t seen you since Monster Prom.” Tala said. “How’ve you been, kid?”

“Pretty good.” Vicky said. “Thanks again for arresting me that night. It did WONDERS for my street cred.”

“Any time.” Tala said. “Anyway, I heard what you and the captain were talking about. You really think…..giant eyeballs…..are coming to destroy the world?”

“Maybe.” Vicky said. “Or maybe it’s something _symbolized_ by giant eyeballs. I don’t really know. What I DO know is that, whatever it is, the Dark Side is trying to summon it. And if they succeed, that could mean the destruction of the world! BOTH of our worlds! Humans. Monsters. Everyone!”

Tala nodded grimly, taking in the flesh golem’s words, realizing what was truly at stake. “Alright. Sign me up.”

“Beg pardon?” Vicky asked.

“I respect Captain Boor, but if she won’t do anything about this, I will.” Tala said with her hands on her hips. “The Coven’s saved my ass more times than I can count. Figure it’s high-time I returned the favor.”

“You really mean that?” Vicky asked. “You’re willing to help us defeat the Dark Side once and for all?”

“I’ll do whatever it takes.” Tala said with a nod.

Vicky smiled. “I was hoping you’d say that.” She then looked behind Tala’s shoulder. “Now, Calculester.”

Before Tala could turn around, the robot lurking behind her held a rag soaked in chloroform up to her nose and mouth. She only struggled for a moment before she completely lost consciousness.

“Alley-oop!” Vicky said as she picked up the amazon and threw her into the trunk of the rental car. She slammed the trunk shut and knocked on it for luck. “Thanks for the assist, Calculester.”

“My pleasure, Vicky.” Calculester replied with a <3 face.

Vicky pulled out her cellphone as she climbed into the front passenger seat. “Joy? It’s me again.” she said as she Calculester started the car. “Couldn’t convince Captain Boor to get into our corner, but I got the next best thing…”

*****

Brian sighed as he sat on the couch, bouncing his knee. It wasn’t often he got anxious or restless. But he and Evil Faith had been planning this heist for weeks now. And it was just a few hours away now. He looked and saw Deborah and Girtrude in the dining area, playing Checkers. They were originally going to take out the Power Plant, but after the Dark Side’s alliance with Vera, Damien would be taking care of that for them.

He couldn’t stop thinking about what he did to Oz. It frightened him, honestly. There was no hesitation, no second guessing, just a blast right to his chest. Like it was pure instinct. He didn’t _want_ to hurt Oz. Not even after everything that happened. He was mad, sure, but that didn’t mean he wanted to…

He shook his head. He had to get over this. That’s when he noticed Evil Faith walking by. She checked her reflection in the nearby mirror and smiled, satisfied with her looks. Ah yes - his lady. She can chase away this bad mood.

She then turned to Brian. “Brian, get in the shower and wash up. We’ve a magic gem in steal in a few hours and I don’t want you looking shabby.”

“Sure thing, babe.” Brian replied as he got up. “Hey, I was thinking - you wanna go see a movie, tomorrow?”

“A movie?” Evil Faith asked.

“Yeah, you know.” Brian said. “It’s just that we’ve both been so wrapped up in work lately that it’s been a while since we went on a real date, you know?”

Evil Faith sighed. “Sorry, Brian, but once this heist is done, we need to start tracking the next gem.”

“The next gem?” Brian asked. “You mean there’s more?”

“Of course.” Evil Faith replied. “You didn’t _really_ think we’d stop at two gems, did you?”

Brian bit his lip as he remembered what Oz tried to tell him before….yeah. _That._ Something about summoning giant eyeballs of death. He still doubted that was Evil Faith’s ACTUAL plan, but…

“…When are you gonna tell me what your plan is?” Brian asked.

“…When the time is right.” Evil Faith said.

“Evil Faith, I’m not gonna keep collecting artifacts of power for you if I don’t know what it’s all leading to.” Brian said. “What’s the endgame here? Where’s this all going?”

“…We’ll talk about this tomorrow.” Evil Faith said. “For now, get yourself ready. We’ll be moving out soon.” On that note, she left the room to get ready herself.

Brian looked over to his two minions, Deborah and Girtrude. “What about you two?” he said, and the two lackeys immediately gave Brian their undivided attention. “You two maybe wanna go see a movie tomorrow? Like, not as a date, but you know, as friends?”

“Uh…” Girtrude stuttered before looking at Deborah.

“S-sure thing, boss!” Deborah said as she gave a nervous smile and two thumbs up. “Whatever you say! Hehe…” Girtrude gave Brian an equally nervous smile.

Brian knew those smiles. They weren’t ‘sure thing, buddy’ smiles. They were ‘we’ll do whatever you want, just don’t kill us’ smiles. They didn’t like Brian. They were _afraid_ of him. Most of the minions were, after what he did to Oz. They weren’t his friends.

“…Never mind, guys.” Brian sighed. “Just get yourselves ready.” On that note, he ascended the stairs and headed up to the bathroom to wash up and get ready.

As he stripped, he spied something on the bathroom table. It was a framed photograph. He picked it up and looked at it.

It was the original Color Crew. Himself, Vicky, Amira, and Oz. The photo was taken about ten years ago, back when they were Junior Monster Scouts at Monster Camp. It was where they all met, in fact. Vicky stood in the middle, smiling big and wide and wearing pigtails. Amira holding a pair of torches triumphantly above her head. Oz was hiding behind a rock, scared of what Amira might do with the torches. And there was Brian. Napping on the log.

Written in black sharpie were the words ‘Monster Scouts Forever.’

Brian took a good, hard look at that sleepy, zombified little boy in the picture. Then he looked up at the bathroom mirror, not quite recognizing himself. Trying to figure out how, exactly, one became the other.

He never minded giving up his soul or his principles to the Dark Side. But his friends? That’s…

He sighed and just climbed into the shower.

*****

“Alright.” Vicky said as she closed her cell phone and then checked her watch. “We’ve got about an hour until showtime. We just need to get everything in position and we’ll be all set.”

“Are you sure this is going to work?” Joy asked as she eyed up the monstrosity of a plan on the white board.

“Hey, if you can come up with something better, now’s your chance.” Vicky said.

Joy just sighed. “I can’t believe we’re actually doing this.”

“Hey - we’ve done crazier things.” Hope said. “Although, this _easily_ makes the top five.”

On that note, Vicky and the Coven all left the house and piled into the rental car outside. Calculester was still in the driver’s seat from earlier. Vicky climbed into the passenger’s seat and nodded to the robot. The car pulled out of the driveway, and drove off to the final showdown…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was surprisingly fun to write. Mainly because it's just one long planning montage, and who doesn't love a good montage? Seriously, I even had the Great Escape theme song playing on loop while I was writing this to help me get in the mood. There's an hour-long version of it on Youtube.
> 
> I'm currently working on the 21st and final chapter as we speak. Assuming I don't slack off too much, it should be posted on Halloween night! Tune in then to see how all this ends!


	21. ...When a Plan Comes Together

It was a very special night at the Museum of Monstrous History. Tonight was the premiere of the Royal Gallery King Butankhamun, and the Monstropolis Elite have gathered from all over the city to witness the splendor of King Butt’s family jewels.

Brian looked down at his tuxedo - a green suit that he hadn’t worn since Monster Prom. This was a black tie event, and this was the fanciest thing he had. Evil Faith was wearing a long black dress and had wrapped herself around Brian’s arm. Such potent arm candy made the zombie the envy of the party, and yet he found it difficult to enjoy himself. Not with so much guilt on his mind.

“Penny for your thoughts, Brian?” Evil Faith asked as they walked around the gallery, casually studying all the jewels on display. “I sense that something is wrong.”

“Just…kinda feel bad about what I did to Oz.” Brian said. “You know - blasting them point-blank with plague magic and all. Once we’re done here, I should send them an apology text or something.”

“Brian, please.” Evil Faith. “Oz is a _weasel._ You’ve said as much. They deserved a good blasting if you ask me. Why are you so transfixed on them anyway?”

“Cuz they’re my best friend.” Brian said. “So are Amira and Vicky. It’s why I invited them to the party last night. Why I wanted to seduce them to the Dark Side. I missed them.”

“You kicked them out to begin with.” Evil Faith pointed out.

“I was mad.” Brian said with a sigh. “It was the first time in my unlife I really felt that mad and, apparently, I do stupid shit when I’m mad. I should - “

“_Enough,_ Brian.” Evil Faith stated flatly. “Your friends have been given every opportunity to join us, and time after time, they have either rejected us, or outright failed.”

The two stopped walking for a moment as she stepped in front of him and looked up to him. “Think about who you were before we met. Lazy. Stupid. A failure. But as soon as _I_ stepped into your life, everything got better for you, almost over night. And it happened because you started spending more time with me than your loser friends.”

“My friends aren’t losers.” Brian said.

“Brian, please.” Evil Faith said. “They _are_ losers, and you know it. You know it because _you_ were a loser when you were with them. But surely now you can see - they were _holding you back._ Keeping you from becoming the Dark Lord you were _always_ meant to be.”

She got up on her tippy-toes and kissed the zombie deeply. She smiled evilly as she pulled away.

“…So….if Oz, Amira and Vicky aren’t my friends anymore….who are?” Brian asked. “Cuz I know it’s not any of the minions.”

“Brian, you’re a Dark Lord.” Evil Faith replied with a roll of her eyes. “You don’t _need_ friends. Not when you’ve got an evil witch girlfriend.”

Brian honestly wasn’t sure about that.

Evil Faith’s eyes eventually drifted away, then lit up. “There it is…” she said as she walked away from Brian towards a particular gem. It was the centerpiece of the entire collection, placed atop a pedestal, encased in thick glass, and surrounded by a perimeter of red rope. A hot pink, rectangular gem, no bigger than a marble. Every millionaire and politician in the city marveled at its beauty.

“The Tourmaline Soul…” Evil Faith breathed in awe.

“Weird.” Brian said. “I don’t sense any magic aura coming off that thing. Shouldn’t it be packing as much punch as the amethyst did?”

“It’s the glass.” Evil Faith explained. “It must’ve been made with a magic-suppressing material to keep the soul’s power contained.”

She reached into her pocket (hers was the kind of fancy dress that came with pockets because unlike in the human world, dressmakers in the monster world had common sense) and contacted one of the minions keeping watch outside. “Dmitri. See anything out there?”

“Nothing yet.” Dmitri replied.

“Nothing yet…?” Evil Faith asked.

“…Boss.” Dmitri grumbled.

“Good boy. Remain vigilant.” Evil Faith said as she hung up.

“You sure the Coven is gonna show up?” Brian asked.

“Positive.” Evil Faith said. “We’ve been planning this night for weeks, and they know it. They’re going to try _something_ tonight, just you wait.”

“Brian. Evil Faith.”

“Ah, Vera!” Evil Faith said as she saw the gorgon approach with her own stunning black dress. “Looking stunning, I see.”

“We have about ten minutes before show time.“ Vera said, cutting to the chase like always. “Are your people in position?”

“They are.” Evil Faith said. “Soon as the lights go out, they’ll make their move.”

“Drinks?” offered a passing bus boy. Evil Faith and Vera each take a glass of champagne and clinked their glasses as the busboy walked away.

“My own people are in position as well.” Vera said. “Try to stay out of our way, and remember our deal. The Tourmaline Soul is yours. Everything else is ours.”

“But of course.” Evil Faith replied.

“Hey, where’s Vicky?” Brian asked as he looked around. “Shouldn’t she be following you around like a lost baby like she always does?”

“She flaked on me.” Vera scoffed. “Something about ‘taking care of Oz.’ Apparently they’re sick or something.”

“…Oh.” Brian replied.

“Whatever. She hasn’t been pulling her weight much lately anyways. I’m actually thinking about firing her.” Vera went on. The gorgon then checked her watch. “We now have eight minutes. Be ready.” she said as she walked away.

******

“Alright.” Dmitri said as he closed his cell phone. “Far as I can tell, your evil counterpart suspects nothing.”

“Good.” Faith said as she went over all her reagents. “What about the other lookouts?”

“They’ve been…dealt with.” Dmitri said.

*****

Meanwhile, several blocks away, all of the other lookouts were helping themselves to ice cream. “Wow! Sure was nice to Dmitri to give us money for ice cream!” one of the ogres said.

*****

“They won’t be bothering us any time soon.” Dmitri said. He knelt down and squinted at Faith’s reagents - chalk, powders, crystals, the works. “Are you sure this will work?”

Faith checked her watch. “Suppose we’ll find out in about five minutes.”

“Remember our deal.” Dmitri said. “Once Brian and Evil Faith are out of the picture, _I_ will be Dark Lord once more.”

“For all the good it will do you.” Faith said. “Once Brian and Evil Faith are out the picture, we’ll be coming after you next.”

“You will try…” Dmitri replied with an evil smirk.

*****

Vera, Evil Faith, and Brian kept an eye on the clock as they mingled with the Monstropolis Elite. They were counting down the minutes until the time came to act.

5:59pm. As the final seconds ticked down, Vera pulled out her cell phone and dialed up Damien. “Yo.” Damien greeted on the other end.

“Are the charges in place?” Vera asked.

“Oh yeah.” Damien replied.

“Alright then. On my signal…” Vera said.

6:00pm

“Now.”

*****

“Ka-boom!” Damien shouted as he pushed down the plunger.

The explosives that were strategically planted throughout the city power plant was his own personal blend - bricks of C4, each with a cup of napalm mixed in to give the explosions a little more flare. The napalm ensures that if the shockwave of the C4 blast doesn’t destroy whatever you’re blowing up, the flames will.

The power plant went up beautifully, the whole building collapsing into a burning pile of rubble. The plant’s destruction heralded the ensuing black-out. Block by block, the city went dark, blanketing the land in darkness. The burning wreckage that was once the power plant was the only source of illumination for miles around.

Damien cackled like the mad demon he was. “Holy fuck, that was SO worth the wait!”

“And you know what the best part is?” Hope said as she walked up to the demon boy. She held up the tele-crystal with a wink. “The fun’s only just begun.”

“Hell fuckin’ yeah!” Damien cheered.

“Grab my hand.” Hope instructed.

“…Oh.” Damien said. “Uh, okay.” He took the witch’s hand, trying not to blush. Hope gripped the crystal and, in a flash of light, the two were gone.”

*****

It only took a few seconds for the blackout to reach the museum. When it did, the lights went out and many people looked around, confused.

Then, they started screaming.

Screaming because the first light sources to illuminate things were flashlights attached to rifles. Vera’s people had blended in nearly perfectly with the crowd, and now that the lights were out, they could now seize their moment to strike.

Vera herself pulled on a ski mask and pointed a revolver at the nearest grouping of guests. “ON THE FUCKING GROUND!!!” she screeched. While she’d normally leave grunt work like this to her minions, sometimes the payout was big enough that _everyone_ needed to get involved in the heist. And Vera certainly didn’t get to where she was today by _not_ getting her own hands dirty once in a while.

With power completely out and the backup generator still FUBAR, there was no alarm going off when the gooms started using their rifle butts to smash open the glass cases and start grabbing the jewels. “Girtrude! Get the soul!” Evil Faith shouted. The girtablilu skittered up to the podium, shattered the glass with her massive claws and grabbed the Tourmaline Soul with her gloved human hands, stuffing it inside a small jewelry bag. She tossed Evil Faith the bag holding the precious gem, prompting an evil smile out of her.

“Faster, people!” Evil Faith shouted as she wadded up the bag and put it in her pocket. “We need to grab as much as we can and then GO!”

*****

Damien tapped his foot impatiently as he stood inside the crystal chamber way over in Turkey. When were they gonna do this?! Vicky told her this would be fun! But he’s been here for thirty whole seconds and he’s bored out of his fucking mind!

In flash of light, Hope appeared, this time with a certain blue demon. “YOU!” Dahlia shouted as soon as she saw Damien.

“Aw, Hope, you brought me a present!” Damien said with a devilish grin as he prepared to fight his eternal rival.

“Guys! We need you to COOL it!” Hope said. “If you two can’t behave, I’m sending you both home, and then NO ONE gets to go on a rampage.”

“…We’ll be good.” Damien and Dahlia both grumbled.

That’s when Hope’s cell phone started beeping. “That’s the signal!” she said as she started weaving magic around the mother crystal. “Place your hands upon the crystal!”

“Fucking finally!” Damien shouted as he did so, as did Dahlia. In a flash of magic, they both disappeared.

*****

With every last jewel grabbed and bagged, including the all-important Tourmaline Soul, Evil Faith gave the order. “Come on! Sooner we get out of here, the better!” She lead the way through the museum’s corridors to the main entrance. So far, the heist was going perfectly.

There, in front of the museum entrance at the bottom of the steps, stood Faith. “Going somewhere?”

“Faith…” Evil Faith said. “I was wondering when you’d show up. But you’re too late. The Tourmaline Soul is already mine!”

“Not yet, it’s not.” Faith said. “Notice anything about the circle I’m standing in?”

Evil Faith looked down and say that she was standing in the middle of a pentagram drawn with white chalk. Before the evil witch could do anything, Faith made her move. She shot a magic beam at the museum, the beam spreading out and encasing the entirety of the building in a massive dome of magic.

Evil Faith barked out a laugh. “Ha! _This_ is your plan?” she asked. “I can tell just from looking at this dome how sloppily conjured it is. Honestly Faith, I expected better from you. This dome won’t hold us back for more than a few minutes and you know it.”

“A few minutes is all we need.” Faith said.

“We?” Evil Faith asked. “Oh, that’s right! Your two little friends. Where ARE Joy and Hope, anyway?”

“Oh, they’re around. But they’re not the ones you should be worried about.” Faith quipped.

Evil Faith raised an eyebrow at that. She was still completely unaware of the tele-crystal that had been secretly been planted behind the garbage can by the museum’s entrance just behind her. In a flash of magic, a pair of demons appeared. “SUP BITCHES!!!” Damien shouted.

“What?!” Evil Faith shouted back as she and the other goons turned around.

“Damien?!” Vera demanded. “What are YOU doing here?!”

“Your heist is too boring, Vera! Not enough fire!” Damien said as he held up his trusty home-made flamethrower.

“And nowhere NEAR enough ALLIGATORS!!!” Dahlia said as she gestured to several adult-size alligators she somehow brought with her. She picked up one alligator and threw it in the crowd of minions. It chomped the leg of one, sending the others into a panic. Damien cackled like a madman as he turned his flame thrower on whatever minions were too or stupid to get out of his way.

“Damien, you idiot! You’re ruining everything!” Vera screeched.

“Ruining it? Or making it better?” Damien rhetorically asked.

“Ha!” Evil Faith laughed defiantly. “It will take more than a couple of demonic hooligans to derail my-“

She would’ve continued mocking Faith, but that’s when an alligator landed between the two witches. The reptile turned toward Evil Faith and snarled.

“Oh. Uh…” the dark witch stuttered. “Nice….gator….” Unfortunately for her, this was the kind of gator that liked to run after things, sending Evil Faith scurrying back up the steps and back inside the museum. Brian, Vera, and several goons followed her. The ones that didn’t make it wound up becoming flame broiled gator food, courtesy of Chef LaVey.

“Now what?” Brian asked once they were all back inside.

“This dome won’t last forever.” Evil Faith said. “Come on. We just need to find an entrance that isn’t covered in fire and irate crocodilians.”

It was then that they heard a rumbling above them. They all looked up and saw the air duct shake violently, like something was crawling around in it. One of the vents popped open and the Slayer dropped into the Dark Side’s midst. Brian, Vera, and Evil Faith all sighed with relief.

“Oh thank God, it’s just the Slayer.” Evil Faith said. “For a second there, we mistook you for an actual threat.”

The Slayer aimed one of her crossbow pistols at one of Vera’s goons and fired. The bolt nailed the orc goon right between the eyes, killing him instantly. The three main villains all looked down at the corpse, shocked. “Did….did the Slayer…._actually slay_ someone.”

“Eeeyup.” the Slayer said as she casually reloaded the pistol, not even making a huge deal out of her first real kill.

“Oh my God…” Deborah said. “She’s got GOOD MENTAL HEALTH!!!”

“RUN FOR IT!!!” Girtrude shrieked as the rest of the goons all panicked and ran off down different corridors.

“Get back here you rats!” Vera shouted after them.

“Vera.” the Slayer said. “I’m only here for the dark witch. Get out of my way, and you’ll live.”

“And if I don’t?” Vera asked.

The Slayer aimed her crossbow pistol at her head. “Try it and find out.”

Vera and the Slayer stared each other down for a moment. Vera gazed deep into the Slayer’s eyes, then her own eyes widened as she saw something in the Slayer’s eyes. Something that wasn’t there before. Something that makes her infinitely more dangerous than Vera ever thought possible.

Emotional maturity.

“…Evil Faith, our deal’s off.” Vera quickly said as she stood aside.

“What?!” Evil Faith demanded.

“You wanna take on a Slayer that actually has her shit together? You go on ahead. Me, I plan on _surviving_ tonight.” Vera said as she walked away, officially DONE with all this nonsense. Though not without picking up a bag of jewels one of her goons stupidly dropped. She had to salvage SOME profit out of this train wreck of a museum job.

“Oh please.” Evil Faith said as she started conjuring purple fireballs. “I think I can handle a petulant little-“

_THWACK!!!_

“Agh! My nose!” Evil Faith shouted as the Slayer punched her in the nose. “You little _cunt!”_

“_Woah there,_ let’s take it easy with the c-bomb.” the Slayer said.

“I’m evil! I’ll use the c-bomb as much as I want!” Evil Faith hissed. “Brian! Don’t just stand there! Do something!”

“On it.” Brian said as he fired a blast of plague magic at the Slayer. As she skill fully dodged the blast, Evil Faith started running off.

“Brian, you keep the Slayer distracted! I’ll look for a way out!” Evil Faith shouted.

*****

As Deborah and Girtrude sprinted through the museum’s halls, desperately looking for a way out, that’s when they noticed a certain pair of demons.

“Hello, ladies.” Damien drawled.

“Going somewhere?” Dahlia asked as she cracked her knuckles.

“What the fuck, Damien?!” Deborah demanded. “You’re supposed to be on OUR side! And since when the fuck do you and Dahlia EVER do anything together without trying to kill each other?!”

“Hey - I was just told that betraying you guys would make things more fun.” Damien replied with a shrug. “Unlike the rest of you guys, I was never in this for the money. I just like watching the world burn.”

“And I was promised a grand battle!” Dahlia shouted. “But so far, I’m disappointed. The Dark Side’s minions are cowardly and don’t put up much of a fight.”

“Oh, you want a fight, bitch?” Girtrude asked as she clacked her claws and readied her stinger. “LET’S FUCKING GO!!!” She screeched as she charged at the blue demon, who laughed like a lunatic as she narrowly avoided a series of attempted tail stabs.

“Well, I guess that makes you _my_ dance partner, Damien.” Deborah said as she stared the red demon down.

“Oh no! I got a fight a doppelgänger!” Damien sarcastically shouted before breaking out in evil chuckles. “What are you gonna do? Impersonate a celebrity at me?”

Deborah held up both her arms, which began to change. The right arm shape-shifted into a razor sharp cutlass, while the left one shape-shifted into a spiked mace.

“…Okay, not gonna lie, that’s pretty metal.” Damien admitted just before Deborah lunged, trying to take the red spicy baby’s head off.

*****

The Slayer took cover behind a podium that was taking the brunt of a beam of rotten energy. “Brian! Listen to me! You don’t wanna do this!”

“Yeah, I kinda do!” Brian shouted back.

“No you don’t!” Aaravi said. “You THINK you want this, but the only one who wants this is Evil Faith! You’re only trying to please her because you’re afraid of being alone!”

Brian snarled. The Slayer was getting on his nerves. Largely because she was telling the truth. “It’s already too late! I’m in too deep!”

“It’s never too late to be a better person!” the Slayer said.

Brian snarled as he ceased his beam and started conjuring a particularly large ball of plague. “TELL THAT TO OZ!!!”

He chucked the sickly-green ball of magic at the podium. The Slayer ran for cover, using her grappling hook to ascend up to a dragon skeleton that was being suspended from the ceiling.

“You’re not a lost cause, Brian!” the Slayer shouted. “That’s just an excuse devised by your subconscious so you can write yourself off and not have to do the hard work of improving yourself!”

“STOP PSYCHO-ANALYZING ME!!!” Brian shouted.

“I CAN’T HELP IT!!!” the Slayer shouted back. “EVER SINCE I STARTED GOING TO THERAPY I’VE BEEN READING A LOT OF PSYCHOLOGY BOOKS!!! IT’S ACTUALLY A REALLY FASCINATING SUBJECT!!!”

Brian snarled as he hurled another blast of plague at the Slayer. The Slayer jumped just in the nick of time, the dragon skeleton exploding into thousand rotten pieces. She tumbled as she hit the ground, but a particularly large bone fell on top of her, pinning her to the floor. Brian walked up to her calmly and held up a hand wreathed in plague.

“When you see Oz, tell him I said hi.” he darkly said.

“Hi Brian.”

The plague around Brian’s hand dissipated. He looked over his shoulder and saw Oz standing there. “…Oz?” Brian asked. “You’re…you’re okay.”

Oz shrugged. “Amira took me to a scary movie and did her ‘throw a plastic spider into an arachne’s hair’ routine. It got me back on my feet.”

Brian looked around. “Are Amira and Vicky here too?”

“Not _right_ here, but yeah, they’re around.” Oz answered.

*****

As Evil Faith ran through the halls, she skidded to a halt. She leered at a certain witch blocking her way.

“Joy…” Evil Faith said. There she stood, leader of the Coven, ready to save the day once again. “I’m surprised that _you_ would be here. I thought my counterpart would be chomping at the bit to prove who’s the better Faith.”

“Unlike you, _our_ Faith isn’t some petty narcissist.” Joy said. “Besides, a magical duel between you and _Good_ Faith would be pointless - it’d be a stalemate every time, because you’d know her every move before she does.”

“And so you thought YOU’D be more unpredictable?” Evil Faith asked. “Don’t flatter yourself. Don’t forget, _my_ universe had a Joy as well. I knew _her_ every move, which means I know all of _yours.”_

Joy paused. Then looked behind Evil Faith. “Did your universe have one of _her?”_ she asked, pointing over the dark witch’s shoulder. Evil Faith looked over her shoulder…

Just in time to see Vicky smacking her across the face with a dinosaur femur.

The blow was hard enough to send the dark witch sprawling to the ground. She shook her head to clear her vision just in time to look up and see Amira standing over her with a fireball in each hand. “Let’s start a fire!” she shouted.

Evil Faith had to roll across the floor to dodge the torrents of flame. As she got up, the djinn, flesh golem, and good witch all faced down the bad witch. “Really, Joy?” Evil Faith asked. “You’ve turned to THESE losers for help?”

“Oh? Can a _loser_ melt your shoes?” Amira said as she clicked her heel against the floor, which was enough to shoot a small stream of flames towards Evil Faith’s boots.

“MY BOOTS!!!” Evil Faith shrieked in horror as they melted before her eyes. “You’ll pay for-“

Vicky threw the dinosaur femur through the hair and struck Evil Faith right in the head. “Gah! Stop hitting me with that thing you bi-“

She was cut off again by another blow to the head. This time by a blast of magic that literally knocked her boots off. Well, more like sent her flying OUT of her boots since they were melted to the floor now.

Joy held up both of her hands, and Amira and Vicky high-fived each one.

*****

“…I’m sorry.” Brian said. “About…almost killing you. I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s okay, Brian. Because I know what came over you - your dark side.” Oz said. “The side of you that Evil Faith was trying to nurture.”

“While she tried to smother the other part of me.” Brian said as he looked down at his hand. “Assuming there even _is_ another part of me. The rage. The hatred. It all came so _easily_ to me. What if that’s all I really have?”

“Rage and hatred come easily to everyone, Brian.” the Slayer pointed out. “Truth is, everyone has a dark side.”

“Aaravi’s right.” Oz said. “You’re not _doomed_ to be a villain, you know. You have a choice.”

Brian was silent, not knowing what else to say. He and Oz just hugged and patted each other’s backs.

“…Okay.” the Slayer said. “Can someone PLEASE get this dragon bone off me?!”

“Oh.” Brian said.

“R-right!” Oz added as the two monsters went to lift the bone off of the Slayer.

*****

Doppelgängers were renowned throughout the world for their near-limitless shapeshifting abilities. Not only could they disguise themselves as other beings, but they could also morph their limbs and even their entire bodies into different shapes. However, this does not make them invincible. Indeed, there are even situations where their own abilities can be used against them.

Such as when morphable bodies are used as rope to tie up angry girtablilu’s.

“Deborah!” Girtrude shouted. “Untie yourself off of me!”

“I can’t!” Deborah said, her limps tied up in knots to keep her friend’s legs secured.

“AHAHAHAHA!!!” Damien laughed. “She looks like fucking Mr. Fantastic wrapped up around the Hulk!”

“Aaaah.” Dahlia said as she put her hands on her hips. “That was a GRAND battle.” she said, satisfied.

Yes, a grand battle. One that I chose not to write because I had a Halloween deadline to meet so I had no time to waste on unnecessarily long and intricate fight scenes.

“Come on. Let’s go find the others.” Damien said as he walked off.

“Hrmp.” Dahlia harrumphed as she followed. “If I see Amira, I’m punching her again.”

“Why?” Damien asked.

“She said Magic: The Gathering is stupid!” Dahlia replied.

“What?!” Damien demanded. “Magic: The Gathering is an AWESOME game!”

“I KNOW, RIGHT?!” Dahlia asked.

*****

Evil Faith roared as she unleashed a torrent of magic, knocking Joy, Vicky and Amira flat on their asses. While they were down, she reached into her walkie-talkie and shouted into it. “Where the hell is my backup?!” Most of her minions had disappeared sometime after they all ran off like cowards.

“Well, the ones that survived Damien and Dahlia’s rampage are probably hiding somewhere by now.” Joy said as she got up. “They’ve abandoned you, Evil Faith. See, that’s the difference between friends and minions. Unlike friends, minions will bail on you the moment shit gets real.”

“Also, Calculester is somewhere around here, picking off the stragglers.” Vicky said.

A robotic voice saying “TARGET LOCATED” echoed down the corridor, followed by a scream that was cut off by a shotgun blast.

“Yeah, turns out he’s pretty good with a shotgun.” Amira said. “It’s a little scary, actually.”

That’s when Evil Faith spotted him coming out of the shadows - Dark Lord Brian. The evil witch smiled. “You’re right, Joy. _Minions_ aren’t worth much in the long run. But you’re about to see what a _boyfriend_ can do!”

“Evil Faith, I think we should start seeing other people.” Brian said.

“…What?” Evil Faith asked.

Brian sighed. Oz appeared next to him and gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Speak from the heart, man.” Oz encouraged.

“…Look. the last couple weeks…..they’ve been really fun.” Brian began. “And you’ve taught me a lot, and I appreciate that, really. But…I dunno. It feels like you’re trying to pull me away from my friends and push me down a path that, maybe, isn’t really the best path for me?”

“…Are you serious right now?” Evil Faith asked. “You couldn’t even wait until _after_ the heist? You decided we needed to have this discussion _right now?”_

“Look, this is too important to just WAIT until the ‘right time’ whenever that is.” Brian replied.

“Brian…_everything_ that I’ve done was meant to _improve you._ Teaching you dark magic, helping you get a new wardrobe, all of it!” she ranted.

“…But did you ask if I _wanted_ to be improved?” Brian asked.

“What are you talking about it? OF COURSE you wanted it! You were happy, weren’t you?!” the witch demanded.

“Well, yeah.” Brian admitted. “But mainly because I was doing it all with you. Yeah, I was happy learning dark magic and helping you crush your enemies. But I would’ve been just as happy watching dumb movies on the couch and eating snacks. I think I’m the kind of person that doesn’t really care as much about _what_ they’re doing as much as _who_ they’re doing it with.”

“If I might add something?”

“Fuck!” Evil Faith shouted as she jumped and noticed that the Slayer was standing RIGHT THERE.

“Sorry.” the Slayer apologized. “Anyway Evil Faith, I think _your_ problem is that you didn’t really see Brian as a person, but rather a project.”

“…Excuse me?” Evil Faith asked.

“Like, when you first met Brian, what you saw was basically a potentially great villain that was held back by what you saw as multiple flaws.” the Slayer said. “So being a very work-oriented person, you dedicated yourself to ironing out Brian’s flaws and bring him to what YOU thought was his full potential.”

“So what?” Evil Faith said. “I wanted to help Brian become the best version of himself! That’s hardly evil! That’s the _least_ evil thing about me, in fact!”

“Well, your intentions might’ve been noble.” the Slayer conceded. “But let me ask you this - did you _ask_ Brian that he wanted to be better? At any point? Or did you just _assume_ that what you were doing was for his own good?”

Evil Faith stopped and blinked. She…she _didn’t_ ask that. She turned to Brian. “…I DID ask you, right?” she asked.

“I don’t think you ever _asked_ me anything.” Brian said. “You only ever _told_ me things. ‘I’m going to teach you dark magic.’ ‘We’re going to kill my enemies.’ ‘You’re going to realize your potential.’ I mean granted, I DID kinda let you boss me around, and that’s _my_ problem to work on, but still.”

“…Oh wow.” Evil Faith said. “I…I never even realized I was doing it…”

“Yeah.” Brian said with a nod. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the last three weeks, it’s that relationships are complicated.”

There was an awkward silence. “…Are we breaking up?” Evil Faith said.

“At the very least…we should take a break.” Brian said. “Think about stuff, you know?”

“…Yeah, we’re breaking up.” Evil Faith sighed.

Then she quickly conjured a magical explosion that knocked everyone flat on their backs. She quickly snatched up Brian’s cane, the Amethyst of Anguish still attached. She smiled wickedly as she then pulled the Tourmaline Soul out of the jewelry bag. “Tremble, fools!” she shouted. “Separately, each of these gems is powerful by their own right. But see what happens when their powers are COMBINED!!!” She then gently clinked the two gems together, laughing maniacally as she did so…

And nothing happened.

“…The fuck?” Evil Faith asked.

She clinked the gems again. Nothing happened.

She eyeballed the Tourmaline Soul. “What’s WRONG with this thing? Why….wait….” She examined the hot pink gem more closely. She then snarled as she squeezed the hand that was holding it into a fist.

It was enough to shatter the gem. When she opened her palm, all that was left was pink shards.

“Was it a fake?” Brian asked as he and the others got up.

“No. It was drained of its magic.” Evil Faith answered. “_That’s_ why I couldn’t sense its overwhelming aura when I first saw it. Because it lost that aura long ago.”

“How’s that possible?” Brian asked.

“The Tourmaline Soul itself was simply a vessel for its vast power.” Evil Faith said. “Clearly, the ones who forged the gem felt it was prudent to secretly transfer that power from one vessel to another.”

“And who forged the gem?” Brian asked. Evil Faith looked away, silent. “Okay, for the record - this is another reason why the relationship was kinda toxic. You were too slow to trust and you kept me out of the loop. I think it’s high time you told me just what exactly you need these gems for.”

“I’ll tell you what she needs them for!” Joy shouted. “Millennia ago, darkness came to this world and destroyed an ancient civilization. She and Dmitri need the Amethyst of Anguish and the Tourmaline Soul to summon it and use it to destroy OUR civilization!”

Evil Faith looked at Joy with a raised eyebrow. “…Really? _That’s_ the conclusion you’ve drawn?”

“It’s true, isn’t it?” Joy interrogated.

The dark witch scoffed. “How typical of you, Joy. In your arrogance, you think you’ve figured out everything. But in truth, you’ve barely scratched the surface, if that.”

“What are you talking about?” Joy demanded.

“I wasn’t trying to _summon_ anything, you fool.” Evil Faith spat. “My goal is to _conquer_ this world. Not _destroy_ it.”

“But the prophecy!” Oz said. “It said that darkness was coming! If you weren’t trying to summon it, what _were_ you trying to do?”

It was then that something outside Evil Faith’s eye - the dome was falling. The dark witch smiled at that. “Sorry children, but it seems my counterpart can’t keep the dome up anymore, which means the time has come for me to take my leave. I don’t really have time to tell any stories.”

However, that’s when they all heard something in the distance - police sirens. “What?” Evil Faith said as she ran to the window and looked outside. She saw over a dozen police cars and a couple of vans gather in front of the museum. “How?! The alarms were off! _Everything_ was off!”

She then noticed the letters printed on the side of the vehicles - G.P.R.D. She whirled around and snarled at her adversaries.

“We _might_ have convinced the GPRD that you were a big enough threat to get _their_ attention.” Vicky boasted.

“Faith didn’t need to hold the dome up for long.” the Slayer said. “Just long enough for our backup to get here.”

“Looks like you DO have time to tell us a few stories, Evil Faith.” Joy said with a smirk. “Or would you prefer telling them to the nice GPRD officers in one of their interrogation rooms?”

“…Oh, fuck this.” Evil Faith said as she fished another tele-crystal out of her pocket.

“Don’t bother.” Joy quipped with a role of her eyes. “We’ve already high-jacked your tele-crystal network. It’s how we got everyone in here so fast. You’d be teleporting right into our clutches.”

Evil Faith smirked. “Bold of you to assume I _wouldn’t_ have my own, _personal_ back-up network, just in case the shit hit the fan.” she said as the crystal started glowing. “Goodbye, friends.”

“She’s getting away with the Amethyst of Anguish!” Joy shouted. “Somebody stop her!”

_BANG!_

In an explosion of noise, the top of the cane that Evil Faith was holding exploded into splinters, the Amethyst of Anguish flying through the air before landing right in front of Joy’s feet. All eyes turned to the source of the bang…

A smoking glock that Amira was holding, with the name ‘Chekhov’ written on the barrel.

“You know, I _almost_ forgot I had this.” Amira quipped.

Evil Faith snarled as Joy quickly contained the amethyst in a magic bubble and floated it over to her. “Alright, keep it! It’ll be mine again soon enough. For I WILL return…” She then promptly disappeared in a flash of purple magic.

The gang then gathered around the Amethyst of Anguish, safely contained in its floating bubbly safe. “So what do we do with it?” Vicky asked.

“I say we shatter that fucking thing.” Amira huffed. “It’s brought us nothing but trouble since day one.”

“No.” Joy sighed. “Much like the Tourmaline Soul, the Amethyst of Anguish itself is merely a vessel for the power contained within. We could destroy the vessel, but not the power.”

The witch opened up a small cloth bag of reagents and the bubbled amethyst floated inside before she sealed the bag tight. “We have a vault back at our place where we keep evil, indestructible artifacts. The amethyst will be safe enough there.”

“To the contrary - the amethyst will be safer with _me.”_

The group turned around and saw Dmitri standing there, as evil and shirtless as ever. “Joy. The amethyst, if you would?” he asked as he held out his hand.

“That wasn’t part of the deal, Dmitri.” Vicky said as everyone else started getting ready for another fight. “We only said we’d get Brian and Evil Faith out of the picture.”

“And you failed on both counts.” Dmitri pointed out. “Evil Faith has escaped, free to return and menace us all whenever she chooses. And Brian still stands right here!”

“Dude, I don’t even _want_ to be a Dark Lord anymore.” Brian replied. “You want the title so bad? It’s all yours.”

“Oh, I won’t settle for that…” Dmitri said as he walked over to the zombie menacingly. “Not after the way you’ve _humiliated_ me. It’s only fair I return the favor in kind…”

Using his dark power, Dmitri erected a barrier of dark magic that separated everyone else from him and Brian. “Brian!” Vicky shouted.

“KNEEL!!!” Dmitri roared as he blasted Brian with pure pain magic that brought the zombie to his knees. Brian screamed as neurons long thought dead suddenly screeched back to life in the most painful way imaginable. “SAY IT YOU ROTTING CORPSE!!! SAY THAT I’M THE _TRUE_ DARK LORD!!!”

And that’s when the GPRD arrived in the room, lead by Captain Erika Boor herself. “Freeze, dirtbags!” she shouted. “Which of you is the Dark Lord?!”

“HE IS!!!” Brian shouted, still racked with pain. “HE’S THE DARK LORD!!! HE’S THE _TRUE_ DARK LORD!!!”

“…Er…” Dmitri stuttered mere moments before officers dog-piled on top of him, canceling out both the barrier and the pain magic, much to everyone’s relief. Especially Brian’s.

“Unhand me, you vile humans!” Dmitri ranted as he was dragged to his feet, cuffed with custom-made silver-alloy cuffs that nullified dark magic. “What’s the GPRD doing here?! I’ve done nothing to threaten the human world!”

“But you’re threatened _us.”_ Captain Boor said. “You’re under arrest for kidnapping a GPRD officer.”

“I’ve done no such thing!” Dmitri shouted.

Captain Boor loomed over the vampire. “Where. Is she?” she darkly demanded.

“…We could check his car.” Vicky suggested. “It’s in the parking lot.”

*****

Sure enough, there was a rental car in the parking lot. And sure enough, there was Tala Stone, bound in magical chains and gagged with duct tape, in the trunk of the car. “Mmmph! Mmmphh! Mmmmrrrmmph!” she ranted.

“This is preposterous!” Dmitri said. “I don’t even OWN this car!”

“We just ran the plates, ma’am.” One of the officers reported to Captain Boor. “It’s a rental.”

“See?!” Dmitri asked.

“It was rented in Dmitri’s name.” the officer added.

Dmitri blinked. Then he looked at Vicky who was standing nearby, giving him the biggest, smuggest grin. “I’ve been betrayed! Usurped! _Framed!”_

Captain Boor ripped the duct tape off Tala’s mouth and pulled her into a sitting position so she could see what was going on. “This the guy who kidnapped you, Tala?” she asked.

Tala looked at Dmitri. Then to Vicky. The flesh golem gave Tala a subtle wink.

“…Yeah, this the guy alright.” Tala said. “I was talking to him when one of his lackeys snuck up behind me and knocked me out with chloroform.”

“That’s bullshit!” Dmitri ranted. “This is a frame job! A conspiracy! They were _all_ in on it!”

“Okay, I’m getting tired of his shouting, take him downtown, boys.” Captain Boor said.

“Joy! This is FAR from over! Darkness will come again!” Dmitri ranted as he was taken away. “As will _I!_ I’ll be back! I’ll - “

“That’s it.” one of the officers said before tazering the vampire into unconsciousness before throwing him inside the van.

“I’ll go get someone to get those chains off, Tala.” Captain Boor assured as she walked away. Once the captain was out of earshot, Tala turned to Vicky and gave her a dirty look.

“You know, you could’ve told me that _this_ was your plan.” Tala deadpanned.

“Yeah, but we really needed you to sell it.” Vicky said. “And the best way to get you to _act_ like you were kidnapped was to _actually_ kidnap you.”

“Was kidnapping Officer Stone really necessary?” Faith asked as she and Hope walked up to the car’s trunk, along with Damien, Dahlia, and Calculester.

“Well, if the GPRD wouldn’t help us because Dmitri wasn’t their problem, I decided to MAKE HIM their problem.” Vicky said. “Besides, somebody had to be the fall guy for all this, and Dmitri was the perfect candidate. It was either him or Brian, and there was no way I’m letting one of my best friends go to jail.”

“…Best friends?” Brian asked. “You mean, we’re friends again?”

“Only if you let us back into the flat.” Vicky said.

“…I could probably talk the landlord into it.” Brian replied. “I gave him PTSD so bad, I could probably get him to do whatever I want now just by looking at him in a slightly menacing way.”

“Yay!” Vicky cheered.

“That’s our boy!” Amira said as she punched Brian’s shoulder.

“The Color Crew is together again!” Oz said as they gave Brian a big hug.

“Where once we were four, now we are five!” Calculester cheered.

Oz, Amira, and Vicky all looked at each other awkwardly. “Uh…sorry, Calculester, but we’re gonna have to let you go.”

“Yeah, now that we’re got our green guy back, we don’t really need you anymore.” Amira said.

Calculester simply made a :( face before glumly walking away.

“…Was that too harsh?” Vicky asked.

“Meh. He’ll be fine. He’s tough.” Amira dismissed.

“So. All’s well that ends well, then?” Faith asked.

“Not quite.” Joy said. “Evil Faith got away. And before she did, she said some rather cryptic things. Apparently, it was never her intention to summon whatever destroyed the ancient city that once surrounded Gobekli Tepe.”

“Then why does she want the gems?” the Slayer asked.

“I don’t know.” Joy said. “Furthermore, we discovered that the Tourmaline Soul was drained of its essence. So if the gem is no longer the vessel for that power, what is? And where is it? And of course, there’s no way there’s _just_ the Amethyst of Anguish and Tourmaline Soul to worry about. There HAVE to be even more gems of power out there…”

“For every answer we find, a hundred more questions take its place.” Faith said with a solemn nod.

“Yeah, that’s ancient conspiracies for ya.” Hope added with a shrug.

Joy sighed in defeat. “Ancient conspiracies that will be solved in the next storyline, I suppose. For right now, let’s just enjoy our victory.”

“…Wait, what about my subplot?” Hope asked. “You know, where I find out that I’m the _fourth_ Hope and that my soul is actually three souls combined into one? Wasn’t THAT gonna go somewhere?”

“I think that was the original plan, yes.” Joy said. “But the deadline was closing in and the writer ran out of time.”

“DAMN IT!” Hope cussed. “Okay, _fine._ I’ll let it slide. But it’d better be a significant plot point in the next one!”

*****

A few days later, everything was back to normal. Or at least what passed for normal in Spooky High. The school had its own backup generator, so the city-wide blackout was no excuse for the students to skip class. During lunch, the Color Crew was together again, sitting at their usual table.

“It’s good to have you back, Bri.” Amira said, punching the zombie’s shoulder.

“Good to be back.” Brian said as he rubbed where Amira punched him. Indeed, it was good to be back in his signature wool-lined jacket. He kinda missed it. The leather jacket looked good on him, sure, but it chafed like hell.

“Evil Faith text you back yet?” Vicky asked.

“No.” Brian replied with a sigh. “I don’t think she’s going to. And not just because it would risk revealing her current whereabouts. I think that ship’s officially sailed.”

“_Oof._” Amira winced. “Two break-ups in three weeks. That’s gotta be rough.”

“Eh. I’ll get over it.” Brian said. He leaned over to Oz. “What about you, lil’ buddy? Any luck with Zoe, yet?”

“Uh…about that.” Oz replied. “I actually DID try asking her out on a date yesterday. Like, a REAL date. But she turned me down. I guess our relationship really IS platonic. From her perspective anyway.”

“_Double-oof._” Amira noted with another wince. “Sorry about getting friend zoned.”

“Eh. Getting friend zoned isn’t so bad.” Oz replied with a shrug. “I mean, at least you’ve got a friend, right? And honestly, I kinda like it better that way. With the romantic tension gone, I can actually _relax_ around Zoe again.”

“Well, that’s because you finally decided to confront your feelings instead of trying to deny them.” Amira replied.

“Wow, that’s…surprisingly wise, Amira.” Oz observed with a raised eyebrow.

“Eh. I’ve been…seeing a therapist.” Amira said.

In a puff of green magic, Norah the Therapist Fairy appeared over Amira’s shoulder. “Just a reminder! We have an appointment at 4 o’clock.”

“Yeah, yeah, I won’t forget.” Amira said. Nodding in satisfaction, Norah poofed away.

“You’re seeing a therapist now, Amira?” Vicky asked.

“Yeah, blowing up at Dahlia when things with her were going so well made me realize I had issues.” Amira said. “Apparently, since I was kind of a geek in middle school and got picked on for it, I’ve become really self-conscious about how others perceive me. That insecurity wound up sabotaging my relationship with Dahlia before it could even really go anywhere. So, I figured it was time I tried to get a handle on it.”

“Well, good for you, Amira!” Oz said.

“Vicky.” Vera said as she approached the table with a full lunch tray. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”

“Oh jeez…” Vicky sighed before looking up to the gorgon. “I’m fired, aren’t I?”

“Actually, I’m thinking of promoting you.” Vera said.

Vicky blinked at that. “Beg pardon?”

“Obviously, I’m not pleased that you effectively sabotaged a heist I’ve been planning for months.” Vera said. “_But_ the way you foiled the Dark Side’s plans, manipulated the GPRD to come riding to the rescue, and set up Dmitri as the perfect patsy demonstrated incredible planning abilities on your part. How would you like to plan all of my heists from here on out?”

Vicky paused in thought. She pared a glance at her friends, then back to Vera. “No thanks. In fact, I quit.”

Now it was Vera’s turn to blink. “Excuse you?”

“See Vera, I’ve been seeing a therapist lately. Same one as Amira’s, funnily enough.” Vicky said.

“Really?” Amira asked.

“Yup.” Vicky replied before turning back to Vera. “And apparently the biggest reason I had such a huge crush on you was because I kind of idealized you. Like, you were EVERYTHING I wanted to be, and I was subconsciously hoping that, if I got close enough to you, I could somehow BECOME you.”

“That sounds creepy.” Vera bluntly said. “Makes it sound like you want to wear my skin or something.”

“BUT, on the night where I ruined your heist, I realized - I’ve ALWAYS been everything I’ve ever wanted to be. I’m strong, I’m independent, I’m _terrifyingly_ cunning, and I look pretty good in a dress. I just never had the confidence to recognize all that until recently.”

Vicky smiled. “So yeah. I’m quitting. I don’t really need to work for you to feel validated anymore. Besides, why would I wanna be your personal toady…”

She gestured to her three friends. “When I’ve _already_ got my own crew right here?”

“Hrm. I can respect that. Indeed, I’m actually glad that you no longer feel like you need me to validate your self-worth.” Vera nodded. “That said, if you and your ‘crew’ ever get in my way, I WILL crush you under my heel.”

“Aw, don’t tell me the great Vera Oberlin is so scared of a little competition that she has to resort to threats.” Vicky replied with a raised eyebrow.

“Don’t push it, Schmidt.” Vera said as she walked away.

“Dude.” Brian said. “I think you’ve got Vera’s respect now.”

“Meh.” Vicky shrugged. “I don’t really care what she thinks of me anymore.”

That was a lie. On the inside, she was cart-wheeling in joy that Vera-senpai gave the flesh golem her grudging respect.

“So, just to recap, we’re all pretty much over our respective crushes and slowly learning to love ourselves?” Amira asked.

“Yup!” Vicky said.

“Looks like it.” Oz said.

“Maybe I should start seeing a therapist too.” Brian wondered aloud.

“Cool.” Amira said with a nod. “…Kinda sucks that we’re all still single virgins though. I mean, three weeks of fighting the Dark Side and where does that get us? Exactly where we started.”

“…Well, not _exactly_ where we started.” Brian said.

“What do you mean?” Amira asked.

“Well, besides the whole ‘slowly learning to love ourselves’ thing we’ve all got going on, I also know plague magic now.” Brian said as he wreathed his hand in the essence of pure rot.

“Gah!” Oz jumped.

“Holy shit, you can still do that, Brian?!” Amira asked.

“Um, duh?” Brian replied. “Just because Evil Faith and I broke up doesn’t mean I somehow unlearned everything she taught me.”

“Oh, that is RAD!” Vicky said. “Okay, let’s brainstorm. How would plague magic help us get laid?”

“I dunno…” Oz said. “Seems like people aren’t really impressed by the ability to spread rot and disease.”

“I mean…zombies kind of are.” Brian said.

“It’s decided then!” Vicky said. “Tonight, we go to the graveyard to pick up some cute zombies!”

“Alright!” Amira cheered.

*****

Meanwhile, on the other side of the cafeteria, Zoe, Damien, Calculester, and Dahlia were all sitting at the same table. “So Oz finally worked up the guts to ask you out, and you _shot them down?”_

“I know, I know!” Zoe said, covering her face with her palm and tentacle. “I panicked! I told them I just wanted to stay friends!”

“_Oof._” Damien said. “Hate to say it, Zoe, but I think the Oz-train is officially pulling out of the station.”

“But…but ‘Zoz’ would’ve been the perfect ship name!” Zoe cried out. “Argh! Stupid, stupid, stupid!” she ranted as she rapped her tentacle against her forehead.

“It is probably for the best, Friend Zoe.” Calculester said. “From what I have studied, it is traditionally unwise to pursue a new romance so soon after ending an old one.”

“Cal’s right.” Damien said. “Maybe the reason you were so sweet on Oz is because after dumping Brian you were looking for a rebound. And you know Oz deserves better than that.”

“Indeed.” Dahlia said with a nod. “If it was meant to be, Oz will eventually return to you. Until then, they will make a fine friend.”

“I guess you guys are right…” Zoe replied with a sigh.

“Of course we are.” Dahlia said. “Alright, next order of business - DESTROY AMIRA RASHID!!!”

“Aw, why?” Zoe asked. “I was a big fan of Dahmira.”

“SHE INSULTED MY FAVORITE CARD GAME!!! THIS MEANS WAR!!!” Dahlia shouted.

“Shit, Dahlia, chill.” Damien said. “Besides, I thought _I_ was the one you wanted to destroy?”

“You can wait.” Dahlia huffed. “I have a more urgent target now…”

“Aw, you’re making me jealous, Doll.” Damien said, using the demeaning nickname he sometimes used for Dahlia to make her mad.

“I WILL DISEMBOWEL YOU IF YOU CALL ME THAT AGAIN!!!” Dahlia shouted. Yup - never fails.

“Observation: There are four of us sitting at this table.” Calculester said with an :0 face, implying that he just had a realization.

“Yeah, so?” Damien asked.

“Additionally, each of us is associated with a color.” Calculester went on. “Zoe is yellow, Damien is red, I am green, and Dahlia is blue.”

“Only because you’re still wearing that fucking green shirt the Color Crew made you wear back when you were their replacement-Brian.” Damien said as he sneered at the robot’s shirt. “…Wait. Are you saying WE’RE like the Color Crew?”

“Correct!” Calculester said with a :D face.

“The machine is right!” Dahlia gasped. “And THAT is how I shall exact my vengeance on Amira! Friends! I would like to propose a pact - together, we will be the NEW Color Crew! And from this day forward, the OLD Color Crew shall be our sworn rivals!”

“But I do not wish to be rivals with anyone.” Calculester said with a :( face.

“Really, Calculester?” Dahlia said. “Even after the old Color Crew SPURNED you the moment they no longer needed you? And you Zoe! What better way to inspire love in the shadow’s heart than to be his rival?!”

Zoe gasped in realization. “OMG! It’d be like a rivals-to-lovers fanfic! I could be the Vegeta to his Goku!” She immediately pulled out her notebook and started drawing as inspiration struck.

“And you, Damien!” Dahlia said. “You….uh….what did the Color Crew do to you, exactly?”

“Nothing.” Damien deadpanned. “I was barely even in this story. The fucking _therapy fairy_ got more screen time than I did.”

“Well, there you go!” Dahlia said. “You should be mad about that!”

“…Holy shit, you’re right!” Damien said as he started raging. “I wasn’t mad about it before, but now I totally am! GYYYYAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!” he shouted as he flipped over the whole table.

“YES!!!” Dahlia cheered. “We are the NEW Color Crew! The BETTER Color Crew! THEIR time is over! OUR time is now!”

The four monsters all stood in silence for a moment.

“…But Oz is really cute though.” Zoe pointed out.

“I found Vicky’s charisma inspiring.” Calculester said with a <3 face.

“I won’t lie, Brian’s whole ‘Dark Lord’ thing he had goin’ was kinda hot.” Damien noted with a blush.

“…And I may have lingering feelings for Amira still.” Dahlia noted. “Very well! We will CRUSH the Old Color Crew…or alternatively crush ON them. Lunch is almost over, so we’ll discuss this more after school.”

*****

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap, I actually did it! I actually finished a project on time for once!
> 
> Anyway, we have finally reached our story's end! The villains were defeated, and our heroes are now a little bit stronger and a little bit wiser than they were when they started.
> 
> But, as the Coven pointed out, many questions yet remain. Where did the Tourmaline Soul's mysterious power go? What will Evil Faith's next move be? And what exactly IS the Coming Darkness?
> 
> Each of these questions and more will be answered another day. For now, let's just let our heroes, both old and new, enjoy some rest. They've earned it. I know I have.
> 
> Thank you for reading and have a Happy Halloween!


End file.
